by Rowan Shaw
Raphaël petted her black fur, then leaned into me for a kiss that quickly turned ravenous. I wrapped my hand around his neck and pulled him closer, drawing him into me, his plump mouth tasting of spearmint toothpaste as he caressed my tongue with his. With a tiny bark, Opale hopped between us and pushed her head against my neck to lick my throat until her tickles forced me to pull back.
Raphaël settled against my shoulder to read aloud, and Opale moved to my lap where she curled up and went back to sleep, happy that she'd managed to interrupt us. The sound of Raphaël's deep voice soothed me, making me feel at home wherever we might be. He had let his hair grow over time so it was now a high taper fade afro, trimmed on the sides and long on top. I loved the shape of his sharp, masculine jaw, always clean-shaven, as well as his beautiful fleshy lips, but my favorite part remained his dimples that never disappeared, even when he wasn't smiling.
After letting my eyes roam his gorgeous face, I ran my fingers down the length of his arm and let myself enjoy the feel of his soft brown skin. I closed my eyes to listen as the words poured between his lips and nursed me into a light sleep soon broken by the sound of my beeping phone.
Raphaël looked at me from the corner of his eye. "I thought we'd agreed no phone in the bedroom."
"I know. I forgot to turn it off. Sorry."
"Please don't pick up," he pleaded and rolled on his stomach, then slipped his hand under my t-shirt and gave me a hungry look.
"What if it's Céleste? It could be an emergency." I could never stop worrying about my sister, even when I knew she was fine.
In spite of the deep sigh whistling through his mouth, Raphaël nodded reluctantly. I left a quick peck on his forehead and grabbed his chin to draw him into a long, slow kiss. "I'll make it up to you. Take Opale and Ila out of the room. I haven't fucked you properly since forever."
"We did it last night," he commented. "You made me come twice."
"Exactly. That was forever ago." I gave a tiny wink and retrieved my phone to stare at the screen.
Noah: Can I call you? Now, please!
I frowned at the urgency in his words. It wasn't like Noah to contact me this late—not since I'd settled down with Raphaël anyway.
"It's Noah," I told Raphaël when he walked back into the room.
"Can't you reply later?" The beseeching tone of his voice made me hesitate, but Noah wasn't the kind of person to ask for help unless he truly needed it.
"It sounds urgent. He never texts me like this."
Raphaël shrugged, but his nonchalance was fake. Even though he never said it out loud, I knew it still bugged him that Noah and I used to fuck. It was always there in the shifting glances he sent us when my best friend was around.
I blew my lover an air kiss and gave Noah a call.
"Hey, what's up?" I asked as soon as he picked up.
On the other side of the line, loud sounds greeted my question as if he were choking.
"Noah, are you okay? Are you crying?"
He replied with a sniffle soon followed by more. He was weeping so hard, I couldn't understand a single word he was muttering. "Noah, you're scaring me. What's wrong?"
"Hugo..." His hiccups were out of control. "He broke up with me."
"What? Why?" Noah and his boyfriend had been together for over ten years. They were already a couple when I first met him. I knew there'd been trouble between them for a while now, but never anything that could possibly tear them apart.
I sat up in bed and rubbed my neck. His forehead creasing, Raphaël joined my side while Noah tried to breathe in between sobs.
"Is he there? Are you at your place?" I asked.
"No." His sniffles subsided for a few seconds, only to pick up just as strongly. "He left. Can...can I come to your place?"
I sent a quick glance at Raphaël and covered the phone to whisper, "Noah wants to come over. I can't say no. This is really bad."
He gave a tiny, reluctant nod.
"Yes, come over," I said into the phone. "Do I need to come pick you up?"
"No, I have my car."
"You shouldn't be driving when you're this distraught."
"I'll be fine."
"Call an Uber, or I'm coming over," I insisted.
"Can I spend the night?" Noah croaked, ignoring my demands. "I don't want to be here when he comes back."
"Yes, of course. You can stay in the guest room," I replied without hesitation.
Raphaël looked at me pointedly, so I gestured to let him know I'd explain after hanging up.
"Are you leaving now?" I asked.
"Yes."
"You're sure you can get here on your own?"
"I don't want to leave my car here. I'll drive."
I knew he shared the vehicle with Hugo, which made me wonder if Hugo had left the apartment on foot or with somebody else.
"We're here. We'll wait."
He choked on another sob and hung up.
"He's coming here?" Raphaël asked as soon as I put my phone down on the nightstand table.
"I'm sorry. I couldn't say no."
"What's going on?"
"Hugo broke up with him."
Raphaël stood from the bed and headed to the chest of drawers to rifle through it and put on some pants over his boxers. "Why?" he asked over his shoulder.
"I don't know. Noah wouldn't say. They've been having problems for a while. It's nothing new."
"Because Hugo wants to be monogamous?"
"Yes. Among other things."
Raphaël glanced at me. "Care to elaborate?"
I rubbed my mouth through a sigh. "Back when Noah and I were sleeping together, Noah wanted me because Hugo wouldn't give him what he needed."
Raphaël's wince was subtle but perceptible.
"Hugo is really rough in bed," I explained. "He's never been the tender, affectionate lover Noah always sought."
"Why did they date for so long, then?"
That was a good question but difficult to answer. "I think they grew comfortable and got stuck in a rut. Hugo wanted a one-on-one relationship, but Noah isn't the kind of person who does monogamy. You've seen his YouTube channel. His entire mantra is that society needs to stop forcing everyone to conform to its nuclear family values."
"Yeah, I saw. I'm not fond of his message." Raphaël sat on the edge of the bed as he slid a shirt on and turned around to look at me.
I raised an eyebrow and stood to get dressed. "Why not?"
"Because people already think bisexuals are cheats who can't settle down and be trusted. Noah's videos hurt our community."
"It's better to be honest like Noah than someone who'll cheat on their partner any chance they get. There's a difference between being in an open relationship and cheating, Raphaël. Bisexuals need to stop acting like being poly is a stain on our community."
"True. But some people already view queers as deviant. We don't need him to confirm their views."
"Who gives a fuck what bigots think? I'm tired of us having to act chaste just to please biased straights and queers. There are poly people among non-bisexuals too, just so you know. There's nothing wrong with enjoying sex or needing more than one person to fulfill one's emotional needs when it's between consenting adults. You're pretty judgmental for someone who's had threesomes. I would think you'd be a little bit more open-minded."
"I'm just saying Noah is one of the very few French bisexual YouTubers out there. We don't need to know whom he's fucking and why. He's just playing into what people already think of us."
My jaw ticked in spite of myself. "Again, who gives a fuck? I sure don't. I don't care what people think of me or any other bisexual out there. And neither should you. I don't understand why it bothers so many people that Noah is poly. He's just living his life, for fuck's sake. And if we keep worrying so much what others think of us, we'll never get to live, Raphaël. People will always hate what they don't understand. We might as well just ignore them and be happy."
I didn't want to get angry over this,
but I didn't like when Raphaël judged my best friend over something that was none of our concern. Yes, Noah was poly and bi. Yes, he was loud and proud about it. So what? I was sick and tired of the bi community crucifying him just because other people had slapped the cheating label on our backs. This fight to prove them wrong was getting truly tiresome.
I changed the subject when I felt myself getting upset. I didn't want to get into an argument. Polyamory was one of those topics Raphaël and I disagreed on, which was pretty hypocritical of him considering how many times he'd brought up the idea of a threesome.
"Will you help me get the guest room ready?" I asked.
He gave a nod and stood to help, though his lips were pursed and his face closed off. I hoped he would change his attitude before Noah got here because I wasn't playing referee tonight. Noah needed my help, and I wasn't about to deny him just because Raphaël still had issues with my past or his own desires.
Chapter 2
RAPHAËL
When Noah arrived past midnight, the white skin of his face was swollen and tear-stricken. He had mascara running down his cheeks in dark smudges circling his striking turquoise blue eyes. His blond hair was a complete mess, as if he'd tugged at it all evening. When Adrien kissed him on the cheeks, Noah dragged him into a tight hug. I couldn't hear the soothing words my lover whispered in his ear, but Noah gave a short nod before following us to the living room.
Adrien was almost one head taller than him. I had to admit Noah was more than attractive—in a fragile, almost ethereal kind of way. My boyfriend's olive skin was a sharp contrast to Noah's pasty white complexion, and while Noah looked twenty, I knew he was actually twenty-eight—two years younger than us. His smooth face contrasted with my boyfriend's more rugged features and the few wrinkles that creased around Adrien's eyes when he laughed. Adrien's constant stubble aged him by two years, while Noah was always clean shaven with perfect, unblemished baby skin. He was so lean, he looked almost skinny in his black clothes while Adrien was chiseled and muscular from hitting the gym every morning.
The dissimilarity between the two was fascinating to watch, especially when one knew the sexual history they shared. I could never stop wondering what they looked like together in bed—no matter how hard I tried not to envision it. I knew Adrien missed having sex with Noah, even if he never said the words and denied my claims firmly whenever I brought up the subject. I just knew.
I watched them from my armchair, quickly distracted by Opale when she came running and jumped on my lap while the two of them settled on the couch.
Adrien held out a box of tissues so Noah could blow his nose before wiping his cheeks, spreading his smeared mascara all over the place. "Talk when you're ready."
"He's seeing somebody else," Noah croaked.
I looked at him, puzzled. His words came as a shock that registered on Adrien's face as well.
"Isn't that how your relationship works?" I asked.
"It was, but only when Hugo and I consented. If we found someone we liked, we first had to discuss the possibility and agree on a time and location before sleeping with them."
I narrowed my eyes. That sounded more complicated than sex was worth, if you asked me.
"I thought it was just you and him now," Adrien said.
Noah looked to the side. "It was supposed to be. After we stopped meeting you for sex, Hugo wouldn't let me bring in anyone else. It was just him and me. I tried my best. I didn't blame him or force him or anything. It was tough, but I really tried. I mean, we started dating when we were eighteen. We've always had people on the side or people we'd sleep with together. The sudden change was hard to settle into, but I did anyway."
"What makes you think there's someone else, then?" I asked.
Noah's chest heaved from remnants of his sobs as he looked at me. "A few months ago, Hugo told me there was this guy he really liked, an actor he was working with."
"Is he allowed to lust after his clients?" Surely as a professional trainer for French celebrities, Hugo knew better than to hunger for them.
Noah shrugged. "The guy was the one who made the first move. I can't tell you who he is. He's one of those queer actors who's married to a woman. A lavender marriage, you know? He's pretending to be straight when he's really not. His wife is aware of the situation. It's a whole cover-up thing. She pretends to be his spouse; she gets a lavish life out of it, and everyone's happy."
"He's not even bi?" I asked.
"No, he's really fully gay. He married her to help his career. Even if gay men can tie the knot now, it's still harder for gay actors out there. Everyone knows that."
I nodded and let him continue.
"Hugo asked me if the guy could come over for a night. It'd been so long since Hugo offered to share anyone, I agreed. But once the guy got there, they barely included me at all." He looked at Adrien. "Remember when you used to come over? It was always the three of us."
"Well..." Adrien gazed at me quickly, shifting in his seat uncomfortably. "You and I did things on the side without involving him."
"Yes, but only because he agreed. I would always ask first. But this, what he did with that actor, it wasn't the same. When that guy came over, it was just him and Hugo. They barely touched me or looked at me. I had to watch Hugo make love to another man while ignoring me. I left the room, and they didn't even notice I was gone. They made love all night. They didn't even come looking for me while I slept in the guest room."
"Wait a minute. They made love? They didn’t just fuck?" Adrien asked, raising an eyebrow.
A tear rolled down Noah's cheek. "You should have seen them. I'd never seen Hugo be so tender with anyone before. I'm not even sure if it truly was their first time. It was so affectionate and intimate."
Adrien frowned. "Did the guy come back for more?"
"No, but I know they started something behind my back. Hugo started picking up more work hours all of a sudden. He would come home, and I mean, we've been together for ten years... I know that post-coital look in his eyes all too well. I confronted him, but he denied everything. I just don't get it. I never said he couldn't see the guy. I just needed him to be honest with me and not cheat behind my back."
Upon seeing his rising tears, Adrien wrapped his arm around his shoulders and pulled him close to kiss his hair.
"You'll take the guest room," he said, sending me a quick glance for confirmation, even though I'd already agreed to that. "Did you bring anything?" he asked Noah, who shook his head. "We've already made the bed. You can use anything you need from the bathroom to clean up."
Upon those words, Adrien stood to lead Noah to the guest room while I headed to the kitchen to make some hot cocoa, a batch big enough for Noah and me, but not for Adrien since he never drank any. I brought the hot mug to Noah and set it on the nightstand table. He'd already slipped under the covers, his mascara still staining his skin. His black clothes were a messy pile on the floor next to his platform boots. Adrien was sitting by his side holding his hand.
Noah batted his long eyelashes over his cheekbones as he grabbed the mug in two hands and took a sip.
"Please let us know if you need anything else," Adrien whispered with a kiss to his temple before following me out.
The moment we entered our bedroom, I settled on the bed and downed some of my cocoa while looking at my boyfriend.
"I think he should stay here for a while," he suggested carefully, as if assessing my resistance, while pulling down his pants.
"Why?" I didn't want to be a dick about this, but the tenderness between them made me uncomfortable.
"He has nowhere else to go. Hugo owns their apartment."
"Doesn't he have enough money for a place of his own?" Surely as a YouTube influencer with millions of followers, he made a good enough salary to afford his own apartment, even in Paris.
"It's not about the money. I don't want him to be alone while he's getting over this. You heard him. He's been with Hugo since they were teens. They were practically mar
ried. I'm worried about him."
I acquiesced against my will. I didn't want to be the kind of selfish prick unwilling to help someone when they were miserable. Even if I didn't care for this situation, I knew Adrien would never forgive me if anything happened to Noah because I'd refused to make this small sacrifice. "How long will he stay?"
"I don't know. But I promise I'll help him find a place as soon as possible." Adrien approached me and leaned over my side of the bed, his hands fisted into balls against our green comforter as he hovered over me to kiss my mouth slowly and languidly, his tongue sliding inside and brushing mine.
"I don't want you to worry that anything might happen between Noah and me. All that is in the past now," he assured me, his forehead pressed against mine.
"Do you miss it, though?" I already knew he would deny it. He always did. But I could never stop asking.
Adrien blinked at me. "Miss what?"
"Sleeping with other people? Do you miss it? Do you miss him?"
His sigh was long and heavy with meaning when he set his dark brown eyes on mine. "I miss sleeping with women, but so do you, right?"
I did. Definitely. I wasn't going to deny that. And I was curious about Noah as well. I knew it was always more than sex between them. Adrien told me a long time ago. Even now, they didn't look like ex-lovers who had moved on to pure friendship. They looked like ex-lovers who would jump at the chance to touch each other again.
For three years now, I'd been feeling guilty and selfish for denying Adrien something I knew he still craved. And I'd be lying if I said I wasn't intrigued by his desire for Noah. A masochistic part of me wanted to watch them in action too—a part that both terrified and aroused me.
"I made you a promise, and I don't plan on breaking it," he said as he bent over my mouth, his fresh breath blowing against my lips. "Besides, you're so insatiable, I can barely keep up as it is."
