by Leslie North
“Colin called,” Lily said, coming in from the kitchen. “They’re on their way here.”
“Thanks.” Soledad appreciated the warm welcome Lily had given her, but she suspected that Colin’s wife knew something of what was going on, while Soledad was completely in the dark. She’d tried asking questions, but they were gently rebuffed and deflected with the assertion that Alex needed to explain everything himself. Instead, Lily told her the story of why the house was so well fortified.
Lily’s tale had angered Soledad. Lily was kind and beautiful, and some creep had tried to take advantage of that. She gathered it hadn’t ended well for the bad guys, but the house remained on lockdown. Soledad supposed she was lucky to be there, where it was safe, but questions pounded in her mind.
What kind of threat had Alex so worried? Where had it originated? Had it been hanging over their heads since Alex returned from his last mission? What about Luke? How could he have let their child be in danger?
She stopped stalking around when Colin’s truck pulled in the driveway. She went to the front door, ready to yank it open and demand answers, but stopped herself. If she and Alex were going to have a fight, she didn’t want an audience, no matter how nice and helpful Colin and Lily had been.
She took two steps back, folded her arms across her chest, and faced the door when it opened. Alex came in and gave Soledad a silent nod. His face was unreadable.
“We’re going to clear out for a while so you two can talk,” Lily said, her hand on her husband’s arm. “I just checked on Luke. He’s asleep in the nursery upstairs,” she added for Alex’s benefit.
“Call if you need anything,” Colin said before picking up his daughter and ushering his family out the door. “We’ll be back in a couple hours.”
“Well, that wasn’t awkward at all,” Soledad observed. “Did you ask them to go?”
“No,” Alex said, stepping closer, “but I’m glad for some privacy.”
What did that mean? What was his explanation for forcing her out of the townhouse today? Just how bad was the situation?
“Tell me,” she demanded. “Tell me now, Alex. Or so help me…”
Alex scrubbed a hand over his face and blew out a breath. “I made an enemy on my last mission, a fellow SEAL. I reported him for misconduct.”
“I thought you all were the good guys.” Her image of the SEALs was that they were squeaky-clean, upstanding types like Alex and his brothers.
“Most of us are, most of the time,” Alex said, sounding like he wanted to defend his buddies, “but Bruce is a bad apple. Here’s what happened.”
Soledad listened in disbelief while Alex told her about Bruce and his drug dealing, his reprimand, the threats against them, and finally the package left on their doorstep that day. When Alex finished, he looked at her, apparently waiting for her reaction, but she could say nothing as her mind worked to process all he’d told her and the ramifications. This was far worse than anything she’d imagined. From what Alex explained, a highly trained SEAL was set on revenge against Alex—and perhaps her and Luke as well.
And then a slew of questions came.
“How long have you known he was after you, after us?” she demanded.
“Six weeks or so. I got a tip from a buddy.”
“What?” Her voice rose before she forced herself to control it. “That long, and you didn’t tell me? What were you thinking?” Her anger was barely in check. “Would he harm Luke?”
Alex didn’t answer for a long minute, so she stepped closer to him and poked his chest. “Answer me. Honestly.”
“Yes, if it would hurt me. And it would.” He added the last quietly. He didn’t have to tell her that harming his son would harm him, but that didn’t negate her anger.
“My God. Didn’t you think I should have known about this?” She gave him another poke.
“I didn’t want you to worry.” His blue eyes met hers, emotions raw in them.
“I’m worried now,” she said. Terrified was the right word. Not for herself, but for what this man might do to her baby.
“I can protect you and Luke,” Alex insisted. “It’s why I added the security system.”
“I’d figured that out,” she snapped, then forced herself to adjust her tone. “I should have asked more questions, but I thought you were just being a cautious dad. I should have known there was something behind the sudden need for protection.”
She thought back over the past weeks, during which she’d rarely gone anywhere without Alex. He hadn’t forbidden her from going—she would have asked questions then—but just the same, he’d controlled her movements and kept Luke confined to the fenced backyard for outdoor time. The one time she’d gone out without Alex’s knowledge, her morning run and coffee stop, he’d questioned her about it later. Now she understood why. A sudden sick feeling hit her.
“What does this man look like?” she asked, remembering the man in the café.
“My size. Blond hair, hawklike nose. He was wearing a blue baseball cap when he dropped off the package. I can pull up a picture of him if you want to see.”
“I’ve seen him.”
“Where?” Alex’s posture went rigid.
“At the coffee shop, when I went for a run a few days ago. He looked me over, and then I saw his car parked on our street.”
Alex swore under his breath. “Did he say anything to you?”
“No. I wish I’d known to be on my guard. A little honesty would have helped.”
“I can protect you,” he repeated. “I will protect you.”
She didn’t doubt that, but she hated the fact that he hadn’t told her. She was opening her mouth to voice that again when the horrible truth hit her. This was why Alex hadn’t returned to active duty: he could only protect her and Luke by sticking close by. He wasn’t with them because of his attachment to her and Luke but because he felt obligated to protect them from the danger he’d indirectly caused. She backed away from him and sank down on the couch, dropping her face into her hands.
“Soledad,” he said after a moment’s silence. “Talk to me.”
She wanted to snap back at him that he hadn’t talked to her, but she had a bigger concern. “You stayed home because of this,” she accused him, “didn’t you?”
“Of course I did. I couldn’t leave you and Luke exposed,” he said with the conviction of a man sure that he’d done the right thing.
He sounded noble. He’d sacrificed the career he loved for them—but it wasn’t that simple, her heart told her. He’d stayed not because he wanted a relationship with her, not because he wanted them to be a family, but because of an external threat. She fought back the sob rising in her throat, forcing herself to be calm. She had to see this conversation through.
“I thought you wanted to be with me. And Luke,” she said. “I thought you’d changed. But you haven’t. You’re the same man I broke up with a year ago, aren’t you?” She looked at him, but he stood as still as a statue, completely unlike himself. “Dammit, I didn’t want to believe that. I wanted so much to think you were with me because you… because you loved me. I told myself that’s why you made love to me. I suppose I hoped you wanted us to be together as much as I did. I feel so stupid.” She shook her head, remembering all the lies she’d allowed herself to believe. “I guess I didn’t learn my lesson the first time around with you. Joke’s on me.”
“I’m leaving on a mission soon,” he said after a minute of silence, a minute in which she berated herself for falling into the same trap twice.
“Of course you are.” She didn’t even try to keep the bitterness from her tone.
“Before I go,” he continued, “I need to see you safely settled somewhere away from here. I was thinking you and Luke could stay with your aunt in Philadelphia for a while, until this is settled.”
“You want me to leave town—leave the state?” This was unreal. What else was he going to reveal to her? Because her ability to process the unexpected was down to nothing.
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“It’s for the best. That way you and Luke are out of Bruce’s reach,” he said. “If you can’t take Frankie with you, one of my brothers will take her.”
Soledad loved Frankie, she truly did. But at that moment, the fact that Alex was concerned about where her dog would go infuriated her. Did he not see that her heart was breaking? Did he not see that the little world she’d created for herself was crumbling? But he’d never shared that world with her. It was her mistake to think he had.
Curse fulfilled, she thought. All of her mother’s warnings had been for naught. She’d been convinced this time was different, but it wasn’t. She loved a man who didn’t want her. She’d be on her own raising a child, as her mother, aunt, and grandmother had been before her. The multigenerational tragedy was probably some kind of record. Maybe she’d write a book about the Hayes family curse and get herself on Oprah.
Her only consolation, if she could find one, was that Alex’s love for Luke was genuine. He might not be with her, but he’d have some kind of relationship with his son. She hoped.
“Soledad,” Alex said into a silence that had stretched while she tried to process everything that had happened in the past hours, “Soledad, I need you to—”
She held up her hand to stop his words. She didn’t want them, couldn’t sort through them. “I’ll call my aunt. I’m sure she’ll take me and Luke in. I’ll do whatever I need to for Luke’s sake, but I need some time to myself.” She was exhausted, mentally and emotionally. This was too much. She’d prided herself on being strong and independent, but this was more than even she could take.
“I get that. You’ll stay here with Luke and Frankie until you can get packed up to go. It’s safer for you.”
Was that the real reason for forcing her to become his brother’s houseguest? Or was it that he wanted her out of his place? He wouldn’t answer those questions even if she asked him. And she had to admit that it did seem more secure here, with the fancy alarm system and Colin’s vigilance. She resented it, though, resented being foisted on Alex’s relatives, despite how nice they were. But she’d stay, because it was best for Luke, and that’s what mattered most.
“Fine,” she said, and she could have left it at that, but here was her opportunity to tell Alex how much he’d hurt her. She doubted she’d get another chance, because he was going to run for it, run back to the service. She stood, eyed him, and let the words tumble out. “You know I’d always believed, always convinced myself that one day you would fully love me and commit to me. But you aren’t ever going to do that, are you? I’m never going to get more than a part of you.” She stared at him, but his face had become an impassive mask. What kind of man didn’t react to those words?
Didn’t matter. She went on. “I know Luke’s arrival complicated things, but I thought we were making progress as a real family. And I wanted that. You have no idea how much.” She gulped in air, fortifying herself to speak. “I know about your past, about your parents, about your low expectations for others. Heck, my family history isn’t much better—but despite all that, I hoped for the best for us. Unlike you, I never saw the past as limiting, so why would I expect the worst? Why should I, and now Luke, exist in a cage that was forced upon us? But you’ve chosen to stay there, chosen to define yourself by the past and others’ actions. You won’t let yourself love anyone, because you might get hurt.” She expelled a shaky sigh, knowing that she would cry later but keeping herself together in the moment. “Well, I’m hurt now, and I suppose that’s my own fault, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I made the mistake of loving you twice. And if I never have you, at least I’ll have Luke. And I can love him as much as I want to. There’s no limit on a mother’s love.”
Unlike you, she silently added. Alex placed limits on everyone around him. He didn’t allow people to get close to him, to love him, because it didn’t end well most of the time. But when it did, when love worked, it was magical. That’s what she’d hoped for with Alex, but it wasn’t to be because his past, his parents, had damaged him so much that he wouldn’t allow it.
That alone made her want to cry. Instead, she took a silent pledge to make her son’s life so full of love and understanding that he’d never question those around him, never refuse to give his trust or affection.
About Alex, there was nothing she could do.
13
Alex placed some of Luke’s toys into a box, regretting that he wouldn’t see his son play with the little blue stuffed bear or the oversized plastic keys on a ring. He could hear Soledad in the master bedroom packing her things. Convincing her to leave with Luke had taken everything out of him. He didn’t want to be parted from her or his son, but he had no choice.
Even now, he missed Luke, who’d stayed behind at Colin and Lily’s house. His sister-in-law was taking care of him, and Alex knew the boy was safe, but he hated having him out of reach. Over the past few days, he’d spent as much time as he could with Luke, knowing his son would soon be headed to Philadelphia to live with Soledad and her aunt, which was for the best if his scheme was going to work.
He and his brothers had formulated a plan to smoke Bruce out. Alex had put around that he was leaving soon on a mission. To build the charade, he’d started his pre-mission schedule. He rose early to run ten miles and worked out in the afternoons. His goal was to be seen, so he’d stuck to the high school track and a popular gym downtown. He’d even carted some boxes to a storage facility and contacted his homeowner’s association to let them know he’d be gone for an indefinite amount of time. All clear signs to anyone looking that he was headed out with his SEAL team.
He hoped Bruce believed it, because Alex wanted this done. He wanted to be out of danger, but more importantly, once it was over, he could tell Soledad the truth. As it was, she had to be convinced that he was leaving her as well, that he didn’t want a relationship with her. Otherwise she’d never take Luke and go away—which they had to do.
“I’m going next door to say goodbye to Gina.” Soledad leaned in the nursery door. It was the longest sentence she’d addressed to him in the past three days. She didn’t wait for his response but went down the stairs. After he heard the front door slam, he rapidly crossed to the master bedroom, where he could watch over her. She cut across the lawn, her arms swinging at her sides. A minute later she was safely inside Gina’s house.
He blew out a sigh. His nerves were raw between his worry about Bruce and the emotional impasse he was at with Soledad. He thought back to the end of their conversation, when he’d pretended not to care for her. He’d almost lost it, almost confessed everything when she’d confronted him at Colin’s house and openly confessed her love for him, her hopes for their future together.
His SEAL training included techniques to resist various forms of torture, and he’d relied on those to get him through the moment when she’d laid her heart on the line. He’d had to dig deep to resist telling her how he felt. The toughest part had been not acknowledging how right she was about him. He had kept himself in a cage of his own making. He’d erected iron bars around his emotions… until recently, when Soledad and Luke had bent the bars and set him free. He longed to tell her that so much he’d literally bitten his tongue.
And now he had to avoid her for fear she’d see through the front he’d constructed. He could hardly be in the same room with her. But he had to pretend a little longer, until the threat from Bruce was neutralized. Telling himself it was for the best was little consolation, but it was. It was best if Soledad didn’t know his true feelings, if she didn’t know how much he loved her and wanted to be with her.
Shoving her away was the only way to ensure her and Luke’s safety. Because Soledad understood hope so much better than Alex did. If she thought there was hope for their future, she’d stay and fight Bruce alongside him. He couldn’t put her at risk like that, so he’d taken the words she’d spoken, controlling his reaction and hoping—a new concept for him—that there was a future for them.
Becaus
e he saw that future. The three of them together, with maybe more children down the road, maybe a bigger house. He looked around the upstairs, seeing possibilities instead of difficulties. He was going to fight for her love, and he was a hell of a fighter.
His fight was here now. Her tone had mocked him when he’d announced he was leaving on a mission—and she’d been right, because he could never leave them again. Never again could he travel the globe and put himself in danger with no definite date of return. That was no longer in him, and he didn’t regret it. He, his life, had changed in the past months.
He’d loved Soledad a year ago at the time of their breakup, but fear had left him unable to speak the words. He could now—and he would, when this was over. As for Luke, Alex had lost his heart to that boy the second he’d seen him, and that was never going to change.
First things first: Alex needed to deal with Bruce.
He taped up a box and labeled it “Toys and clothes.” He carried it downstairs and added it to the stack near the back door. Frankie sniffed the boxes and gave him a pleading look.
“Need to go outside, girl?” Alex asked the dog, who responded with a whine. As Frankie trotted out into the yard, Alex studied the landscape he’d been creating. It was on hold, like everything else in his life, but his imagination filled in the details. As soon as this was over, he was going to put his plans into action and make the yard an oasis for his family.
He grabbed a ball from a basket left on the porch and chucked it toward the back fence. Frankie pivoted in midstride to chase it. She was bringing the ball back when Alex’s phone chimed to indicate that someone was at the front door. He let out a relieved breath he hadn’t known he was holding. Soledad was back sooner than he expected. The door opened and closed.
“We’re out back,” he called to her, hoping she’d come join them. He wouldn’t be able to reveal the truth to her, but maybe they could have a moment of companionship. Was that too much to ask?
