“You were married?”
“Yes.” His eyes turned thoughtful. “For almost a year.”
“I’m sorry.” Faith reached out and laid a hand on Kane’s arm. His gaze rested on her hand. She quickly moved it, folding her hands in her lap. “Forgive me, I didn’t mean to be so forward.”
Chuckling, Kane leaned forward, resting a forearm on each thigh. “You needn’t apologize. I know you were only offering comfort.” He took a deep breath and blew it out. “Sheriff Daniels seems to think we could both relate, since we both have lost a spouse.”
“So he gave you an option of whom you could marry?”
This time there was no mistaking Kane’s amusement when he laughed. “I think the sheriff is playing matchmaker, and I got the distinct impression he was rather reluctant to select me, or anyone, to marry his friend’s wife.”
Faith sighed. “Corbin and Tom were very good friends. I think he felt Tom’s loss almost as much as I did.”
“Tom was your husband?”
She shook her head. “We were married for five years.”
“If you don’t mind my asking, what happened to him?” Kane leaned back, turned slightly toward her and rested an arm on the back of the pew.
“I don’t mind.” Not that she wanted to relive the moments leading up to his death, she knew she needed to share the details with Kane if they were to move forward, toward marriage. “My husband’s horse got startled by a snake and threw him. Tom’s head hit a rock. He died instantly. No goodbyes, no nothing.”
“I don’t know that having even a moments notice is any better.” Kane’s eyes narrowed, pain evident on his face. “Doc said he’d do what he could when he realized Rachel’s baby was breech.” He swallowed and cleared his throat. “Holding her hand and telling her how much I loved her didn’t do anything as she was lying there, screaming in pain, or as the life slowly drained from her body.” His eyes moistened, but he didn’t cry. A cold, hard expression came over him. His body straightened. “Instead of a joyous occasion, it turned out to be the worst day of my life.”
“I’m sorry, Kane.” Faith’s heart ached for his pain. “It’s not supposed to go that way.”
“At least you have children,” Kane said. “You won’t be expecting me to provide you with any.”
The way he said it sounded like he didn’t care for the physical side of marriage. Not that Faith minded, but she’d been married, she knew what it was for a man to have desires. Whether or not those desires produced a child was up to God—nothing anyone could really do about it except to abstain from physical contact. Given the close quarters and sleeping arrangements, that would prove to be a daunting task she imagined. It would be naïve of her to think his feelings would never turn physical. Right now, his heart and his head were reeling from the pain of loss.
She needed to go into this with realistic expectations. Which meant delving into the reason behind his arrest.
“Sheriff Daniels mentioned you had problems with brawling. Is this something you struggled with when Rachel was alive?” She watched his expression, noting the twitch in the muscle near his mouth when she asked the question.
“The sheriff and I discussed things, and I assured him I would never raise a hand to you or your children.” Kane held her gaze while he spoke, which lead her to believe he was being truthful and wanted her to know that he meant what he said. “I can assure you, I have never raised my hand to any woman or child, and I have no intention of ever doing so.”
“Are you are okay with never taking another drink, because my understanding is, marriage is forever, not the length of your prison sentence?” Faith noticed he licked his lips and wondered if he was thinking of the taste of the liquid. “One of the stipulations of the program is refraining from drinking alcohol, and given that led to you getting into fights, I think it is important that you respond honestly, so that me and my children will not have to deal with any long term effects of another bad decision.”
“I understand your concern.” Kane’s features hardened. “And given the only time I ever took a drink prior to my wife’s death was when a friend died, I can assure you that you needn’t worry that I’ll thirst for whiskey again.”
“How long ago did your wife pass away?” Faith’s lips pressed together. She didn’t think Kane’s problems had been something recent.
“Just over two years now.” His jaw twitched.
“You’ve been in jail the whole time since?” Her eyes widened.
“No.” He laughed again, the way one did when they thought something was ridiculous.
“Perhaps I should be clearer,” Faith said. “You claimed you have only drank upon the death of loved ones, yet it has been a couple years since your wife’s death. However, you were jailed for a drunken fight recently.” Faith stood and glared at him. “I’m afraid—”
“I’m sorry.” Kane darted from his seat. He raised his hands in a motion to halt her, but quickly lowered them to his sides. “I’ve been behind bars for nearly two months now, and I haven’t had even the slightest hankering for a drink.”
She turned and looked at the door, wondering if Sheriff Daniels or the pastor heard him blurt an apology. Could she trust Kane? Maybe this was a mistake.
“Please, hear me out.” He ran a hand through his hair and began to pace. Kane paused in front of the platform near the pastor’s podium and sat down, folding his hands in his lap. “I was a mess when Rachel died and angry at God. A preacher who came here with the rest of us helped me see that I needed to change, that I couldn’t keep taking things out on other people. I promise you, with God as my witness, that I don’t have a problem with drinking, and if you take a chance on me, I won’t let you down.”
“Meaning?”
“Meaning, I’ll work hard every day to make sure there is food on the table and a roof over our heads. That your two little girls will never have to worry about going hungry.” Kane swallowed, and the lump in his throat moved noticeably. He was making an effort and being honest, she could tell.
“It may seem like you are exchanging one sentence for another.” Faith’s chin jutted upwards. “But I can assure you, that if you don’t make good on your commitment, I won’t think twice about having you thrown back in jail.”
“I understand.” Kane breathed a sigh of relief. “And I promise you, I won’t let you down.”
Faith nodded. “And you’ll agree to go to church with us, as a family, every Sunday?”
The corner of his mouth crooked upwards. “Every Sunday.”
CHAPTER FOUR
“This is Gracie, she’s four.” Faith smoothed one of her daughter’s curls away from her face. She looked down at her other daughter, who’d secured a handful of Hope’s dress in her hands. “And this is Hope. She is two.”
Hope held up two fingers. Everyone chuckled.
“Girls, I’d like you to meet Mr. Calloway.” The girls both looked at Kane. They already knew Sheriff Corbin and Pastor Mire, so there was no mistaking the man in question. Faith wished he’d been allowed to bathe before meeting the girls. She wanted them to like him. “He will be staying with us—at our home.” She looked nervously at Kane, a faint smile on his face as he gazed at her children.
He looked at her when she didn’t say anything further. Their eyes locked and her breath caught. His blue eyes had a way of clouding her thoughts. The right side of his smile raised. “I think what your Ma is trying to say is that we’re getting married today.”
“Today?” Sheriff Daniel’s blurted out.
“Yes.” Faith looked from him to the preacher, and then at Kane, who didn’t look very happy with the sheriff’s obvious displeasure.
“The last couple got married the same day they met as well,” Pastor Mire said.
“That doesn’t matter.” The sheriff’s response was aimed toward the pastor. He grabbed Faith’s elbow. “Do you mind if we talk—in private?”
Without giving her a chance to respond, he guided her away from the
church steps. She paused a moment to loosen Hope’s grip on her dress. “Play with your sister. I’ll be close enough for you to see, I promise.”
Hope walked to her sister. She picked up a stick and started drawing in the dirt.
“What do you mean you want to get married today?” Sheriff Daniel’s glance toward Kane carried as much venom as a snake bite. He focused his attention back on Faith, who was standing next to him. “I think it would be best if you went home and thought about this a week or two. Trust me, Kane isn’t going anywhere in the meantime.”
She almost laughed at the irony of his comment. Faith knew if she had more time to think about it, she might lose her nerve. Not to mention, waiting a week or two would mean getting the crops planted late—something she couldn’t afford to do. “While Kane might not be going anywhere, he would only be sitting behind bars and quite honestly, I need him to be out there in the field, working.”
Corbin made a guttural sound.
“You’re a good friend and I know that you are only looking out for me and the girls.” Faith laid a hand on Corbin’s arm. “But I can’t prolong the inevitable. Pastor Mire already told me the other couple got immediately. So you are the only one who is wanting to prolong things.” She squeezed his arm. “Tom would appreciate how much you’ve looked out for us.”
Faith let her arm drop and walked over to Pastor Mire and Kane. The girls were playing by the stairs leading up to the church.
“Are we ready?” Pastor Mire asked.
Kane looked at her. “I am.”
“So am I.” She turned and headed over to the girls, extending a hand toward each of them. “Come on girls, it’s time for us to go inside.”
“But it’s not Sunday.” Gracie stood and put a fist on each hip. “And I wanna play.”
“I wanna play, too.” Hope rose from her squatting position and dusted her hands off on her blue dress.
“We can play later.” Kane swooped Hope up in his arms and swirled her around.
The air caught in Faith’s lungs. She hadn’t realized she was holding her breath until Kane leaned over and sat her giggling daughter down next to her.
“Now, take your Ma’s hand and let’s head inside.” Kane stood back to his full height. He used an index finger to gently lift her chin and winked at her. “Don’t act so surprised. I do have nieces and a nephew.”
“I want a turn.” They both looked down to see Gracie tugging on his sleeve.
He smiled, lifted her, and moved over away from the others so that he wouldn’t bump against anyone when he swung Gracie around. She spread her arms in the air as he spun her and chuckled.
It was the first time Faith could remember hearing either of the girls laugh since Tom died. Faith hadn’t thought about how having another father figure would be good for the children. Someone who was strong and playful. She’d only considered remarriage out of their physical needs, but not their emotional ones.
After setting Gracie down, he bowed and extended a hand for her to hold. “Would you do me the honor of attending my wedding to your mother?”
Gracie giggled and curtsied before taking his hand.
“Are you all coming?” Kane looked over his shoulder and winked at Faith. His lips curved into a lazy smile.
Her heart skipped a beat. She smiled back at him, took Hope’s small hand and followed them into the church.
Visions of her wedding ceremony to Tom ran through her mind as the preacher performed her marriage to Kane. Faith wondered if Kane was also thinking about when he married Rachel. At least they’d both experienced love. Neither of them were walking into this union with a starry eyed gaze.
Three hours after her wedding, Faith stood in her kitchen, as if it were any other day. She was rolling out biscuits while the girls took Kane outside to look around and gather eggs from the chicken coop. After putting them in the oven, she started toward the door when they came in. “I was just going see what was keeping you all. Did you find enough eggs for lunch?”
Hope held up an egg in her hands.
“I’ve got two.” Gracie announced. “Mr. Kane has four, but he said he is only going to eat half of them. Do you know how many that is?”
Faith opened her mouth to answer, but Hope blurted out the answer. “You knew that?”
“Mr. Kane told her.” Gracie’s frown conveyed her displeasure at having her younger sister spoil her surprise.
Kane was like a dream come true, or an answer to prayer. He had taken a personal interest in her children from the moment he met them. Part of her wanted to tell the children not to add Mister to his name, but should they call him Kane? It seemed too soon, at least for her, to allow them to call him Pa, even if he was their new Pa. She felt a loyalty to Tom, and to their memory of him. Perhaps it was something the two of them should discuss after the girls went to bed that night.
Which brought up something else she needed to think about—their sleeping arrangements.
CHAPTER FIVE
“Are you sure you don’t mind sleeping on the sofa?” Faith’s cheeks flushed at the realization that she hoped Kane would say he preferred to sleep with her. After all, it was their wedding night.
“I don’t mind at all.”
She continued to busy herself with pulling a quilt from the trunk at the end of her bed.
Kane had bathed earlier and she’d given him some of Tom’s old clothes, which Kane filled out more because of his more muscular build. He’d shaved, but his hair was still long, curling on his shoulders. Faith didn’t offer to cut his hair because thoughts of running her fingers through it made her nervous and excited. Her hands trembled just thinking about it. She grabbed the quilt and stood all too quickly, losing her balance.
Strong hands reached out and steadied her. “Careful.”
Her breath caught as she gazed into his blue eyes. He smelled more pleasant than he had when they met—this morning. Like being caught in a cold rain, Faith blinked rapidly and swallowed the lump in her throat. Stepping back away from Kane, she left her arms extended. “Here’s your quilt.”
When he took it, her arms quickly dropped. Their gazes locked. The light flickering in the room from her lantern was the only thing moving. Finally, he nodded.
“Good night, ma’am.” Kane turned to go.
“Wait.”
He stopped and looked at her.
“You need a pillow.” Faith briskly walked to the side of the bed and grabbed one of the pillows. She handed it to him. “Have a good night, Kane.”
A lazy smile came across his face. He winked before he turned and left her room.
She rubbed her arms, not that she was cold. One thing she hadn’t expected was to feel physical attraction again, or longing to be embraced. Gracie and Hope hugged her every day, but it wasn’t the same. Their arms offered love, but not the type of comfort and reassurance she desperately needed. That night, when she crawled into bed, she cried for the loneliness she felt.
♥ ♥ ♥
Faith woke early, as usual. Her pillow was still moist from last night’s tears. She put on a work dress and apron, then headed quietly to the kitchen. Kane was still sound asleep on the sofa, an arm across his face. Walking softly, she carefully grabbed the metal pail and carried it outside to get water from the well.
Once inside, she lit a lantern and put water to boil on the stove for coffee.
“Anything I can do?”
Looking up, she saw Kane standing in the kitchen doorway. “I was going to make biscuits and then go out to the barn and get some milk for breakfast. Hopefully the chickens have laid us a few eggs.”
“I’d be happy to help.”
Pouring the water from the pail into a clean basin, she handed it to Kane so that he could use it to milk one of the few cows they owned.
Instead of grabbing it, Kane reached up and gently caressed her cheek, stroking beneath her eye with his thumb. “A woman as beautiful as you should never be made to cry.”
Closing her eyes, Faith l
eaned her head against his hand. The small transfer of heat from his skin to hers, flooded her with warmth.
“I miss this,” she whispered.
“So do I.” His voice was husky. “But if we’re to have a real marriage, we need to not be a replacement for what the other has lost.”
In her heart, she knew Kane was right. If they gave into their physical desires, while it may satisfy them for the moment, it would leave them empty emotionally. She slowly exhaled a deep breath and nodded.
Taking the pail with his free hand, Kane kissed her temple and left to do the tasks given him.
By the time Kane returned, Faith had gotten the girls up and dressed. They were playing on the floor near the sofa. The biscuits were done and the table set. Faith put a couple spoons of lard in the cast iron skillet and put it on the burner, adjusting the heat. She laughed when Kane began pulling eggs out of his trouser pants and setting them on a plate on the table.
“Perhaps next time I should take something with me to carry them in?” Kane smiled.
“Let me get you a cup of coffee.” Faith grabbed a mug and filled it, setting it at the head of the table, along with a small bowl of sugar. “If you like, you can use a little of the milk in the coffee.”
His eyebrow arched.
Her cheeks warmed. She shrugged and grabbed the plate of eggs, careful not to let them roll over the edge as she walked.
Not many people drank their coffee the way Tom had, and after their conversation before he went outside, it didn’t help for her to imply he may prefer his coffee the same way. It might help her to remember that more if he didn’t wear the same clothes as Tom wore. She’d make sure to buy new fabric to sew a few shirts for Kane.
After breakfast, Kane headed outside to work while she cleaned up. When she finished putting a pot of soup on the stove for lunch, she put on a pair of boots so that her shoes would not get ruined working in the field. Gracie and Hope were anxious to go outside and play, so she hurried and grabbed a metal cup filled with water for Kane. He was bound to be thirsty by now. She got the girls situated and reminded them to stay within eyesight, before taking Kane his drink.
Free to Heal Page 2
