by Barb Han
When he’d first listened to the message from her on his phone saying she was in labor and headed to the hospital, an image had flashed in his thoughts. It was an image he couldn’t erase no matter how hard he tried, the snapshot of his family. The first thought he’d had was the next time they walked through these doors, they would be parents.
In that moment, he’d realized how ready he was to become a father. Much to his shame, he hadn’t been so sure before. He knew that he’d fallen hard for Cheyenne. There was something deep inside that told him she was going to be important to him when they’d first met, something he couldn’t explain if he tried. It was more of a feeling than an instinct. Instinct told him the best place a poacher would make camp on the property. This was more like his world had clicked into place—a place he’d never known before.
The sensation had intrigued him from the get-go. The news she’d become pregnant had caught him off guard, but the next step seemed as natural as breathing. She was special. He’d known that from day one. He didn’t want to be with anyone else and he assumed the feeling would last forever. Most of the experience was a mystery.
If one of his brothers had asked him if he believed in love at first sight before Cheyenne, he might have laughed. Now he’d changed his mind. The instant he set eyes on her something new and different had stirred in his chest. It would be too easy to chalk it up to attraction or lust. And it would also be wrong. It was so much more.
“Mind if I take the couch?” She interrupted his deep thoughts as he followed her into the kitchen.
“You can have the master.” He had no problems sleeping upstairs in the guest room when the time came.
She hesitated, looking like she wanted to say something but decided against it.
“If you don’t tell me what you’re thinking, I’ll never know.” Those words covered so much more than this conversation.
One look into her eyes said she caught on to the deeper meaning.
* * *
CHEYENNE STOOD THERE for a long moment without speaking, in the kitchen of the home she’d created for their family. For a split second, she thought about closing up and going inside herself again. But what good would that do?
Her marriage had already been destroyed and the child she loved more than life itself was gone. Now she’d lost her best friend. Staying quiet held little appeal.
“I don’t like to admit to being afraid...” She took in a fortifying breath before continuing. “So, if you plan to sleep upstairs tonight, I’d like you to teach me how to load the shotgun before you go.”
“I’m not going anywhere this minute. It’s just now noon, but I thought you’d be more comfortable in our...your bed. And I didn’t think you wanted me anywhere near while you slept,” he said with brutal honesty.
The truth hurt but she was also learning that staying quiet destroyed.
She walked over to the granite island and sat on one of the bar stools. She’d already forgotten how uncomfortable this chair was right up until sinking into it. She put her elbow on the island for leverage because exhaustion threatened to land her on her backside.
“Tell me what you want, Cheyenne.” He set the bags down and walked over to the vacant chair beside her.
She slid the band of her handbag onto the chair. Ozzy was curled up inside. He blinked his eyes open when the purse was no longer against her body. She reached down and ran her hand along his back to soothe him.
“I’d rather you be close to me, if that’s okay,” she said to Riggs. “The reason is stupid because there’s no safer place on earth than the ranch. I know that logically. And yet, when I think about being down here alone and you upstairs—” she flashed eyes at him “—I can hardly breathe.”
Riggs brought his hand to cover hers and the instant he made contact, more of that warmth spread through her.
“I know,” he started and then stopped like he was searching for the right words. “Relationships change. They take different forms. But I hope you know that I will always be here for you. If you ever need anything, just ask.”
She nodded. His kindness washed over her. And maybe it was the losses that were racking up or the fact that her only living relative still hadn’t made her a priority that had her thinking she wanted to be back in Riggs’s arms if only for a few moments.
“I have a question.” She couldn’t meet his gaze because suddenly she felt vulnerable. With him, and for the first time since losing her mother and her family breaking up, she didn’t feel alone.
“I told you. Ask anything,” came the quick response. His gravelly voice traveled over her and through her.
There were plenty of reasons she shouldn’t continue...
“Kiss me.”
Riggs leaned toward her and brought his hand around to cradle the back of her neck. His thumb drew circles around the sensitized skin there. He issued a sharp sigh before bringing his forehead to rest against hers.
“You have no earthly idea how much I want to.” He paused and she braced herself for the rejection. “Is this a good idea?”
She let a few moments of silence sit between them.
“Probably not,” she finally said. “But it is what I want.”
That seemed to be all the encouragement he needed. Before she could talk herself out of it, his lips gently pressed to hers. He sucked in a breath before his tongue teased her mouth. A dozen butterflies released in her chest and her stomach dropped in a free fall.
The world tilted on its axis in that moment and everything seemed like it was going to be okay. She’d had that sensation very few times in her life and didn’t take it lightly. Right now, though, she wanted to focus on how tender his kisses were and how much each one caused the tide of emotions welling in her chest to gain momentum until a tsunami was building. She wanted to shut out all her sorrows and frustrations and get lost in Riggs. It was so very easy when all she had to do was take in a breath to fill her senses with his spicy male scent.
She spun her legs around to face him, planting her feet on the stool’s footrest. In the next second, she brought her hands up to rest on his muscled shoulders—shoulders she’d mapped and memorized a hundred times when they made love.
Sex with Riggs was the best she’d ever experienced. There was something out of this world about the moment they joined together and the perfect way their bodies fit before her belly grew big and uncomfortable.
Without a doubt, she would never find another person who fit her to a T. Logic said there was no way the chemistry would last and yet her heart argued the opposite. Some stars burned bright, not out.
Why couldn’t they be the first kind?
Not that any of that mattered now. And she didn’t want to focus on anything but the way his tongue excited her as it dipped inside her mouth. Or the way she felt when his teeth scraped across her bottom lip.
Before she could debate her next actions, she moved to standing in between his powerful thighs. Her body was flush with his. Her breasts against a muscled chest. She ran her fingers across the edges and grooves of his shoulders and chest.
He released a low growl when she let one of her hands drift down to the snap on his jeans. She rested her finger on the warm metal.
Cheyenne shut down logic because it wanted to argue that nothing had changed. That this moment happening between them would make it next to impossible to walk away when the investigation was over and they both needed to go back to their lives.
Heat rushed through her body, making it impossible to think. The fog that was Riggs O’Connor encircled her in the best possible way, so she let go. In his arms, everything else faded. All the stress. All the loss. All the pain. Nothing broke through except the two of them and the sensations rocketing through her body. Sensations that created a firework show that would rival any Fourth of July.
With his mouth moving against hers and his tongue delving insid
e, she could taste the hint of coffee from earlier still on his lips.
And then his cell buzzed, breaking into the moment. Panic this could be more bad news gripped her.
Chapter Thirteen
For a split second, Riggs considered not answering his phone. Pulling on all the strength he could muster, he scooted his chair back and stood up. His breathing made it seem like he’d run a marathon.
“Hey, Colton. What’s going on?” Riggs asked in between breaths, hoping his brother would let it slide and not question why it sounded like Riggs had just sprinted to the phone.
“You might want to come to my office and bring Cheyenne with you.” The sound of his voice sent a chill racing down Riggs’s back.
“What’s this about?” Riggs asked.
“No time to explain. Meet me there?” Colton asked.
“Okay. We’re on our way,” he promised.
Cheyenne’s eyebrow arched as she reclaimed her seat. Her chest heaved at the same pace as his. She reached down to check on Ozzy and Riggs figured she was going to be better with that dog than she realized.
“Colton wants us to meet up at his office. He didn’t say why,” he told her.
She frowned before jumping into action, securing her handbag on her shoulder with Ozzy inside. “Do I have time to feed this guy and give him some water?”
“We’ll make time,” he said.
Cheyenne took care of the little dog while Riggs grabbed a couple of sandwiches for the road. His stomach was growling, and she needed to keep up her strength. He threw in a couple of pieces of fruit to give her options along with a pair of power bars he kept with him while out on the land.
Ten minutes later, they were out the door and inside his truck. He set the lunchbox he’d packed in between them and told her to help herself.
“I’m not sure I could eat anything if I tried,” she admitted.
“Will you at least try? I’d be happy if you could get down a banana,” he urged. It might not be his place to take care of her anymore, but he couldn’t erase from his thoughts the months they’d belonged to each other.
Cheyenne nodded as he pulled out of the garage and onto the gravel road leading past the main house. She pulled out a banana and polished it off with surprising speed. Not a minute later, she reached in and grabbed a sandwich. In the half hour it took to exit KBR, they’d cleaned out the lunchbox.
After Cheyenne suppressed her third yawn, he said, “Feel free to lean your head back and rest on the drive over.”
“That’s a good idea. I think better when I power down anyway.” She tilted the seat back and then closed her eyes.
He had to fight the urge to take his hand off the wheel and reach out to her. They were talking again. This time, they were sharing their frustrations and what was on their minds. They’d talked about something real instead of walking on eggshells or tiptoeing around a hard conversation. Or working longer than he had to in order to avoid dealing with conflict. He’d take the progress. They were taking small steps.
Besides, he liked talking to Cheyenne. Before her, Riggs wouldn’t categorize himself as one for long-drawn-out conversation. He said what needed to be said and then got out of there. With her, he wanted to know the details. He wanted to know what she was thinking. He wanted to hear how something made her feel. The more drawn out, the better.
Go figure.
Pride swelled in his chest that she had food in her stomach and looked to be resting peacefully in his truck. After hearing the account of what had happened at the hospital and witnessing firsthand how shifty the nurses were being, he could only imagine what Cheyenne must be experiencing. It was obvious she blamed herself for losing the baby—a baby who might be alive.
The thought burned him from the inside out. The implication that a doctor, or nurses, or both could have drugged Cheyenne and taken their baby sent another hot poker through his chest.
He was reminded of one of his father’s favorite sayings—What happened in darkness always came to light. It was the line Finn O’Connor had fed his children from a young age as to why honesty was always the best policy. Even when people thought they were getting away with something, they rarely were. They might for a time, but there’d be a reckoning. The saying proved gospel time and time again.
Finn O’Connor had never been able to expose the darkness that led to his baby daughter, firstborn and only girl, disappearing from her crib more than three decades ago. Right up until his death, he was trying to shine a light on what had happened.
Now that Riggs had become a father, he better understood the devastation of losing a first child. He could relate to the intense pain of losing a daughter. And he could not allow history to repeat itself.
A deer leaped from behind a tree and then darted across the road. Riggs slammed on the brake. His seat belt caught, stopping him from smacking his head into the steering wheel.
“What happened?” Cheyenne gasped. She grabbed the strap on her seat belt, clearly shocked.
“Deer. It’s okay.” His pulse skyrocketed and his heart jackhammered against his ribs despite the verbal reassurance meant as much for him as for her.
Cheyenne took one look at him and said, “Pull over.”
There were no vehicles on this stretch of roadway, so he complied with her request. He put his blinkers on to give others fair warning from a distance.
She wrestled with the seat belt for a few seconds after it had locked on her. She managed to finagle out of it and then scooted over to him.
“What are you doing?” he asked as she wrapped her arms around his neck.
“Tell me what’s going on with you right now,” she said. Those pale blue eyes of hers were filled with so much compassion. “And I don’t mean what just happened on the road. I mean in here.” She pointed to the center of his chest.
Revealing the parallels between his family’s greatest tragedy and their situation didn’t seem like the best move right then. Him making the link was bad enough. He felt ten times worse at the thought his daughter might have been kidnapped right out from underneath them. Much like in the case of his sister, no ransom note had shown up. Much like his sister, the baby seemed to have disappeared into thin air. Much like with his sister, there were far more questions than answers.
Opening up to Cheyenne might cause her even more pain. The last thing she needed was to hear the thoughts rolling around in his head. They would only upset her. However, a voice in the back of his mind warned against holding back the truth.
On balance, he’d hurt her enough. He couldn’t continue, not when he wanted to protect her more than he wanted to breathe.
“I’m running through all the times my brother had the same tone in his voice and trying to figure out just how bad this news might be.” It had been his first thought, so he wasn’t being dishonest. He was simply neglecting to tell her where his thoughts had gone next.
She stared at him and for a few seconds he felt like she could see right through him. Hope followed by something that looked like disappointment colored her eyes. A wall came up and it was too late to go back and recapture the moment.
“What did you decide?” She moved back to her side of the cab and clicked on her seat belt.
“I can’t figure it out.” Again, he was being honest despite not sharing the whole of his thoughts. The small voice in the back of his mind told him he’d just messed up royally. There’d been a window of opportunity to really talk to her and he’d lost it. There was no backtracking now as he turned off the emergency flashers and put the gearshift in Drive.
He navigated back onto the roadway.
“We’ll know soon enough.” The disappointment in her voice struck him square in the chest. Too late were his least favorite pair of words.
* * *
CHEYENNE DRUMMED HER fingers on the armrest. She’d miscalculated the moment with Riggs. Ther
e’d been a time when she had a better handle on what he might be thinking. She’d lost her touch. Or maybe losing the baby had changed their connection.
Her mind snapped to Colton and the fact they were barreling toward his office after what could only be described as one helluva morning. Powering down had only caused her to go over her last conversation with Ally repeatedly, trying to remember any and every detail about what had transpired. There was a whole lot of day left and she was already exhausted.
“I keep thinking about Ally’s parents and how they had to learn their daughter was murdered today. And how much I want to contact them to offer my sympathies and support, but I don’t think I can pull it together long enough when I hear their voices.” She pinched the bridge of her nose to stem the headache threatening.
“I can’t imagine the pain they must be experiencing,” he agreed. “No parent should have to lose a child.” He seemed to realize what he’d said and how much it applied to their current situation when he shot a look of apology.
“You don’t have to be sorry, Riggs,” she said. “When I lost her, I blamed myself and shut everyone out, including you. I convinced myself that I was protecting you by not letting you see me in the state I was in, which was pretty awful.”
“What changed?” he asked.
“Thanks to Ally, you showed up at the door. Then, talking to you. Realizing that you were in just as much pain as me, and that not talking about her with you wasn’t going to make me feel any better. I can’t protect you from the hurt that comes with losing a child.” She paused for a long moment before continuing. “And I realized I was punishing myself even more by shutting you out. I didn’t think I deserved your compassion or kindness.”
“You suffered a loss, too. I’d argue yours was bigger than mine, considering I had yet to meet her and she’d been growing inside you all along. You were already connected to her in ways that I hadn’t experienced yet,” he said.
Those words were balm to a wounded soul.
