by Rowan Shaw
Chapter 33
BRANDON
I could barely wait to see Patrick tonight.
I had an incredible time during our trip to Domrémy two weeks ago. Unfortunately, we hadn’t been able to go out since then because he had to work last Saturday and Wei was here on Sunday. Over time, he had grown incredibly sweet and caring, but I still had no idea how he felt about me, and the uncertainty made me feel vulnerable and unsafe.
When an incoming phone message grasped my attention, I thought it was from him and smiled, only to frown as soon as I read the words.
LING: I have to talk to you. Are you at home?
ME: Yeah. Are you okay?
LING: Yes, everything is fine, but this isn't something I want to discuss over the phone. Can I come over?
ME: I'm here.
LING: I'll be there in thirty minutes.
Worried, I put my phone down and hopped in the shower, unable to relax under the lukewarm water. Needing only fifteen minutes to get ready, I headed downstairs a bit before Ling's arrival. She pushed past me the second I opened the door and went straight to my living room.
"Would you like anything to drink?" I asked as she sat on my sofa.
"Maybe later."
Her attitude concerned me. "Is Wei okay?"
"She's great, don't worry." Her beautiful features were taut with anxiety, her face devoid of makeup, her long hair pulled up into a messy bun.
"Okay." I sat down next to her. "What is it, then? You're scaring me."
She pinned her eyes on me, so dark they looked almost black. "Eve got a job."
I scrunched my forehead. "She already has a job."
"She got a new job."
"Ah. And...?"
She looked at me and sighed. "It's back in New York."
I froze on the spot.
"It's a once in a lifetime opportunity," she continued. "Same company she's working for now, but she could become head of the entire department in a couple of years if she takes this position. They've been trying to launch a US branch for years. They want her there to help set it up."
Eve worked for a French yogurt company. This was the job she'd always dreamed of.
"Wow, that's huge."
"Yes, but I don't know what to do."
"What do you mean?"
She kept her eyes on me, squirming uncomfortably, then grabbed my hand. "I want to follow her there. I love living here, but I miss home. I miss New York City, the food, the culture."
A lump built in my throat. "What about Wei?"
"I don't know. I've been trying to figure out some arrangement."
"Ling, I moved here to be with her," I reminded her.
"I know...I know... I don't know what to do. I thought maybe she could be there with us for school and come here to be with you for each vacation."
I shook my head. "No. I'm not spending that long without seeing my daughter. Wherever she goes, I go."
"But it took you so long to build your business here. You left your dreams of becoming a professional pianist behind. I can't ask you to sacrifice all that again."
"I don't want Wei to feel torn between us. I will do what's necessary to ensure that never happens," I said, though thinking about leaving wrecked me.
Ling looked truly dejected. "I thought you were dating someone now."
My heart stopped upon her words. Patrick. I didn't want to leave him behind. I didn't want to leave at all, but I didn't have a choice.
"I am, but my daughter comes first. She will always come first," I asserted with more conviction in my voice than I felt.
"What happens to your relationship with him, then?" she asked.
My guts twisted. I loved spending time with Patrick. My lust for him had turned into something deeper. I missed him when he wasn't around. Though my growing addiction to him scared me, I'd grown to trust him. I wasn't sure how I would feel moving so far. The thought alone filled me with deep loneliness. Moving would probably break the little we'd managed to build, but I'd always promised myself that Wei would come first. I wasn't my father. I would never be like him. I would never leave my kid behind the way he did.
I closed my eyes. This right here was the exact reason why I'd been reluctant to get involved. I didn't want anyone to become so important in my life that I had to choose between them and my daughter, but here I was, torn in between.
"I'll figure it out," I lied. "When is this happening? How long before you move?"
"She's starting in a month from now."
"A month?"
"I know it's fast and—"
"Wei hasn't finished her school year here," I protested.
"We will put her in a French school for the rest of the year. This way, she'll follow their regular curriculum and won't fall behind. Next year, she can go back to an American school."
"How much is that gonna cost?"
How was I supposed to find a job quickly enough to help support my daughter? She was going to a public school now. I couldn't afford a private French school in the US when she could be learning the same thing here for free. Not when I was still paying off my own debts.
"I wouldn't ask you to pay for it. This is on Eve and me. We're the ones doing this; we're the ones financing whatever Wei may need to adjust."
My good mood was completely gone, crushed by such bad news. I was happy for Eve, I truly was, but I didn't see how I was supposed to afford living in New York City again. My job here helped me cover the debts I'd accumulated during my studies, and the standard of living was much lower than there. If I couldn't find a good-paying job, I would be crumbling under more financial debt than I could ever dig my way out of.
"We'll get a house in Brooklyn," Ling said. "I want you to settle in with us for as long as you need. If we're going to do this, we'll do it as a family."
I looked at her, my lips pinched in spite of myself. As if moving in with my ex-wife and her fiancée was all I'd ever dreamed of for my thirtieth birthday.
"Eve has connections there. I'm sure she can help you get some gig on Broadway."
"That's not how things work." I couldn't smooth the edge off my voice. Asking me to move here was one thing, but this was a bigger sacrifice than she seemed to realize. A part of me was disgruntled, growing livid, but I didn't want my reluctance to affect Wei.
Ling made the whole process sound so easy, but I knew better. Besides my mother, who still lived there, I had nothing to go back to. I couldn't simply pick up where I had left off. I'd have to start from scratch—again. The thought of trying to build another business, another career at almost thirty years old exhausted me. But Wei was my world, my everything.
The lump built in my throat when I thought about Patrick too. I'd grown to like him too much for my own good. I knew I shouldn't, but I'd let it happen. I'd let myself fall for him slowly but surely, and now there was no turning back. I could no longer pretend my feelings for him wouldn't interfere with my life.
I didn't want to feel this resentment toward Eve for complicating my existence, but a part of me did. It seemed like every time I was the one who had to give up something I loved just so I could be with my daughter. It hardly seemed fair, and I wished Ling would understand that.
Not wanting to make matters worse for my daughter, I refrained from speaking my thoughts. I would make things work, somehow, as I always did. But as far as Patrick was concerned, I wasn't sure where this would lead us. He seemed ready to commit only because I lived nearby. Committing to someone who lived so far away was a whole other story.
Chapter 34
BRANDON
The lump in my throat didn't go away even when Patrick passed my threshold that same evening. He grabbed the collar of my sweater and sized me up with deep hunger before placing a hard kiss on my mouth. I'd been waiting for this moment for two weeks, but the things I had to tell him ruined everything.
"I love your good-boy looks," he whispered against my ear, going for my crotch and squeezing. "I'm going to fuck you right here in your
hallway so every time you open that door to someone other than me, you will feel me inside you."
With that, he slid his fingers under my belt and undid it before I could move. In no time, he was on his knees, swallowing me. I jerked in his mouth as a reflex and let out a loud moan. His tongue circled around my crown as he cupped my balls in one hand, massaging them until they tightened in his grasp.
I didn't want to come yet, but I couldn't stifle the overwhelming pleasure. He always made me release ridiculously fast and incredibly hard. As if reading my thoughts, Patrick did the one thing that could undo me. He pushed his finger inside me, then out, then in until my body caved in and burst in a strong quiver. I throbbed and released in his mouth as he licked my length once more before getting to his feet with a wide grin on his face.
"I love that noise you make when you lose control." He kissed me hard, his tongue tasting of my cum, and undid his pants at the same time. "Turn around."
I did as he said, unable to resist. I was still floating down from my orgasm but knew it was far from being the only one he'd be giving me tonight.
He hastily dropped his pants, then pulled my shirt and sweater off and pressed his hard chest against my back, his dick rubbing against my ass.
"Do you want it?"
I gave a desperate nod.
"I didn't hear anything. Do you want it?"
"Yes."
"Yes, what?"
"Yes, please."
"Do you want it hard or slow?" he teased, nibbling on my ear.
"Hard. As hard as you can."
"Your wish is my command."
When he pulled away to prep, I exhaled and inhaled, barely able to breathe. Before I knew it, he was against me, the head of his lubed-up, sheathed cock pushing at my hole, teasing me until I pleaded. When he moved past the first muscles, my entire body tensed.
"Relax," he breathed against my neck and pushed in little by little, every inch of him burning its way in. "Just like that."
He kept moving until he was fully inside.
"I'm gonna thrust now," he warned and pulled out, stopping halfway through to rock right back in. "Is that good?"
"Yeah."
He did it a few more times, slowly. "Harder?"
"Please."
And so he did, pulling out again before slamming inside me in one long thrust. In and out until the burning rhythm gave way to undeniable pleasure.
"You're so damn tight," he croaked against my ear and pressed his forehead against my shoulder, his hands gripping my waist as he hammered inside faster and faster. His moves grew messy, erratic, as if he were losing control. My nerves were on fire, the orgasm building.
"Faster, I'm almost there."
Patrick smiled against my skin and thrust so fast and hard, I nearly lost my balance. His groans in my ear told me he was enjoying the ride as I held myself against the wall. He wrapped his hand around my throat and kissed me sideways while I came. I blurted out some unintelligible words inside his mouth, my vision blurring as he growled in his release and stilled. Closing his eyes, he held his temple to mine.
"You never disappoint, mon lapin. I should fuck you this hard more often."
I concurred. I was soaring from the release.
His deep voice made me shiver. "I'm hungry."
"You didn't eat before coming here?" I asked, throwing him a quick glance over my shoulder. I hadn't planned on dinner, though I didn't mind fixing something.
He was still buried inside me, moving slowly until he was too soft to continue and had to pull out. He ripped the condom off and shook his head as he tied the end. "I came here directly from work."
"How come you were working so late on a Saturday?" I asked.
"A few emergency calls." He raised his head when I turned around. "I'm not sure what you did to me, Brandon, but I was hard the entire drive here."
My tiny smile rose then fell when reality came back to slap me in the face. I already missed him when he was still standing right in front of me.
"Why the sad face?" he asked. "Was I too rough?"
With the condom still in hand, he grabbed his boxer briefs and slipped them on. I was still naked, unable to move. We needed to have this discussion, and I didn't want to.
"You were great," I croaked. "Better than great, actually."
"What is it, then?" He sent me a side glance and put on his pants. "You plan on staying naked all night? I'm afraid I don't have it in me to fuck you again for another hour at least. You drained me—literally."
He had that little smirk on his face, the same one he shot me after sex when he knew he'd rocked my socks off.
I shook myself out of my daze and got dressed. I couldn't look at him. He was always so magnificent after intercourse, his hair messy, his skin flushed and covered in sweat, even more breathtaking than usual. I was addicted to his skin, his scent, the deep coital groans of his masculine voice. And like a junkie, I just kept coming back for more.
When we were dressed, I took him to my kitchen and fixed him a sandwich. I gave him a small pack of chips along with it and served us both a large glass of water. I wasn't hungry at all. Though I'd barely eaten all day, the little I had for lunch had gotten stuck in my throat.
I sat across from him and watched him eat before he dropped his half-eaten sandwich on his plate, took a sip, and beheld me seriously. "You didn't answer my question: what's wrong?"
"Nothing." I wasn't sure why I was stalling. I would have to come clean eventually and let him know our relationship wasn't going to work out.
"Brandon, I'm not sure who you think you're talking to, but I'd appreciate it if you didn't lie to me. I can read you like a book."
I nodded and took a deep breath. "I have to move back to the US."
Patrick froze and looked at me, his raised hand holding his sandwich in front of his open mouth. "What? Why? When?"
"Soon. A month, maybe two."
"Why?" he repeated and dropped the sandwich on his plate.
"Eve found a job in New York. Ling is moving back there with her, and Wei is going as well."
Patrick's eyes filled with sadness. "I see."
"I don't want to go. I love it here. I mean, I miss my family back home, but..." I stopped myself before going too far. I wasn't ready to tell him I was falling in love with him. This wasn't the time nor the place, not when I was about to break us apart.
He gave an understanding nod. "Do you really have to go? Do you have a plan? A job opportunity there?"
"I don't." I knew the whole idea was sketchy, but I couldn't resign myself to letting my daughter go so far away from me. "I need to remain in my daughter's life. I don't have a choice."
The grief pooling out of his beautiful eyes nearly ruined me. "Where does that leave us?"
"I...I don't know."
He gave another nod. I didn't know what that meant. Was he accepting that we couldn't be together? The thought of leaving him made me ache more than I would have thought a few months ago. It tore me apart. I was still getting to know him, true, but the sex was incredible. He had a wonderful personality. He surprised me every day, and I still had so much to learn about him.
"I'm going to stay with the girls at first until I find a job and a place I can afford."
He sighed heavily. "You still didn't answer my question: where does that leave us?"
"I really like you," I reassured him. "I don't want this to end." I just didn't know how to possibly make it last.
"I don't see how we're supposed to make things work if you're there and I'm here."
Disappointment punched me in the guts. I was hoping he'd fight harder to try and keep me in his life.
"We could do long distance and see how it works," I suggested tentatively.
"I don't think you understand, Brandon. I crave your skin any time you're around and every second that you're not. Long distance will drive me insane."
It was the first time he'd acknowledged caring about me, though he made it sound more carnal than emotion
al.
"Would you rather we just put a stop to it all?" I asked.
"No!" His emphasis soothed and relaxed me instantly.
"Do you want to put a stop to it?" he asked, the vibrancy of his green eyes dimming in his distress.
"No. No, of course not. I just don't want to force you to do this if you want to move on. That's all. I would understand. It's just, Wei needs to come first."
He gave a wan smile and grabbed my hand. "I really love that about you."
"What?"
"Every day, I see people come to my office, traumatized by the horrible shit their lousy parents put them through. There are so many people out there who just don't deserve to have kids. But you are an extraordinary dad. It's so heartwarming to watch."
"You don't know that. You've never seen me around her. Not for that long anyway."
"She's your everything, Brandon. That's all I need to see to know you're a great father. You want her to come first, and that's how it should be."
I squeezed his fingers. "I don't know what to do. I really like you. I'm going to miss you."
His gaze never wavered. "I'm going to miss you too."
"You will?"
"Brandon, I've made a point of spending every night either in your bed or on FaceTime with you. I took you on dates without any hope of even scoring at the end. I don't do that for guys I don't care about."
"Why me, then?"
"I'm not sure I understand the question."
"What is different about me?" I asked.
"From the moment I saw you, I needed to have you," he said, his burning gaze at once hot and sullen. "And from the moment I sank inside you, I knew once would not be enough for me. I thought it was just sex at first, but I enjoyed spending time with you even when I wasn't fucking your brains out."
"So would you be willing to try long distance?" I asked again, mentally crossing my fingers for him to accept.
"I don't see that I have a choice. I can't stop thinking about you."
"What happens until then?" I asked.
His smile turned sorrowful. "I'm afraid I'll have no other choice but to fuck you every chance I get until you leave. I have to get my dose and stock it up somehow."
A chortle burst out of me in spite of the situation. "Can you be serious for a minute?"
