by Marie Force
“I get it, and I promise I won’t say anything.”
“I heard what you said before, and I want you to know that I have very strong feelings for you, too. I’m not as good at articulating them as you are, but I feel them.”
“I know you do. I can tell by the way you touch me and kiss me and make love to me that you care.”
“I really do, even if I tried very hard not to.”
“You’re no match for me.”
That draws a bark of laughter from him that pleases me greatly. “I suspect there’s not a man alive who’d be able to defeat Leah Holt when she has her heart set on something.”
“The only one I have my heart set on is you.” I kiss him, putting everything I feel for him into the most passionate kiss I’ve ever given anyone. And when he arranges me on top of him and pushes into me again, I’m absolutely lost to him.
Chapter 16
Peace has been an elusive thing in my life since everything happened with Elena. For years afterward, I was a walking disaster. I left school for a semester before going back to finish, mostly out of fear that if I didn’t have something to do, I’d end up in trouble due to the rage I couldn’t seem to control.
Hayden introduced Flynn and me to the BDSM lifestyle he’d learned about on a movie set. The lifestyle turned out to be a good fit for me because it allowed me an avenue to work out my issues in a safe, sane, consensual environment, but it also gave me a place to hide from real relationships and meaningful connections with women. I’ve been more than satisfied with surface interactions for all these years. Even as my friends began to pair off and settle down, I had no real desire to have that kind of thing in my own life.
But Leah has changed me, and while it may seem to have happened quickly, it’s actually been happening for months now, since I first spotted her at Flynn and Natalie’s wedding in February. I remember thinking then she was hot in her own unique way, but then I learned she was only in her early twenties, and I took a step back. The first day back to work after the wedding, I found out that Marlowe had hired Leah to be her Addie, and my first thought was damn, that’s going to be a problem.
I had no idea how big of a problem she would turn out to be for me, or how she would change my life in ways I never saw coming. Telling her about Elena had been huge for me, and she said all the right things. Her genuine distress for me and for Elena moved me deeply, and watching her now as she talks with Natalie, Addie, Ellie and Aileen, I can’t deny that I’m falling hard for her.
I’m trying to figure out when she stopped being a pesky fly buzzing around my ear and how she managed to burrow her way into my heart. Regardless of how it happened, I’m filled with an unusual sense of peace and contentment, because she’s here with me and because for some strange reason, she’s decided she loves me, and that makes me feel like the luckiest guy who ever lived. She’s wearing a sexy-as-fuck red dress with white flowers on it that clings to her every delicious curve and makes me want her like I didn’t have her twice a little while ago.
I tear my gaze off her and tune in to the conversation that’s happening around me.
“I’ve definitely seen this before—recently, in fact,” Sebastian is saying. “The mooning, the staring, the disappearing for hours at a time, strange noises coming from his room. He’s got all the symptoms.”
Fucking hell, they’re talking about me.
“What have you to say for yourself, Counselor?” Flynn asks, hands on hips, his expression comically serious.
“Would fuck off work?”
Hayden, Jasper and Kristian crack up laughing.
“I’m very hurt,” Flynn says. “As one of your oldest and dearest friends, I have a right to know what’s going on with you.”
“Who said you’re one of my dearest friends?” I ask, amused by him as always.
“He’s got you there, Flynn,” Jasper says, puffing on a cigar as we enjoy late-afternoon drinks on the inn’s sunny back porch.
“How come everyone was allowed to be up in my business when I was first with Nat, but I’m not allowed to ask any questions?”
“It’s none of your business,” Hayden tells him.
“And yet it was everyone else’s business when it was my business,” Flynn says. “I see how this works.”
“Technically, you pay me to be up in your business,” I tell him as I lean in for a light from Hayden. He’s brought the good cigars for the weekend, and though I’m not much of a smoker, when they’re the good ones, I’m in.
“That’s very true,” Kristian says.
“So are you with Leah now?” Flynn asks. “Like officially?”
I take a couple of puffs and blow the smoke in his direction. “Yes.”
His eyes bug. He wasn’t prepared for me to give it up that easily.
“And before you can ask, I did clear it with Kristian, and she cleared it with Marlowe.”
“You’re the only one who pays any attention to that shit,” Hayden says.
“Clearly,” I say, “since you’re about to marry one of our admins. Did you clear that with anyone?”
“Who the fuck should I have cleared it with?” Hayden growls.
We laugh at the way he says that, because it’s true. Neither he nor Flynn have to clear anything with anyone, but it’s fun to poke at him anyway. Like Flynn, there’ll be no prenup ahead of Hayden’s wedding. My two best friends married for true love, and I couldn’t be happier for them both. I worried at first when Flynn refused to consider my advice that he sign a prenup with Natalie, but I’ve come around to realizing he was right. The two of them won’t need one.
I feel equally confident about Hayden and Addie. He is a changed man since he gave himself permission to love Addie the way he’d wanted to for so long. He’s still the pain in the ass he’s always been when it comes to his art, but away from work, we’ve seen a softer side of him that only emerged after he had fully committed to Addie.
They’re great together, and we’re all looking forward to their wedding on Saturday.
The women wander over to join us. I reach my hand out to Leah and when she takes it, I give a gentle tug that brings her tumbling onto my lap.
“What the hell?” she sputters. “A little warning before you do that?”
“Where’s the fun in that?” I ask her.
“Your Johnson must be all better if you’re doing crap like that,” Kristian says.
“I can attest that Johnson is all good,” Leah says. “Perfect working order.”
The others die laughing, while I shake my head at her irreverence.
“He is still a little colorful, but that’s to be expected,” she adds.
I cover her mouth with my hand.
“I don’t think that’s going to be enough to shut her up,” Natalie says.
Leah bites my hand, hard enough to make me jolt. “What she said.” Using her thumb, she points at Natalie.
“God bless you, my good man,” Jasper says, his expression grave. “I have a feeling you’re going to need it.”
Leah smiles widely, pleased with herself.
“Keep it up,” I whisper in her ear. “You’ll pay for your sass at bedtime.”
She moves so she can whisper in my ear. “I love when you spank me.”
Her words travel directly to my cock, which had been behaving until she said that. “Knock it off,” I growl in a low tone.
But of course she can’t do that. Rather, she moves provocatively on my lap, making sure I’m as uncomfortable as possible.
I tighten my arms around her, making it impossible for her to move.
She tosses her head back and laughs, and as I watch her, it occurs to me that there’s no going back to who I was a few weeks ago, back when I thought I was doing a fine job of resisting the threat she posed to my well-ordered life. When I realize I wouldn’t go back if I could, that’s the moment I know that my life has truly changed because of her. And that’s completely fine with me.
On Friday, we spend most
of the day at the pool, where we’re waited on hand and foot by the attentive inn staff who bring us food and drinks throughout the day. The bride and groom left an hour ago to see to the arrangements for the rehearsal dinner tonight and the final plans for tomorrow.
“Addie sure knows how to do things the right way,” Jasper says from one of the floats in the pool.
“Yes, she does,” Flynn says. “Why do you think I love her so much?”
“You love her because she does everything for you,” Kristian says.
“That’s very true,” Natalie says. “And what she doesn’t do, I have to.”
“That is not true,” Flynn says.
“Babe,” Natalie says, patting his leg, “it’s time to accept the truth that you’re completely dependent upon the women in your life.”
“I can live with that,” he says, snuggling up to her and squeezing her ass.
“This is a family show,” Kristian reminds him, gesturing to Logan and Maddie, who are splashing around in the shallow end of the pool.
“I’m sure they see far worse at home,” Flynn says.
“They do,” Aileen confirms. “I’m a little concerned about the example we’re setting for them.”
“We’re setting a perfect example,” Kristian says, kissing the top of her head. The two of them are sitting together on a single lounge chair. “They get to see how much their new daddy loves their mommy. In fact, we were thinking about making things official at the end of the month. We’ll just do it at our place and have a party after.”
“That’s fantastic news, you guys,” Ellie says, glancing at Jasper. “We were thinking about doing something similar if I can convince my mom to let me get married without making it into a spectacle.”
“As she’s known to do,” Flynn says.
“Exactly,” his sister replies. “I’m a thirty-six-year-old knocked-up bride who doesn’t want to be put on parade. I just want to marry my love.”
“Ahhh, darling,” Jasper says, blowing her a kiss from the pool.
“I still don’t know how you don’t spontaneously come when he calls you dahling in that accent,” I say, making them all laugh as I fan myself.
Emmett sends me one of his trademarked filthy looks from the chair next to mine.
I smile innocently at him. Yes, I love my surly man, but I also love to listen to Jasper speak in that sexy-as-fuck accent. However, knowing Emmett is jealous of my affection for Jasper’s accent pleases me greatly.
I shift to find a more comfortable position, wincing when my well-spanked ass protests the movement. My entire body aches from the workout I put it through last night, and I’m exhausted from the nearly sleepless night. Stretching my arms over my head, I notice Emmett’s gaze is fixated on my breasts. “I’m going to go take a nap.”
“I was just thinking about doing the same,” Emmett says.
“They’re not even trying to hide the fact that they want to fuck,” Kristian says, setting off more laughter. Thankfully, the kids are far enough away that they can’t overhear this conversation.
“I actually want to nap,” I say.
“I want to fuck,” Emmett says, making the others howl.
I try to shove him away from me, but he’s not easily moved.
He hooks an arm around me and walks me toward the back porch while our friends shout every sort of comment at us.
“That was mortifying,” I say to him when we’re inside.
“I didn’t think it was possible to mortify you.”
“It is possible, especially when you announce that to everyone we know.”
From behind me, he squeezes my ass. “You wanted a real relationship. Here it is, warts and all.”
“By warts, do you mean you’re going to blab our personal business to our friends?”
“You’ve been around this group long enough by now to know there’re no secrets.”
“Maybe we could have a few secrets.”
“We already do.” He follows me into our room, closing and locking the door. “For example, they have no idea how I really got my black eye.”
I spin around to find him grinning, his eyes sparkling with delight when he gets exactly the reaction from me that he wanted. He looks so happy and relaxed. Seeing him that way stops me short.
“What?” he asks.
“You look happy.”
“I am happy.”
“Because of me?” The words are out before I decide whether I should ask the needy-sounding question.
“Eh,” he says, shrugging. “I guess.”
Hurt, I turn away from him only to have his arm come around me from behind.
“Hell, yes, it’s because of you,” he says gruffly. “I’ve laughed more and smiled more recently than I ever have before. You make me laugh, and you make me happy.”
I can’t handle the overflow of emotion that fills me when he confesses these things to me, especially because I know it’s not easy for him to be forthcoming with his feelings.
“You’re not going quiet on me now, are you?”
“Let me turn around.”
He loosens his hold on me enough so I can turn to face him.
I slide my hands up over his well-defined chest and frame his face. “You make me happy, too.”
“Even when I’m telling our friends that I want to fuck you?”
“Even then.” I draw him into a kiss that starts out slow and sweet but quickly turns hot and sultry. Arms wrapped around each other, we kiss for a long time before I slowly withdraw from the kiss. “Emmett.”
“Hmmm?” He’s kissing my neck and generally driving me crazy with his hands on my breasts. At some point, he removed my bikini top. I was so absorbed in him that I didn’t feel that happen until his hands landed on my bare breasts.
“Could we do what we were doing the other night before, you know…”
“You sneezed and nearly blinded me?”
I pinch his ass—hard.
“Ow,” he says, laughing. “Is that what you mean?”
“Yes,” I say through gritted teeth. “And don’t call me sneezy, or I’ll start laughing and nothing will happen.”
“Got it. No nicknames other than my old favorite—pit bull.” He drags his thumbs back and forth over my nipples until I’m on the verge of begging him for more. Giving each nipple a light pinch, he draws a gasp from me. “Get on the bed, ass up, legs spread, head down. No talking unless I ask you a direct question and no laughing. Do you understand?”
“Yes, sir.”
He sucks in a sharp breath and releases it, and I love knowing that I test his control, that I get to him, that he loves this as much as I do.
Because he didn’t explicitly tell me to remove the bikini bottoms, I leave them on when I get on the bed and get into the requested position. I hear him moving around the room. I hear the Velcro tearing as he removes his board shorts. I feel him get on the bed. I feel the heat of his body close to mine, but he doesn’t touch me for a long, maddening minute.
We haven’t done a thing and already I’m so wet for him. I’ve never reacted to any man the way I do to him.
My phone rings. It doesn’t occur to me to stop what we’re doing to answer it.
It rings again.
And then again.
“What the fuck?” Emmett mutters as he gets off the bed to retrieve my phone from the bag I carried to the pool. “Three calls from an unknown number. What’s that about?”
I hope it’s not Tom again… Since I was avoiding Emmett, I never did get around to telling him about the call I got the other night after I left his place.
“Shut it off.”
Over my shoulder, I see him power it down and toss it back in the bag before rejoining me on the bed. He cups my ass and gives it a gentle squeeze. “Are you sore today?”
“A little.”
“I’m sorry,” he says, bending to kiss the center of my back.
“It’s a good kind of sore.”
“I’ll be gentle with
you today.”
“You don’t have to be.”
“You’re not in charge here, remember?”
“Mmmm, okay.” We both know I am in charge because I can stop whatever we’re doing with one word. But I let him think he’s the boss when we’re in bed because he likes it so much—and I always benefit from his dominance with the kind of orgasms I thought only happened in porn movies.
“You frighten me when you’re so agreeable,” he says.
My laughter becomes a moan when he unties the bows at my hips and removes the bikini bottoms, leaving me bare before him.
He skims his hands over my cheeks, gently as promised, while I try not to squirm from the desire that beats through me like a live wire attached to a nuclear power plant. All he has to do is look at me and I want him, but when he dominates me, the desire becomes something bigger and more consuming. It’s unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before I experienced him.
He slides fur-lined cuffs over my wrists. “Keep them right here.”
As I lick lips gone completely dry, I’ll confess to having been skeptical and somewhat ignorant about BDSM, allowing perceptions to become my reality. I’m finding I was completely clueless about what it’s really like until Emmett showed me how powerful it can be to turn over your pleasure to a partner and how transformative it is to surrender completely. It also requires a level of trust I’ve never conveyed to another man, which deepens the emotional bonds as well as the physical.
I trust Emmett to see to my pleasure and my well-being, which makes it possible to let go of my worries to focus exclusively on the pleasure. And the pleasure is sublime. I’m not sure if that’s because of the anticipation that comes from not being completely certain of what’s going to happen next or if it’s because I know the orgasms will be epic. Perhaps it’s both those things along with knowing he’s completely focused on me for this time we have alone together. There’s no one else, nothing else but the two of us and the crazy attraction we can’t seem to sate no matter how hard we try. And we try really, really hard.
His lips skim along my backbone from top to bottom, his tongue dipping into the indents at the bottom of my spine. The light touch of his hands and tongue electrify me. That’s how it is with him. He barely touches me and I come alive with every part of my body engaged in what we’re doing. It isn’t lost on me that he’s ruining me for sex with anyone but him—and I’m letting that happen. Maybe I’ll live to regret it, but for right now, I’m too enthralled by him to be properly concerned about what might happen in the future.
