by Paula Hayes
Figs to You
They met Dylan and Nina at Jacqui’s house. Deepak had dropped them off and been sent back home to turn off the forgotten bubbling deep fryer. Both were red faced and out of breath. Dylan had one eye painted in purple and green shimmering eye shadow—he’d been in the middle of a David Bowie Rebirth. Anna banged and thumped at the front door … then shouted and whistled from the doorstep. There was no answer. Above the door was a small lead light window with a piece missing. Kevin overturned an empty pot plant for Dylan to climb onto. He put his eye to the gap and peered into the studio. “My God,” he exclaimed as he tried to stay balanced on the wobbly clay.
“What?” screamed Anna.
“The house is incredibly tidy. All the paintbrushes are size coordinated in fun little coloured glasses—ah … canvases are neatly stacked and there is a mat on the floor. Oooh I have never seen the floor before, it’s usually covered in coffee cups and books and canvases … quite a nice rug … Aztec design. It looks like Snow white has been here, cleaning up after the seven dwarfs.”
“Was there a dwarf named Kerazee?”
“Stop it Anna!”
“Get down Dylan. Let me have a look.”
Anna scanned the immaculate room for signs of life. There were none. A light bulb went off in Anna’s head.
“She will be with the vampires,” she cried.
“Vampires! Are they real too!” trembled Nina.
“NO, Mummy, that’s what we call Jacqui’s new friends.”
“Why?”
“Because they are so emo and tragic with their tattoos and piercings—so attention seeking,” he replied without guile.
“You’re kidding … right?” said Anna, as Nina put her hand to her mouth to cover a smirk. “Add irony to the list of things Mr One hundred and forty seven doesn’t do.”
“Who are these vampire people,” shouted Natalie over Dylan and Anna’s conversation.
“I don’t know. She often goes out without Anna and I. I think we have only bumped into them once.”
“How can we track them down?”
The five of them stood silently on Jacqui’s landing. A very thirsty pink rose was wilting in a crumbling undersized pot. Kevin went to find the hose. It was in a tangle underneath an enormous centenarian Moreton Bay Fig tree. Its heavy branches and shiny dark leaves touched the top story eaves on one side, on the other side, it cascaded over the road in an arc of dark mossy coolness. A very tired and unravelling piece of rope secured a mouldy warped plywood board with the message, ‘DO NOT CUT OR PRUNE THIS ELDERLY GENLTLEMAN, HE IS OVER ONE HUNDRED YEARS OLD.’ Corinne had written it with great flourish in large flowery capitals. Kevin read the sign.
“Would you look at that? The sign is still here, I can’t believe it’s still here. It has been hanging here for eight years. Bloody tree branches are hanging over the road, if one branch falls, it could cause a nasty accident. Then there’s the electric wires overhead. It’s bloody dangerous. Why do the council let her get away with it?”
“She tied herself to it for the first three years whenever the council workers were coming down the road with their cherry pickers and loppers,” replied Natalie tersely.
“I’m surprised you don’t remember it Kevin. Arun certainly does. The first time she tied herself to the trunk she was naked,” said Nina tight lipped. “Not a stitch on her, she looked like a naked Barbie doll left at the playground.”
“Oh yes, it’s coming back to me now,” blushed Kev.
“How could you forget, the two of you were loitering in the background. Remember … you were picking up the kids from a sleep over?” cried Natalie.
“I was not loitering, I do not loiter,” blustered Kevin.
“It was on the evening news, the two of you were on the news, walking in and out of the shot like a couple of boob struck teenagers,” snapped Natalie.
Anna and Dylan were very quiet.
Kevin untangled the hose and gently watered the dying plant. Nina watched Kevin with great intensity, sorry to have prodded the memory back into life while trying to stifle the desire to laugh out loud. She caught Nat’s eye. Nat winked.
“Face Plant,” cried Nina.
“What are you talking about Mother?” said Dylan red faced.
“Plant Book? You know that computer thing you enjoy so much that says you have eight hundred friends when you only have two. Jacqui is always making the very pretty photos.”
“Face Book!” cried Anna. “You are a genius Nina!”
Jacqui is constantly on Face Book, we will track her through that.”
Dylan pulled out his phone and logged in.
“Ohh look at that,” gasped Dylan.
“What?” shouted Anna.
“Amber Myers is having a massive sixteenth party and the three of us are all invited.”
“Who is this Amber?” quizzed Nina. “Is she a good girl?”
“I have no idea who she is?” replied Dylan.
“DYLAN. FOCUS!”
“Okay, okay J A C Q U I.”
The four of them gazed at Jacqui’s display photo. She was holding onto Bubba who was wrapped in a bright pink and orange crocheted blanket. She was beaming into the camera. Anna now knew the smile was her armour.
“No, she hasn’t updated since two days ago.”
“What will we do now?”
“Contacts Dylan,” shouted Anna. “Scroll through her photos and contacts. Remember that weird couple we met at the shops with her. The guy was short and fat and the girl was tall and bony looking. Remember you were jealous of the girl’s turquoise green hair and disgusted at the man’s nose ring. It was pierced through the front and you said he looked like a little fat piggy on the way to market.” Anna hadn’t liked the way Pig Man had looked at her.
“So I did, oink, oink.”
“If only we could remember their names,” sighed Anna.
“Mr. and Mrs. Piggy Ghouly Vampire. They were evil looking,” Dylan shuddered. “The scariest thing was Pig Man was wearing denim on denim, quite a terrifying combination.”
Dylan poked at his smart phone for a short time and then said timidly, “Ummm, I actually know her password, does that help?”
“How do you know her password?” cried Anna.
“You know I have a photographic memory and an IQ of 147, it is shamefully easy for me. It is a curse to be so clever.” Dylan tried to look innocent.
“Do you know mine?”
“Yes,” said Dylan. He paused, “And Natalie’s and Deepak’s too.” He looked down at his feet in disgrace.
“You see this is what I am talking about, it’s ‘Big Brother’ watching you. Social media is open to all sorts of abuse. Anyone could pretend to be anyone else. They could steal your identity, your money, your house and your kidneys!! I hate Face Book.”
“Calm down Dad.”
Anna noticed the veins in his neck flexing and wriggling like fat purple worms under his skin.
“Let’s call the police,” cried Natalie, anxious to bring the conversation back to the problem at hand.
“Let’s use our common sense first. We can’t barge into the police station and say we have it on good authority from our resident ghost that Jacqui is emotionally unstable and may do something rash and foolish. We would look like fools,” countered Kevin.
“I don’t care about looking foolish and nor should you Mr. Booby. We are responsible for this girl and although Corinne is far away, I know she is a loving and caring mother.” Natalie walked over to the tree and flung her arms around it dramatically.
“She saved this tree in her own special way. Look at the rest of this sterile street, manicured within an inch of its life.” Natalie flung her arm dramatically toward the rest of the road. The street trees had just received their annual bowl haircut.
“She is not well at the moment. And she is ou
r friend and she is is having some sort of mental breakdown. She is not herself at all. People do occasionally crack up Kevin,” Natalie’s voice wavered and cracked. “It’s not a big deal!”
“I know love, I know.” Kevin stood quietly for a moment. “Remember Jacqui’s tenth birthday party. Corinne threw her an Evil Genius’ and their Henchmen surprise party. Corinne dressed up as Maleficent the malicious fairy and you wore that Lycra black cat costume, Natsy.” Kevin grinned at her.
“And I came as Bellatrix Lestrange,” sighed Dylan. “I wonder where my curly wig is …”
“What were you Anna? I have forgotten,” asked Nina.
“The Greenhouse Effect … The abuse of our planet is pure evil,” she muttered without her usual conviction.
“Of course, that’s right … you glued aerosol cans to a poncho made of astro turf, very scary.”
“Yep, that was a great arvo. Corinne had gone to so much trouble with the food and the decorations. Remember the look on Jacqui’s face,” said Kevin.
“Yes,” said Anna softly, “she cried with joy.”
The five stood silently on the landing.
The wind began to rattle the tree branches, groaning and creaking ominously. The squall whipped up Nina’s sari over her face and a sudden downpour of rain had them running for cover.
“One thing I know for sure is that branch is going to come crashing down on the lot of us. Let's get out of here,” shouted Kev as they bolted for Nat’s car.
The five of them squeezed into the vehicle, the windows steamed up in an uncomfortable instant.
“Here they are,” announced Dylan. “Mr. and Mrs. Creepy names are Callum and Kelsey.” A photo of a dour porky male and a thin tall woman with fluorescent green hair appeared.
“What does she say about them?” asked Anna, slightly jealous.
“It’s a PM … Umhh … ‘Sorry Cals and Kels, can’t do that festival thing next month, no funds! Soz. I might pop in and see you soon. It’s great that you are so close, right around the corner. I don’t have to catch the bus. How I loathe catching the bus!!! The creepy bus driver with the sculptured beard keeps hitting on me. Ciao for now peeps! Jacs xxx
“I never knew she hated catching the bus,” murmured Anna, now realizing that it was Jacqui that always travelled to her.
“What is the street around the corner called again?” blurted Kevin.
“Fisher Street,” replied Natalie.
“Let’s look at this logically,” continued Kevin. “Leo saw her get on the bus. We know her stop is the second last one. Even if she stayed on the bus, she couldn’t be far away. We know that the vampires, I mean her other friends, live close by in Fisher Road. It’s a small cul de sac. She is probably going to bunk down there tonight. She will be around in the morning with MacMuffins for everyone. You know what she is like, such a chirpy little thing.” He faltered, “You must have really touched a nerve Anna.”
“I know, I am so sorry, I just need to tell her I am sorry.”
“You sound like Leo,” said Natalie.
“Guilt is a horrible thing, I wonder what Leo did?”
“We can’t just leave it at that. Leo said she was feeling terrible. We have to talk to her tonight. Did you see those marks on her legs? She is not in a good state of mind.”
“Yes, I noticed them last week,” said Nina quietly.
“I don’t know what you are talking about,” said Anna ashamed.
“Might be time you got off your soap box and joined reality, love,” Natalie said gently.
“We need to speak to her, she may never come back. What if something happens to her? What if she goes to one of those clubs and leaves with a serial killer this time?” Anna panicked. “This is all my fault. I have to fix it. I have to speak to her.” Anna’s brain sorted through the swampy fog and came up with a solution. She would make a list, “Right, first we need to case Fisher Street and count the houses, you know … break it into groups … then we need to get reinforcements, we need to pick up Arun and Deepak. Then we are going to knock on every door in that street until … I see her face again and apologise for being a self righteous git.”
“Well said,” applauded Dylan, who fell quiet but then added, “it’s a pity Jacqui is not here, she would have loved the idea of splitting up a search party. It’s classic Scooby you know.”
“Shut up Dylan,” said Nina, as she wiped the car window with her sari and stared at the lonely fig tree. “Hold your tongue boy!”
