by Fanny Burney
CHAPTER XXII
It was not the design of Ellis to return any more to Lewes. The grosstreatment which she had experienced, and the daily menace of beingdismissed, were become utterly insupportable; and she determined, in aletter from Brighthelmstone, to take a final leave of Mrs Maple.
From the high influence of Miss Arbe in what is called the polite world,she hoped that to engage her favour, would almost secure prosperity toher favourite wish and plan, of exchanging her helpless dependancy, foran honourable, however fatiguing, exertion of the talents andacquirements with which she had been endowed by her education; thoughnothing short of the courage of distress could have stimulated her tosuch an attempt.
As soon, therefore, as Miss Arbe renewed her eager invitations, Ellisexpressively said, 'Are you sure, Madam, that you will not repent yourgoodness, when you know that I want, as well as that I value it?'
A carriage, which they just then met, stopt the chaise, and the voice ofMiss Bydel called out a lamentation, that she was obliged to go home,because her brother wanted the coach; though she had earnest business atBrighthelmstone, whither she entreated Miss Arbe to convey her. MissArbe seemed much chagrined, both by the interruption and the intrusion,yet was so obviously going that way, that she knew not how to form anexcuse; and Miss Bydel entered the chaise.
Extremely pleased by the sight of Ellis, 'What,' she cried, 'my sisteractress? Why this is what I did not expect indeed! I was told you wouldgo no where, Miss Ellis, but to Lady Aurora Granville, and theHonourable Med: Howel. Pray is it true? I should not ask if it were asecret, for I know nobody likes one's being curious; but as all theservants must know it, it's not a thing to be kept long in the dark. AndI am told, too, since it's being found out that you are a young lady offashion, that it's the high talk that you've made a conquest of LordMelbury; and I can't but say but I should like to know if that's areport that has got any foundation. Pray will you be so kind as to tellme.'
Ellis assured her that it had not the least.
'Well, how people do like to make strange stories! One piece ofinformation, however, I should be really glad if you would give me; andthat is, whether you are come over to settle here, or only upon a visitto Mrs Maple? And whether she has the care of your fortune, as a sort ofguardian; or whether it is all in your own hands?'
Ellis, disturbed by these most unseanable questions, answered, in adejected tone, that she was not happy enough to be able, at this moment,to give any circumstantial account of herself.
Miss Arbe, who only imperfectly understood the speech which had beenmade as the chaise was stopt, languished to hear it explained.Privately, therefore, by arch winks, and encouraging taps, she urged onthe broad questions of Miss Bydel; though she was too expert an adept inthe rules, at least, of good breeding, not to hold back herself fromsuch interrogatories, as might level her elevated fame with that of thegross and homely Miss Bydel; who to sordid friends owed a large fortune,left her late in life, but neither education nor manners, that mighthave taught her that its most hateful privilege is that of authorisingunfeeling liberties.
They had arrived, nevertheless, within half a mile of Brighthelmstone,before any thing really explanatory had passed: Ellis, then, alarmedwith reflecting that, if again dragged to Lewes, she must again have toquit it, with scarcely a chance of such another opportunity forendeavouring to bring forward her project, conquered her reluctance toopening upon her distress, and said, 'You little suspect, Miss Arbe, howdeep an obligation I owe to your kindness, in carrying me to day toBrighthelmstone!'
'How so, Miss Ellis? How so, my dear?' cried Miss Bydel, before MissArbe could answer.
'My situation,' she continued, 'which seems so pleasant, is perhapsamongst the most painful that can be imagined. I feel myself, though inmy native country, like a helpless foreigner; unknown, unprotected, anddepending solely upon the benevolence of those by whom, accidentally, Iam seen, for kindness,--or even for support!--'
The amazement of the two ladies, at this declaration, was equally great,though Miss Arbe, who never spoke and never acted, but through themedium of what she believed the world would most approve to hear hersay, or to see her do, had no chance of manifesting her surprise aspromptly as Miss Bydel; who made her own judgment the sole arbitrator ofher speech and conduct, and who immediately called out, 'Well, nobodyshall ever try to persuade me I am in the wrong again! I said, the wholetime, there was certainly something quite out of the common way in thisyoung person. And it's plain I was right. For how, I said, can it be,that, first of all, a young person is brought out as nothing, and thenis turned into a fine lady; when, all the time, nobody knows any thingabout her? But pray tell me this one thing, child; what was the firstmotive of your going over the seas? And what might be the reason of yourcoming back again in such an untowardly sort of manner? without anymoney, or any one to be accountable for your character?'
Ellis made no answer. The obligations, however heavy of endurance, whichled her to bear similar, and still more offensive examinations from MrsMaple, existed not here; and the compulsion of debts of that nature,could alone strengthen the patience, or harden the feelings of agenerous spirit, to sustain so rude and unfeeling an inquisition.
Miss Arbe, though anxious to understand, before she uttered even a word,what sort of footing, independently of Mrs Maple, this young person wasupon in the world, failed not to remark, in her silence, a courage thatunavoidably spoke in her favour.
Ellis saw, but too plainly, how little she had to expect fromspontaneous pity, or liberality; and hesitated whether to plead morehumbly, or to relinquish at once her plan.
'You are still, then,' resumed Miss Bydel, 'at your secret-keeping, Ifind, that we were told so much about at the beginning, before thediscovery of your being a lady of family and fashion; which came out so,all of the sudden, at last, that I should never have believed a word ofit, but for knowing Mrs Maple to be so amazing particular as to thosepoints.--'
'And Mrs Howel!' here interrupted Miss Arbe, casting at Ellis, upon therecollection of such a confirmation of her birth and connections, a lookof so much favour, that, again hoping for her aid, Ellis begged toalight at Miss Matson's, the milliner.
Miss Arbe said that she would attend her thither with pleasure. 'And I,my dear,' said Miss Bydel, 'will go in with you, too; for I want a fewodd matters for myself.'
Ellis, finding how little she was understood, was forced to add: 'It isnot for any purchases that I go to Miss Matson;--it is to lodge in herhouse, till I can find some better asylum!--'
The first amazement of the two ladies sunk into nothing, when contrastedwith that which they experienced at this moment. That she shouldacknowledge herself to be poor, was quite enough, be her other claims tonotice what they might, to excite immediate contempt in Miss Bydel:while Miss Arbe, in that point, more liberal, but, in all that sheconceived to belong to fashion, a very slave, was embarrassed how totreat her, till she could gain some information how she was likely to betreated by the world: but neither of them had entertained the mostdistant suspicion, that she was not settled under the roof, and thepatronage, of Mrs Maple. To hear, therefore, of her seeking a lodging,and wanting an asylum, presented her in so new, so altered, and sohumiliated a point of view, that Miss Bydel herself was not immediatelyable to speak; and the two ladies stared at each other, as ifreciprocally demanding how to behave.
Ellis perceived their dilemma, and again lost her hope.
'A lodging?' at length cried Miss Bydel. 'Well, I am less surprised thanany body else will be, for when things have an odd beginning, I alwaysexpect them to have an odd end. But how comes it,--for that can be nosecret,--that you are looking out for a lodging? I should like to knowwhat all that means. Pray what may be the reason that Mrs Maple does notfind you a lodging herself? And who is to take care of you? Does shelend you any of her own servants? These things, at least, can be nosecrets, or else I should not ask; but the servants must needs knowwhether they are lent or not.'
Ellis made no reply; an
d still Miss Arbe held back.
'Well,' resumed Miss Bydel, 'I don't like to judge any body, butcertainly it is no good sign to be so close. Some things, however, mustbe known whether people will or not: so I hope at least I may ask,whether your friends are coming to you in your lodging?--and what youintend to do there?--and how long you think to live there?--and what isthe true cause of your going there?--For there must certainly be somereason.'
Ellis, who now found that she must either answer Miss Bydel or foregoher whole scheme, from the determined backwardness of Miss Arbe to takeany active part in her affairs, said, 'My past history, Madam, it wouldbe useless to hear--and impossible for me to relate: my present planmust depend upon a charitable construction of my unavoidable,indispensable silence; without which it would be madness to hope forany favour, any recommendation, that may give the smallest chance ofsuccess to my attempt.'
'And what is your attempt?' cried Miss Bydel; 'for if that's a secrettoo, I can't find out how you're to do it.'
'On the contrary,' she answered, 'I am well aware that I must publish,or relinquish it; and immediately I would make it known, if I dared hopethat I might appear qualified for the office I wish to undertake, in theeyes of--'
She looked at Miss Arbe, but did not venture to proceed.
Miss Arbe, understanding, and feeling the compliment, yet uneasy to haveit equally understood by Miss Bydel, complacently broke her silence, bysaying, 'In whose eyes?--Lady Aurora Granville's?'
'Ah! Madam,--the condescending partiality of Lady Aurora, mightencourage every hope of the honour of her interest and zeal;--but she ispeculiarly situated;--and perhaps the weight that must be attached to arecommendation of the sort which I require--'
She was going to say, might demand more experience than her ladyship'sextreme youth allowed to have yet fallen to her share; but she stopt.She was aware that she stood upon dangerous ground. The vanity of MissArbe was, at least, as glaring as her talents; and to celebrate even herjudgment in the fine arts, though it was the pride of her life, by aninsinuation that, at one-and-thirty she was not in the first buddingyouth of fifteen, might offend, by an implication that added yearscontributed to a superiority, which she wished to have considered as dueto brighter genius alone.
From what was said, Miss Arbe could not be without some suspicion ofwhat was held back; and she as little desired to hear, as Ellis could toutter, a word that might derogate from the universal elevation anddistinction at which she aspired; she was perfectly ready, therefore, toaccept what would flatter, and to reject what would mortify her;forgetting, in common with all vain characters, that to shrink from thetruth ourselves, saves one person only from hearing our defects.
'It is true,' said Miss Arbe, smiling, 'Lady Aurora cannot be supposedto have much weight with the world, amiable as she is. The world is notvery easily led; and, certainly, only by those who acquire a certainascendance over it, by some qualifications not entirely of the mostcommon sort.--'
'But still I don't understand,' cried Miss Bydel, 'what it is Miss Ellismeans. What is it you want to be recommended about, child?--What is thisattempt you talk of?--Have you got your fortune with you?--or does MrsMaple keep it in her own hands?--or have not you got any left?--orperhaps you've had none from the beginning?'
Ellis briefly explained, that her wish was to be placed in some family,where there were children, as a governess.
Again, the two ladies were equally surprised, at the project of sosteady and elaborate an undertaking; and Miss Bydel broke forth into themost abrupt enquiries, of how Mrs Maple came to agree to such a scheme;whether it were approved of by Mrs Howel; and what Ellis could teach, ordo, if it took place.
Ellis, when compelled to speak, was compelled, also, to confess, thatshe had not mentioned her design to either of those ladies.
Miss Bydel now, stiffly drawing up, declared that she could not helptaking the liberty to say, that for a young lady, who was under the careof two persons of so much consideration and fortune, to resolve upondisposing of herself, without consulting either of them, was a thing shenever should countenance; and which she was sure all the world would beagainst.
These were alarming words for Miss Arbe, whose constant and predominantthought, was ever upon public opinion. All, too, seemed, now, at an end,that had led, or could lead, to conciliation, where there was sopeculiar a rivalry in talents; joined to a superiority of beauty,visible even to her own eyes; for how, if the hours of Ellis were to beconsigned to the care and improvement of young ladies, could either timeor opportunity be found, to give, and in private, the musicalinstructions, for the hope of which alone Miss Arbe had been so earnestin her invitations, and so courteous in her manners?
Without offering, therefore, the smallest softening word to the bluffquestions, or gross censures of Miss Bydel, she was silent till theyentered Brighthelmstone; and then only spoke to order the postilion tostop at Miss Matson's. There arrived, the two ladies let her alightalone; Miss Bydel, with a proud nod, just uttering, 'Good bye!' and MissArbe, with a forced smile, saying she was happy to have been of any useto her.
Ellis remained so confounded, when thus unexpectedly abandoned, that shestood still, a few minutes, at the door, unable to answer, or even tounderstand, the civil inquiries of a young woman, from the shop, whethershe would not come in, to give her commands. When a little recovered,she entered, and, in the meek tone of apprehension, asked whether shecould again hire, for a few nights, or a week, the little room in whichshe had slept some time since.
Miss Matson, recollecting her voice, came now from the back parlour,most courteously rejoicing at seeing her; and disguising her surprise,that she should again enquire for so cheap and ordinary a littlelodging. For Miss Matson, and her family, had learnt, from variousreports, that she was the same young lady who had given so much pleasureby her performance in the Provoked Husband; and who had, since, made along visit at the Honourable Mrs Howel's, near whose mansion wassituated the shop. But, whatever might be the motive of her return,there could be none against her admission, since they knew her highconnections, and since, even now, she was set down at the shop by MissArbe. The little room, therefore, was speedily prepared, and the firstuse that Ellis made of it, was to write to Selina.
She desired leave to present her thanks to Mrs Maple, for the asylumwhich had been afforded to her distress; without any hints at thedrawbacks to its comfort; and then briefly communicated her intention,to pass the rest of the time of her suspence and difficulties, inworking at her needle; unless she could find means to place herself insome respectable family, as a governess to its children. She finishedher letter by the warmest acknowledgments, for the kindness which shehad experienced from Selina.
The person who took this note was desired to apply to Mrs Fenn, for theready prepared baggage of Ellis.
This, which she thought a respect demanded by decency to Mrs Maple, washer first action: she then opened, as a balm to her wounded feelings,the letter of Lady Aurora Granville; but had the cruel disappointment tofind in it only these words:
'Hate me not, sweet Miss Ellis--but I am forbidden to write to you!--forbidden to receive your letters!--
'A. G.'
Deeply hurt, and deeply offended, Ellis, now, was filled with theheaviest grief; though neither offended nor hurt by Lady Aurora, whosetrembling hand-writing she kissed a thousand times; with a perfectconviction, that their sufferings were nearly reciprocal, from thisterrible prohibition.
Her little baggage soon arrived, with a letter from Selina, containing apermission from Mrs Maple, that Ellis might immediately return toLewes, lest, which Mrs Howel would never forgive, she should meet withLord Melbury.
Ellis wrote a cold excuse, declaring her firm purpose to endeavour todepend, henceforth, upon her own exertions.
And, to strengthen this resolution, she re-read a passage in one of herletters from abroad, to which she had frequent recourse, when herspirits felt unequal to her embarrassments.
'Dans une pos
ition telle que la votre,--'
'In your present lonely, unprotected, unexampled situation, many and severe may be your trials; let not any of them shake your constancy, nor break your silence: while all is secret, all may be safe; by a single surmise, all may be lost. But chiefly bear in mind, what has been the principle of your education, and what I wish to be that of your conduct and character through life: That where occasion calls for female exertion, mental strength must combat bodily weakness; and intellectual vigour must supply the inherent deficiencies of personal courage; and that those, only, are fitted for the vicissitudes of human fortune, who, whether female or male, learn to suffice to themselves. Be this the motto of your story.'
