"I brought you flowers," he tells her, and her eyes open wide. “From Caramel and me." He hands her the small bouquet of daisies.
She takes it and walks to me with it. “I got flowers," she tells me, and I put my hands on my hips.
"Isn’t that special?" I tell her, and then she hands it to me, turning and walking back to the television.
I look over at Reed, who just stares at me and then comes in. “Somehow, in my head, that was going to have more fanfare than it just did." I laugh at him now. “She was happier giving Caramel water."
"I’m sure she loved them both the same." I try to make him feel better.
"These are for you,” he says, handing me the bigger bouquet.
"You shouldn’t have,” I say, not even trying to hide the smile. “I’ve never gotten flowers before,” I say, turning to search for a vase. "Thank you, that was very sweet of you."
He puts his hands in the back pockets of his jeans, and I look at him, tilting my head to the side. “Is everything okay?" I ask, and he looks at the television now and then Sofia before turning back and looking at me.
"Yeah," he says, and I sense he’s trying to say something. “We need to talk,” he says. “But not now, when she goes to bed."
That has to be the worst thing you could say to me right now. My stomach sinks, and I just nod at him as so many things go through my head. Maybe he spent the day with her, and he decided that it’s not for him. Maybe he’s just not cut out for this. It’s fine. It will be fine, I tell myself. "Yeah, sure," I say, avoiding looking at him. I put the vase on the counter and fill it with water. “Dinner is almost done,” I say, and he just leans on the counter and looks at me.
"Is everything okay?" he asks, and I just look over at him.
"Yeah," I say, ignoring even looking at him. I can feel him staring at me, and my nerves get the best of me. “Listen, I don’t know what you want to talk to me about,” I say, looking at him and then at Sofia again. “But if you don’t want to do this." I motion with my hand in a circle. “It’s okay."
"Hazel, I’ve never been more sure of doing this in my whole life," he says, not moving from the counter. “In fact, this …" He motions with his own hand in a circle, and the look he gives me is making my mouth go dry and my hands shaky. “Is just the beginning."
Chapter 25
Reed
I watch her eyes when I say the words. “In fact, this …" I mimic her when I put my hand in a circle, my eyes staring into hers. “Is just the beginning." She swallows, and I force myself not to go to her and take her in my arms. It’s taking everything not to take her face in my hands and kiss the ever-loving shit out of her. "Just so we are on the same page." She nods. I turn my head to look at Sofia, seeing that her eyes are getting heavy. “Sofia." I call her name, and she looks over, and I can tell she’s exhausted. “Want to help me set the table?"
She gets off the couch and comes over, rubbing her eyes. I lean down and pick her up. “Tired, baby girl?" I ask softly. She puts her head on my shoulder, and I thought I would be ready for this. I thought I had all of this wrapped up in my head. I knew I loved her with every single fiber of my being. I knew I wanted to be her father with everything I had in me. But now I know that I would die before I bring even one ounce of pain to her.
"Yeah,” she says softly. “Can we go see Caramel tomorrow?" she asks, and I look over at Hazel, who is wiping a tear away from her face.
"Anything," I tell Sofia, who perks up and squirms to get out of my arms. She walks over and grabs the forks out of the drawer.
"That," Hazel says, “is her wrapping you around her tiny little finger." I can’t even answer her because she’s right.
Dinner goes off smooth again, and when it’s time to clean the dishes, Sofia looks at Hazel. “Can Uncle Reed say my prayers with me?" My eyes go from her to Hazel, who smiles, my heart exploding in my chest.
"Sure," Hazel says, getting up now and taking the plates. “I’ll clean up here."
Sofia slips her hand in mine, and we walk up the stairs together. She grabs her nightgown and shows me her whole nightly routine. She climbs into bed after she brushes her teeth. “Now you read me a story," she tells me, and I pick up a book from the side table. “Not that one," she tells me, and I laugh. “The pink one."
"Okay," I say, picking up the pink book and reading it to her. She yawns and turns on her side when I finish. She says her prayer, and when she thanks God for Caramel and me, I don’t think I can get up and walk. I lean down and kiss her cheek. “I love you, baby girl,” I say, and her eyes close. I stay up here so long that I hear the stairs creak and look over at Hazel.
"Is everything okay?" she asks and looks at the bed, seeing Sofia sleeping peacefully.
"She thanked God for me,” I say, my voice trembling. "She’s …" I shake my head, trying to get the words out. “She’s fucking incredible."
"She is." She smiles, leaning into the doorframe. “She’s lucky to have you as a father."
I look down at the floor. “I want to tell my parents,” I say. “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about." I look back at the little girl lying in bed. “Fuck, I want to tell the world."
She just looks at me. “Before we tell the world,” she says, “we need to tell her." She points at Sofia. "Why don’t you tell your parents and then we can tell her after?"
"I’m not joking about this, Hazel,” I say, and she just looks at me. “I’m going to tell them tomorrow. I’m not waiting, watching everyone love her from afar." I swallow. “It’s not fair to them." I get up now and walk to her. Standing in front of her, I lift my fingers and touch her cheek. “I’ll come over after I talk to my parents,” I say. She looks at me and swallows. “Sleep tight, Hazel." I lean in and kiss the corner of her mouth and her cheek. I turn around before I press her against the door.
Going down the stairs, I’m hoping she stops me from walking out the door. I close the door behind me. “All in good time." I barely sleep that night with the phone in my hand, and at seven, I call my father.
"This is early,” he says, laughing.
"Yeah, do you think I can come over and talk to you and Mom?" I ask, and my father stops laughing.
"We’re home now if you—” he says, and I cut him off.
"Okay, I’ll be there in ten,” I say and hang up the phone. I walk out the door wearing shorts and a T-shirt. When I got up this morning, I dressed to go to the gym, but the only thing I could do was go over my speech for my parents. I pull up to the house that I grew up in and see a little tricycle on the side of the house, and I know it’s for Quinn’s baby girl. I get out now. My heart is pounding in my chest so hard I stop walking, and I bend down, afraid I’m going to be sick. I don’t think I can handle it if they don’t accept her. I know they will, but the thought of them being mad or upset about it, makes me sick to my stomach.
The front door opens and my father comes out of the house. He stops when he sees me. “I’m fine,” I say, lifting my hand. My father waits for me at the door with worry all over his face, and when I walk up to him, I give him the biggest hug I’ve ever given him in my whole life. "Hey, Dad,” I say, trying to compose myself. He lets me go and puts his hand on my neck, his eyes on mine.
"Hey, son." He squeezes me, and we walk into the house. I can hear pots banging from the kitchen.
The pictures all over the wall have me stopping for a second when I know that my daughter’s is going to be up there. Walking into the kitchen, my mother looks over at me and stops moving. “What happened?" She puts the pot down. “Who died?"
I shake my head. “No one died,” I say, and she just looks over at my father for guidance. "I wanted to sit down with you guys," I say, and my mother walks over to me. “Can we sit?" I walk over to the living room and sit down.
They sit down in front of me. My mother already has tears streaming down her face as my father puts his arm around her. "Jesus,” I say, getting up now. “I thought this would be easier."
"Okay," my father says. �
��You have three seconds to calm the fuck down," he says, knowing I need him to be strong with me. "Whatever it is."
I stop and look at them. I think of different ways to start the conversation and different ways to say it, but in the end, it leads back to one thing. “I have a daughter," I tell them, and I see my mother put her hands to her mouth.
"You have a daughter?" my father asks. “Or you're having a daughter?" He leans back into the chair.
"I have a daughter," I tell them, and my mother gasps out. “She’s five." My father looks at me, not saying a word. "You’ve met her."
"Sofia," my father says, and my mother gasps out when I nod my head.
"I didn’t know," I tell them both. “I had no idea."
"How?" my mother says.
"Before I left for the military, Hazel and I," I start to say, and she raises her hand to stop me from talking.
“I mean, how did you not know?” She gets up. “A father knows."
"Darlin’," my father says, grabbing her hand and pulling her down next to him.
"Hazel tried to get in touch with me,” I say and swallow hard. “I ignored her."
"Hold on." My father gets up now. “Are you telling me that she said she was pregnant with your child, and you ignored her?" His voice goes loud now, and he looks like he is going to charge at me.
"No." I shake my head. “God, this is not going like I planned." I look at them. “I couldn’t wait to leave here," I tell them, and I know that if I’m going to tell them about Sofia, they should know it all. “I fucking hated living here. I hated the shoes I had to fill." I brush away a tear. “Every single time I went anywhere, I was Casey Barnes son and Quinn’s little brother. Every time I tried to do something, I was always compared to both of you. It ate at me, and I hated myself. I hated my life. I wanted out. I wanted to be me and only me. Reed Barnes, not Casey’s son, not Quinn’s brother, but just me."
"Reed," my mother says, her lower lip quivering.
"It was my living hell, and then I left. It was the best," I tell them. “I was me and no one else. When Hazel reached out to me, I felt like if I answered her, it would be me wanting to come back, so I deleted all my social media."
"Good God," my father says. “She went through all that by herself."
I nod. “Even when I saw her from afar, I didn’t know. It took me meeting Sofia to put everything together." I smile now as the tears roll down my cheeks. “God, it was a love that I can’t even explain. It was like my heart was going to explode in my chest. She’s …" I put my hands on my hips. “She’s fucking amazing, and she’s mine."
"She has your smirk," my father says. “I saw it." He sits down now. “Her smile, it’s …"
"What does this mean?" my mother says. “Can we be a part of her life? Can I go visit her?" She can’t stop the sob. “She had the baby by herself without any help. I just can’t even imagine."
"We are going to tell her today that I’m her father,” I say, the smile mixing with the tears.
"Instead of Uncle Reed." My father sits down now as if all the tension has left his body. "What does that mean with your service?"
"I’m done,” I say the two words that no one but my commander knew. “No way can I leave her now." I shake my head. “Not when I just got her."
My mother looks down at her hands in her lap. “This is the reason, isn’t it?" my father asks, and I just look at him. "You have to know as a parent, seeing you when you got back took a piece of our souls. We would give everything we have to make sure you were happy, anything and everything." I look down, and when he looks up, I can see the anguish that it did to him. Having to go through it again, I can’t even imagine how helpless they must have felt. "When you came back home, your eyes …" He stops talking now, his voice cracking. My mother grabs his hand, and they share a look. “Your eyes were dead." His eyes look at mine. “Now there is light back in them."
The tears roll down my cheeks now as I look at my parents, who would do anything in the world to make sure we are happy. My parents suffered in silence as I lived with my own demons. But looking at them and thinking about Sofia and Hazel, a smile comes to my face. I nod, looking my father in the eyes. “I guess it is, then,” I say now. “They are the reason."
Chapter 26
Hazel
"Momma." I hear Sofia calling me, and I look over at her. “What happened to Uncle Reed?"
"What do you mean?" I ask and turn to look down at the eggs I’m making her for breakfast. I got a text from Reed this morning at seven, telling me he was on his way to his parents’ house. I’m trying not to freak out about the whole thing, knowing as soon as he’s done, he’s going to come over here and we will tell Sofia.
"He comes for breakfast,” she says, not looking up from her coloring pages. "Is he sick?"
"No," I say, placing her eggs on the plate with her two pieces of toast. “He was probably busy this morning." I put the plate down and grab my cup of coffee, knowing I’m too nervous to even bother eating. "Do you like Uncle Reed?" I ask, bringing the cup to my mouth. I watch her nod her head. A sigh of relief comes out of me when I hear a soft knock on the door. I put my cup down and almost fly to the door.
He stands there with his head down, and my stomach sinks, thinking that they refuse to accept Sofia. The fear fills my body, turning my body cold. He looks up, and I can see he’s been crying. “Hey," I say softly, my eyes searching his for the answers but coming up empty. "You okay?"
“Yeah." He nods, and I walk out of the door, going to him and hugging him. Getting on my tippy-toes, I put my arms around his shoulders. He bends just a bit, and his arms wrap around my waist. "It’s okay," he whispers in my ear, and I lean back, my arms still around him. “Better than okay."
A tear falls on my arm, and I realize it’s from me. Reed’s hand comes up. “No tears,” he says. “Not today."
"Um," I say, letting go of his shoulders. “There will be tears." I’m not even going to pretend I’ll be strong enough for this. “But they will be happy tears and not sad tears."
He smirks at me, and my hand itches to come up and trace it with my finger. “I can do that."
"Uncle Reed." I feel Sofia next to me as she pushes me to the side to stand between us. “Momma didn’t make you eggs."
He laughs, bending and taking her in his arms. “That’s okay. I’m not hungry," he says, and I notice he’s wearing shorts instead of jeans.
"Do you want coffee?" I ask over my shoulder when I walk back into the house, and he follows me. "Do you want to do this right now?" I ask, and he nods his head. My heart fills in my throat as he looks at Sofia. I ignore the way my stomach just lurched, walking over to the couch.
Reed puts down Sofia. “Come and sit for a minute." I pat the seat next to me, and she walks over to me and sits down.
"Come on, Uncle Reed," Sofia says, patting the seat next to her. He walks over, but instead of sitting next to her, he squats down in front of her.
"So remember a long time ago," I start talking. “When you asked me if you had a dad?"
I look at her to see if she remembers that morning the week after she started school when she asked me if she had a dad. She caught me off guard, and it took me a couple of minutes to answer her.
"You said he went away." She tells me my words. “But he loved me."
"I did,” I say, the tears dripping off my chin. My hand goes out to hold hers. “Well …"
Reed’s hand covers ours, and he speaks now for the first time. “I’m your dad," Reed says, and I look over at him and then back at Sofia.
"Why didn’t you come for me?" she asks him and tilts her head to the side. “You didn’t want me?" I gasp, bringing my hand to my mouth.
"I want you more than anything in the world,” he says. “More than you love Caramel and tractors."
"But you didn’t come to see me," she says, and I wonder if we did it at a good time. But when is it a good time to tell your child who their father is? She looks at him, not sure of anyth
ing.
"He wanted to come see you,” I say. “But he was far away, and he couldn’t get to you."
"The minute I could come to see you, I came,” he says to her. “And I’m not going away anymore," he says. “Not now, not ever. I’ll be here every single day."
"For breakfast?" she asks, and he nods. “And dinner."
He looks at me. “As long as Momma doesn’t mind cooking for me."
"Momma." She looks at me. “Will you make food for Uncle Reed?"
"Of course,” I say, and she looks back at Reed.
"Can we go see Caramel?" she asks him, and he nods his head.
“Yes,” he says. “But, um, first, my momma and my dad want to come and meet you." My eyes open wide. “They should be here soon."
I jump up now and look down at my outfit. "I have to change." I look at Sofia. “We have to change."
Sofia must think it’s a game because she starts to laugh as if it’s a joke. “Let’s go." I grab her hand and pick her up to move faster. "All we have are farm clothes." I look over at Reed, who has his hands on his hips.
"Well, they just got here, so …” He smiles, and I hear the sound of a door close.
"Oh my God,” I say, my nerves getting the better of me. “Oh my God." I put Sofia down. “I didn’t even brush my hair." I look at him, the bile in my stomach slowly rising, and I put my hand to it. "I think I’m going to be sick."
Reed walks to me now. “It’s going to be fine,” he says, trying to reassure me, but we didn’t even talk about how they reacted to the news.
I don’t have a chance to say anything because the knock on the door fills the room. "I don’t even have fresh baked cookies," I whisper to Reed. The two big tears are ready to run over my eyelids.
He puts his hand on my face. "I promise you," he whispers, “it’s going to be okay."
The knock comes again, and this time, Sofia pushes away from us and walks to the door. "Is it a killer?" she asks, and I close my eyes and roll my lips.
"No," I hear Casey say. “It’s just Casey and Olivia."
Southern Sunshine Page 15
