by Rowan Shaw
I couldn't believe it. How could people be such pricks?
"It was so bad that some parents held a protest outside the school for outing the kids against their will and endangering them. The whole thing attracted the media and everything."
"Finally, some parents who made sense. What happened then?"
"My parents asked me if I was queer. I denied it at first, but by that point I was already involved with my friend from the US. He told me he wanted to come out for good, and this would be the perfect opportunity. It went great for him. His parents said they already knew he was gay, and it didn't change anything, so I figured I might as well come clean and tell my parents the truth as well."
I nodded again. This didn't bode well.
"My dad threw a fit. He broke my bedroom door down. And I mean, my dad is a scrawny guy, so you can only imagine how pissed he was. For days, he berated me about what a disgrace I was. It was harassment, pure and simple. I wasn't allowed to see my boyfriend anymore either. My dad filled out paperwork to transfer me to some Catholic school. He forced me to board there for six months, during which I had to listen to their constant homophobic shit.
"I slowly fell into depression. I wanted to kill myself. That was when I first considered leaving. But I didn't do it right away because I was scared. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what it'd be like out there on the streets. When I came home for the summer, life had turned to hell. My dad was on my back constantly. I grabbed my stuff and ran."
I still couldn't believe what he had just told me. "So let me get this straight. Your school thought it was a good idea to out kids to their parents, completely disregarding the fact that many kids are abused at home and could be beaten to death. Then your dad made your life hell because that same idiotic school felt forced to tell him you were queer?"
"Yep."
"Those people belong in jail. Outing people against their will is always dangerous. How can they call themselves educators?"
"In spite of the parents' protest, the principal kept his job too."
I shook my head. Of course he did.
"How did your mom find your email address?"
"It's the same I had as a teen. I started checking it again after I went to live with Daniel. Even though I'd run away from home, I was hoping they'd ask me to come back and accept me as I am." Adrien let out a sigh. "Look, do you mind if we talk about something else? This is stuff I usually try not to think about."
"Yeah, sure." I wanted to keep him talking, but his mental well-being mattered more than my curiosity.
"What movie did you want to watch?" I asked to distract him.
"Well, we agreed not to watch porn, so the evening already sounds a lot less fun," he laughed, though his eyes never filled with joy.
I puffed. "That movie we watched wasn't even that good, anyway."
Adrien gawked at me. "You're kidding, right?"
"No, I'm not kidding."
"The actresses actually did reach orgasm. D'you know how hard it is to find porn where the actresses aren't faking it?"
I huffed at that. "How could you tell it was real?"
He didn't even hide his amusement. "It's my job. If I didn't know when women came, I'd be in real trouble."
I pursed my lips. "I can tell when a woman I'm fucking is coming too, thanks. I was talking about the movie. How could you tell?"
"Are you sure you know when a woman comes?" he teased. "'Cause if you can't tell when porn is fake, I have to ask, man."
"Fuck you!"
Adrien's eyes gleamed in his laugh. "I thought we agreed that might not be a good idea."
"You never stop, do you? Besides, we never said such a thing. About fucking, I mean."
"Well, I'm going to say it now, then. It would be a bad idea." He looked at me pointedly, then added, "Anyway, when an actress really comes in a movie, there are certain signs."
"Like?"
"She might squirt, or her body starts to shake. Things like that. If you've made a woman come in real life, you know what I mean."
I wished we hadn't started this conversation. I hadn't met with Charlotte for sex in a while, and this talk wasn’t helping. Adrien's masculine scent didn't help either.
He gave a smirk as he patted my thigh playfully. "Let's watch Les Rivières pourpres. I haven't seen it in ages."
"Is it streaming?"
"Nah, but we can rent it online."
"Sure."
He gave me a breathtaking smile while I tried to relax. "By the way, I have a couple of friends coming over on Saturday. I hope you don't mind."
I tilted my head. "I thought you didn't like having company over."
"That's true. But one of them is basically my best friend, and he's been having some trouble with his boyfriend, so I thought I'd invite them over to relax."
"Sure. No problem."
"You should join and bring Charlotte."
I wasn't sure about that. "Charlotte's been a bit busy. She found herself a new guy. I thought I'd told you about that."
Adrien studied me without a word before saying, "That would explain your foul mood."
"I'm not in a foul mood."
"I can almost smell the sexual frustration coming off you."
"I can give her a call anytime for sex. That's not the problem," I replied.
"I really think you should, then."
"I haven't been that bad."
"Says the guy who's been avoiding me because of one simple blowjob."
"Fine. I'll call her. How many friends are you inviting over?"
"Just two."
"Okay..."
"What?" Adrien asked when I frowned.
"Are they real friends or client friends?"
An emotion I couldn't read flickered through his dark eyes. "I think we both know I only have client friends."
"That's not true. I'm your friend," I shot back. When Adrien didn't answer, I insisted, "Right?"
He laughed low in his throat, his gravelly voice echoing around the room.
"Right. We're friends." He winked, smirking at me.
"What? We are."
"Of course we are. Friends who would very much like to fuck but are trying really hard not to," he joked, then stood, asking me if I wanted a beer.
Chapter 30
ADRIEN
The days leading to Saturday went by too slowly. Talking to Raphaël about my family had been a bad idea. It'd stirred shit up in my head I didn't need stirring. Going to work was a pain too. It required a lot of energy to force myself to smile and be pleasant. Though I was happy to have Noah over and hang out with him, being around people weighed heavily on my shoulders. All I wanted to do was crawl in bed and sleep.
The party was still going when I left the living room to retrieve more chips from the kitchen, hoping to breathe. In spite of what I'd told Raphaël, I wasn't used to having that many people over at once, even if it was only five people including myself. My shoulders relaxed as I reached the fridge, but it didn't take long for Noah to hunt me down.
"What's up, Noah?" I asked and grabbed some brie as well as Apéricube cheese.
"How did you know it was me?"
I smiled as I shut the door. "I recognized your footsteps."
"How?"
"They're soft like you."
He gave me a tiny smile and walked past the threshold like he was floating on air, ever so gracefully. He was as elegant and fluid in his movements as I knew his body was flexible in bed. He was always so damn flirty too; it was hard not to smile every time he batted those damn lashes at me.
He was wearing dark makeup around his turquoise blue eyes tonight. His black tank top was tight around his flat chest, complete with fishnet sleeves, black cargo pants, and combat boots. If there was one thing he shared with Hugo, it was the semi-goth style and rocker looks.
"I like Raphaël. He's nice," he said, attempting to sound casual and failing miserably.
"Yeah?" I nodded as I searched my cabinets for snacks. "He is."
<
br /> "Mmmm."
I grabbed the bag of chips and looked at him. "What was that?"
"He's into you."
I let out a small chuckle.
"I'm not kidding."
I knew Raphaël wanted in my pants. That wasn't news to me. But it didn't mean anything; many guys wanted me for my dick.
I opened the bag to drop the chips on a plate. "What d'you want me to say?"
"He's been eye-fucking you all evening."
I huffed another laugh. "He's here with Charlotte."
"Right. She's been eye-fucking you, too."
I turned to him, sighing. "Noah, the only one who's been eye-fucking me all evening is you. And we both know it."
He twisted his lips. "I did not."
"Oh please! You'd drop to your knees right away if I offered an orgy. You think I don't know you?"
He raised his chin, almost offended. "So would Raphaël and Charlotte, just so you know. They both want to fuck you. I can tell."
"Right." I popped a chip in my mouth and looked at him as I chewed. "You jealous or something?"
He shook his head, but the glint in his eye told another story. I let out a sigh and shook my head as I opened the packaging to cut the brie into thin slices.
"I'm not jealous. I'm just saying..."
When I cast him a glance from the corner of my eye, he had that look on his face, the kind where he was glaring but pretended everything was fine. He usually reserved that kind of passive aggressiveness for Hugo.
"What d'you want me to do about it? So what if Raphaël wants me? So do a lot of other people."
"Did something happen between you two? He's looking at you the way a lover would."
Ignoring him, I grabbed some gruyère next and cut that one into tiny squares. Noah didn't say anything until I was done.
"I know you too well, Adrien. Something happened."
I laughed and shook my head, then went to the fridge to take out some salami.
"What happened?" he insisted.
I had no clue how he had the power to tell Raphaël and I had done something. I slammed the fridge shut and grabbed the edge of the counter, gazing at him from the side. "I gave him head."
Noah's eyes shot wide, filling with pain as his pale white skin flushed red. "How much did he pay?"
"He didn't," I shot back before I could think.
Noah froze by my side. I pretended not to notice, though it was hard to ignore the sudden cold emanating from him. I placed some slices of salami all around the cheese that I had piled in the middle of the plate.
"You did him for free?" he croaked.
I sighed and ate a slice of charcuterie. "I didn't do him. It was just a blowjob."
"You think I don't know what it's like to get a blowjob from you? You make it feel a lot more intimate than penetration. What does he have that I don't?"
"What?" I stared at Noah full-on this time.
"You've been ogling him all evening. You want him as much as he wants you."
"It's not like that."
"Not like what? Not like you like him enough to blow him for free? You won't be my boyfriend, but he got to have you without paying a cent."
I clenched my jaw. His outrage was getting out of line. And yet, he looked so sad, it was difficult to be mad at him.
"It was just the one time. It won't happen again. You and me, it's been going on for years, Noah." I turned to him to caress his soft cheek, tracing his freckles with my thumb.
His gaze shifted to the side stubbornly. "That's beside the point."
"No, that is exactly my point." I grabbed his chin between two fingers when he wouldn't look at me. "Noah, you're my best friend. I love having sex with you. I love spending time with you. That's why we hang out even when I'm off the clock. That's why I invited you tonight. But I cannot get involved more than that. I've already explained to you why."
"I would never hurt you the way your family did. And I'm not Kevin."
No, he wasn't my ex, but he sure was acting like him.
"Hugo and me, we could be your family. Family is what you want it to be. It doesn't need to be blood-related."
I didn't tell him I actually hated his lover. Hugo would never be family to me. He wasn't someone I even liked being around. I only tolerated him for Noah's sake.
"Hugo doesn't feel the same about me as you do." I used that as an excuse, though it was true. "I'm just a good fuck to him, and that's fine with me."
"Would it make you happy?" he asked, pinning his turquoise eyes on me.
"What?"
"To fuck Raphaël. To date him?"
I caressed his blond hair away from his temple, pushing it behind his ear. "You and I know I don't date."
"But you do want to fuck him? Please don't lie."
I gave one nod. Yes. Yes, I did want to fuck Raphaël. I'd wanted to for a while, but I had never considered it an option until he released in my mouth and everything changed. I couldn't stop thinking about that night.
Noah nodded, reluctantly accepting the truth. "I think you should."
"What?"
"I saw the way you were looking at him. You've never looked at me that way. You and me, we're friends. The sex is incredible. But he's more than that, isn't he?"
I shook my head. "I'm not sure what you mean."
"I think you do," he replied sullenly. "If he can make you happy, I think you should let him."
I gave a lopsided smile. He was being overly dramatic. "Noah, there is nothing going on. I sucked his cock. It was great. Yes, I want to fuck him, but I won't. Okay? I can't."
"Why?"
"It's too complicated."
"Because of Daniel's rules?"
"Among other things."
"Screw Daniel!"
"I won't fuck Raphaël."
He raised a cocky eyebrow. "If you say so."
"Yes, I'm saying so."
"I just know you don't do sex for free. So he has to be really special for you to suck him just because. That's all."
I leaned forward to give him a closed-mouth kiss on the lips. "Noah, you are one of the most important people in my life. I need you to know that."
"This isn't about me, Adrien." He batted his lashes again, pressing his fingertip against my lips. "I...it doesn't matter how I feel about you. I want you to be happy. Daniel doesn't have your best interests at heart. If he did, he'd let you date outside of work."
"That's not entirely true."
"Yes, it is. He's so scared of losing you, he will never let you go. But you deserve to have someone."
"You're making it sound like people have to be in a relationship to be happy. That's bullshit, Noah."
"Is it?"
"People shouldn't seek someone else to complete them."
"No, but everyone deserves to have someone who loves them unconditionally. Who do you have, Adrien?"
I swallowed around the ball in my throat. "I have you."
"You need someone who doesn't have to pay to be worthy of your time. I don't think you understand that. Love is free. The day you realize that, it might be too late."
When his words became too much for me, I turned around and grabbed the plate of charcuterie and cheese. "I won't be fucking Raphaël. I don't want you to worry that I will."
I meant it, no matter how unbearable my cravings had become or how crazy it drove me to think about that damn blow job.
Noah didn't seem convinced. I couldn't blame him. I was barely able to convince myself.
"You don't belong to me, Adrien. If you want to be with him, you should just do it. No matter how that might make me feel."
With that, he span around and left. I took a few seconds to compose myself. In spite of his jealousy, Noah might be the only person in my life who cared about me for me, the only person I knew who would be willing to sacrifice his own needs for the simple joy of seeing me happy.
Chapter 31
RAPHAËL
"Sex with him was so bad," Charlotte complained, stumbling in
side as soon as I opened my apartment door. Though she'd come to the party the weekend before, she hadn't spent the night. Noah and Hugo had left around one A.M., and since Adrien didn't seem well by that point, I asked Charlotte if she'd be alright leaving me alone with him. I was glad I did too. I'd ended up tucking Adrien into bed after he'd gotten half-drunk. He'd spent most of the evening checking me out from the corner of his eye while downing alcohol. I'd been too busy doing research and working extra shifts at the bakery to hang out with Charlotte since then.
I bit my lower lip and tried not to gloat at her confession. So she had finally nailed that other guy, huh? And he wasn't so great after all. Why wasn't I surprised?
She let out a groan and took off her coat, following me to the living room. It was starting to freeze outside, but Adrien had set the heat on high, so hot I could have worn a t-shirt and shorts.
Charlotte fell on the couch in a whoof. "He wouldn't go down on me, first of all. Which is fine...but when we were kissing, he kept grabbing my head to try and force me down to my knees."
"Ouch! Maybe he's watched too much porn?"
"Probably. He did fuck me like we were in porn. I mean, no foreplay. Nothing. It was all about him. He even wanted to come on my face."
I laughed. If there was one thing I knew never to ask of Charlotte, it was to ejaculate on her face—not unless I wanted to end up emasculated for life.
"D'you want anything to drink?" I asked.
"Coffee, please."
"It's eight P.M."
She motioned the size with two fingers. "Just a tiny little one."
When I relented, she shot off the couch, tailing me to the kitchen, where she wrapped her arms around my stomach from behind and leaned into my back, her chin on my shoulder.
"Does it mean you're done experimenting with other guys?" I asked.
She shrugged against me, holding me tight as I grabbed the coffee bag, then poured the water in the machine and pressed "start."
"Do you mind if I keep meeting other men?" she asked. "They're not all like him."
I shook my head. I was getting used to the idea of her needing more than one guy in her life. Charlotte had never promised me more than a few nights of fun anyway.
"I don't," I replied. "Just make sure they're clean. I don't want to catch some shit."
