by Rowan Shaw
"My roommate, obviously." I knew I was walking a thin line. I wasn't allowed to rent the room to Raphaël, but what was Daniel going to do about it? Kick me out and fire me? His best employee and source of income? No way in hell.
I could imagine his gray eyes narrowing into pistols when he growled, "How long has he been living there?"
"About a month."
"And when were you gonna tell me? After a year? Do I need to remind you that you can't just sublet the place to someone without advising me first?"
I sighed. "I didn't say anything because I knew you'd disapprove."
"Of course I disapprove. I only rent to my boys, and you know it. So unless he's willing to work for me, I want his ass out of my apartment."
I shook my head. Raphaël was staying. Period.
"You might own the place, but I'm renting it. What were you doing there when you knew I was gone, anyway?"
He didn't reply to that. I assumed that meant he had a habit of snooping around my place when I was out of town. Fucker.
I didn't give a shit what he thought. I was the best asset in his entire company, and he knew that. I called the shots, whether he liked it or not. Unless he wanted me to leave and give him such competition he would never rise again, he had to deal with whatever I decided.
"How did you even find him?" he asked.
"I put an ad online." I rubbed my mouth and looked at my dick that was softening fast. Nothing better to turn me off than Daniel snapping at me over some random shit that didn't even matter.
"You placed an ad online without asking me?" he shouted. "Are you out of your fucking mind?"
My nostrils flared.
"Why do you even need a roommate?" he asked a bit more calmly. "I thought after Kevin, you'd decided that living with someone wasn't a good option for you."
"I know."
Kevin was a mistake. He was the only coworker I'd ever let myself fuck into a torrid affair that lasted for months. When he asked to move in, everything turned to shit too quickly for me to control. I had to put an end to our relationship. I thought Daniel was going to tear our heads off when he found out we were fucking, and he'd gone ballistic when Kevin left the company. I'd be lying if I said I regretted it, though. Kevin was the fuck of a century, the best lover I'd ever had and the only man I'd ever loved.
"I wanted a roommate."
"What the fuck for? You can afford the rent."
I'd pushed my luck a few times, but renting a room to Raphaël might be the last straw.
"I was feeling lonely." It made me feel pathetic to acknowledge it. Even if I didn't see Raphaël often, I could feel his presence around, which comforted me.
Daniel took a few seconds to respond. "You know I'm here when you don't feel good, right? The other boys too."
I nearly laughed at that. Yeah, right!
"Have you been taking your meds?" he asked.
"Oui, Papa Poule."
"It's not a fucking joke, Adrien."
I sighed. "Yes, I've been taking my medication."
"Has it helped? Does it work better than the stuff you were on before?"
"It does." Kind of. I still felt like shit on most days, and unless I spent the night fucking until I was high on endorphins, it was difficult to pull myself together in the morning.
"Do you need to resume the sessions?"
I shook my head even though he couldn't see me. "Those didn't work."
"They did work. You seemed better for a while. Dr. Aguillar is good at her job. She made Benoît improve too. His anxiety is more under control."
"Didn't work for me." That was a lie, but the truth was I didn't like the sessions. I hated having to rehash all the shit from my past. It made me feel so much worse before I felt better. I preferred to forget everything and pretend it never happened in the first place.
"You should see her again," Daniel insisted.
I held the bridge of my nose. "If I see her, will you get off my case about Raphaël?"
It was a hard trade, but one I was willing to make. I wasn't even sure why. What did I care if Raphaël stayed or not? I barely knew the guy.
"If you're lonely, why don't you ever come to the parties?"
As if his "parties" were going to help.
I'd been to enough orgies. It was fun once or twice, but it got tedious after a while. And on days I felt like shit and barely had the will to get my ass out of bed, the last thing I wanted was to smile for a bunch of guys who were only there to ride my dick.
"I don't need sex, Daniel. I get plenty of that already."
"We don't always have sex at my parties."
"Oh please!"
I'd been there often enough to know how they always ended. A dozen guys fucking until they couldn't think anymore. Been there, done that.
"What are you going to tell him when he asks, huh?"
"When he asks what?"
I knew exactly what he was referring to. I didn't think it'd be an issue, though. Raphaël seemed open-minded enough. But Daniel insisted, like the asshole he was. "What are you gonna say when he asks where you're going every night?"
"I already told him the truth. That I'm at work."
"Liar. That's not the whole truth, and you know it."
"He's just my roommate, Daniel, not the fucking Gestapo," I growled, ready to hang up. There were two gorgeous women waiting for me in the bedroom next door. I didn't have time for his shit right now.
"You keep breaking all the rules, Adrien. I swear sometimes I just don't know what to do with you. It doesn't matter how successful you are. Don't go thinking I wouldn't kick your ass out if things went too far."
I laughed at that.
"This is at least the third rule you've broken already. I'm putting you on notice. Break one more rule, and I'm putting you on leave."
I couldn't repress a snicker. He had to be kidding, right? I never stopped working. I brought in thousands of euros every week. Where was he going to find someone to bring in that kind of dough if he put me on leave, huh?
"Adrien, are you almost done?" Noémie called in her soft voice with a knock on the door that made me cover the speaker.
"Almost."
"Please, hurry."
"You need the bathroom?" I asked.
"No, but I need you inside me."
I gave a smile she couldn't see.
"I'll be right there," I replied then hissed into the phone, "You're almost done? I have someone waiting for me as we speak. I didn't come all the way to New York to hear you whine, Daniel. Besides, I'm not sure what rules you're talking about?"
Of course I knew, but if there was a full handbook somewhere, I sure as fuck didn't get one. And even if I had, I wouldn't give a damn about his stupid rules.
"You think I don't know about Noah?" he growled.
I scrunched my face. "What about Noah?"
"He's called me more than once asking for favors. This is a business, Adrien. I don't do favors. Somehow, Noah seems to think he's special. Is there something going on I should know about?"
"Favors?" That sure was news to me.
"They're not supposed to fall in love with you, Adrien."
"Noah isn't in love with me." He could get emotional sometimes, sure, and he was prone to getting attached fast, but there was nothing I could do about that. I'd been clear from the start. It was just fucking, and that was all it would ever be.
"Are you really that naïve?" Daniel replied. "You broke the first rule when you became friends with him. Then you broke the second rule when you made him fall for you."
My jaw ticked. "He is not in love with me. I'm telling you. And yes, I have friends. That's what happens when you fuck people often enough. You become friends."
It was the same with Marion, too. Since I'd taken her virginity six years ago when I was twenty and she was thirty-five, we'd become good friends. We fucked a couple of times a month. I always spent the night. It was impossible not to grow close to someone you fucked on a regular basis.
&nbs
p; "Are you really going to lie and tell me Noah doesn't want you for more than you're willing to give? For your information, he calls me every week whining because he wants you for more than a weekend, but you're rarely available that long. He's infatuated with you, and if it continues, I'm gonna have to ask you to stop seeing him."
"Fuck that!"
There was a long pause at the other end of the line.
"Do you have feelings for him too?" Daniel asked.
"What? Fuck no!" My reply was a bit too fast. Daniel huffed in disbelief.
I didn't, though. I didn't have feelings for Noah. I cared about him, but feeling affection for a friend was nothing like falling in love.
"When you fuck people, they release all kinds of pheromones," I explained because Daniel was apparently too ignorant to realize how sex even worked. "I can't control how that goes. I make them come; they grow attached. It happens. You can't fuck people all the way to mind-blowing ecstasy for years and ask them not to grow feelings, Daniel. We're humans, not animals."
"You think I can't see the look in your eyes when I talk about him?"
"It's not like that at all."
"So you don't care about Noah?"
I couldn't lie about that. "I didn't say that."
"He's just a fuck, Adrien. You need to remember that. He's not your friend or your partner or your lover. He's just someone you fuck. If you can't put that through your head, I don't know that I'll agree to take his calls anymore."
I ground my teeth so hard, my gums hurt. "You can't prevent me from seeing people, Daniel. I'm not your damn dog. I have rights."
"You're not allowed to fuck people on the side. You know that. If I stop taking his calls, you won't be fucking him anymore. That'll solve a lot of my problems. I am not kidding, Adrien. I won't let you see him anymore. I don't give a damn how big of a bank account Hugo has."
"You know what? Go fuck yourself!" I hung up on his ass, panting from my rising anger.
When the phone beeped, I turned it off and dropped it by the sink, then left the bathroom and found Noémie spooning Marion, who had fallen asleep, her blond hair a mess over her pillow, her white skin flushed from whatever she'd done with Noémie while I was in the bathroom. Noémie's ebony skin was pearling with post-coital sweat as well. She ran her fingers in long, tender strokes over Marion's arm, then turned her head upon my intrusion and made a shushing sound with her index finger pressed against her lips.
"She's tired from the flight," she whispered. "How about you and I have some fun before we wake her up?"
I had never slept with Noémie before, but I was more than happy to find out what made her click. I beamed at her as she disentangled herself from Marion's nude form and lay on her back waiting for me. I approached the bed, my dick already hardening for her as I leaned over the bed to reach her lips and kiss her.
"How do you want me, mon amour?" I exhaled against her mouth, then did everything she wanted and more.
Chapter 13
RAPHAËL
I was fidgeting, pondering what to do. Adrien had given me his phone number in case of an emergency, but I didn't want to call in case he told me to move out. I tapped the screen for a while before typing a message.
Me: Hey, it's Raphaël. Can we talk?
He took his sweet time to reply—to the point where I wondered if he'd gotten my text at all. He'd assured me he had international data and could receive messages all the way in New York.
The screen finally lit up after forty-five minutes.
Adrien: What's up?
Me: The owner came by.
Adrien: Yeah, I know. He called me.
Me: You told me you were the owner.
Adrien: I never said such a thing.
Me: Yes, you did.
Adrien: No, you just assumed.
Me: Well, thanks for warning me. That's lying by omission. Now he wants to kick my ass out.
Adrien: Don't worry about him. I got the problem solved.
Me: What kind of a deal do you have with him?
Adrien: What?
Me: He said you guys had a deal or something.
Adrien: Don't worry about that. It's fixed.
Me: Is the deal legal?
Adrien: Yes.
Me: Can he kick me out?
Adrien: He can, but he won't.
Me: How do you know?
Adrien: I just do, okay. Just trust me on this one. He won't kick you out.
I was skeptical at best, but what other choice did I have?
Me: Just so you know, he walked in on me fucking Charlotte, so thanks for the heads up.
Adrien: I thought I'd said no hook-ups in the apartment.
Me: Considering it's not even your place, I think that rule no longer applies.
Adrien: It is my place, Raphaël. Who's Charlotte, anyway?
I rolled my eyes.
Me: My classmate. I already told you about her. You would know if you listened when I talk.
Adrien: Did he really walk in on you fucking? I swear I hate him sometimes.
Me: I'm calling her back. I don't care if you don't want her here. I haven't fucked in four months. I need this.
Adrien: Fine.
Me: How is work?
Adrien: Mind-blowing.
Me: You're still coming back in two days?
Adrien: Yes.
Me: Ila misses you. She pissed on my shoes last night.
Adrien: Sorry about that.
Right. Why did I get a feeling he was chuckling to himself?
Me: She scratched me, too.
Adrien: What can I say? She takes after her owner...loves to scratch.
I stared at the screen. Was that a sexual innuendo?
Adrien: Gotta go. Still got work to do.
I sighed, not sure what to do next. I was still horny and frustrated I never got to finish. I looked at my phone and texted Charlotte to ask her if she was willing to do another round.
Charlotte: Sure thing. You're certain that white guy isn't coming back? Because next time he stares at my tits, I'm kicking him in the balls. You've been warned.
I couldn't guarantee anything, so I lied.
Me: I'm sure it's fine. We can go to my room this time. I'll lock the door and block it with a chair.
Chapter 14
ADRIEN
Returning to Paris on my birthday was a bitch. I wanted to stay in New York, but Marion and Noémie had a lot of work to do, and I wasn't the one choosing how long I could be with them. The weekend had been wild. They'd barely let me leave the room—not that I was complaining.
I was exhausted from all the sex and needed a rest. I'd dropped by the café when I arrived, just in case, but Céleste never showed up. There was no way to tell her how important it was for me to see her on my birthday, and her absence only managed to make things worse. I felt like shit, and it didn't help that the apartment was empty when I stepped in at five P.M.
Raphaël was probably in class or studying at the library. I was drained from the flight. I'd been too anxious to sleep on the plane even though I flew first class. I fucking hated my birthday—a date that did nothing but remind me I should have never been born.
There were years when I was lucky and Noah invited me to celebrate the day in bed, but I could tell he was upset I'd left this weekend. I hadn't heard from him in four days, which was atypical, but I didn't have the energy to deal with his drama right now.
I dropped my suitcase in the hall and didn't bother taking it to my room. I went straight to the kitchen, heading for the cabinet where I stored my Scotch, and poured myself a glass that I tipped back in one shot before I figured I might as well drink it straight from the bottle that I grabbed by the neck, calling Ila as I entered the living room.
She came running, for once not sulking I'd been gone, so I gathered she'd enjoyed Raphaël's company.
"Salut, ma belle. How have you been? At least someone's happy to see me."
She meowed loudly at me, raising her head when I leaned do
wn to pet her fur.
"Did Raphaël take good care of you?"
She pushed against my hand, seeking more caresses, making me smile, and followed me to my room, where I retrieved my laptop. It was like a self-destructive ritual I went through on my birthday. No matter how I shouldn't, I couldn't help but check my emails, knowing full well the whole thing would tear me apart.
I retreated into the living room and let myself drop on the couch. Ila jumped by my side and pushed herself against me, turning around a few times before settling down in a ball against my thigh. I petted her, taking another swig of Scotch, my throat burning from the alcohol, and opened the computer on my lap.
I sighed, hesitating a bit, then typed in my password to access my emails. I had to scroll through all the junk and spam until my gaze landed on what I was looking for. Like every year, her email was there right on time like a ghoul haunting me. My eyes perused the lines, and I forced myself to digest every word, the lump in my throat growing with each of them.
Mon chéri,
I hope you're having a happy birthday.
It's been so long since I last saw you. I can't help but wonder what you look like now, if you are well, what kind of a man you've grown into. I miss you so much, my sweet little boy.
I wish you would answer my emails. It's not like I send a lot. Only once or twice a year. I can tell you've received and read them. That's the only way I know you're still okay.
Your father sends his regards. He's not joining in on this email, but considering how things ended between you two, I'm sure you'll understand. He still refuses to talk about what happened. But I know he cares about you.
I keep praying for you to meet a woman, someone who might help you heal and make amends. I know deep in my heart that with the right girl, it could still happen. We could finally leave the past behind and start anew. Every day, I pray and hope that you will change your ways and come back to us. I'm still hoping. But I'm losing faith.
Your sister misses you. If only you could see her now, so beautiful, so smart. You're missing out on so much, mon chéri. Please reconsider your lifestyle. Please come back to us. I miss you so.
I am still hoping...
Maman qui t'aime.
I stared at my computer screen, unable to breathe, my chest heaving as I grabbed the laptop in both hands. I threw it at my coffee table, where it landed with a sharp breaking noise as it cracked the glass on top.
