by Rowan Shaw
I looked at my friends and leaned forward to kiss one's cheeks, then the other's. "Thank you. I don't know what to say."
"You need to fill out the ESTA paperwork, though. You can't get into the country without it," said Enzo.
I gave a nod, still at a loss for words.
"The trip is for two weeks. We assumed you wouldn't take more time off than that."
I hadn't thought of that. I hated leaving my clients behind for so long, but I was emotionally drained and needed a break. I couldn't help them when I felt like this.
"We booked it just in time for Pride," Enzo continued.
"I am so jealous," Jean-François added. "You'd better take tons of pictures and bring us some souvenirs. I heard they actually have pansexual flags there."
I was still blown away by their kindness. I glanced at Enzo. "Look, about Florian, I—"
He flicked his hand. "You can apologize to him later."
"What should I tell Brandon?"
I didn't want to impose. Though he was finally renting his own apartment in Brooklyn, I didn't know if I should announce my arrival or keep it a surprise.
"You just tell him you're coming to visit," Jean-François replied with a glint in his eye. "I wish I could see the look on his face."
Chapter 40
PATRICK
I started flipping out the moment the plane touched the ground. I should have told Brandon I was coming. One month of FaceTiming him, and I hadn't said a single word about the trip. I took a deep breath, grabbed my carry-on from the upper compartment, and followed the passengers out toward customs. I'd prepared my answers in advance for the officers and hoped I wouldn't butcher the language too much, but when I got there, everything went more smoothly than I'd expected.
After explaining why I was visiting the States as coherently as I could, I waited for my suitcase and took the subway to Brooklyn. I'd booked a hotel room near Brandon's place because I didn't want him to feel obliged to host me if his daughter was there.
Once settled in my room, I grabbed the map from my bag and followed the directions to Brandon's building. It was scorching hot outside when I stood in front of his place. I didn't know if he was home as I looked up at the stairs sprawling down the side of the red brick façade. I'd only ever seen those in American movies before.
I pushed the entrance door, relieved there was no need to buzz my way in. I knew he lived on the fifth floor. Finding no elevator, I climbed the stairs and looked for his apartment number. My heart raced the closer I got to his door. It was so damn stupid, really. Brandon was my boyfriend. Why was I so worried?
I rang the doorbell, once, twice, and waited for what felt like forever before the door opened on Wei. Her eyes widened at the sight of me.
"Dad, your boyfriend is here," she shouted, her gaze still pinned on me.
Brandon arrived, wiping his hands on a towel, his brow creasing at her. "What are you talking about, Wei?" He raised his head, and the towel fell from his hands. "Patrick?"
Before I could move, he dashed toward me and fell into my arms, placing a chaste kiss against my lips, then hugging me so tight I couldn't breathe. "What are you doing here? You didn't say anything. How?"
The questions kept pouring from his mouth before I shut him up with another kiss, my hands cupping his cheeks.
"Apparently, I've been so miserable since you left that even my friends noticed." I looked him in the eyes. "They bought me a ticket to come see you."
I sent a quick glance to the side and cleared my throat when I saw that Wei was staring at us. I disentangled myself from Brandon's embrace, but he didn't wait to grab my hand and slam the door behind me.
"Where's your suitcase?" he asked.
"At the hotel. I dropped it there before coming here."
His forehead wrinkled. "The hotel? You're not staying here?"
"I can. If you want. I didn't want to impose if you couldn't have me over, that's all."
"Nonsense. Of course you're welcome here."
He took me to the small living room separated from his kitchen by an island, and I glanced at his daughter again.
"She won't mind," Brandon asserted. "She's been babbling about you since that one time you stayed at my place."
He gave me a tour. Besides the living room and kitchen, Brandon had two bedrooms, his own and his daughter's, and one bathroom.
"It looks small, but it's actually pretty big for the city. I lucked out on this one. The rent is outrageous, but I'm managing." He turned to me. "Are you hungry? Thirsty?"
I asked for some water and coffee. I was jetlagged since I hadn't slept at all on the plane.
Brandon made his way behind the island and brewed some coffee for us. "I wish you'd told me. I would have taken some time off."
"We can be together when you're done with work. We'll manage," I reassured him, comforted in my belief not to tell him I was coming. I knew he couldn't afford the time off, and I didn't want him to feel forced to take it.
Based on what he'd told me, he didn't have any paid vacations. Any time he took was on him alone.
"Pride is next weekend," Wei exclaimed as she nearly bumped into me, grabbed my hand, and led me to the couch. "Are you coming? We're going with my moms."
"I can't wait." I'd heard Pride here was out of this world. I sat by her side and watched as she squirmed around, full of energy.
"I've never been either," she said.
"We go every year," Brandon corrected her as he joined us with a tray covered with two cups, one glass, the coffee pot, and a bottle of orange juice.
"Not in New York City," she shot back.
"That's true."
She wriggled on her seat and leaned forward to serve herself some juice, then looked at me, her eyes focusing.
"How long are you staying?" Brandon asked.
"Two weeks."
"I work over nine hours a day, but we'll make it work."
I winked at him. "We will."
I didn't mind staying at the coffee shop where he worked all day as long as I got to see him.
"At least I'm off today, and they let me take off for Pride. My piano job is usually in the late afternoons or early evenings. I hope we have the opportunity to visit the city together. It's my turn to take you around and teach you about my culture. You may need to rest today, though."
I shook my head. I wasn't going to spend my day sleeping if I could spend it with him.
"Is there a way for you to cancel the hotel?" he asked. "I want you here." He gave me a smile before taking my hand.
"I can cancel the rest of the days. I'll be charged for tonight, but that's fine."
"Please stay here." The beseeching tone of his voice helped me unwind. He wanted me here. And in spite of all expectations, nothing had changed between us. It was like I'd seen him only yesterday.
Chapter 41
BRANDON
"Daddy," Wei called in the middle of the night. "Daddy!"
Patrick had been here for almost a week already. He'd insisted upon spending his days wherever I was—be it at the coffee shop or out on the street, waiting on a bench while I gave my piano lessons before I could join him and take the subway to my next session.
Wei went to a summer camp every day, and Patrick had agreed to pick her up when I couldn't. I was happily surprised to see them bond so well. Wei thought the world of Patrick. She was always trying to impress him.
When she called for me again, Patrick stirred by my side and turned on the nightstand light. He rubbed his eyes, his face scrunched into a sleepy grimace.
"Is she okay?" he asked.
"Probably just a nightmare. I'll be right back." I got out of bed, slipped a shirt on, and left the room.
"Wei," I whispered as I knocked on her door before walking in. Her lamp was already on, and she was sitting in bed with her back to the headboard, her knees under her chin.
"What's wrong, sweetheart?"
"There's a vampire in my room."
I looked at her, r
efraining from shaking my head. She was a bit old to be scared of vampires. And I knew she was mature enough to know better, but I played the game anyway.
"We've already discussed this, sweetie. Vampires can't enter the house unless you invite them in. Besides, your pizza was covered in garlic last night. Your breath should be enough to knock them out."
"I brushed my teeth last night. See, I told you I shouldn't."
I gave a short laugh. I had no idea where she'd gotten those ideas in her head.
"Can you check my closet?" she asked.
When I crossed the room, she stopped me with a squeal. "Take the stake first."
I hid a smile. She had a stake I'd bought last month when she'd started raving about vampires wanting to eat her. It made her feel safe and served its purpose; that was all I wanted.
I did as she asked, then opened the closet to look inside. I gestured at her hanging clothes. "See, no vampire here."
She leaned over the edge of her bed to take a look underneath its frame too, then pushed herself up and smiled at me. There was something wicked hiding under her grin.
I stared at her. "There never was any vampire, was there?"
She shook her head. "I wanted to talk to you."
I lowered my head, my chin digging into my throat. She'd fooled me once again. "Honey, if you want to talk to me, you can just say so. No need to make up some story."
"I didn't want to bother you. And you never know, there really could be a vampire in the room. It never hurts to check."
I inhaled deeply, closed the closet door, and sat on the edge of her bed. When her long bangs fell in her eyes, I pushed them away and kissed her forehead. "Honey, you're never bothering me. Okay?"
She trained her dark eyes on me and gave a tiny nod.
"What did you want to talk about?"
"It's not easy to say."
"Okay. Do you want me to ask questions?"
She nodded.
"Did something happen at school?"
Though she'd never talked about being bullied, one could never be too careful.
She shook her head.
"You wanted to spend the night at Mommy's?"
Another shake.
"Can you give me a hint?"
"I don't think I can go to Pride this weekend."
I furrowed my brow at her. "Why? We go every year. You love Pride."
"I don't think I'm allowed this year, though."
I narrowed my eyes. "Of course you're allowed. Everyone is allowed."
She inhaled deeply. "Daddy, I don't know how to say this..." She took in a deep breath, her entire chest rising with it. "I'm straight."
I blinked. "You're straight..."
"Yes."
"Okay." When she looked at me without a word, I scratched my eyebrow. "So?"
"So I don't want you to be disappointed in me because I'm straight."
I released air I didn't know I was holding. "Sweetie, I would never be disappointed in you. I've already said that before."
She nodded hesitantly, still not sure I meant it. "I was scared to tell you. I've known for a very long time, you know?"
I stroked her cheek gently. "Sweetie, why were you scared of telling me?"
"Because you and Mom are bi, so I was scared you wouldn't like that I'm not like you."
"Oh, sweetie." I pulled her face to my chest and kissed her hair. "You're perfect as you are. Mommy loves you as you are too."
She raised her head to look at me. "So you're not mad?"
"Goodness no. Why would I be mad?"
"Because I'm not like you," she reiterated.
"Sweetie, of course you're not like me. Everyone is unique. That's what so great about the world."
She nodded unconvincingly. "I still don't think I can go to Pride."
"Why not? You don't want to go?" I sure hoped she was coming. It was a family event I looked forward to every year.
"I'm straight. I'm not allowed."
I smiled at her. "Sweetie, I told you: everyone is allowed to go. Besides, we can celebrate your coming out. What do you think?"
Her eyes brimmed a bit. "Are you sure?"
"Yes, sweetie, I'm sure."
"Mom and maman are still going, right?"
"Yes, of course."
"And Papa Patrick too?"
I swallowed on a gulp. "It might be a bit too early to call him papa, sweetheart."
"Why?"
"He's my boyfriend, but we've only been together a few months—"
"It's been eleven months," she exclaimed. "I counted. Mom and maman were already living together at that point."
"That's true, but Patrick and I are taking things a bit more slowly."
"Why?"
I had dreaded this. I knew she would take to him. Who wouldn't? Patrick was charming. It was impossible not to fall for him. But I never thought it'd be so quick.
"Just give us a bit of time. Please don't call him papa. I don't think he's ready yet, sweetie."
"But he spent all evening with me yesterday. We played video games and everything. And he's been picking me up from camp and got me ice cream, even."
"I know, but remember he's going back to France soon."
Her eyes filled with intense sadness. "I know. Can't he just stay here?"
"No, sweetie. He has a job there and his family."
She gave a resigned sigh. "Would you tell Mom for me?"
"Tell her what?"
"That I'm straight."
I kissed her head again. "Okay, sweetie. But I already know Mom will say the same thing I did."
"You really think I can celebrate my coming out and come to Pride?" She sounded so hopeful.
"Well, of course. You even get your own flag."
Her eyes widened. "I do?"
"Yes, of course. You get two of them, actually. A straight flag and a straight ally flag."
"Wow." She beamed so brightly, I couldn't help but smile back. "What do they look like?"
"They're black and white."
"Oh." Her spirit deflated. "I don't get colors?"
"The ally flag also has a rainbow in the middle in the shape of an A."
"Will you buy me one? Can I keep it in my room?"
"Of course." I grabbed her chubby cheeks and kissed her nose, but she pulled away.
"I'm too big for nose kisses now, Dad."
"Right." But not too old to fear vampires, I thought, laughing silently. I knew I had very little time left to enjoy this innocence in her before she turned into some cranky teen, so I savored every passing moment.
"Was that all?" I asked. "Or did you want to discuss something else?"
"I'm good." She pushed me away so she could lie down, and I stood to tuck her in.
"Sleep tight, sweetie. This weekend will be so much fun."
She pulled her stuffed animal to her chest and closed her eyes as I turned off her lamp and left with one last look at her before closing the door.
I nearly jumped out of my skin when I ran into Patrick standing right there in the hallway.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. I went to get her some water," he said, handing me a full glass. "Thought she might be thirsty."
His gesture touched me. For a second, the thought crossed my mind that he would be a wonderful dad indeed, but I quickly cursed myself for letting Wei get these ideas in my head.
"I think she's gone back to sleep." I took the glass and downed the liquid myself.
"Is she okay?" he asked, following me back to the bedroom.
"Yes." I gave a tiny laugh and shook my head.
I was proud of her and how brave she'd been tonight. Though being straight was the default in society, I knew all too well how worried she must have been to know she was different from her parents. She was braver than me. I still hadn't gathered the guts to talk to my mother. My daughter had done something I couldn't bring myself to do as an adult. I shook my head, realizing that would have to change soon. If I wanted to be stable with Patrick, my family had to
know what was going on. I had no other choice, and though the thought of coming out petrified me, there was a liberating part of it that I craved as well.
I slid into bed next to Patrick and pressed my body against his before recounting why Wei wanted to see me.
"Now it's time for her dad to do the same," he whispered in my ear before kissing my temple.
I couldn't agree more.
Chapter 42
BRANDON
Getting to Pride was a lot trickier than I'd assumed. New York City was overcrowded, but we managed to push through the throngs of people somehow. Though he'd been here for a little while now, Patrick took the time to admire the skyscrapers.
We'd gone on a few LGBTQ history tours of the city the day before. He'd seemed to understand most of what the guide was saying, but I had to translate some of the sentences. Patrick was thrilled. He kept asking me questions about everything, begged me to take him to Times Square and the Statue of Liberty, and wanted all the details about Ellis Island, Stonewall, and the Brooklyn Bridge, jumping from one subject to the next. He wanted to try every food he'd never had before too, from peanut butter sandwiches to Southern biscuits, squash, sweet potatoes, and mac and cheese. He kept marveling at the size of the meals in every restaurant, was ecstatic that soda refills were free, grossed out that iced tea had no sugar, and he demanded to try red velvet cake as soon as he found out it was my favorite.
I looked at him and grabbed his hand as he took another glance at all the buildings surrounding us, nearly bumping into some New Yorkers in a rush. It was like watching a kid at Disney World. He wasn't even aware he was doing it, and I couldn't stop beaming at the wonder in his eyes.
After taking the subway and walking a bunch, we finally made it to Pride. The crowd here was even worse than on the way.
"So first, we go to the vendors, then the parade and march, right?" Wei asked, holding on to Ling's hand, jumping around so much, my ex-wife almost lost grip on her hand.
"That's the plan," Eve replied.
"I want to buy a straight ally flag," Wei shouted for everyone to hear. Ling had let her drink soda before we left. I knew it was a bad idea, but since no one would listen to me, I let it be. Now Wei was high on sugar and out of control.
