by Ashley Kay
Straightening up, I wipe my face with my hands, slightly disgusted at the amount of water capable of being produced by tiny tear ducts and laugh. “Ok, then. We have reduced manly Preston to a puddle of salty tears in the middle of a forest. Don’t tell Nico, he’d have a field day with this.”
Shaking her head, she threads her arm through my mine and turns us back around toward where Grey is waiting. “In all fairness, P, it was overdue. Your tears are definitely manly tears, all big and sloppy. Reminds me of the time we watched End of Watch and I looked over to see fat crocodile tears sitting on your cheeks. I don’t even think you noticed it happened, but I knew right then, you were a good man.”
I remember that movie and I remember those tears. I was embarrassed, so I pretended it didn’t happen. I became a professional at hiding my emotions behind a mask of anger and self-righteousness … it feels good to rip it off.
I step through the trees—the sun beating down on my face, and I shield my eyes as my gaze settles on Greyson seated on the bench. He’s bent over, elbows on his knees, chin in his hands, staring out over at the kids playing on the playground equipment. I imagine he brought Theo out here often to run out his energy.
In this very moment I have a choice. I can either walk away or I can meet head-on the challenges that stand in my way of truly living my life. At one point, these two people meant more to me than anyone. As for Scarlett, no matter what, she’s going to be a part of my life, the mother of my nephew. Greyson, my twin, my other half—I didn’t realize how much I’ve missed him until now.
Then … there’s Savy. The way I talked to her that night— haunts me. That woman is as loyal as they come, and I know in my DNA she was only doing what she thought was right. It’s selfish of me to assume that it’s always going to be my way. Inwardly groaning, I resist the urge to hike back home and beg her to forgive me.
Home. I’m thinking of this place as home.
Walking away from all of them doesn’t register as an option anymore. I look up at both of them, concern clearly mapped out on their faces, and the rest of my resolve fades away—like the tears I left on Scarlett. I’m left raw and vulnerable, but hopeful. Taking in a breath of the cleansing air, I exhale any lingering traces of the anger I held close to my chest.
I sit down next to Grey, chucking my shoulder into his. He straightens up and looks at me with wide eyes.
“I believe you.” The sentence falls freely from my lips.
It’s those three words that cause him to sag into the bench. His relief is apparent and the lines on his forehead smooth out. “I’m sorry, P. I should have fought harder to tell you everything. I should have kept nothing from you or involved Savy in my mess.”
“Grey, it’s ok.” I stop him from spewing anymore apologies. I get it now.
“Can I at least get out what I need to say? There’s more and I have to come clean so it all makes sense.”
I hold my breath as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out what looks like a coin. He lays it in my hand. It’s warm and worn down, the shiny exterior dull, the weight of it heavy. Confused, I flip it over and then recognize it as a sobriety chip.
“This yours?” I implore before handing it back to him.
He flips the chip over again, pointing to the year stamped into the back. Six years. “I’ve been sober for six years. After what happened, my drinking increased, and things got worse. I found out Scarlett was pregnant. You weren’t talking to me, mom and dad didn’t know what was going on, and I binged. I got into a car and drove drunk. Cops pulled me over, arresting me on sight. It woke me up to just how bad it had really gotten, so I immediately checked into rehab. I was going to have a son, and I didn’t want him seeing his dad as this loser that couldn’t get his life together.”
Scarlett reaches over and pats his knee. That slight gesture, a tiny sign of comfort, makes my heart clench. Savy is the same way, making someone feel better just because it was the right thing to do for a fellow human. My brother suffered too—albeit differently than me—but how can we judge another’s suffering and compare it to our own?
Hanging my head, I place my palms flat on the bench. “I didn’t know it had gotten so bad. I’m really sorry I wasn’t there.”
“Don’t think about it now. Things are good. It was rough, but I made it through. I’m sorry, for that night because it truly was an accident, and it’s plagued me for years. I wrestled with it because it resulted in having Theo, but it also cost me you.”
Scarlett leans over, reaching out for my hand. I place mine in hers and she squeezes it lightly. Wrinkling her button nose, she says, “It’s kinda weird, isn’t it? How life turns out not at all like you’ve planned it, but it still works out either way? I know we had our life mapped out together, P. I won’t lie and say that I didn’t go over how I could have done things differently or how much I missed you.” Her eyes grow misty. I nod, her words echoing in my mind.
Swiping her face and smiling, she continues, “But then I had Theo. That kid has taught me so much in his short life. I had to let go of all the what-ifs and live for the what-is right now. I’ve always believed in fate. Always have, you know that. You used to tease me when I read my silly fairy tale novels.”
Chuckling, I lean back against the bench and scuff my shoe through the blades of grass. “Yeah, I’d have to coax you out of your cocoon of blankets with the promise of your favorite foods.”
Grey pipes up, “Which usually led to you and I eating it all and her complaining she didn’t get any because her nose was stuck in a book all damn night.”
Scarlett sticks her tongue out at him before turning back to me. “I don’t think it was by any accident that things happened the way they did. I’ve forgiven myself and Grey for hurting you. I hope you’re able to forgive yourself. There’s nothing that could have changed that night. Don’t hate me for saying this, but when someone finds their soulmate, they fight for them no matter what. You didn’t fight for me, Preston, so I knew we weren’t meant to be.”
That stings, but she’s right. I didn’t fight for anything. Her or Greyson. I just left, ran away like Grey so lovingly pointed out. I was in my own private world, isolated from those I loved. I was so broken; I didn’t realize that the people that broke me were also the ones that could help put me back together. I’d be a fool to walk away from this. And from Savy.
I stick out my hand towards Greyson, a genuine grin on my face. “Truce? For real this time?”
He grins back, bypassing my outstretched hand, and pulls me in for a hug. “Truce. Now, please go fix things with Savy.”
My smile grows even wider. I don’t plan on ever letting her go again.
Before I can imagine whether she’ll willingly forgive me, or if I’m in for the groveling of my life, my phone buzzes in my pocket, just as Greyson’s rings out loud. Pulling it out, Nico’s name flashes and there’s several missed texts. Whipping my head toward Greyson, he shows me his phone. Jasper.
Anxiety rolls through me as I answer, “Nico, what’s up?”
Reliefs fills his voice. I also hear Greyson talking loudly into his phone. “What do you mean, what happened?”
I step away—Scarlett’s face pinches with confusion.
“Say that again. I didn’t hear you.” I clutch the phone tightly, plugging my other ear with my finger to block outside noise.
“You need to get back to New York. Your mom’s in the hospital. She’s been in an accident. It’s not good, you need to hurry.”
His words slam into me. Whipping my head to Grey, his face drains of color, hands visibly shaking. He’s heard the news from Jasper. Grey fills Scarlett in as we rush to the truck, our minds on Grace Lee, the pillar of strength in our family, now holding on for her life.
25
SAVANNAH
The flutter of activity next door doesn’t go unnoticed. I’d notice anything Preston does. Maybe that makes me a stalker, I don’t know, but I miss him. It’s been a few weeks and every glance in his direct
ion results in me missing him more.
His front door rips open, and I race to the window. He’s pulling out a suitcase and a carry-on bag, frustration coiling his features. I don’t want him to see me, so I’ve hidden behind the sheer curtains like a chicken. If Lynn were here, she’d tell me to get off my butt and go talk to him, but I can’t. The inevitable is happening. He’s leaving, and it doesn’t look like he’s coming back.
I clutch the blanket on my couch to my chest. Pain rips into me. He’s really leaving. As if he heard my silent anguish, he tosses his bags into Shelby’s truck and turns to stare back at the house. His face crumples and he runs a hand down his pale cheeks before slamming the door and tearing out of the parking lot, taking an important part of me with him.
26
PRESTON
Antiseptic and latex snap sharply in the air as the ER doors slide open. I rush to the front desk. The woman behind it had just hung up the phone and turned her attention to the computer.
Slapping a hand on the counter, I demand her attention. “Ma’am, we need to see Grace Lee,” I shout.
She narrows her eyes over her glasses and Greyson steps up beside me, out of breath. “Preston, chill.” Forcing a convincing smile, he speaks with more calmness in his voice than I could summon. “We’re Grace Lee’s sons. We were told they brought here her. Can we see her?”
She takes down our information, informing us a doctor will be out to see us, and we’ll have to wait in the waiting room.
Feeling frustrated, I stalk to the nearest open chair, plop down on it, knee immediately bouncing. Greyson sits down next to me and stalls my maniacal movements. “Dude, relax. The doctor will be out soon, and we’ll know more. Jasper said it wasn’t as bad as they initially thought.”
Slicing my eyes over to him, I move my leg away from his hand. “I’ll relax when we can see her.” I don’t like hospitals. Too much sickness, too much death. I already lost my dad; I couldn’t handle it if I lost my mom too.
Before getting up to check on the status of the doctor, the doors to our left open and a woman in scrubs approaches us. “Greyson? Preston?”
Greyson stands, joining me while the doctor goes through what all happened. Mom was T-boned by a vehicle that ran a red light. They hit the side she was on, resulting in a broken leg and a few broken ribs. She had to have her leg reset and it will be a longer recovery time, but she’s lucky to be alive considering how hard the other driver hit the town car. Everyone else walked away with minor scrapes and bruises.
“Can we just see her now, please?” I use my nice voice this time, despite wanting to push past her.
The doctor escorts us to her room, and I move myself in front of Grey, opening the door first. Her room is cheery for being so sterile. The curtains on the window are open and the sunshine illuminates the room—there’s no need for the fluorescent lights that whitewash everything and everyone. A few vases of flowers are on the table next to her bed, and she’s sitting up and reading, her glasses perched on the end of her nose. Reminds me of grandma, who would sit us on her lap and read us old bedtime stories when we would stay over.
They’ve positioned her leg in a sling, white bandages bound up to her mid-thigh. A small wrap is on her wrist, as well as a band aid across her forehead. She looks up from her book when the door opens and gives us a broad smile before setting it aside. Opening her arms, she welcomes us in.
Striding across the floor, I lean over, burying my head into the crook of her neck, smelling the jasmine on her skin. “You ok, mom?” my voice muffled by the starched pillow behind her head.
She strokes my hair, comforting me when it should be the other way around. “I’m fine, sweetheart. Just a few scratches, nothing major. You know me, I’ll be up and back at work in no time.”
I move my head and give her a smirk while pointing at her injured leg. “Yeah, ok mom. You going to jazz up the crutches? With a … what’s it called again?”
“The Bedazzler,” Grey offers, sitting on the other side, holding her hand.
I swing my eyes toward him, arching a brow. “How do you know what that is?”
He shrugs. “I hung out with girls more than you did. They may or may not have made me bedazzle some shoes once.”
I huff out a laugh as I sit down. “I have to see that. Please tell me you still have them?”
“Hell no. I only did it to impress them, and then I tossed them in the nearest dumpster after class. Told ‘em, I gifted them to my sister … none of them knew we didn’t have a sister.”
I laugh, imagining Greyson wearing a pair of bejeweled sneakers to class. Only he could get away with that. I glance over to mom, she’s dumbfounded, a dopey grin on her face. She continues to smile, despite the painful looking purple bruises dotting her jaw, and grabs onto both our hands, kissing them one at a time. Her eyes, glossy with tears, fill up with amusement when she wipes them with a Kleenex. “It makes me so happy to see you two in the same room and actually talking instead of screaming at each other or throwing imaginary daggers at one another.”
I raise my hand. “In my defense—.” A rolled up ball of Kleenex smacks my head before I can finish my sentence.
“Don’t ruin it, P.” Grey chucks another Kleenex at me and I duck to avoid it, hands over my head.
“Haha, ow.” Mom wrinkles up her brows while smiling and clutching her ribs. “As much as I’m loving this display of brotherly affection between you two, it hurts to laugh.”
“Sorry,” we say simultaneously.
It’s a bizarre feeling. We haven’t been close in years and after one conversation, the familiar habits settle back in; the ribbing and talking in unison. Used to annoy our dad when we were younger, but mom found it hilarious.
“Preston, honey, I’m sorry for not doing more.”
I crinkle my brows and squeeze her hand. “What do you mean?”
She leans back, the pillow behind her flattening under the weight, and wrings the ball of pulverized cotton in her hands. “I want to apologize again for not pushing your brother harder to tell you about Theo, and that I didn’t push you more to listen to him. I let it go on for far too long. I believed I was respecting boundaries, but I feel I did more harm than good.” Her eyes well up with more fresh tears, and I reach over to catch them.
Shaking my head, I reply as Grey hugs her arm, “No, mom, don’t. I know you did your best. We’re adults, we played by our own rules and I don’t think you could have changed much if you tried. I was pretty clear about never talking to him again.”
Grey rolls his eyes. “Yeah, we know.”
I flick his knee, because leaning over mom to punch him wouldn’t go over so well. He chuckles and scoots away like he was privy to my plan.
“Who’s going to take care of you when you’re released? I can stay and help if you need me to.” Grey pats her arm, observing just how bandaged up she is.
“No, no, you have Theo to get back to. I’ll be fine, I’ll hire a nurse to help with the daily routines that I’ll struggle with.”
Their words fade into the background. Grey had Theo to go back to, but who did I have besides an unruly cow I swear can read my mind.
Savy.
Will she be there when I get back? Will she let me apologize and understand where I’m coming from? I haven’t contacted her in far too long a time, and with my mom getting injured, I didn’t even stop to let her know. Hanging my head, I pinch my brows between my fingers to relieve the pressure.
Leaning back up, I catch Greyson staring at me. “Hey. It’s going to be fine between you two.” His intense eyes roam over my worried ones. “I’ll call her in a few minutes, give her the details so she isn’t worried when she finds out we aren’t there. I texted Tia but haven’t had a moment to do anything else.”
My mother’s eyes narrow in my peripheral vision, and I swivel toward her. Angling her head and wincing before righting it, she grabs my chin so I’m forced to look into her eyes. Amusement glints under her black lashes. Even al
l banged up, she’s put on some mascara and combed her hair.
“Who is she?” Her voice takes on a tender tone and her hand slides to my cheek, stroking it.
“Her name’s Savannah—Savy.” A small smile lifts the corner of my mouth. I always smile when I say her name, can’t help it.
Not satisfied with just that, she prods me for more. “And?”
Taking a deep inhalation, I expel out the truth in one breath. “I’m in love with her, but I’m worried I screwed it all up and it’ll be too late.”
I pull away from my mother’s grasp and stare down at my hands, ones not as rough as Grey’s, but holding more weight I’m finally ready to carry. I’m ready to live the life I crave, with that sassy woman by my side, if she’ll have me.
Silence shrouds the air and I risk a peek at the both of them, each wearing similarly shocked expressions.
“Well, shit. P has actually caught feelings.”
“Greyson, please, the language. What’s catching feelings? You kids and your lingo, I’ll never understand it.”
Laughing, Grey answers her while I let my words wash over me.
I love her. The words slam into me repeatedly. I love her. No one else has made me want to scale mountains just to get a glimpse of their smile. Except her. The urgency to get back home to my Montana has never felt greater. I need to tell her how I feel before it’s too late.
“Preston,” my name from my mother’s lipstick clad lips brings me back to the present. “I’m so happy for you. I’ve met her. I’m sure she’s told you that. It was a long time ago, but I remember her. She’s a good one.”
I nod. She’s right. Savy’s the best. She’s made me realize what’s important, what’s worth it, and how to live life to the fullest, leaving the baggage in the past where it belongs.
