by Erin Rhew
You’re a strong man, Wilhelm. I’m proud of you. I know this decision breaks your heart, but maybe you can draw some small solace from the knowledge that you placed the future of your child, your people, and Etherea first.
With all my love,
Mother
Wil struggled to draw in a full breath as his mother’s words washed over him. He ran a hand through his hair, leaned back, and closed his eyes. He had to marry Mia.
A knock jolted him from his self-pity.
“Wil? May I come in?” Mars open the door and peeked around the frame.
“Of course. It’s your room.”
As soon as the lock clicked into place, Mars hauled Wil out of the chair and buried him in an affectionate hug. “If the other Voltons saw me hug you, they would conclude I’ve grown too fond of you and your family and would send me to another post.” Mars stepped back, though his hands still rested at Wil’s elbows. “Truth be told, I am too fond of all of you, but at this point, I don’t think I could bear to live elsewhere. I hope to live and die in the service to the Kings of Etherea.” His smile faltered. “You read your mother’s letter?”
Wil nodded. “I did.”
The Volton gestured to the chair behind him. “Why don’t you sit back down and tell me what happened. I read the letter you wrote to your mother, but I want to hear the story from you.”
The two took seats across from one another, and Wil laid out the whole sordid tale for his friend. Though Mars’ eyes grew wide at certain parts, no apparent judgment or condemnation crossed his face. He nodded but never interrupted.
When Wil finished the story, Mars let out a short whistle. “How are you holding up?”
“I feel terrible, Mars. I mean, I’m excited about my daughter, but I wish Layla were her mother instead of Mia.” He sighed. “I love Layla.”
Mars patted Wil’s knee. “I know you do, and I know she loves you too. This must be a difficult time for you both.”
“It is. I promised Mia that I’d try to develop an affinity for her, but I’ve hardly seen her since we arrived in Volton. She spends all of her time with Samson.”
Mars sat back and scratched at his chin. “Does that make you jealous?”
Wil considered his friend’s question. “No, I’m not jealous, but I am confused.” Sympathy, almost like a shared understanding, crossed Mars’ face. “I’m not supposed to talk about the life I had before I came to Volton. I’m supposed to forgot, but no one truly forgets. Sure, some men come here for the love of learning, but most come because they have nowhere else to go.” Mars shifted in his seat. “I want to tell you about the woman I loved.”
“No, Mars, please don’t break your vows on my account.”
The Volton laughed, though sadness rather than mirth tinged the edges. “I’ve done my duty to guard the secrets of the three kingdoms. Remember, I withheld information about the Outlander power, even though doing so might pose a danger to you. But I’ve never quite been able to honor the neutrality portion. I love you and your family, and I want your line to remain on the Ethereal throne for centuries to come.”
Wil collapsed back against his seat. “I don’t know what I would do without you, Mars. You’re like a father, a brother, and a best friend all rolled up into one. But I would never ask you to compromise your integrity for me.”
“I know you wouldn’t. But you should know that I understand your heartache and Layla’s in more than just an abstract way. As I said earlier, I was an Outlander. My best friend’s name was Werrick.”
“Werrick? As in Elder Werrick?” Wil sagged in his seat.
“Yes. Are you surprised?”
“More than you know.” A memory tickled the back of Wil’s mind. “But wait…I remember when Werrick first came to the castle with Layla. There was a tension between you I didn’t understand.”
Mars nodded. “When he came to the castle that day, it was the first time I’d seen him in years. Those old feelings I’d suppressed, feelings I thought I’d gotten rid of, rose back to the surface. No matter our vows, we can never truly forget.” He leaned his head back against the chair and closed his eyes. “When I was fifteen, I met and fell in love with a girl named Neona. I had never met anyone as beautiful and smart. She had this long brown hair that fell past her waist and eyes as green as the leaves on the trees. For nearly two years, we were inseparable.” One lone teardrop squeezed past a closed lid and trickled down his cheek. “One night, under a harvest moon, I asked her to become my wife. She readily agreed, and I thought my life could not get any better.” He swiped at the tear.
“A few weeks later, I decided to surprise Neona with a bouquet of flowers I’d picked on my way home, but I was the one who got the surprise. I found Neona and Werrick in one another’s arms behind her house.” Mars’ eyes flew open. Rage, hurt, and betrayal surged across his face.
Wil sat forward, fascinated. He’d known the Volton all his life but had never had an inkling of the pain and heartache his friend had endured. The man never displayed this level of emotion.
Mars rubbed his eyes and sighed. “I ended our engagement then and there, though she swore never to see Werrick again. A week later, the reigning queen hung herself. Since Neona bore the queen’s mark and had been chosen, she ascended to the throne. At first, she seemed like herself, but she slowly began to change.” He paused and stared off at memories long past.
“Werrick tried to reconcile with her many times, but she spurned him. One day, she called me into her presence and begged my forgiveness, but I wouldn’t give it.” Mars sucked in a deep breath. He rubbed his face with his hands then squeezed his temples. “Three days later, Neona’s handmaiden found her dead—her wrists and ankles slashed. Werrick, of course, blamed me, but he didn’t need to waste the energy. I blamed myself enough for the both of us.”
Wil squeezed his friend’s slim shoulder. “Mars…”
“So you see, Wil, I do know what it’s like to lose the one you love. I wish with all my being that you could be with Layla, but I also know you are an honorable man. Remember when I told you only princes with pure hearts could block the Alterations of the reigning king?”
Wil swallowed hard and nodded.
“I still think you match that description. You have a pure heart. You always try to do the right thing for everyone else, even at your own expense.”
Wil hung his head. Mars had such confidence in him, in his ability to be stronger than his own desires. He only hoped he proved himself worthy of such faith.
* * *
After leaving Volton Mars to unpack his bags, Wil sought out Mia again. He looked all over the main building without success but finally located her sitting in the middle of a field, far away from other people. He considered leaving her in peace, but when he started to go, she turned around and noticed him. She raised a hand in greeting. He waved back and started toward her.
“Hello.” He sat down. “It took me forever to find you.”
The corners of her mouth turned up into partial smile. “I’m sorry. I needed to be alone.”
“I can go. I didn’t mean to disturb you.” He started to stand, but she placed a hand on his leg.
“You can stay.” She blushed.
Those flushed cheeks reminded him of Layla. He ground his teeth. He couldn’t think of Layla when he sat with Mia. Doing so hurt.
He took a deep, steady breath and tried to think only of Mia and their child. “Were you thinking of your family?”
“Yes.” Her soft, aching whisper saddened him. “I can’t believe they’re all gone. I’m all alone now.”
He swallowed down the bitter taste of his shame. While he’d been thinking of his broken heart, she’d been struggling with the annihilation of her entire family.
“You’re not alone.” He wrapped an arm around her shoulder. “You have our daughter…and you have me.”
She stiffened against his touch. “We both know I’ll never have you. Please know I don’t say that to make you feel bad. It
’s just a fact.”
“Look, Mia. I know this situation isn’t what either of us imagined, but I want to make the most of it. We have a daughter coming very soon, and I want to give her the best life possible. I may not love you like I love Layla, but I can promise you will have my loyalty and devotion. I’m learning that my will can be stronger than my heart.”
Mia wiped fresh tears from her cheeks. “Layla is so lucky to be loved by someone like you.”
The wisp of a smile graced his lips, but it faltered as he prepared to tell Mia about his mother. “I know you said you wouldn’t marry me, but my mother sent me a letter and insisted I talk to you about it once more.”
“Your mother?” Mia paled. “She knows? Oh, she must hate me.”
“I made sure she understood the circumstances. And she doesn’t hate you. In fact, she wants us to marry while we’re here in Volton.” He paused. “What do you think?”
Her fingers grazed her open mouth. “I don’t know.”
“I would never force you to do something you didn’t want to do, Mia, but I want our daughter to have a real family.”
Mia hunched over and clutched her stomach. He rolled onto his knees in front of her. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” She smiled. “I felt her move.”
“May I?”
Mia nodded and guided his trembling hand until his palm rested on her stomach. A small flutter danced beneath his fingertips. He laughed with surprise, pleasure, and awe. His daughter.
He bent his head close to the small bump on Mia’s abdomen. “Hello. I’m your father.” To his delight, a tiny ripple wiggled beneath his hand again.
Mia smoothed back a few strands of his hair. This moment held an intimacy he could share with no other. He placed a soft kiss where their baby grew.
When he sat back up on his knees, Mia brushed her lips against his cheek. Her blue eyes sparkled. He decided they could and would make this work, for their daughter if for nothing else.
“Will you marry me, Mia?”
She smiled. “Yes.
Chapter Fourteen
Nash
Nash awoke with Zarina in his arms. She must have rolled over during the night, seeking the warmth of his body. He touched a strand of her auburn hair. The spicy scent of marjoram mingled with her lavender perfume, and the combination created a heady yet not unpleasant smell. When his eyes landed upon the track marks and bruises on her arm, he winced. The injectable marjoram his brother and the Voltons had managed to smuggle to him prevented Cataleen’s reappearance but left behind visible marks on Zarina’s pale skin.
She stirred beside him then opened her eyes. “Morning.”
He smiled at the sound of her sleep-laden voice. “Did I wake you?”
“I don’t think so.” She glanced down at her arms draped around him, and realization dawned on her face. “Oh, Nash, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to throw myself on you.” She jumped away and pressed her fists to her pink cheeks. “How embarrassing.”
“It’s okay.” He chuckled. “I don’t bite.”
She ducked her head so he could no longer see her face and busied herself by rolling up her sleeping mat. He considered putting a stop to her harried motions but refrained. Instead, he joined her frantic activities and began to make his own preparations to leave. While they packed up their campsite, Nash grabbed a vial and syringe from his saddlebag. He hated this job but understood its necessity.
“It’s time for your injection.”
She cringed but rolled up her sleeve and held out her arm. He tried to be gentle and make the experience as quick and painless as possible. After he removed the needle, he planted a light kiss on the injection site.
She blushed as red as a rose. “Thanks.”
After he helped her mount her horse, he slid into his own saddle and spurred on his steed. They rode in companionable silence, but Nash’s longing to hear her voice and interact with her surprised him.
He kept his tone as light as he could. “You know, we’ve been married for almost two weeks and have been on the road completely alone for a day and half. I’ve seen plenty of Haddey over the past few months, but I don’t know much about your life before a psychotic First One overtook your body.”
He expected her to laugh, but she stared off into the horizon instead. “I didn’t realize you wanted to know about me. Since you married Haddey to keep your family safe, I just assumed that once Haddey and I are separated, you would go back to your regular life.”
He cleared his throat. “Of course.” He planned to go on his way, and she planned to go on hers. Becoming closer would only complicate their inevitable parting. Yet, he’d grown accustomed to having her in his life.
Uncomfortable with the idea of her leaving, he shifted in his saddle. “At least tell me what it’s like to live inside that body with another person. I tried to ask Cataleen, but she wouldn’t tell me.”
She remained silent for so long he thought she may not answer. “Since we received your brother’s letter explaining about Haddey, I’ve been wondering why she chose me. I mean, Mia and Iris both carry the mark of queen’s blood, so why me? And I think Haddey picked me because she thought I’d give the least amount of resistance. The other two are much more strong-willed.”
Nash furrowed his brow. “Mia? She has queen’s blood? She could have been the queen?”
“Oh yes. Though Haddey found a way to control Mia—kidnapping her family—she would have struggled to keep Mia in check from within her body. Plus, Mia’s brother and sister were killed for resisting the last queen, so Haddey must have recognized the fight within her heritage. Me, on the other hand…” She shrugged. “I was just a shy orphan, so she probably assumed I’d be the easiest to manipulate. I think I surprised her by resisting as much as I have. I’m the first Outlander queen in centuries to leave the Outlands. I bet she didn’t see that coming.” A fierce, proud smile stretched across her face.
He grinned too. “I bet she didn’t.”
“For a while, after I became queen, nothing much happened. But then I started having strange dreams. About a month into my reign, I encountered Haddey for the first time while awake, though I didn’t know what she was. I felt this presence in my mind; that’s the only way I can explain it. You’ve had Alterations performed on you. I assume it is much the same. She just appeared. When I tried to speak, I couldn’t. I felt like I was screaming at the top of my lungs, but no one could hear me. Whenever my mouth moved, the words coming out were not my own.”
She touched her lips. Nash noted their pink softness before dragging his gaze away. She planned to leave once she separated from Haddey. Besides, he still loved Layla despite her betrayal. Didn’t he?
“Haddey’s manifestations started occurring more often, and I found myself having to wrestle for control over my own body. I only appeared to you, Nash, after I had been warring with Haddey for quite some time. Even when I broke free, she watched everything, so I had to be very careful not to interrupt any of her plans. If I did, she made sure that people suffered.”
Her pain and regret hung between them, almost palpable in the dry air. If they had been on the ground, he would have wrapped his arms around her. “You did the best you could to stop her, Zarina. I know you did.”
“Though she always monitored me, she often prevented me from seeing her antics. Some things she did to you I saw, and others I did not. Those times she blocked me, I cried and raged to be free. My imagination created all sorts of horrible situations you might be in because of me.”
“You tried to help me. I know that. I blame Haddey, not you, for everything that happened in the Outlands.” He reached for her hand, but her horse dodged a rock and led her even farther from him. With her gaze focused on the horizon, she hadn’t even notice his attempt.
“When Haddey threw me into the back of my own mind, which she did often, I worried about my sanity. A person can only handle living as I have for so long. I know nearly all the queens before me have killed them
selves, and now I understand why. But I don’t want that ending. She hates me for fighting her and not giving up. I can feel the hostility emanating from her whenever she’s in charge. If she didn’t need me to survive, I know she’d happily kill me.”
“She hates you because you’re stronger than she is. You may even be the strongest personality she’s ever encountered.”
“I don’t know about that.”
“Volton Holt and the others think so, and I do too. If anyone can bring down Haddey, it’s you, Zarina. I sincerely believe that.”
She turned her face toward him for the first time since they started riding and smiled. “Thank you.”
Though she may not trust her ability to defeat Haddey, Nash did. She possessed a strength and purpose even she didn’t realize she had. And he resolved to stand by her though the whole ordeal, even offering his own life and future if that’s what it took.
Chapter Fifteen
Layla
Layla stared at her hands and willed herself not to cry. She repeated the phrase real Vanguards don’t cry over and over in her mind, but those words failed to stop her legs from bouncing up and down. Her body begged her to leap off the couch and run from the room to avoid witnessing the impending atrocity. But the dress Vespa had loaned her would have sent Layla tripping and sprawling before she even reached the door. She glanced around the room. At least everyone else, with their ramrod postures and plastered smiles, appeared as uncomfortable as she felt.
Holt wound his way through the room and sat down beside her. He placed a hand on her knee to still it. “I don’t have to be the one to perform the ceremony,” he said.
“Yes you do. They trust you. We all do.”
His blue eyes darkened with concern. “I don’t want to cause discord between us, Layla.”
“You won’t.”
“If you’re sure—”
“I am.” She patted his hand in assurance and forced a smile. He frowned but nodded. After a moment’s hesitation, he rose to complete his preparations.
Vespa slipped into the vacant spot. Her blonde hair shimmered in the afternoon light streaming in through the open windows. The green dress she wore highlighted the brown of her eyes. “I…” Vespa’s voice cracked.
