by Rowan Shaw
As always, Enzo shook his head in disapproval of my sexcapades. "You need to stop taking random strangers to your place. I've already told you. What if one of them slips a roofie in your drink?"
"I get my own drinks."
"One of them could be a serial killer. Or a stalker. I don't want you to end up butchered in some street someday."
"Mon lapin, I don't fuck them in the street."
He pursed his lips. "I'm worried about you. You take all those guys home. You don't know who they are."
"I've had no issues so far. I'm fine."
He sighed heavily. "So what are you going to do about your client?"
"I referred him to another therapist. He didn't want me to, but I'm not counseling someone who was sucking my dick just the night before. The sessions wouldn't work."
Enzo blushed at my words. "Spare me the details, thank you. So you saw him more than once? That's so not like you."
No, it wasn't like me at all, and that was part of the reason why I couldn't have Brandon as a patient.
"He might be the best fuck I've ever had," I acknowledged. Brandon was so submissive and compliant. I couldn't remember anyone else being so shy and yet so flaming hot in bed.
Enzo chuckled. "Well, considering you've been with half the city, that says a lot."
"He's not from here. He's American. He doesn't count."
Enzo's eyes widened. "Oh. Where in the US?"
"Queens, New York."
"I bet he hates it here. New York must be so huge."
I laughed aloud. "Was I supposed to ask him about that before or after I made him suck my cock?"
Enzo let out a groan. "You're truly impossible, you know that? I don't know why I even bother talking to you. You and Jean-François both."
I rolled my neck and looked at him sideways. "Because you love us."
He rolled his eyes but couldn't deny it.
"So what are you going to do in Paris besides meeting the guy who deflowered your boyfriend?" I asked.
"I really wish I'd never told you about that."
I let out another laugh. "As if you could control yourself. Mon chou, you can’t keep secrets from me."
"Well, don't tell Florian I told you about all that. He'll get mad."
I hid a smirk.
"Promise you won't," he insisted, his dark eyes pointed at me.
I clicked my tongue. "You're taking all the fun away, truly."
"Promise me!"
I nodded. "I promise I won't tell your boyfriend I know everything about him fucking his best friend while another guy took his ass in college. There, happy?"
Enzo made a face. "No need to describe it like that. I've been trying hard enough not to imagine it."
"It still beats imagining him fucking women if you ask me," I teased.
"Well, I didn't ask you, thanks."
"You're so touchy today, mon lapin. You're sure he fucked you well enough last night?"
Enzo wasn't amused. He pursed his lips, his eyebrows knitted in discontent. "You still owe him an apology for judging him based on his bisexuality."
I huffed and took a sip of my coffee now turned cold. "I owe him no such thing. I will admit I was wrong in his case. Doesn't mean I'm gonna start dating bi guys anytime soon."
"You make me really sad sometimes. You know that?"
I didn't bother replying. I asked him if he wanted to go out for a while. The summer heat in his apartment was unbearable. Though it was hot outside, there was a refreshing breeze today.
Enzo nodded and signed, asking me to wait while he grabbed his wallet from his bedroom. I followed him to his hallway and waited there, propped against the wall, wondering what I was going to do with myself tonight. If I didn't see Brandon again, maybe it really was time to move on and start cruising toward some other ships.
Chapter 13
PATRICK
The weeks went by, but I was stuck in a rut of morosity I couldn't shake off. When Jean-François offered to go clubbing, I accepted. It'd been a while—far too long. I hadn't fucked anyone since taking Brandon against my desk, and the lack of sex was slowly affecting my mood.
I arrived at the club around midnight and didn't wait to locate the most gorgeous guy there. Blond with freckled white skin, soft brown eyes, and a wicked smile, he seemed ready to drop to his knees as soon as I engaged him in conversation.
I was horny as fuck, but even after taking him to the bathroom, I couldn't seem to relax.
"I want to suck your cock," he said as he laced his fingers under my belt.
Kneeling oh so eagerly, he smiled up at me and undid my zipper. The door was locked, blocked by my back pressed against it, but we had to do this quickly. Apparently, the owner was aware that a few guys were using the bathrooms as fuck alleys, and he wasn't too pleased with the idea—or so the bartender had told me when he saw me flirting with the blond, adding with a smirk, "I would miss your pretty face if you got kicked out."
When the blond pulled my dick out, a gasp seeped out of his mouth, followed by a promising lick of his lips. I grabbed his hair and pulled his head to my crotch as I closed my eyes.
His hand circled my balls, making me semi-hard while I thrust in his mouth, enjoying the sensation of his tongue playing against my foreskin. But something was wrong. I wasn't into it. The pleasure of his warm lips around my cock failed to arouse me enough to get me fully hard. For the first time in my life, I went flaccid right there during the act.
The blond gave me a look from under his eyelashes and kept bobbing his head, his tongue twirling around me like a popsicle. The more he licked, the softer I got, and the more I wanted out of here.
"Fuck!" I grabbed his shoulders and pushed him away. "I think we're done here."
He stood to his feet and stared at me. "Did I do something wrong?"
"Non, mon chou, you were perfect."
I was so mad at myself. I had a handsome guy ready to suck the living juice out of me, and all I could think about was Brandon. I couldn't stop thinking about the way Brandon had taken my dick in his mouth so hesitantly and spent the entire time asking if he was doing it right. One would have thought he'd never sucked off a guy before, and his need for guidance still turned me on a lot more than any expert could.
"What is it, then?" the blond asked, bringing me back to my present nightmare. I couldn't begrudge him for being upset.
I chose to lie. "I'm on meds. They affect my abilities sometimes."
Complete bullshit.
He didn't seem convinced, and who could blame him? This had never happened to me before. Not once.
"I heard you're the best fuck in town. What did I do wrong?"
I let out a long sigh. "I just told you. You did nothing wrong. My meds are fucking me up."
His forehead creased in a skeptical frown. "Maybe we could go to my place. I can try again."
It was nuts how desperate he was to ride my dick. I wasn't sure which one of my past fucks had told him about me, but it was clear Blond Guy wasn't going to let me go that easily.
I pulled my pants on and zipped them up. "I don't see what I can do if the meds are fucking me up. Sorry."
"I could top," he offered.
I laughed at that and caressed his jaw. "I don't know what you've heard about me, mon lapin, but if anyone told you I bottom, they lied to you."
"No, I know that, but since you're having issues, I thought I could. That's all."
"Sorry, mon chou, I don't bottom. Period." I turned to the door, ready to leave, but he grabbed my shoulder.
"Well, the least you could do is suck me off."
I looked at him over my shoulder. He really was scrumptious. I had to give him that, but the brash tone of his voice and his passive-aggressive approach rubbed me in all the wrong ways. "Maybe some other time."
I tried to unlock the door, but he stopped me, somehow managing to sneak in front of me to block the way out.
"I'm not leaving until I get what I came here for," he explained, his hand
aiming for my crotch. "I want your dick, and that's what I'm getting, even if I have to suck you all night to get you hard."
I tilted my head to the side, not even bothering to push him back. This fucker had chosen the wrong day to test me. When his hand squeezed around my cock, I placarded him against the door with my fist around his collar. Like an idiot, he smiled at me, mistaking my gesture for some kind of rough foreplay.
"I said, 'no,' and I meant it. Get your hand off my dick if you want to keep your balls intact."
When he didn't move, I acted upon my words and found the sick bastard hard in my palm, fully aroused by my anger.
I was done playing.
If there was one thing I couldn't stand, it was assholes who thought they could force their way into other people's pants. "No" meant "no." Period. I'd seen far too many straight guys try that shit with my sister too. But unlike her, I towered over this fucker by at least one head. I could take him down, no problem. And if he didn't move the fuck away, I would.
"Don't ever talk to me again," I whispered in his ear and squeezed his balls until he yelped. "Don't even glance my way. And don't you dare peep a word about what happened tonight. Do you understand me?"
The blond gulped, his expression changing when he realized I wasn't joking. He gave a shaky nod.
"Get out of the way," I snarled.
To my surprise, he shifted to the side without protesting. I opened the door and walked out without another glance at him. I knew the news of my dysfunction would spread around like a fucking disease, but I couldn't be bothered to care.
When I entered the bar area, the owner was there. His eyes zeroed in on me, his lips thinning into a line. He stood off his stool and took a few strides my way, but I didn't give him enough time to reach me. I was not in the mood for another confrontation. I sneaked out the exit quickly and walked up the street to the parking lot where I'd left my car. I unlocked it and sat behind the wheel, fisting my hands and hitting the dashboard so hard the horn came on.
"Fuck!" I shouted. "Putain de merde, fait chier."
I'd let Brandon mess with my head big time. He was just some guy I'd nailed a few times, for fuck's sake. Why couldn't I just move on? A malicious voice inside my head whispered it was all payback for every guy I'd used for sex when they'd clearly wanted more, all the guys I'd never bothered calling back, all the guys who had come crying at my door asking for one more chance.
I closed my eyes and backed my head against the seat. I was this close to breaking my own policy and using Brandon's file to track him down. It was fucking pathetic, and I didn't know if I hated him or myself the most for it.
Chapter 14
BRANDON
"Daddy," Wei called from the back seat of the car, "can we go to the Passage Bleu after going to the Saint Seb mall?"
She was on a break from school, and she'd spent the whole week at my place. Time had flown by, leading us to October so quickly, I'd scarcely seen the months pass by. Wei was growing too fast, at a pace that terrified me.
I smiled at her through the rearview mirror and hit the brakes when we reached a traffic light. "Whatever you want, sweetheart." I leaned toward the windshield to cast a look at the gray clouds gathering in the sky. I hoped it wouldn't rain, though bringing an umbrella wouldn't hurt. The temperature was chilly, a nice relief after last sweltering summer.
"And you won't hold my hand, right?" she asked. "Because I'm ten now. I don't need my classmates to see that."
I couldn't help but laugh. "No, sweetie, I won't hold your hand."
She nodded, then sent me another look. "You can't call me 'sweetie' either."
"Really? And what am I supposed to call you?"
Wei had always been a precocious child, smart and wise beyond her age, but her recent spike in maturity and change in behavior were a lot to take in. She wasn't a teenager yet, but she had quite the attitude sometimes. She was at that difficult age where she wasn't ready to leave childhood behind but was trying her best to conform to the societal norms imposed upon her by her peers. She wouldn't hold my hand in public, but she still snuggled on the couch while watching cartoons in the morning. She had posters of her favorite singers all over her bedroom walls, but she still played with dolls too. There was a selfish part of me that wished she'd remain a child just a little while longer, a part that already envisioned her leaving the family cocoon for college. I wasn't ready for any of that at all. She was my baby, and I doubted that would ever change.
"Just call me Wei," she said, then looked out the window. "Well, you can still call me 'sweetie' when it's just us, I guess."
"Your friends speak English?" I asked.
"No. Duh."
"So what if I call you 'sweetie'? They won't know any better," I teased.
"Just don't, pleaaaase," she begged, her hands pressed together in front of her chin.
"Fine."
Though she still spoke English with her mother and me in the confines of our home, she insisted we speak French when we were out and about. She didn't want to be singled out as the odd one. Unlike me, she didn't have an American accent when she spoke French either. I was in awe of her ability to adapt and absorb the language. She had excellent grades at school too and was working hard, even if she'd been a bit reluctant to drop her iPad and get her homework done lately.
"My friend Cécile is throwing a birthday party next weekend. Can I go? Mom already said 'yes.'"
As if I would say "no" to that. "Yes, dear, you can go."
"Mom said you have a boyfriend. Is that true?"
When the words popped out of her mouth, the light turned green and I nearly hit the car in front of us. I cleared my throat and put on my turn signal to head toward the parking lot on the rooftop of the mall.
"No, Wei, that's not true."
"Why would she say that, then?"
I had no idea, but I'd have to tell Ling not to talk to our daughter about the men I met for sex. "She misunderstood the situation."
Wei shrugged as I drove up the spiraling lane of the parking lot. "If you do get a boyfriend, I want to be the first to know. I have two moms already; I've always wanted two dads."
I nearly choked on a cough. That was news to me. I had no idea where she'd gotten that idea, and I wasn't sure how I felt about it.
Though I'd tried to hide my orientation from her for a very long time, Wei started asking questions when Ling began dating Eve. I couldn't bring myself to lie to her when she'd asked me about bisexuality and what that meant for her mom and me. She had wrongly assumed that Eve and everyone else in the world was bi as well, so I had to explain the difference between all the various orientations. I was more nervous about the whole thing than it was worth. Wei didn't even bat a lash through the entire conversation. At the end, she simply shrugged, said "oh okay," and asked me if she could have cereal for breakfast. We never raised the topic again, even when we took her to Pride for the first time that same year.
"I'd rather have another dad than another mom," she insisted.
"And why is that?" I asked, finding a spot to park.
"I just told you. I already have two moms. But I only have one dad. I like everything even."
I sent her a look through the mirror as I reversed into the parking spot. Her chocolate brown eyes were set on me, her hair falling straight around her face in a bob reaching her chin.
"We'll see, sweetie. I don't control how those things go."
Chapter 15
PATRICK
After another sleepless night, I woke up in a worse mood than I was in when I hit the sack. Jean-François kept texting me asking if I was okay after I'd refused to go out to the club these past three weeks. I could only avoid him for so long, so I agreed to meet for lunch.
I took my shower and turned on my computer without enough time to even check the news before Enzo rang the doorbell and barged in unannounced. He gave me a long look upon coming in, pursed his lips in sharp judgment, but didn't comment upon the three-days shadow covering my c
heeks or the dark rings circling my eyes.
"I need the bathroom," he signed and went in without an invitation.
I sighed and headed back to my living room to retrieve my laptop. I was still considering looking up Brandon's name in all the search engines. I hadn't stooped so low as to use the file I already had at my office to track him down, but I wasn't above looking him up on social media. After all, that information was public. I scrolled through the page, the search turning fruitless.
The only thing that came up was his professional phone number and address. That didn't tell me much.
"You ran out of hand soap," Enzo exclaimed, making me jump out of my skin.
I slammed my laptop shut. "There should be some in the cabinet under the sink."
He eyed my computer suspiciously. "What were you doing?"
"Nothing."
He narrowed his brows but left the room without a word. As soon as he had his back turned, I reopened my laptop and scrolled through the rest of my online results. Nothing. Brandon didn't have a single social media account. At least not under his real name. I didn't even know why I'd bothered looking. What would I do if I found him online anyway?
Annoyed at myself, I erased my history and made sure to turn off the computer before Enzo returned.
"Let's get out of here," I said when he walked back in. "I need to breathe."
He wrinkled his forehead but didn't protest.
"Jean-François wants to meet for lunch. Let's go to the Fnac first."
My apartment on Rue Saint Nicholas was only a few blocks away from Rue Saint-Jean—the main shopping district in the city—which made navigating downtown on foot extremely convenient. I knew Enzo would be excited to go to a bookstore. Hopefully, if he got distracted enough, he wouldn't inquire about my life too much.
Of course, I was wrong to assume he'd let it go. No sooner had we left my building than he sent me a look from the corner of his eye. "Why did you turn off that computer so quickly earlier?"
Striding fast down the street of gray façades, I said the first thing that came to mind. "I was watching porn."
