by Hamel, B. B.
He nods a little. “And sorry to you too, Ryan. I never should’ve listened to Joel. I just let… I let it get to me, you know.”
“I know.”
“I’m not… I’m done with it, okay?”
“We might be cool one day, Wayne, but right now you’re the biggest piece of shit I know. Well, the second biggest.”
“I deserve that.” He looks away. “I know I do. But I promise I’m done. And I’m sorry to you, Casey. I won’t be a part of it anymore. I won’t… I won’t let him do that shit anymore.”
“Good.” I put a hand on his shoulder. I think he’s a slimy fuck, but he’s still my youngest brother. He got sucked in by Joel and did something stupid, and now he’s clearly sorry. He deserves worse than he got, and I’m not about to forgive him anytime soon, but I’ll let him try to redeem himself if he wants to.
“Yeah. Anyway. Congrats. Have fun.” He walks off without another word. I watch him go for a long second.
“He feels bad,” she says. “And he really should.”
“Yeah, I know. I think Joel lost an ally.”
“You believe him?”
I shrug a little. “We’ll find out.” I turn back to her and smile. “Let’s not talk about that shit anymore, okay?”
“Okay.” She smiles back. “What should we do?”
“Well, there’s going to be music and there’s plenty of food. Maybe we can, I don’t know. Eat and drink and dance?”
“Sounds about right.”
“It’s a party, after all.”
“Exactly.”
I take her hand in mine. She doesn’t pull it away. I look into her eyes for a long moment then pull her close to me. I kiss her, long and slow, really tasting her.
Really tasting my wife.
We break apart. “What was that for?” she asks.
“Just because. Now come on. I’m starving.”
“Okay, husband.”
I grin and lead her toward the buffet where Connie and her brothers are pouring drinks for everyone. I smile and laugh at Uncle Toby, who’s covered in champagne but grinning wildly, and at Olivia and Emily and Frank and Uncle Gerald and Aunt Kathy and Mia and everyone else.
This is my family. This is my wife. Maybe the marriage isn’t real, maybe it’s just to get this company, but I can pretend for tonight. That’s all I need, just this night. We can all be sane and pretend like we’re happy and normal and I’ll have my wife.
In the morning, reality can come filtering back through.
But for now, I’m just going to let myself be happy.
19
Casey
I wake up early and stare up at the ceiling. Ryan’s asleep next to me, breathing in and out.
My husband. It’s weird to think about it, but we really did get married. We did the ceremony, signed the paperwork, had the party. It was actually kind of fun, although it did end in a big fight between the aunts, uncles, and cousins. I’m not even sure what the fight was about because as soon as it started, Ryan just pulled me away.
“It’s our wedding night,” he whispered in my ear, “and that dress looks too good to leave on you for long.”
Now I have that pleasant ache between my legs and my body is so relaxed I can barely feel it. I’m practically floating in bed, a little smile on my face.
I’m married. I’m married for real. Well, maybe not for real. It’s supposed to be for a business deal. But the man in bed next to me makes me smile and laugh, makes me happy, and he makes me feel good whenever he touches my skin. Maybe it’s a business deal, but it’s a really good deal.
I get up, stretch, grab some clothes, and take a quick shower. Ryan’s starting to stir when I get out.
“Hey,” he says.
“Want coffee?”
He grunts. “Yes. Coffee. I want.”
I laugh and head to the door. I step outside as he burrows deeper under the covers.
I can’t help but smile as I walk down the hall and head into the kitchen. It’s empty except for Beth. “Good morning,” I say.
“Good morning. You had one hell of a wedding last night.”
“A lot of that was thanks to you, so thank you.”
“Oh, it was nothing. It’s a lot easier when you have a full staff to boss around.” She grins at me.
“Speaking of that. Can I grab some coffee?”
“Oh, sure, hon. I’m making some right now. They wanted a whole tub of it out in the main room.”
I frown a little. “They?”
“A few of the family’s out there talking. I’m not sure what about. They’re never awake this early, you know? Usually too hungover. Especially after last night.”
“Yeah,” I say. “They never are.”
“Go say hello. I think I saw a couple of the girls you’re friendly with.”
“I think I will. I guess they’re my family now.”
“I hope so.” She smiles and laughs a little then brandishes a wooden spoon at me. “You go make nice with your new family. No more fighting.”
“Yes, ma’am,” I say, and head out to the living room.
I spot the group of them sitting on the couches. At first, I only see Olivia, but as I get closer I realize that it’s Ryan’s immediate family: Emily, Wayne, Harry, and Joel. Only his parents are missing.
My blood runs cold. This is weird, very weird. I walk toward them slowly and Olivia’s eyes go wide when she sees me. She stands, hands held up to warn me off, but it’s too late. The others already notice me.
“Well, look at this,” Joel says loudly, his nose crooked, his eyes black. “We were just talking about you, Casey.”
I slow and come to a stop. Olivia walks toward me, her expression horrified.
“Good morning,” I say, trying to smile. I can tell something is seriously wrong here. Getting all of the siblings together like this must’ve taken some kind of miracle, and they’re not even fighting with each other.
“Why don’t you come over here and explain yourself?” Joel asks me. He’s got a big smile on his face and I know that can’t be good.
“Explain what?” I ask.
Olivia stops close to me. “He found something,” she says. “In your trash.”
I stare at her, eyes wide. “He went through my trash?”
“I know,” she says, biting her lip, then louder, “He’s a fucking animal.”
Joel just laughs. “Who cares how I got it? Now we know you’re a fucking liar, Casey.” He holds up the pregnancy tests. “Care to explain?”
I stand there, eyes wide, heart racing. A cold sweat breaks out across my skin. Distantly, I’m aware that I’m panicking, except I can’t stop it even if I wanted to.
The pregnancy tests. He found them. I don’t… he couldn’t have…
But of course he did. If we could break into his room, he could break into ours. We knew he could already, since he stole our clothes. And I didn’t exactly take great pains to hide those tests. I just put them in the trash and covered them with toilet paper.
“I don’t… I can…”
“You’ve got nothing,” Joel says, sneering at me. “Is it even Ryan’s baby?”
“Joel,” Olivia snaps.
“It’s a fair question,” Harry says. “I mean, how much do we even know about her?”
“That’s not the point,” Emily says, sounding tired. “Ryan married her. Whether she’s pregnant or not, it doesn’t matter.”
“Oh, but it does matter. I bet Ryan doesn’t know, does he?” Joel’s grin gets bigger as he stares into my eyes. “I can see it all over your face. He doesn’t know yet.”
“I mean… I just…” I can’t make words come out from my face. They’re all staring at me. I take a step back and Olivia looks worried.
“It’s okay,” she says. “Just… just tell them the truth. It’s okay, you’ll be fine.”
“I don’t… he doesn’t know. I haven’t told him yet.”
“Of course.” Joel laughs, a vicious thing. “Keepin
g it from him because he doesn’t want kids.”
“How do you know that?” Emily snaps.
“Don’t make shit up,” Olivia says.
“It’s true though,” Wayne cuts in. “He’s told me that before. Never wants kids.”
“Bachelor forever. Part of his thing.” Harry gives her an apologetic look. “Sorry, Casey. It’s true though. He always said he didn’t want to bring another baby into this family for Mom and Dad to ruin.”
I step back again. I’m poised on the edge of running and I don’t know what else to do. Joel walks around the couch, a huge smile on his face.
He won. He knows he won. He’s going to use this against me, ruin things with Ryan. He’s going to ruin everything and now Ryan’s going to get screwed, all because I got pregnant. All because I couldn’t hide some stupid pregnancy tests better.
“You thought you could come into this family, but you’re wrong,” he says. “Get out of here before you make things worse.”
“Joel,” Olivia snaps. “She’s married to Ryan now whether you like it or not.”
“Doesn’t matter, it won’t last long. Not now that she’s pregnant with a baby he doesn’t want.” Joel stops and continues to sneer at me. “Go home, Casey. Get off this island. I already told Ash to prep the plane. He’s waiting down there, thinks he’s taking me back, but you’re the one who’s going. So get moving.”
I stare at him, at all the others. Olivia bites her lip and Emily just looks tired. The other two guys are looking at me with blank faces. I half expect Wayne to speak up, to say something, but he doesn’t move. They just look at me.
They’re right. Ryan probably doesn’t want a baby. I didn’t tell him about this child because I knew that it would complicate things. If he finds out, it’s going to ruin him. He’s going to leave me anyway, no matter what I do.
There’s nothing for me here anymore.
I turn and walk fast. I hurry, heart racing. I hear Joel laughing and Olivia tell him to go fuck himself. She runs after me.
“Wait, Casey, hold on.”
I shake her hand off. “I’m going.”
“You don’t have to do this.”
“I’m going,” I repeat. “I can’t… I can’t stay. Don’t you get it?” I turn and face her. “None of this is real. It’s all… it’s all show and I’ve fucked it all up. Tell Ryan I’m so sorry.”
“What are you saying?” she asks.
“I’m so sorry.”
I turn and run.
I burst through the kitchen. Beth looks surprised but I don’t stop to talk to her. I hurry upstairs and throw myself into the room. Ryan’s still in bed but that doesn’t matter. I grab my bag, throw some clothes into it, grab my toiletries, throw them in, and then hurry through the room.
“Casey?” Ryan asks, his voice thick and groggy from sleep. I don’t look over or respond. If I stop, if I answer, if I turn and look at him right now, I know I’ll never work up the nerve to get out.
I throw the door open and run.
I’m not thinking about anything but escape. All the times I’ve wanted to get the hell out of here come rushing back to me and now it’s all culminating in this. I run through the house, down the stairs, back through the living room. They stare at me and I brave Joel’s laughter one final time before I push through the back doors and run out onto the grass.
The giraffe is just a flat, misshapen piece of plastic, slowly sinking down under the pool.
I keep running. My heart’s beating so hard but I remember where the plane should be. I run as fast as I can, burdened by the bag. It bangs against my body as I go but it doesn’t matter.
Ryan, this house, this family. It’s all lost to me. Last night I thought I was gaining something, but the dream is over. I’m waking up to reality.
I don’t belong here. I’m just some boring, normal girl from a boring, normal family. I don’t belong in this place with these insane rich people. This isn’t my world and I’ll never be a part of it.
It doesn’t matter. I’m done with it. I have my baby, I have my future. I run through the trees, a branch scratches my face, but I don’t slow. I spot the dock ahead and the plane tethered there. Sure enough, Ash is standing next to it. He frowns as I run toward him.
“I’m going,” I say, breathless.
“I thought Joel—”
“No,” I say. “I’m going.”
He gives me a long look. “You sure about this? You just got married.”
“Take me the fuck out of here. Please, I’m begging you.”
He hesitates then sighs. “My policy is always to take whoever wants to leave as soon as they want to leave. I don’t know what you’re running from, but I’m not going to force you to stay on this island if you don’t want to. Here, give me that bag, I’ll help you on board.”
I’m so grateful I could cry. He takes the bag and gives me a hand. I climb into the little plane and curl up in a seat. He gets everything set up.
“Nobody else is coming?” he asks.
“Nobody. Let’s go.”
He frowns but doesn’t speak. I watch him untie the plane and climb in. The engine starts and it slowly moves through the water. As it turns away from the island, I see someone running.
It’s Ryan. He has no shirt on, just a pair of sweatpants. His hair is wild from bed. He runs to the dock as the plane moves away.
Ash looks at me. “Should we stop?”
“Go,” I say and the word breaks my heart.
He just looks forward. The engine gets louder and the plane lurches forward through the water. I look back through the window and stare at Ryan. He looks horrified, grief-stricken, angry. The plane rips through the waves and slowly gains speed, faster and faster, rocking and bouncing, until the air lifts the wings and it pulls up, water streaming from the hull. We get higher and higher and soon, Ryan is just a dot on an island far behind us.
Ash doesn’t say a word, he just flies the plane.
I sit there, staring out the window.
That world is gone. I know I’ll never go back to it. I can’t go back. They’d never take me.
I’m pregnant. I’m alone. I’m so alone and broken, and I don’t know what to do, but I’m doing it. I’m having this baby no matter what. I’ll raise him or her, I’ll love my baby.
Even if I never see Ryan again, I’ll have this baby at least.
I close my eyes and cry, mourning the life that could’ve been.
20
Ryan
I stand on the dock and watch as the plane pulls away. I caught one last glimpse of her through the window, and for a second I thought she might come back.
But she didn’t. Ash pushed the engines hard and the plane pulled up from the water like a whale breaking toward the sky.
“Is she really gone?”
I look back at Olivia and nod once. Emily’s hanging nearby with Mia and Connie. My closest allies, all women. I don’t know why that makes me laugh a little bit, but it does.
“What?” she asks.
“Nothing.”
“Do you… do you know why she’s gone?”
I shake my head. “Something happened. I’m guessing you’re about to tell me.”
“Ryan…” She chews her lip and hesitates. I spot Wayne and Joel and Harry coming down toward us. “I don’t want to be the one to tell you this.”
“If you don’t, they will.” I step toward her, heart racing. I should be cold out here without a shirt but instead I’m too angry, too upset, too confused to feel much of anything. “Just tell me, Olivia. What happened?”
“She’s pregnant.”
The words hit me like a truck. I take a step back, eyes wide. “What? No, that can’t… that’s not…”
“It’s true. Joel pulled pregnancy tests from the trash and confronted her and she just… she didn’t deny it.”
“Fuck.” I stagger away from her, out onto the dock. “Fuck.”
“Ryan?”
I can barely hear her. I wa
lk out onto the dock, out toward the end of it. I look out over the water, at the plane receding into the distance. I can just make it out, a tiny little dot in the sky, reflecting the morning sun like a star.
My wife, my child. Flying away from me.
I stagger toward the edge of the dock.
“Ryan!” I hear footsteps behind me. Probably Olivia and Emily, my two sisters, both good people. I don’t know how they escaped this fucked-up existence, but somehow they did.
Lucky them.
This family has taken everything from me, absolutely fucking everything. Oh, it gave me some money, and that’s been great. But my freedom, my life, my world…
The family’s controlled it all.
And now they want to take away my wife, my child.
“Ryan!” Olivia’s voice, right behind me now. “Get away from there. You might fall in.”
I stare at the water, inky black, freezing cold this time of year. I’d probably die fast if I just tipped forward.
I turn back to Olivia. “It’s mine, isn’t it?”
She nods once. “That’s what we said and… yeah, she didn’t deny it.”
I stare hard at her. Joel’s standing at the end of the dock, a smug smile on his face.
“Should I break his nose again?” I ask her softly.
“I wouldn’t.” She glances back at them. “Not worth it.”
I nod once and walk past her.
“You hear about your wife?” Joel asks as I approach.
I flinch at him, faking a punch. He shies away, hands up, letting a little scream come up.
“Fucking pathetic,” I say, pushing past him.
“It’s true, man,” Wayne says, keeping pace with me. “I’m sorry. I didn’t… I had nothing to do with this one. But it is true.”
“I know it’s true.”
“What are you going to do?”
I glance at him. “She’s my wife. She’s carrying my child. What do you think I’m going to do?”
He just looks mystified.
These fucking people.
They’ve never had to make hard choices in their lives, never had to think about anyone but themselves. I was just like them before I met Casey. But over this last week, I’ve learned a lot about myself, a lot about her. I’ve learned that I want more in this life than just some fucking company.
