He pulled up his horse, looking over at Balstead. “May I think on it?”
Balstead gave a single nod, his mouth turning down. “Of course.” He shifted in his saddle. “Cassandra, John, and I were best friends as children. I loved them both like my brother and my sister.”
Damian turned in the saddle to face Balstead. “I understand. You love her like family and want her at your wedding. I’m sure you also want to see that she is happy in my care.”
Balstead gave a quick jerk of his chin. “I do. But also…” He scrubbed the back of his neck. “John whisked Cassandra away after their wedding. I think he always wanted her to himself. I’m glad she’s marrying again and I’m even happier it’s to someone besides John. It’s the best for her but I don’t want to see her disappear again. She’s all the family I have in this world.” He stroked his jaw. “I love Charlie with all my heart but I first asked her to be my wife so that she might help Cassandra socially.”
Damian stilled, those words touching something deep inside him. Balstead considered Cassandra like a sister. “You also lied to six powerful men to try and make a match for her.”
Balstead straightened. “I did and I’d do it again.” He stepped his horse closer. “Lying makes Cassandra wildly uncomfortable. When we were children, John and I called her our voice of reason. She kept us out of the worst sorts of trouble. And I’d like to think, I kept her father from turning her into a nun.”
Memories of their night together filled his thoughts. “She definitely isn’t a nun.”
Balstead waved him off. “I don’t want to know. But I can tell you, she would not have attempted to deceive you if I hadn’t first lied and, as your wife, she’ll be unfailingly honest. In fact, you may wish for a few falsehoods after a while.”
His eyebrows cocked. Somehow, he doubted that. “Good to know.”
Balstead started his horse forward again. “If we push our horses, we could be back by tonight.”
Damian followed behind the other man, feeling the license in his pocket. He’d told himself that he’d stay at an inn until after the wedding. It was part of keeping his distance. But the idea of holding her in his arms tonight, was tempting beyond belief. “You go ahead. I’ve got another errand to complete before the wedding.”
Balstead stopped again. “I’m not going anywhere without you.”
“I’ve made nine-tenths of the journey. I’m not backing out now.” He passed by Balstead. “I’ve obtained the license. I’m marrying her.”
Balstead narrowed his gaze. “I leave the trusting to Cassandra.”
Damian let out a small noise of dissent deep in his throat. He kicked his horse forward, not sure if he just travelled his path and left Balstead to follow, or if he should take the time to explain. It occurred to Damian that Balstead would be a part of his life for a long time, he finally turned his horse back. “If you must know, I still need to purchase rings.”
Balstead’s eyes widened. “Why didn’t you say so? I can help.”
“I don’t need help. I need you to stop acting like my shadow.”
Balstead smiled. “Sorry. I don’t take hints very well.”
“That wasn’t a hint.”
His smile broadened. “I don’t take overt suggestions well either. What I know is you bedded my very moral friend. I’ll not allow you to slip away without providing for her and any consequences that may have arisen.”
Damian blinked. He hadn’t even considered that a child might have been created from their night together. But it was possible.
And he was a man of honor. He’d marry her now, no matter what.
Chapter Thirteen
The sound of the front door pulled Cassandra from her late-night fireside musings. She stood, turning to the door as a deep voice echoed through the foyer.
Charlie stood too. “Was that Raithe?”
Cassandra gave a curt nod. “I believe it was.”
Without a word, both women started for the door and quickly made their way down the stairs. For Cassandra’s part, she had to curl her fists into her skirt to keep from lifting her skirts and running.
But she stopped short at the bottom of the steps. Charlie raced ahead of her, launching herself into Raithe’s waiting arms.
Damian hadn’t arrived too. Her throat burned as she blinked back a sudden burst of water in her eyes. She’d told herself she’d understand, but in this moment, she wanted him more than anything else in this world.
She covered her mouth as she blinked back tears.
Raithe glanced up at her, lifting his head from the crook of Charlie’s neck. “He’ll be here first thing in the morning. You’re getting married tomorrow.”
For some reason, his reassurances didn’t stop the tears, in fact, they only burned the more, though she blinked them away. “Why not come now?”
He drew in a breath. “He had another errand to run. But he’s on his way.”
She looked toward the far wall, drawing in several deep breaths. Did she believe Raithe? Why would he lie? And even if Damian would arrive tomorrow, why wasn’t he here now? She’d thought of little else but him these past several days. “All right,” she said. After all, what choice did she have in the matter now?
“The priest will perform the ceremony at nine sharp. And best of all, he’s agreed to stay here until Charlie and I get married so you’ll be able to attend.”
It was on the tip of her tongue to ask if Damian planned to take her with him when he left or if he just intended to leave her here. “I’m glad on that front.”
Raithe grimaced as Charlie turned back to her too. “You’re worried.”
She twisted her hands together. “I’m fine.”
“She isn’t,” Charlie added. “But she will be.” Then she winked. “You should go and get some rest.”
Cassandra nodded as she pivoted to return up the stairs. After returning to her room, she knew she wouldn’t sleep. Her stomach was a nervous knot and her mind spun with the idea that he might not come tomorrow.
She’d never marry again. Of that she was certain. There had to be a better way to support oneself. Her heart couldn’t take another failure.
If he did come…well then, she’d do exactly as Charlie and Ophelia suggested. She’d not give him a choice. He’d love her. She’d make certain of it.
Somewhere around dawn, she fell asleep, and woke not two hours later feeling tired and drained.
But it was her wedding day. Part of her was afraid to dress, but a knock at her door pulled her from her thoughts.
“Cassandra?” Charlie called. “Are you awake?”
“Unfortunately,” she called back with a sigh.
“Did you sleep at all?” This from Ophelia.
She got out of bed and tossed on her dressing gown. “Barely.” Then she crossed the room and opened the door.
The two women stood on the other side wearing matching looks of sympathy. “We’ve come to help you get ready.”
She shook her head. “That’s very nice but…” Her gaze cast down. “I’m worried he won’t come. And if he does that he’ll marry me and then leave me here. Or that—”
Ophelia stepped into the room and wrapped an arm about Cassandra. “He travelled all the way to London, got the license, and returned. Of course he’ll be there. And he’ll most assuredly take you with him. You’ve got an heir to make, remember? Which gives you time to win his heart. Try not to worry.”
She drew in a long, steadying breath. That gave her hope. “That’s true. I wish I’d spoken to you last night.”
Everyone laughed and Cassandra relaxed a bit. Charlie waved to someone out of view and a maid came through the door carrying a gown of the softest pale green that Cassandra had ever seen. “I think we’re about the same size. And this gown reminded me of the color of your eyes. I want you to wear it.”
A lump formed in her throat but this one wasn’t from worry but for joy. “Really? That’s too kind.”
“I insist,” Charlie repl
ied. “You’re going to look stunning for your wedding.”
She drew in a deep breath. Would she look good enough that Damian wouldn’t be able to resist her?
Damian stood at the front of the church watching the door. He’d lain awake in the inn wondering, what he was running from?
He’d tried to tell himself he wasn’t frightened, just being sensible. Making certain he wasn’t hurt again, but the more he’d repeated the words, the more cowardly they sounded. The problem was that Cassandra was everything he might want in a wife and he’d begun to worry, he just couldn’t hold back from her and keep his heart out of their marriage. Damian was most certainly in danger of falling in love.
The doors opened and his breath caught. Balstead entered with Cassandra on his arm. She wore a dress of pale green, looking like a vision of beauty and grace. She was always beautiful but today… He swallowed hard. Today she was irresistible.
And his plan was completely flawed. How could he ever keep his distance from her?
The organ began to play and the Duke of Rathmore stood next to him, softly humming to the music. “I love weddings,” he said, beginning to hum again.
“I wish I could have your optimism.”
Rathmore grinned. “You will. Very soon.”
“What does that mean?” he muttered out of the side of his mouth as the vicar cleared his throat.
Rathmore stepped closer, leaning his hand on Damian’s shoulder. “You’ve picked a good one. She’ll make you happy if you let her.”
Those words reverberated in his chest as Raithe stopped in front of him, silently handing Cassandra over to him.
The moment her hand slipped into his, a warmth filled him that he hadn’t expected.
She was about to be his.
A surge of excitement coursed through his veins that he attempted to push back down. Their eyes met and hers held all the uncertainty that he felt. They were round and wide and her lip trembled just the slightest bit.
Damn. As much as he was in turmoil, he hated to see her looking so scared.
Reaching out a hand, he took her gloved fingers into his. She slipped her arm from Balstead’s and placed both her hands in his. “You came.”
The slight wavering in her voice made his heart twist. But he schooled his voice into a lower, harder pitch. He needed to keep his distance. “Of course, I did. I said I would.”
She shook her head. “I know but people don’t always do what they say they will.”
That was the truth. But the words stuck in his throat. Because to say them felt like a comfort he wasn’t certain he could give.
“Are we ready to begin?” The vicar asked.
They both nodded and the ceremony began.
The words cut into him as he promised to love, honor, and cherish her for the rest of his days.
He would.
He’d take care of her for all her days. And that included making certain she had a fund so if anything happened to him, she’d never depend on a man or a marriage again.
Deep in the back of his thoughts, he wondered what drove him to be so committed. Never had it been so important to care for another person.
He squeezed her hands tighter, as she repeated her vows, her voice trembling.
Damian wanted to kiss her.
He needed her to know that she’d be safe in his hands. But somehow, expressing any emotion felt like opening a door. One he wasn’t certain his heart could manage.
And finally, he was able to kiss his bride. Her lips were like warm, sweet summer berries under his and he breathed her in, wishing for more. Which made him jolt away. How was he going to keep his distance?
The small audience broke out in applause and they turned to face the small assembly, but Cassandra’s lips were set in a decided frown.
“Balstead is going to have a wedding breakfast for us.”
She gave a stiff nod, her eyes assessing him with a great deal of uncertainty. “Yes. He mentioned it.”
“Then we’re to go to his other home on the property.”
“I’m very grateful,” she answered, looking over to him. “Thank you.”
They stepped out and immediately slid to the side. “Today is for celebrating. Tomorrow we can discuss our future.”
He felt her still under his arm. “All right.”
He frowned. He wasn’t certain what he wanted to hear from her. Perhaps that she’d like to stay by his side. That he was the future she wanted not just the one that was convenient. But she stood silently by his side as the guests made their way outside.
Chapter Fourteen
Cassandra’s new husband sat across from her in the carriage, his features set in harsh lines. He’d yet to meet her eyes.
She held back a shiver. He wanted to discuss their future tomorrow? What did that mean? They were married. Wouldn’t they have the same future as every married couple? Or did Damian have different plans for her?
She’d known something wasn’t right when he’d left the way he had.
But now wasn’t the time to begin this discussion.
Instead, she stood by his side as they attended their wedding breakfast and then climbed back into the carriage and they started for the house on the other side of the property.
When they arrived, he helped her down and tucked her arm into his as they made their way into the house.
She dug her fingers into his arm when he stopped in the foyer. “I have some correspondence,” he said.
She placed a hand on his chest. “Today?”
He grimaced. “It’s important.”
Cassandra squared her shoulders. “If you’re going to leave me to write letters, we may as well discuss our future now. There is little point in waiting until tomorrow.”
He grimaced, his features closing up. “Perhaps we should step into a sitting room.”
“Fine,” she answered, turning about until she saw the front parlor just at her back. She turned and entered the room. She heard him follow as she took a seat in a chair near the hearth. When he sat across from her, she folded her hands in her lap.
Damian said nothing. She wished he’d give her some indication of where his thoughts were. Why was he so distant and cold still? Was he angry? Had he lost his passion for her?
Inside, her stomach burned with anxious churning but outwardly, she tried to keep a calm exterior. This was not how she’d wanted to begin their life.
Finally, he sat back in his chair, folding his hands over his stomach. “There is a chance that you are already with child.”
She raised her shoulders in a shrug. “Unlikely, but possible.”
“I will not see you raise my child without my protection.”
She shook her head. “And if there is no child after a single night together?”
He leaned forward, his gaze intense. “Then we will make one.”
That made her stomach ease a bit. “Good.”
His eyebrows lifted. “I’m not certain what I expected you to say but it wasn’t that.”
“I’ve every intention of being your wife to the fullest of my capabilities. I’m not certain I’m fully prepared for the role of duchess, but I’ll do my best.”
He gave a terse nod. “I appreciate that.” She saw his hesitation, felt it in the air.
“But?” Her throat closed on the single word.
He shook his head. “Once a baby has been conceived, I think it best that we maintain a relationship with more…distance.”
Her heart stopped in her chest. She was being rejected again. “Because of a small lie that I told before we even knew each other?”
He looked away. “Because I cannot afford to open myself to you or anyone else.”
That, she understood. But she also could not have a relationship like that again. Cassandra couldn’t be sorry they married. He’d saved her from the disgrace of being a fallen woman and provided a future for her that she’d thought she might never have.
Perhaps it was time to save him right back. “I r
eject your offer.”
“I beg your pardon?” He sat up in his chair then, his eyes narrowing in on her.
“Thank goodness you did not say, explain.”
A ghost of a smile touched his lips. “You are a duchess now.”
“I reject your offer of a marriage where we live with a distance between us. I’ve tried that once before. It’s wretched.”
Understanding dawned in his eyes. “Where does that leave us then?”
She rose from her seat and crossed over to him, bending down until her face was just inches from his. Then, ever so lightly, she kissed him. It was a small touch that left him room to return or not but she felt him respond. Just a light pressing of his lips to hers.
When she pulled back, she looked down into his deep grey eyes. “I shall have to woo you.”
“Woo me?” He widened his gaze but remained still otherwise.
“Woo you.” Then she kissed him again. It was time for Cassandra to find her inner strength. And her duke was just the man to bring it out.
Damian spent the rest of the day outside, walking about the property. His plan was to be so tired, he collapsed into bed.
Over the last few days, he’d decided the only way to truly keep from being hurt was to maintain distance.
Part of that…only having relations for procreation. Who sounded like a vicar now?
But one kiss and a few words and Cassandra had nearly crumbled all his resolve. Damn woman would have him on his knees and at her mercy in no time.
He stayed out well past dark, not bothering to return for dinner. Finally, he returned to the house, slipping up to his room and stripping off his clothes to slide into bed.
As he tugged off his boots, he looked at the connecting door between his room and Cassandra’s, a frown pulling his lips down. Was she asleep? Angry with him for missing dinner?
He tugged off his shirt. Perhaps he’d made the wrong choice. But whenever he was with her, he couldn’t maintain an emotional distance between them.
Unbuttoning the falls of his breeches, he rose and slid his pants down his body, pulling back the covers in the dark room and slipping into the bed.
When to Dare an Dishonorable Duke: Regency Romance (Romancing the Rake Book 7) Page 9
