by Lea Coll
“Hey guys.” I leaned in to hug Jack and Samantha and turned to greet the shop owner, Janice.
“It’s nice to meet you, Janice.” We’d spoken in length on the phone about Samantha’s reluctance to hire an outsider to make and design her cake. I introduced her to Jack and Samantha, and she asked Samantha a series of questions to ascertain what she wanted for her cake.
When Samantha answered that she wanted something nautical and pink, Janice said, “Please follow me so we can look through the options.” She led the way to a back room lined with shelves of binders and a table in the center. “Have a seat.”
We’d sat at the table covered with a tablecloth as Janice pulled out several binders placing one in front of Samantha. Samantha flipped quickly through the pages until she paused on a three-tiered cake with a gold anchor on top, gold horizontal stripes, and blue, turquoise, and pink flowers cascading from the top down the side of the cake and surrounding the base.
“That’s cool. You like that one?” Jack asked Samantha.
“I do,” she said slowly, still carefully studying it.
I leaned over to get a better look. “Oh that’s perfect for your wedding, Samantha. It fits our color scheme and adds some new colors we could incorporate into our design.” I loved the gold and turquoise.
“Yeah?” she asked, looking at me. I gave her a few minutes to think it over.
“Are you ready to taste some of them?” Janice asked.
“Sure,” Samantha said. Jack leaned over and whispered something into her ear and she smiled.
Squeezing her shoulder, he said to me, “Please convince her to let someone else make her cake.”
“I’m trying,” I said as Janice brought in a tray of cake samples.
The smell of the cake hit me suddenly and trying to take deep breaths was making it worse. I tried to hold my breath, but I couldn’t do that forever. Taking a small tentative breath, a stronger bout of nausea struck me hard and fast. Clutching my stomach, I said, “I have something in my car, I’ll be right back.” I rushed out of the shop hoping no one followed me.
I walked around the back of the building, my hands on my hips, sucking in large breaths of air, trying to settle my stomach, but it was no use, my stomach still churned. I leaned over, saying over and over please don’t throw up. Then I was heaving, throwing up the omelet and toast I’d eaten for breakfast. Satisfied it was done, I tried to stand, when someone touched my back startling me. I turned to find Samantha’s concerned face.
“Are you okay?” Samantha asked.
My cheeks hot, I wiped my mouth with a tissue from my purse before I turned to face her fully, embarrassed to be caught throwing up.
“Yes, I’m sorry. I’ve been battling this stomach virus all week. I thought I’d be okay,” I said.
“Lucy, you shouldn’t be going to cake tastings with an upset stomach.”
“It wasn’t like that. It’s been coming and going. I thought I was fine. I’ve been fine all morning until now.”
She raised her brow. “Lucy, are you sure you’re not pregnant?”
I blanched. “What? No!” The thought hadn’t entered my mind, but now that she mentioned it—was it possible? “No, I haven’t even been with anyone—” But I had—Wyatt. “I’m on birth control.”
She breathed a sigh of relief. “That’s good. But why don’t you go home? I can handle the cake.”
Still feeling shaky and a little unsteady, I agreed, “Yeah, okay. Tell Janice I’m sorry okay?”
“I will.”
“You’ll consider hiring Janice to make the cake, right?” I was reluctant to leave. I’d promised Jack I’d talk her into this.
“Definitely.”
She seemed sincere, so I said, “Okay, good.” But my mind was reeling with the possibility that I could be pregnant. Nothing was one-hundred percent and we hadn’t used a condom.
Unsteady and clammy from vomiting, I eased myself into my car and drank some water. I didn’t think it was likely, but it wouldn’t hurt to pick up a pregnancy test to rule it out. I stopped at a pharmacy nearby to avoid buying them in town. I bought a few different kinds and took them home to read the directions.
Sitting in my childhood bathroom, I read the directions on the first one. You could take it as early as five days before your period was expected.
Taking a deep breath, I carefully re-read the directions before I put them aside to pee on the stick. I placed it carefully on the sink while I washed my hands. I’d know in two minutes. My heart was pounding in my ears, my hands were sweaty. It was the longest two minutes of my life.
I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the digital screen. I gripped the sink counter tightly. I was on birth control and we’d only had sex once, what were the odds?
I held my breath when two blue lines began to form. My hand went to my mouth to stifle the sob that broke out. “OhmyGod. What am I going to do?” Trying to catch my breath through the sobs, panic tore through my body. I was lightheaded, sweaty, and hot all at the same time. What if the test was wrong? Could it be? How accurate were these things?
I filled a glass full of water to drink so that I could try another test. I ripped open the box of a different brand. A flicker of hope broke through that the first one was a mistake. While I waited for the results of each test, I carefully read through the instructions to determine how accurate the results were this early. Googling accuracy of home pregnancy tests on my phone indicated that false positives were rare. After each of the three brands of tests revealed I was pregnant, I sank to the floor, my back resting against the cupboard, my head tilted back.
The panic was rising in my throat again making it tight and difficult to breathe. I. Was. Pregnant. There was a baby in my belly who would depend on me.
I didn’t have a job or a home, and my savings was quickly being eaten up with the cost of the health insurance I obtained after I was fired. What did I have to offer a baby? I’d come home to regroup, to save some money and find a new job, and now what? No one would hire me pregnant, especially not in a few months when I was showing. How could I even take a new job knowing I’d need maternity leave? Was I even entitled to maternity leave after working for a few months? More importantly, how would I afford this baby with no job? Sure, my parents would probably let me live here but I didn’t want to raise a baby in my parents’ home. I wanted to live on my own.
What about Wyatt? How would he react to this? Would he be angry? Would he think I lied about being on birth control? I couldn’t imagine it was part of his life plan to have a baby with someone he wasn’t even in a relationship with—that he didn’t have a future with. He’d been clear he didn’t want to be with me if we weren’t together.
I stood—frantically gathering up all of the evidence from the tests and placed it into the small garbage can, tying the bag, and taking it to the garbage container outside. I couldn’t chance my parents finding the tests before I had a plan. That’s what I needed—a plan.
I needed to tell Wyatt, make a doctor’s appointment, and start taking vitamins. I sat cross-legged on my comforter pulling out my laptop to scroll through the pregnancy sites to see what I should do. No doctor’s appointment was necessary until eight weeks and I was only six weeks if my calculations were correct. I’d probably still be living here, so I searched possible obstetricians in the area. I’d need to start prenatal vitamins.
I lay back on the bed trying to figure out how my birth control failed. It was fairly simple to use. I inserted the Nuvaring between periods for three weeks. I hadn’t had a period last month but that wasn’t unusual. There was a life growing inside me, which was Wyatt’s and mine. I placed my hand on my stomach and closed my eyes. It didn’t feel real.
Tears sprang to my eyes because this was not the way I’d imagined it happening. If I met someone, we’d get married, spend a few years alone enjoying each other, and then plan for a baby. I’d be more established in my career.
There were few women in top positions at
my firm. And if they had children, they employed au pairs or nannies. Family life was difficult when you were expected to go to happy hours after work. I couldn’t afford a nanny or au pair. I doubt I could even afford daycare on my old salary. How could I talk to Wyatt when I didn’t have answers to any of these questions?
Thinking back to that one impulsive act on the boat—I couldn’t help but wonder whether it was worth this.
I needed to talk to him before I could think about anything else. Picking up my phone, I texted him.
Lucy: We need to talk. I was about to change Wyatt’s life with two words—I’m pregnant. I longed to go back to this morning when my only worries were getting Samantha to agree to hiring a bakery to make her wedding cake, finding a job, and figuring out whether Wyatt and I were better off as friends.
Lucy
I lay on my bed biting my nails and waiting for Wyatt’s return message. I didn’t want to talk to anyone else before I spoke to him. And I was afraid if I saw my mom right now, I’d burst into tears. Finally, my phone buzzed.
Wyatt: Sure. Is this an in-person kind of talk?
Lucy: Yes. Can I come over after work tonight? The sooner the better. I was a mess and I needed someone else to be a mess with me. But I had a feeling Wyatt wouldn’t be as nervous about this as I was. It wasn’t his body that would change over the next nine months or his career that would be derailed by maternity leave.
Wyatt: Sure. Should I grab dinner?
He could but I didn’t think I could eat a thing until I got the most important two words I’d ever spoken out of my mouth first.
Lucy: Sure. I would have offered to pick something up, but I wasn’t sure I could handle the smell of take-out right now. I didn’t want to throw up during our conversation.
Wyatt: Chinese?
My stomach pitched at the idea of greasy Chinese.
Lucy: Sure. Can you get me grilled chicken, veggies, and white rice?
Wyatt: Of course. Anything for you.
I hoped he was being serious because I was about to need a lot more of him and his support. I didn’t think my parents would be too happy with me getting pregnant—not when I didn’t have a job or a means to support myself. They’d been stressed about money for years when they ran the marina but since they retired, they were finally happy. Would having me here cause more stress for them?
What would Jack think about me getting pregnant with his friend’s baby? He’d told me to take care of the situation with Wyatt but I’m sure he didn’t mean have sex with him. It hadn’t solved anything anyway.
Wyatt: 6?
Lucy: Yes. See you then.
I had some time before I needed to get ready and I needed a break from worrying so I pulled up Samantha’s seating chart. That would take my mind off of things. As many parties as I’d planned, I’d never done a formal sit-down so this would be new to me. I was so engrossed in Samantha’s notes about who could sit with who I didn’t check the time until it was almost five. I saved my work and went to my closet to figure out what you wear to tell someone he’s going to be a daddy for the first time.
I pulled on a black T-shirt, some dangly bracelets, and cut-off jean shorts. Then I stepped out of my room, holding my breath, and hoping I could avoid my parents. Hearing their voices in the kitchen, I hovered in the doorway until they saw me. “I’m going to Wyatt’s for dinner tonight. Sorry, I should have told you sooner.”
My mom smiled. “That’s okay. You’re a grown woman. You can make your own plans without consulting me.”
“Still, I should have given you notice.” With everything going on I hadn’t even thought about it. I guessed she was right, I wasn’t used to telling anyone where I was going for dinner or when I’d be back. Soon I’d be tied to the house with a baby.
“Are you okay?” my dad asked from his seat at the kitchen table.
“Oh, yeah.” This is why I needed to get out of here. My parents knew something was wrong.
“I ran into Samantha at the bakery and she said you were really tired. I didn’t want to disturb you in case you were sleeping.” Mom took a casserole dish out of the oven.
Hopefully, she didn’t mention I was throwing up because there’s no way I would have recovered enough by dinnertime to eat with Wyatt. “Yeah, I was tired and a little under the weather but I feel better now.”
“It’s a good thing you’re home. You need a rest from that rat race you were running in Baltimore. You worked all the time. You barely had time for a phone call, an email, much less vacation,” Dad said gruffly.
“Yeah, it’s been nice being home.” It was the truth until I read the results of the pregnancy test. I’d worried about getting a new job but that seemed so trivial now. I still needed a job, but now it was to support another person, not just me.
My mom smiled wider.
I’m pretty sure my mom would have loved for me to get back together with Wyatt and move here permanently. Glancing at the clock on the microwave, I said, “Well, I’d better get going. Wyatt is expecting me.”
“Drive safe,” Dad said.
I kissed him on the cheek and hugged my mom. “I will.”
“If it’s too late when you’re done at Wyatt’s you can stay there,” Mom said.
“Okay, Mom, but I doubt that will be necessary.” I barely restrained myself from rolling my eyes. She probably wanted me with Wyatt because she wanted me to stay here. Would she be happy with me being pregnant then? She’d see the baby as another way to keep me here and tie me to this town.
I said goodbye and headed to my car. The closer I got to Wyatt’s, the more nervous I became. I wondered if maybe I should wait to tell him until after I’d been to the doctor. No, he deserved to know. I couldn’t keep it from him.
But how should I tell him? Should I tell him right away? Or should I wait until after dinner? No, I couldn’t eat while I was this nervous and there would be more of a chance I’d be feeling nauseous. I pulled up to his house and parked behind his truck.
Wyatt stepped out of his truck when I got out. He grabbed the takeout bags and met me by my car. “Hey.”
I tried to act normal and downplay my nerves. “Hey, thanks for picking dinner up.”
“No problem. Come on inside.”
I followed him around to his back porch while he unlocked the door. This would be my first time in his home. My heart picked up in anticipation. He swung the door open and gestured for me to precede him into the cabin. “It’s not much. I haven’t done many improvements since my grandfather rented it out.”
I looked around the small cabin. It was quintessential Wyatt—simple and manly—from the hardwood floors, the paneled walls, and the overstuffed couches to the lived-in kitchen. I couldn’t take in too many of the details since my mind was still trying to figure out the best way to tell him something that would forever change his life. “It’s you.”
“It’s small but perfect for me.”
His words hung out there and I shivered at the implication. Soon it would be more than him. How would he take the news?
He placed the bags on the counter and started pulling out the containers. He was so calm, like this was any other day, when I was going out of my mind with worry.
“Wyatt?” I asked, my voice high-pitched.
“Yeah?” He turned to face me, his face concerned.
“Can we talk?” The way my stomach was churning there was no way I could eat and it had nothing to do with the nausea I was used to.
“Okay.” He said cautiously as he came over to the couch and sat down. “Is everything okay?”
“Not really.” I sat wiping my sweaty hands on my thighs. How should I tell him? Was it better to blurt it out all at once or lead him up to it? Remember how we fucked on your boat without a condom?
“Lucy? You’re making me nervous. What’s going on?”
“Sorry. This is hard.” I took a deep breath and blurted, “I don’t know how else to say this but—I’m pregnant.”
He sucked in
a shocked breath. “What?”
“I’m pregnant,” I said, my voice more confident this time. “I’m on birth control and I don’t know how it happened. I took several tests and everything online says home pregnancy tests are accurate. But I understand if you want to wait until the doctor’s appointment to be sure. And I’ve been sick and tired. I thought it was just a virus but then Samantha mentioned I could be pregnant so I took a test.” I knew I was rambling and probably not making any sense. “I just found out today and wanted to tell you right away. I thought you should know.”
He sat stunned for a minute. “Okay.”
“Okay?” What did that mean? Okay, you’re on your own or okay, it’s not my problem.
“Yeah, okay.” He took a steadying breath. “We’ll deal with it. I’m here for you—whatever you need.”
A tingling started in my chest that I rubbed with my hand. “You’re not mad?”
“No. Of course not.”
“It’s just that my birth control failed or something. I don’t even know. I assured you it was okay not to use a condom and it obviously wasn’t.”
He gave a slow disbelieving shake of his head. “It happens, Lucy. I made the decision to forgo the condom, so it was a possibility. I wouldn’t have done that with anyone else and I don’t regret it.”
He wouldn’t have done that with anyone else? He trusted me and I screwed up. “And it’s definitely yours. I wasn’t with anyone else.”
“I’m not worried about that. I believe you. I don’t think you’d try to trap me.”
Right, because I was the one who didn’t want to be tied down. I couldn’t believe he was so unaffected, happy even, when I was reeling with all the changes to come.
“Can I come to the first doctor’s appointment?” Wyatt asked, excitement slipping into his voice for the first time.
“Of course. I haven’t scheduled it yet. We don’t need to go in for a couple more weeks. I know you probably have a lot of questions, but I haven’t figured anything out yet. I’m a twenty-five-year-old pregnant woman living with her parents, no income, no job.” The pressure of the situation weighed heavily on my chest and Wyatt wasn’t really saying anything.
