by Rowan Shaw
Heck, even adoption wasn't an option for her.
"I see. All the more reason to see Docteur Garnier. You shouldn't have to bear this weight alone. You shouldn't feel guilty for what's going on."
Honestly, my main fear was how this new situation was going to wreck my fragile relationship with Marlène. Try as I might to lie to myself, we hadn't been in a good place for a while. This was just the last nail possibly sealing our fate as a couple.
Chapter 24
ENZO - NOW
When Florian sat by my side on the couch and cast a quick glance around my living room, I felt relief. I had finally taken down all the pictures of Cyrille, and it was a good thing I did, too. I didn't want Florian to see those. I'd replaced the frames with colorful watercolors that Patrick had picked up and insisted I hang instead of that damn jackass everywhere.
"I like your place," Florian signed. "Very colorful and peaceful. Like you."
"Thanks." The lime green walls and red oak furniture did give the place a vibrant feel.
"I have to leave soon," Florian said in a sigh. "I have a tour to give downtown."
"Oh." I'd assumed we'd be spending all afternoon together. I'd forgotten Florian wasn't on vacation like me, and he had to work on weekends too.
"You okay?" he signed.
Too late to hide my disappointment now!
I gave a casual shrug and placed a fake grin on my face. "Yes. It's just...I was wondering if I could come along? Maybe?"
His smile spread to his blue eyes. "That'd be great."
"Really?"
"Yes. I'd love that. What if I signed the entire time? You could tell me how I'm doing. I've been thinking about adding a French Sign Language option, but I don't know. I'm not sure I'm good enough."
"Florian, you sign really well."
"There's 'really well,' and then there's 'fluent.' I can't do less than perfect for the tours."
I bit my lower lip hard. "I can be your guinea pig. I'll let you know how you're doing."
He relaxed against the cushion, his eyes trained on my face. When his gaze landed on my mouth and stayed there, I leaned forward tentatively. I didn't know what I was doing. Everything was going too fast, but I wanted to kiss him so badly, I didn't want to stop.
Florian smiled at me and closed the distance between us. He slid his fingers through the hair at the nape of my neck and pulled me closer. When my mouth crashed against his, I was caught in a wave of memories. His plump lips felt so familiar, so right against mine.
Florian didn't wait a second to part my lips with his soft, warm tongue seeking entrance. His scent was intoxicating—masculine, slightly citrusy and fresh like clean laundry. He explored my mouth, kissing me deeper, and his grip tightened around my neck.
We were practically devouring each other with a craving so fierce, it shot all the way to my crotch, making me hard enough that I had to shift in my seat to readjust my pants. His groan vibrated against my tongue when I moved to straddle him, and his other arm wrapped around my waist, pulling me flush against him. His hand moved from my neck to my jaw that he cupped while kissing me languidly.
I could feel his hard-on against my thigh, so needy for my touch. It took all my willpower to slow down. I wanted to take him right there on the couch. Grinding against his firm body, I made him moan, then swallowed the sounds in a deeper kiss.
Eventually, he pulled away and pressed his forehead against mine, silently mouthing something I couldn't understand.
"What did you say?" I signed and pulled away just enough to read his lips.
"I missed you," he signed back. "But I think we should stop. You're turning me on, and I want to take things slow."
"I missed you too," I whispered, leaning into his neck to nibble on his earlobe. That used to drive him nuts—a sure way to release him so hard he couldn't control where he aimed during our mutual hand jobs. "I missed you so much during all those years."
I wasn't so sure about taking things slow. I had waited for so long, even though I'd repressed my need for him since high school. But I would respect his wishes. I understood that he wasn't ready yet, though I couldn't help but flirt with him. "I want to make you come so badly; that's all I can think about at night."
It wasn't a lie either. Though I'd tried not to, I'd been jerking off thinking of him every night since our encounter at the club.
Florian groaned as if in physical pain and shook his head. "It's not a good idea, Enzo. We've only just found each other again. We should wait."
I inhaled deeply, forced to accept his resolution. I would wait. No matter how long he needed me to.
A cocky smile poked at his lips.
"Glad to see you want me too, though." He winked at me, joking about my raging hard-on.
I didn't move from my straddling position but nestled against him instead, my face in his neck. He wrapped both his arms around my back, and everything grew silent around us until my neighbors from above started going at it, their bed squeaking and hitting the wall with each shout of pleasure.
Florian's need twitched against my thigh. "I'd love to stay here like this, but I really have to get back to work. If I stay while your neighbors are fucking so loud, I don't think I'll be able to reject your offers much longer. I'm horny as fuck already."
"You sure you don't want me to help with that?" I suggested.
His Adam's apple rose and fell in his throat as he considered the offer. "You've always been such a tease," he groaned.
I beamed innocently. "I'm not sure what you're talking about."
"I'm talking about that time you blew me in the mall's bathroom and we nearly got caught."
My grin widened. "No idea what you're referring to."
"Right. D'you have any idea what my mom would have done to me if she'd found out what that stain on your shirt truly was?"
I let out a snort and imitated Mrs. Beaudry's voice when we finally walked out of the mall's bathroom that day. "'You boys sure took a long time. Are you sure you're not sick, mon chéri? I told you not to eat that steak tartare.'"
Florian roared with laughter. For the first time since I saw him at the bar, he seemed truly carefree. The weary lines faded from under his eyes, making him look younger than his twenty-six years.
"What's going to happen now?" he asked. "Between us?"
"I don't know."
His gaze fell to his watch. "I need to go."
"So you're sure you don't mind if I join?"
"No, that'd be great."
My female neighbor let out a shout so raw, Florian and I both froze, our eyes bugging out before we burst out laughing.
"Patrick was right. She does sound like a pig getting strangled."
"I'm not sure how you can live like this."
I pointed at my processor. "I always have it off when I'm around the apartment alone."
"Right. Lucky you!" He winked at me, his mouth rising on one side.
I gave him a peck on the lips, then disentangled myself from his grasp as we stood together. We left for his office downtown, where we met a group of five people for the tour. Though I didn't comment the entire time but for an encouraging thumbs-up, I was in awe of Florian and how he'd managed to open his own business and operate everything himself.
I followed him through the streets of Nancy and blended in with the group. Florian took us to various historic places, explaining when they were built and for what purpose. His signing was flawless, making me wonder how he'd gotten to practice it over the years. A part of me knew he had learned the language solely because of me. I was floored he'd gone through the endeavor without knowing if he would ever see me again.
I couldn't stop staring at his handsome face, his blond hair shining like a halo in the afternoon sun. When he caught me gaping, he smiled at me but shifted his gaze away quickly. I bit on my lip. His pupils were still dilated from his arousal for me. No matter what he claimed, I doubted he could keep things slow for long.
Chapter 25
FLORIAN
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"How was it the first time you had sex?" Enzo asked that Sunday, then moved his pawn on the board during our game of Stratego. The game required planning and precision, both of which Enzo excelled at. He took down one of my pieces and smirked at me from across his kitchen table.
I wasn't sure what had brought up that question, but I responded with a semi-smile. We hadn't kissed again, and I wanted to keep my promise to slow things down. Spending time with him was what I yearned for the most, and I couldn't let myself crave more than that. Not yet.
I kept reminding myself I wasn't over Marlène yet. Enzo deserved more than a rebound. I knew he wasn't over Cyrille either, but he didn't make things easy on me. It was hard enough to look at his gorgeous face without wanting to kiss the living breath out of him. His constant teasing and sudden questions about my sex life didn't help.
"Was it with a girl or a guy?" he signed, his eyes not wavering even though his cheeks turned a deep pink. "Or were they gender-fluid? By the way, do bi people date non-binary people?"
I licked my lower lip. "I've been with men and women, yes. I've never dated anyone who was non-binary, but I definitely would."
"Doesn't that make you pansexual?" he asked.
"Does it matter? It's just a label, really. I date humans. Consenting adult humans."
"Fair enough," he signed before letting out a triumphant "Ah!" when he found my flag on the board. "You lose," he exclaimed with a wide grin. "You still haven't answered my question. Now you lost, so you owe me a reply."
I cocked an eyebrow. "Is that so?"
"Yep."
"I did it with a guy for my first time."
I was reluctant to acknowledge it was the same year I'd lost him. I was still aching at the time. In fact, I was sinking into a depression so deep that I'd barely found my way back to the surface. If it hadn't been for Raphaël's family supporting me and taking me to a counselor who'd assured me there was nothing wrong with me, I would have let myself die.
"Do I know him? Did it happen in college?"
I paused, unsure how to proceed. "Do you know what happened after you left?"
Enzo hadn't returned to school at all that year. Walking through the familiar hallways without him by my side had been an excruciating experience, a fate I'd considered worse than death.
"Not really," he signed. "When I came back the next school year, everyone I knew was gone. You included."
"I... My parents kicked me out."
Enzo froze. "What?"
"When they found out why you were attacked, they told me to pack my things and leave. They didn't want a queer for a son."
"When we were attacked," he signed.
"What?"
"You said 'when you were attacked.' You mean 'when we were attacked.'"
"The guy barely touched me, Enzo."
"Maybe, but it doesn't mean you didn't suffer trauma."
"I never apologized for what happened," I signed back.
"Once again, you have nothing to apologize for. It wasn't your fault. And I'm fine. I'm part of a beautiful community. I'm great at my job. I have wonderful friends. I just wish people would stop treating me like I'm this poor thing to be pitied."
"I didn't mean it that way."
"Out of everyone out there, you're one of the few who’s treated me normally without ever getting weird. Please don't change that."
I nodded and offered to play another game. Enzo agreed, so we replaced all our pawns on the board.
"You start," he signed and then asked, "What happened after they kicked you out? Where did you live?"
"I was on the streets for a little while, but then I ran into Raphaël."
"Raphaël? Raphaël Diop?"
"Yeah. His family took me in."
Enzo scrutinized me curiously. "Really? Wow! I hadn't thought of him in years. I knew you were friends back then, even if he never hung out with us. But I didn't know you moved in with his family."
"Yeah. Well, we became best friends after that. We were inseparable."
Enzo looked at me, and I moved a pawn forward, feeling uncomfortable. I didn't want him to think I'd replaced him. Things between Raphaël and me were more complex than that.
"I lived with them that entire school year. If not for them, I wouldn't have graduated high school."
"I'm sorry that happened to you." His eyes filled with regret that I wanted to brush away quickly. "Your parents didn't realize I wasn't the only one who was attacked? I can't believe they didn't support you after that."
When I shrugged, he changed the subject. "You still haven't told me who your first was."
I gave a lopsided smile. "Take a guess."
He screwed up his face, thinking hard. "Was he from our school?"
"Yes."
"Matthias?"
I laughed hard. "No. And Matthias is straight."
"Really? Are you sure?"
I chuckled through a firm nod. "Yes, I'm sure."
"Well, he was the only one at school I'd pegged as gay so I don't know. You're gonna have to tell me."
I cleared my throat. "There was one week when Raphaël's family left for vacation in Cannes. We asked to stay behind. We had the whole house to ourselves."
"Wait! You chose to stay here instead of going to Provence? What is wrong with you?" he asked, rounding his eyes at me.
"Anyway..."
"So you invited a guy over? And that's when it happened?"
I squirmed in my seat. "Raphaël invited me to his room..."
Enzo's widening eyes bored into me. "Raphaël was your first?" He took a few seconds to digest the news. "Wait, Raphaël is gay? First, you tell me Matthias is straight, and now Raphaël is gay. My gaydar is broken. No wonder I can never find a date."
I couldn't help but laugh. He was so fucking adorable, I wanted to throw my resolution out the window and fuck him right here, right now. "I don't know how he identifies, but he definitely likes cocks."
"Who would have thought?" Enzo shook his head. I was so relieved he didn't react poorly. I would have felt like shit if he'd been upset about this.
"But you're sure he's into guys?" he asked. "I saw him flirt with a lot of girls in high school. Didn't he sleep with that girl Mallory?"
Yes, he definitely did. More than once. The news had circled our school like wildfire.
"Considering how often he rode my dick, he's definitely not straight," I replied with a self-satisfied smirk. "Knowing Raphaël, I wouldn't be surprised if he were bi or pan."
Enzo was still shaking his head, disconcerted with his broken gaydar. "How did your first time go, then?"
He sure was curious. This was the same as our conversation back when we were seventeen and he'd asked me tons of questions about the one time I'd kissed a girl. For some reason, me kissing a girl had triggered something in him. That was the first time he'd ever kissed me, like he had a point to make.
"The first time was awkward, as you can imagine," I acknowledged.
He moved a pawn on the board, then flashed me a quick glance from under his eyelashes. "You guys did it more than once?"
"Well, his parents were gone that whole week, so..."
Enzo stared. "You two went at it that entire week?"
"Yep. Fucking like bunnies. Man, it was... With the hormones and all, we were horny all the time."
"That was good payback for what your parents did to you," Enzo signed, mischief shining through his dark brown eyes. A little smile poked at his lips, deepening the scar on his cheek.
"Yeah, I won't lie. One of the best weeks of my life. We had to set a bunch of rules, though."
"Really? What rules?"
"A: It was just sex between two best friends—to teach each other how to fuck. No falling in love. No strings attached. B: Only sex in our bedrooms. Out of respect for his parents, there would be no fucking around the house. C: We would only fuck that one week. There would be no sex once his parents were back."
"Did you respect the rules?"
"We did...
Until we went to college."
Enzo bit his lower lip and took down one of my pawns, getting dangerously close to my flag.
"You didn't keep living with his family when you were in college?"
"I didn't want to impose more than I had to. I got a scholarship, then I found myself a job as a bookseller. I got a small apartment close to the university. I had a roommate, actually. Guy."
Enzo scrunched his forehead. "Isn't that the guy who—"
"Fucked Marlène behind my back. Yes, same one."
"Wow! What about Raphaël? Where did he stay? At his parents' place?"
"He chose the higher school preparatory classes, so he stayed in a dorm there. His parents don't live in Nancy. They live in Vandœuvre."
"That's really close, though."
"Yes, but Raphaël wanted his independence."
Enzo nodded. "So you kept having sex in college?"
"If we were bored, we would hook up from time to time. But then I met Marlène. I really should have kept fucking Raphaël instead." I gave a sad smile. "Your turn. How did you pop your cherry?"
He stared at the board like he was concentrating, though I had a feeling he was avoiding my eyes. "I lost it to Cyrille when I was about twenty-two."
"Cyrille, your ex?"
"Yes."
"How long did you two date?"
"We dated for over three years. We met in college, then we started teaching at the same school. That was a mistake." He gave me a quick glimpse. "It's not always a good idea to work in the same environment as your lover. And then he broke up with me a few months ago."
I stared at him. "Wait! Cyrille's the only guy you've slept with?"
Enzo gave a shy nod. "It's not exactly easy to find someone who can sign, you know? Even if I can hear, I'd rather date someone who doesn't expect me to speak and conform to their needs."
"What about dating someone in the deaf community?"
"I haven't tried to connect with many men in the community. I have my family, my friends, and until about six months ago, I had Cyrille. That was enough for me."
