by Nicola Marsh
As Mason forked the first mouthful of lamb past his lips, she toyed with hers and watched for his reaction. She’d always loved cooking but didn’t do it often enough, as whipping up meals for one wasn’t much fun. But this meal was one of her favourites and by the blissful expression on Mason’s face, he liked it too.
‘This is incredible,’ he said. ‘The lamb is tender and juicy, and the veggies cooked to perfection.’
‘Thanks,’ she said, forcing a forkful past her lips when she noticed him staring at her untouched food.
‘A woman of many talents.’ He raised his wine glass again and she smiled, hoping it didn’t come across as a grimace.
Mason demolished his food in record time and she’d managed to clear a quarter of her plate when his mobile rang. He slid it out of his pocket and glanced at the screen. ‘It’s Mum. Do you mind if I take this?’
‘Go ahead,’ she said, clenching her hands under the table, bracing for the worst as he answered.
His responses were short, and when his eyes narrowed and locked on hers, she knew. Damn it, she knew.
‘Don’t worry, Mum, we’ll get this sorted. Bye.’ He hung up, stood and slipped his mobile into the back pocket of his jeans. ‘I have to go.’
‘But we haven’t discussed the plans—’
‘Why are you doing this?’ He stalked a few steps away before spinning back to glare at her. ‘Is this some kind of sick joke? Making me pay for being a dickhead in the past? Demanding top dollar on a shop that has been empty for years?’
Hating that he thought so little of her, she shook her head. ‘I have nothing to do with this. I’m assuming my mother owns that shop and—’
‘You’re assuming?’ He snorted. ‘Like you wouldn’t know.’
‘We’re not close, haven’t been for years.’
‘This is bullshit. I thought you’d changed but it looks like you’re still the game player you were in high school.’
Of all the things he could’ve said, that hurt the most, because she had changed. She’d spent a decade trying to distance herself from the airs and graces she’d assumed in school to emulate her mother. If he’d known her better back then he would’ve given her the benefit of the doubt now rather than accusing her of playing games.
‘It’s a shame you’re so quick to jump to conclusions when you don’t know the first thing about me,’ she said, her tone icy. She pointed at the hallway, hating that her hand shook. ‘Please leave.’
‘Like I need to be asked twice,’ he sneered, his disdain almost palpable. ‘If you have the slightest shred of decency, you’ll make sure the sale of that shop goes through.’
Jane had as much chance of influencing her mother as she did of doing the interior design for the new bakery: absolutely none.
‘You’re wrong about me,’ she said softly to his retreating back.
He paused in the doorway to glance over his shoulder, his expression thunderous. ‘Am I?’
CHAPTER
21
Tash had a feeling Isla was still mad at her, because her daughter hadn’t said much about the time spent with Kody yesterday and it hurt that the one person she loved most in this world wasn’t communicating.
This morning, with Kody in her passenger seat as she drove him to Echuca for his follow-up appointment at the hospital, Tash played an audio book to stop herself interrogating him. By the time they reached Echuca, she had no idea whether they’d listened to a thriller, a rom-com or a memoir, thanks to the effort it took not to ask him about Isla’s visit.
When she pulled over near the hospital’s front entrance, he said, ‘You’ve been quiet.’
‘Didn’t sleep well.’ The truth, considering Tash had ruminated over Isla’s reluctance to talk to her all night. ‘Needed to focus on the road.’
‘Uh-huh.’
She huffed out a breath. ‘Isla didn’t say much when she got back from your place yesterday and I didn’t want to grill her, so I left her alone. But I really want to know how it went and I’m conscious of giving her space to assimilate all this and—’
‘Hey, slow down, take a breath.’ He reached across and laid a hand on her arm, a perfectly innocuous gesture that made her pulse race more than it should. ‘We can discuss this after my appointment, if you like?’
Damn him for sounding so calm and rational.
She nodded. ‘That would be good.’
‘Okay, see you soon.’
She got out of the car, grabbed the crutches from the boot, and handed them to him, waiting until he’d hopped inside before driving away. She parked in a spot with a clear view of the front door and waited. A bad move, because it gave her too much time to think about her daughter. Isla had practically bounced through the back door around four yesterday, after spending an inordinately long time with Kody. Tash had expected their first time together to last two hours max and the fact Isla had hung around for most of the day made Tash feel guiltier for keeping Kody a secret all these years.
Tash had asked how it went, Isla had answered with a generic ‘good’. She’d offered to answer any questions Isla may have but her daughter had responded in the negative. They’d had an early dinner and while they’d made small talk Tash could sense a gap between them, as if Isla had withdrawn from her.
It had hurt like the devil.
It was natural Isla would blame her for keeping Kody from her all these years. But could one of her greatest fears—that Isla would prefer Kody as a parent—be in danger of coming true? After all, what kid wouldn’t find a rock star parent more appealing? Kody led a glamorous life and Isla had never been out of Victoria. Tash could count the number of times they’d been to Melbourne on one hand. Kody could give Isla anything she wanted and while her daughter had never been greedy or demanding, Tash wouldn’t blame her for wanting more than she could give her.
She didn’t think Kody would buy Isla’s affection; he seemed too genuine in his desire to get to know his daughter on a deeper level to do that. But if Isla’s behaviour towards Tash after only one day with her father was any indication, the more time they spent together, the more Tash was in danger of losing Isla. That was another fear: that Kody would want to take her away. He had the resources and Tash didn’t. It meant she had to be proactive and make informed decisions rather than worrying about custody issues. She needed to seek a legal opinion—the sooner, the better—because the thought of not having Isla around made her chest ache.
It also meant she had to establish some kind of rapport with Kody beyond frigid politeness, because she didn’t want the situation to come to a custody battle. She’d robbed Kody of so many years with Isla. What if he wanted to make them up by gaining full custody?
Exhausted by her sleepless night and the tension of dwelling on what happened between Isla and Kody, Tash rested her forearms and head on the steering wheel. In keeping the truth from her daughter all these years, had she ultimately lost her to Kody?
She wanted to know what had happened yesterday. Had they connected beyond the superficial? Had they felt a real bond? Had they laughed like Tash and Isla did over crazy cat videos and reality TV and celebrity makeovers? And the kicker of them all: did Kody feel one-tenth of the love that she did for their bright, bubbly, gorgeous girl?
Her mobile buzzed and she lifted her head from the steering wheel to reach for it. Looking at the screen, she sighed.
Ready to go.
She glanced up and saw Kody waving from the hospital entrance. Great. How long had he been standing there, watching her with her head slumped like some sad sack?
She’d like nothing better than to flip him the finger and leave him standing there and for a fleeting second she contemplated gunning the engine and screeching out of the car park. But that wouldn’t be conducive to fostering the cordial relationship she needed to ensure he wouldn’t fight her for custody, so she started the engine and drove back to the entrance.
He’d lost the crutches and the plaster and was sporting a black walking boot inste
ad, just as she’d suggested. Much better for mobility and bathing, as she remembered from her days doing rounds on the orthopaedic outpatient wards.
A tiny pang of regret flickered through her but she clamped down on it like she always did when she saw the latest medical breakthrough on the news or passed the doc’s surgery en route to The Watering Hole. Nursing had been her dream since she’d received her first toy first aid kit as a six-year-old. Her devout parents had fostered her dream, believing nursing to be a highly respectable profession. She didn’t know what disappointed them more when she returned home to Brockenridge: the fact she’d been pregnant or the fact she’d walked away from her degree before finishing.
Tash never regretted her choice to have Isla but not completing her nursing degree made her wish she’d made wiser decisions during her uni days, like avoiding sexy rockers and focussing on her studies. But then she wouldn’t have Isla and she couldn’t imagine her life without her darling daughter.
Pulling up outside the hospital entrance, she fixed a smile on her face. She couldn’t let Kody see how maudlin she felt.
But as Kody got in the car, he took one look at her and said, ‘What’s wrong?’
‘Nothing.’
‘Still lying to me, huh?’ He shook his head, and Tash bristled. He had no right to be disappointed. They weren’t close anymore, so what did he expect, for her to unburden herself to a virtual stranger?
‘Quit hassling me.’ She pulled away from the entrance and headed for the highway. The faster they got back to Brockenridge, the sooner she could ditch him and his prying eyes.
But he scuttled that plan when he said, ‘Do we have time to stop for a coffee in town?’
She wanted to lie, to tell him she had to get to work. But they had plenty of time to get back before her shift started, though the last thing she felt like doing was sitting across from him and making small talk. Then again, this would be the perfect opportunity to ask him about Isla’s visit, and easier than trying to get a read on him while driving.
‘Sure.’ She drove into the heart of town. ‘Have you been here before?’
‘No, I didn’t travel much as a kid and I haven’t been back to Australia since I headed to LA.’
He spoke without rancour but she read so much in his calm response. Of course he hadn’t travelled as a kid. He’d told her he’d been raised in various foster homes growing up, but he’d never elaborated even when prompted. As for not coming back to Australia after hitting the big time, she had no idea if that meant he’d grown out of his homeland or he didn’t want reminders of a past he’d rather forget.
‘I love this town,’ she said, parking outside a café that channelled the fifties. She adored the duck egg–blue painted weatherboards and red-trimmed windows, and the daffodil-yellow door that welcomed patrons. Bright and cheery, exactly what she needed at the moment. ‘Isla used to come here for excursions in primary school and I’d always find an excuse to tag along as a helper.’
He glanced at her in surprise, probably because she sounded wistful and not snappy for once, but before he could question her, she said, ‘Come on, they serve the best Devonshire teas here.’
As they walked up the brick path, he said, ‘Aren’t you going to mention my new footwear?’
‘Considering I advised you to get it, not particularly.’
‘Smugness doesn’t become you.’
She chuckled. ‘Bet you were glad to ditch those crutches.’
‘Yes and no.’
They paused at the doorway and when he looked at her, the twinkle in his eyes surprised her.
‘Yes, because I can move around better,’ he said. ‘And no, because I won’t need your help in the bath.’
His comment flustered her. ‘I didn’t help you in the bath,’ she managed.
‘Yeah, you did.’ He grinned and tapped his temple. ‘Last night, when I was sitting in that tepid pool of my own filth, I closed my eyes and imagined you helping me just fine.’
Her body prickled with an awareness she daren’t acknowledge. ‘You’re an idiot,’ she muttered, ignoring his taunting chuckles as she strode into the café. What the hell had happened in that hospital to change him from reserved and wary to charming and flirtatious? Had they removed his reservations along with the plaster?
‘You looked like you could use some cheering up, that’s why I teased you about the bath,’ he said, as they chose a table. ‘It won’t happen again.’ He held up his hands like he had nothing to hide and she couldn’t help but smile at his guileless grin.
‘I hate that you can still read me so easily,’ she said, hoping a waitress would appear pronto to prevent her from blurting too much.
‘We were pretty close.’
‘But that was a long time ago. And to be honest, I don’t want to rehash the past.’
He fixed her with a steely glare, all hint of teasing gone. ‘Then what do you want?’
‘I want to know how yesterday went,’ she said. ‘Isla stayed with you for a really long time and I’ve been torturing myself about it ever since.’
‘Why? Don’t you want us to get to know each other?’
‘Of course I do,’ she snapped, immediately regretting it when he recoiled. ‘It’s just that we’ve always been super close and having her not confide in me—practically avoid me—last night has left me feeling … unsettled.’
‘How the hell do you think I feel? I’ve been unsettled since the moment you told me I had a kid.’ He drummed his fingers against the table, the habit so familiar the back of her eyes burned with unshed tears. He’d done that all the time when they were dating. At first she’d thought it signalled impatience but later she’d learned he did it because he often had new melodies floating through his head that made his fingers itch to jot them down. ‘And to be honest, I’m not sure how I feel being interrogated about what went down with Isla and me.’
‘I’m not interrogating you,’ she lied.
Thankfully, the waitress arrived, giving her time to gather her thoughts. They ordered cappuccinos, deciding they didn’t have an appetite for scones. When the waitress left, Kody fixed Tash with that penetrating stare again.
‘Look, Isla and I had a good time. We talked. Actually, she talked, mostly.’ His goofy grin told her exactly how smitten he was. ‘She’s a great kid.’
She wanted to say ‘Tell me something I don’t know’ but didn’t want to sound like a smart arse so she waited for him to continue.
‘I have to admit, yesterday went a lot better than I hoped. Once we got past the initial awkwardness, we just chatted. About school stuff and music and life on the road.’ His gaze shifted away, furtive. ‘She brought up that she’d like to spend more time with me.’
A chill swept over her. ‘What does that mean?’
‘Life on the road is appealing for any kid—’
‘No.’
How she managed to stop at one short sharp syllable and not scream a resounding ‘hell freaking no’ Tash had no idea.
He shook his head. ‘Contrary to what you think of me, I’m not a complete idiot. I told her it wasn’t a good idea, that her place is in Brockenridge.’
Kody’s reassurance should’ve made her feel relieved. It didn’t, because if Isla had broached the subject of leaving, she wouldn’t let it go easily.
‘Thanks for that,’ she said, hating how quivery her voice sounded. ‘A solid education is important.’
‘But I also think it would be good for her to spend some time with me when I tour, to get some life experience beyond a small country town.’
The chill that had swept over Tash a few moments ago turned into a full-on freeze that made her want to clench her jaw to stop her teeth from chattering. She wanted to yell her disapproval, to thump the table—or him—to express her horror at the idea of her sweet, innocent daughter touring with a rock band.
But while she had some say in this, she didn’t have the right to forbid it, not when there was two of them now parenting Isla.
> ‘Anyway, you asked what we discussed, so that’s what was mentioned. And we’re not making any rash decisions but I thought you should know.’ He gave a self-deprecating laugh that sounded harsh. ‘Besides, I doubt I’ll tour ever again, so you may not have to worry about it.’
‘What does that mean?’
‘I still can’t pick up a guitar or sing.’ He shrugged, like the loss of one of the most sought-after voices in the world meant little. ‘I don’t have the inclination any longer and, surprisingly, I don’t give a shit.’
‘But that’s wrong,’ she said, glimpsing the pain shifting in his eyes. ‘You have an incredible gift and creating music is everything to you.’
‘It used to be,’ he said, pushing a crumb around the table with a fingertip. ‘I just … can’t.’
‘You weren’t responsible for those people dying—’
‘How the hell would you know?’ He sat back and folded his arms, his jaw rigid. ‘Every time I even glance at a guitar I break into a cold sweat and feel like vomiting …’ He raised his eyes to her and his anguish made her want to hold him tight. ‘I still have nightmares, hearing their screams, and it’s like I’m back there, smelling the smoke, not being able to see or do anything …’
Her heart broke a little. She had no idea he’d been suffering this badly and it made her feel more helpless than ever. According to her mum, Tash had always had a saviour complex. From the time she could walk, she’d rescue caterpillars and crickets, and later wounded magpies or stray cats. She guessed that’s where the desire to nurse came from too, helping those in need. Maybe that had been part of her initial attraction to Kody? He’d been cocky and charming but she’d seen beneath his exterior to a vulnerable young guy trying to make ends meet.
Regardless of their past, what could she do for Kody now beyond listening? Would suggesting professional help only anger him more? She couldn’t afford to alienate him.
