by Harley James
He finished setting the wards, then broadcast a message to all Guardians about their discovery. “The Rephaim are badass motherfuckers, but Nephilim are even more pernicious to Healers. Usually they’re solitary, but I worked with a group of Guardians to round up several dozen of them during the Thirty Years War in Central Europe in 1647. Made me nauseous just being around that many. None of the other Guardians were affected, but then, none of them were Healers. At the time, I thought it was because I was already running on empty, being it was close to the end of the conflict. But in light of what we saw just now, and the shitty way I felt after healing that child when I first arrived at Aqua a few days ago…this has to be the problem.”
All those centuries ago, he’d been brutally ill without actually internalizing Nephilim like Kat had when she exorcised humans who’d likely drank Nephilim blood. How much sicker was she from repeated exposure to Nephilim toxin? Could it kill her?
He sent out an urgent call to Alexios, but the Guardian leader didn’t respond.
Ari rubbed his chest. He needed to keep calm, for fuck’s sake. Breathe.
Kat twisted her hands in front of her. The little tell made him want to hold her. “Back then, how’d you heal when you were so depleted?” she asked.
“Alexios put me into an ether sleep, then suffered greatly when he channeled my pain.”
Her lips compressed. “Do you have any lingering effects all these years later?”
He shook his head, exhaling, trying to slow his heart rate. He pretended to examine a bird figurine on her coffee table while he waited for Alexios to link up telepathically.
“Why the ‘North’ nickname?” she asked quietly.
He set the figurine down and turned to face the woman he loved beyond life. He walked to her and pulled her into his arms, curling himself around her, wishing he could absorb everything ugly and evil that had touched her soul. “You still mumble in your sleep.”
She wriggled and shifted to get more comfortable. “Well now, that explains nothing.”
He tried to smile, pushing fears of her dying aside. “Don’t get your thong in a crevasse.”
She snorted. “That would be ‘panties in a bunch,’ hotshot. Might I suggest the Urban Dictionary for all your modern slang references?”
He kissed the top of her head. “Sarcasm’s your degree, not mine. In any case, you say we’re polar opposites. You’re right, but that’s our strength, not a weakness.” He tilted her chin up. “I also finally realized that while we’re different, my needle always points to you. You’ll always be my true north.”
She froze, then blinked, moisture suddenly floating in her eyes. She spun away and walked to where her phone sat on the kitchen counter. He could feel the zipping of her blood echoing the roar of his emotions.
“Grimm, your distress is disquieting. Have you discovered more dead Nephilim?”
Alexios, thank God. “Can you heal, Kat?”
“Expunging Nephilim toxin will require more than ether sleep.”
“What about using her relic?”
“I thought of that, but if she has a preponderance of evil inside her, there is a possibility the relic could kill her instead of healing her if she has contact with it. I would advise that you take over her duties of guarding the Chains of St. Peter.”
Ari pounded the side of his fist against the wall. Kat looked up, her shoulders dropping as she set her phone down carefully. Ari began to pace. “What can we do then? She cannot die.”
The Guardian leader remained silent for a few heartbeats, then, “I will attempt to consult with Michael, but don’t be surprised if we are left to figure this out on our own. In the meantime, bond with her. It should have been done decades ago. And don’t leave her side.”
There was nothing else to say—no encouragement to be found—so Ari closed the mental pathway. He stopped pacing and pierced Kat with his gaze. “You cannot go anywhere near your relic. Alexios thinks it might be a danger to you with the infection.”
“But then how can I protect it?”
“I will take over the responsibility.”
She frowned fiercely, but nodded.
They stared at one another a few moments. “Will you not bond with me to save your own life?” he finally asked.
She moved toward him until there were only inches between their bodies. “Did Alexios say that was the only way I could be cured?”
He should lie and say yes. “He doesn’t know. He said he’d consult with the archangel. But I know it would help.” It had to. He couldn’t lose her. “Please, Katherine.”
Her eyes were luminous in the diffused light of the room. “I can’t give myself to you in order to save myself. That would defeat the purpose of the ritual, don’t you see? The sacred joining of souls, by nature, is a loss of self. I cannot come to you—the connection will never truly work—if I’m not whole to begin with.” She laid a hand on the pounding wall of his chest, and his fingers slid into her hair.
“No.”
“Yes, Ari. You know I’m right. I don’t know why it’s taken me so long to realize it, but I can’t give myself to you because I’m broken.” Her voice caught. “I’ve been broken so long I don’t know what it feels like to be whole.”
“Then we’ll fix you.”
She smiled through her tears and laid her cheek against his forearm. “You can’t do it for me. I have to do it myself.”
She would have pulled away then, but he held on to her. “Then do it. Love yourself like I love you. See yourself through my eyes.”
“If only it were that easy.”
“Kat, just tell me what I can do…” God, this helpless feeling...
She lifted to her tiptoes to plant a kiss on his lips which he deepened until they were both breathless. She broke away first, touching his lips, watching the trail of her fingers. He brushed away her tears. “Kat…”
She brought her gaze to his. “I will try. But I have to do this on my own. It’s the only way, okay?”
Everything in him rebelled at the thought, but it was true. She had to learn to love and forgive herself. “Okay, but don’t push me away. Even Alexios said I shouldn’t leave your side.”
She brushed the remaining wetness from her eyes, then mock-glared at him. “Fine, but only if you call me Katherine.”
A laugh wrung from him, the pressure of his fear relieving slightly. “Deal, but don’t get pissy if I forget from time to time.”
Her eyes crinkled. “Oh, I’ll get pissy, all right.” She kissed him quickly once more, but pushed him away before things escalated.
He stared at her, trying to bring his emotions into stasis. She said she’d try, so he needed to trust her. “I believe in you.”
She blushed, and tried to scowl at him. “Enough with the mushy stuff. We have work to do. I’ve asked Nate to send us his rock-star exorcist, Father Angus. He’s in the field right now, but as soon as Nate makes contact with him, he’ll let me know. Hopefully my team will bring in a few more priests we trust from various islands. In the meantime, though, what ideas do you have for healing the Possessed?”
“You have to stay away from the relic, but I can use it. I did that once with great success.”
“No way. The Chains should never leave the sanctorum. The wards protecting them are some of the most layered I’ve ever woven. I don’t know if I’d be able to recreate ones that complex again, even if I were at full strength. I’m afraid to even bring them out of the reliquary.”
“I can add my wards to yours. Playing it safe sometimes prevents living fully and without regrets.”
She frowned. “I’ve lived with regrets for so long I wouldn’t know how to live otherwise.”
Anger flushed through him. “That’s a total cop-out. Is this the toxin speaking or have you become a coward in the years I’ve been away?”
She stiffened, eyes flashing. “Know what, Ari?”
He leaned toward her, uncertain what she would say, but eager to spar, to release some of th
is awful tension that had sprung up between them.
He watched her lips as her mouth opened. What came out…
“Whatever.”
Oh, hell no. He hooked his finger in the waistband of her yoga pants when she started walking away. “Not whatever,” he bellowed. “Say what you want to say, goddammit. Don’t hold back from me. That’s the worst thing you can do.”
She shimmied out of his hold. “Sometimes discretion is the better part of valor, Viking. A concept your forebears didn’t comprehend.”
“As much as you enjoy it, insulting me isn’t productive.”
She blew out a heavy breath. “I’m trying to concentrate on the immediate problem, not the mountain of issues between us. The fact remains that we’re still very different, and I’m not entirely convinced that if you stay with me you won’t end up feeling trapped and grow to resent me. Concentrating on that makes me angry, and I’m afraid it might come out in the most insignificant ways. Like being mad because you have chest hair or something else absurd like that. So yes, discretion and focus are pretty important right now.”
He was speechless for a moment. She didn’t like his chest hair? “I’m not that hairy.”
She rolled her eyes. “I know. It was just an example, but surely you get my point.”
No, he wasn’t sure, but admitting that would probably upset her more, and he certainly didn’t want to keep going down that road. So…appeasement. “Okay, so we’ll keep the Chains in the reliquary.”
Her stance relaxed slightly. “Do you think the Rephaim are more powerful than the Nephilim? I mean, how else are they killing them without a big show? And how are we going to stop the possessed humans from cannibalizing the Nephilim?”
“The only thing we need to worry about is stopping Leviathan. Once we take care of her, everything goes back to normal.”
Her brow furrowed. “You want to blame everything on her, but I’m not convinced. She saved us from Siolazar.”
“Probably to buy herself time to do the double cross. Come on, you can’t be serious about giving her the benefit of the doubt.” He went to the refrigerator and withdrew items to make sandwiches. The action calmed him. When he glanced up from his task, she was chewing on her bottom lip.
She’d never done that before.
“Maybe there’s an unknown relic out there powering up the Rephaim. One that a Guardian’s never been responsible for. Siolazar wouldn’t be able to touch it, but he could command it, right?” At his raised eyebrows, she continued, “Don’t look at me like that. I don’t hear you sharing any hypotheses.”
“Fortunately—or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it—there haven’t been enough relics stolen by fallen angels to know how they interact with holy relics.”
“But religious medallions, holy water, and crucifixes burn them. It only makes sense that they wouldn’t be able to touch a holy relic.”
“Right. I agree with that, but I was referring to their ability to command relics to act on their behalf. That we don’t know. Nor can we speculate on any unknown relics not under the protection of a Guardian. The only certainty is the archdemons’ desire to ferry them to Hell for Lucifer.”
“It’s unrealistic to think we have every single relic accounted for. All religions like their tangible objects. Christianity’s no different. There’s probably dozens of holy objects still waiting to be discovered.” She sat on a stool at the counter. “And if that’s the case, it’s only a matter of time before a demon sets Lucifer free.”
“Or, it buys us more time because there are more keys they have to find in order to get the right one—if only one is needed. Which I believe to be true in Lucifer’s case, though not all Guardians agree.”
“Why do you think it’ll only take one?”
He shrugged and slid a plate with a turkey sandwich in front of her. “I had a philosophical discussion with the Dalai Lama about keys. Keys to the Kingdom, Keys to Happiness, key to my heart. That sort of thing. But think about it. When you unlock something in particular, does it usually take multiple keys?”
Her eyebrows lifted and her face paled. “No. That’s actually…alarming.”
He shouldn’t have brought it up. The last thing she needed was extra worry. He came around the counter to put his hands on her shoulders. “Who knows if it’s true. If it is, they’ll have to go through a lot of relics to find the right one.”
She shimmied away. “Or they’ll get lucky right away.”
He shook his head. “We can only do our best with what’s in our control.” He stared at her as she looked around the room, again wishing he hadn’t brought it up. “Kat. I mean, Katherine.”
“What?” she snapped, bringing her gaze back to his.
“We can only do our best with what’s in our control.”
She compressed her lips. “I heard you the first time.”
“Good.” He pointed to her sandwich and moved back around the counter. “Now eat. Forgiving yourself burns loads of calories, I’ve heard.”
While he made a few more sandwiches, she swiveled her stool to look out the window, eating. He exhaled quietly and rolled his shoulders. After a while she leaned back in her stool. “Logic says relying on Leviathan would be a bad move, but we have to think outside the box.”
“Outside the box, yes, but gambling on an archdemon’s ability to be honest is insanity.”
“Michael and the other archangels won’t help us, the rogues.”
“Archangel involvement equals Armageddon,” he reminded.
She rubbed her eyes. “I know. But…maybe it’s time.”
For Armageddon? Whoa. He set his sandwich down and moved toward her, holding out a hand. “You definitely need more rest if fatalism is overshadowing your propensity toward sarcasm. While you sleep, I’ll check in with your staff and the relic.”
“Doom and gloom is the perfect diet for sarcasm.” She stood and avoided his grasp. “Knowing what’s happening out there, it’s irresponsible to sit here doing nothing. Siolazar is probably watching this house waiting for the right time to annihilate us. Leviathan is likely plotting her next move. Demons are eviscerating Waikiki Beach tourists and locals alike…”
“You can’t do any more exorcisms until the humans are cleared of Nephilim toxin.”
“So, what then? We let more humans lose the fight to the invading demons?”
He wished he had the answers, but he’d never encountered anything like this before. “I’ll summon Alexios for his thoughts. In the meantime, you need to focus on returning to full strength.”
Kat pulled a protein shake from the fridge. “We could convince Leviathan we’re ready to work with her, then use her to control things.”
Stubborn woman. “Good luck with that. You ever heard of holding a tiger by the tail?”
“Being a Guardian is dirty work, Ari. Existing almost twelve hundred years should have made that abundantly clear to you. I’m not suggesting we trust her. I’m saying we use her game against her.”
He stared at Kat. She wasn’t being honest with herself. She was still holding out hope that Leviathan was who she was claiming to be. An innocent victim of bad public relations via her evil daddy. But Ari didn’t want to fight anymore. He just wanted to take care of his soul mate. “Nate and Jessie beat Asmodeus without consorting with demons.”
“Well, good for them,” she said. “But unless you have any other ideas, I think making up new rules might be in order.”
Meaning play Russian roulette with Leviathan.
Well, that was definitely not happening. He tamped down a surge of guilt to concentrate on the telepathic link she’d left open to him. He honed in on her metal barriers to break them down, chastising himself as he seized her neurons that were responsible for action and wakefulness. As an old-as-dirt Guardian, it was almost as easy for him as turning off a light switch.
He caught her the instant she dropped into unconsciousness.
His heart pounded as he looked down at the woman i
n his arms.
This was selfish. He knew it.
He didn’t like knowing it. He’d rarely ever worried about what was self-serving. He squeezed her to his body, twin sensations of guilt and relief raising his core body temperature. He had told her he didn’t want to control her or do anything that made her uncomfortable. Now here he was, forcing her to sleep. Controlling alpha jackass move for sure.
He gritted his teeth. When she woke, she’d be understandably cross. But…he’d rather deal with her fury than her corpse. Consorting with an archdemon definitely qualified in the fear-for-her-life category.
Ari streamed them back to her private chambers at Aqua, still questioning his heavy-handed move. He laid her down on the bed, then went to the closet to look for an extra blanket. His fingers tunneled through a pile of fur throws he’d once given her.
She’d kept all of them.
He brought three of the blankets to the bed and gently wrapped her in them. He kissed her forehead and paused by the door to look back at her, his pulse still bumping erratically. He’d check on her staff, watch over the relic, and try to figure out what the hell they were going to do while she slept.
Maybe if he had a plan together by the time she woke up, she’d forgive him for taking away her self-determination.
Chapter 17
Kat woke alone with midafternoon sunlight on her face. She opened her eyes and stared at the wood beams in the ceiling of her Aqua bedroom. You. Have. Got. To Be. Kidding. Me. She let out a yell, slamming her fist ineffectually against the bed covers.
That son of a bitch had put her to sleep.
She lay there for a moment, breathing through her anger and embarrassment, sending out her senses to detect if there was any immediate jeopardy beyond these walls. Encountering the typical energy pattern of her team and no unusual malevolence in the vicinity outside, she brought her focus back to her bedroom. Her twisted emotions sent a new rush of blood into her face. She rolled to her side and curled her knees to her chest, closing her eyes against the welling, angry tears. Yes, horrors awaited them with Leviathan’s demon horde. But Ari had taken away her choice, damn him.
