“Go for it,” she said, licking her spoon. I sat down with my microwave pasta meal that had been a last resort lunch when I was packing my bag this morning. I got discounted hotel food, but I didn’t need to spend extra money on that right now.
“So, say I have this friend who got married in Vegas and then wanted to get that marriage annulled six months later. How would my friend go about doing that?” Jessika set her yogurt down and put both hands on the table between us.
“Hold up, are you telling me that you got married in Vegas?”
“No, a friend. Wasn’t me.” I didn’t want to get into it. I wished I was a better liar. I should have practiced this better.
Jessika tilted her head to the side and crossed her arms. Her dark eyes were skeptical.
“Callyn. Come on. We both know you’re a terrible liar. So, what did you do?”
I opened my mouth to deny it again, but that wasn’t going to get me anywhere. Maybe if I told her the truth she’d be more inclined to help me out. Emma had said she was going to take care of things, but I also didn’t know if maybe there was a time limit, and if we stayed married and didn't get it taken care of right away, that it would bite us in the ass later.
The whole story came spilling out of my mouth. Maybe it was easier to talk to Jessika because she wasn’t as close as everyone else. I also knew she was a levelheaded person and would let me know the truth without any bullshit. I kind of needed that right now.
“Well. You are in a situation, aren’t you?” She rested both arms on the table and leaned forward.
“Pretty much. I mean, I went along with it because it made sense at the time, and being married to her is great. I mean, it’s pretty much the same as not being married. My health insurance is better and I might get a decent tax return, but none of that is really being married. It’s just financials stuff. We’re not in love or anything.”
Jessika had her lips pressed so hard together that I knew she had something to say.
“What?” I said.
“There are so many things I want to say right now, but I don’t think you’re ready to hear them. I’ll do some research for you, totally, and let you know what I find. Other than that, I’d say to just keep doing what you’re doing and to pay attention.”
I picked up my fork to eat my now-cooling pasta. I was starving and this was better than nothing.
“Pay attention to what?” I asked.
“Just . . . pay attention,” she said, tossing her empty yogurt cup in the recycling and then washing her spoon.
“Think about it,” she said, patting my shoulder before exiting the kitchen and leaving me to my thoughts. What did she mean? I pondered while munching my pasta until someone came to use the microwave to reheat some sort of fish thing and I had to leave or gag on the rest of my lunch. Why were people like that?
I SPENT THE REST OF my day alternately worrying about Vegas and thinking about what Jessika had said. Did she mean pay attention to Emma? Pay attention to the legal ramifications? Both? I wanted to ask Emma to help me figure it out, but I didn’t want her to know I’d told someone what we’d done. So I was stuck relying on my own brain to figure it out.
I stared at the time clock and punched out as soon as I could to race to the train so I could get to Vegas. I was meeting Emma so we could take him home together.
I beat her to the doggie daycare, but I waited until she came in through the door, her hair blowing all around her with the wind, before going inside.
“Sorry, sorry, I got stuck in study group. Let’s go get him,” she said, and I wanted to grab her hand again. I’d had that urge more and more lately and I had no idea what it meant.
The receptionist brought Vegas out to us and I cried again when I saw him.
“Were you a good boy today? Were you?”
“He was great,” the receptionist said, handing us a printout. We’d also gotten updates on the app about his behavior, but this was nice to see his first day report card.
“Come on sweetheart, let’s go home,” I said, trying to lead the wiggly puppy through the door while Emma held it. I honestly wanted to pick him up and cuddle him the whole way, but he was off and running, pulling on the leash and then focusing on a spot on the sidewalk and refusing to move on until we coaxed him.
“I can’t wait until he’s really trained,” I said. It took so long to get him home that Emma did end up picking him up for the last little bit.
“Soon,” she said. “Soon he will be. We’re going to have to be diligent about it, though. Constant reinforcement and all that.” I’d done a little bit of research and I was all in on making sure that Vegas was a well-trained boy. It was bad dog parenting to not train your dog. Plus, puppies needed boundaries, just like children.
“How was your day?” I asked, after we walked through the door. She seemed tired and I wondered if she was sleeping well.
“Long,” she said, putting her bag down with a thump. “Would you mind making dinner tonight?” I almost fell over. Emma didn’t ask me to cook. I couldn’t remember any time she had asked me that.
“Yeah, of course,” I said, scrambling to the fridge to figure out what I could throw together that would be decent and that I wouldn’t mess up.
Pasta. I could do pasta. I found a box and a bottle of sauce and some defrosted chicken. I could do that. Probably.
“Is spaghetti chicken okay?” I asked her. Emma was on the couch cuddling with Vegas.
“Yeah, sounds good.” I found some frozen asparagus I thought would make a good side dish. It wasn’t up to Emma’s culinary standards, but I was going to do my best not to fuck it up too badly.
EMMA JOINED ME IN THE kitchen fifteen minutes later as I drained the pasta and mixed it in with the chicken and sauce. I’d made a mess with the sauce splattering everywhere, but I hadn’t burned the chicken or the sauce, and everything was cooked through, so I thought I had done a good job.
Emma wearily got out the plates and used tongs to place the pasta on our plates, topping it with the chicken, and then putting the asparagus on the side of her plate. She grabbed a separate plate for my asparagus. I didn’t like my foods touching, especially if there was a sauce component.
“Thank you,” I said, when she handed me my plate.
“Do you want to eat on the couch? I feel like watching something.” Emma didn’t usually allow that, so I was really on high alert.
“Are you feeling okay?” I asked, as we grabbed paper towels and drinks and brought everything to the couch.
“Yeah, just tired. I don’t know.”
“Maybe you’re coming down with something?” I asked, reaching out to feel her forehead. She flinched away from my touch.
“What the hell, Em?” She waved me off and picked up her plate.
“Sorry. I’m just . . . Sorry.” What was going on? I started to ask her, but she looked straight ahead and turned on the TV.
Emma and I had had our fights before as all best friends had. There had been times when we hadn’t spoken, but those were few and far between.
“Will you please talk to me? I can’t handle it when you shut me out,” I said. She closed her eyes and I thought she was going to cry.
“I’m sorry. I just need some space right now to think about a lot of things, okay? I just . . . I need some space.” I wasn’t going to lie, that hurt.
“Space from me?” I asked, my stomach knotting up with anxiety. Emma still wouldn’t look at me.
“I just need some space,” she said again, not answering my question, which was an answer in itself. I looked away from her and tried not to cry. I pulled Vegas onto my lap and let him gnaw on my fingers, even though it hurt like hell.
When had things gone so sideways? Everything had been fine this morning. Maybe she was getting tired of living with me. Maybe I was stressing her out. Maybe she was regretting the puppy. Maybe it was all of those things.
I shouldn’t have moved in here. I should have found some other crappy roommates and
left her alone. There was that saying that you didn’t truly know someone until you lived with them. We’d been friends for so long, but had never lived together. I guess Emma didn’t like what she found when I moved in.
My head spun with all sorts of terrible things and I started to feel sick. I couldn’t imagine my life without Emma. She was everything to me.
I kept my mouth shut and pretended to watch the show and that I was fine and I was completely calm. Emma asking for space was a reasonable request and I could do that. It wasn’t Emma’s fault that I immediately thought the worst when anything happened.
Using the breathing exercises I’d learned from my meditation app, I tried to calm myself and not get all twisted up in imagining scenarios that would never come to pass. Vegas seemed to sense my agitation and started licking my arm, as if to comfort me. He was such a precious boy.
Emma and I sat in silence for a long time and I was barely keeping a lid on my panic. At last I grabbed our plates and went to the kitchen to put them in the dishwasher and then get Vegas some fresh water. He went to town, slopping and slurping water everywhere.
“We’re going to need to put a towel under your bowl, you goober,” I said, patting his head.
Emma went to the bathroom while I was petting Vegas and didn’t come back. I went and knocked on the door.
“Em, are you okay? I know you wanted space, but I can’t take this anymore.” My voice broke and the door opened. Emma had been crying.
“I’m sorry,” she said, sobbing and throwing herself at me. I opened my arms to catch her and she collapsed.
“What’s wrong? My god, Em.” I rubbed her back and was starting to get really concerned that something terrible had happened that she didn’t want to tell me.
She lifted her face from my shoulder and looked into my eyes. Her eyelashes were stuck together by tears. I wiped her cheeks with both thumbs.
“Talk to me,” I said, as I cradled her face in my hands. Seeing her cry was making me want to cry as well, and I was fighting the urge.
“I can’t,” she finally said in a choked voice. She closed her eyes and leaned forward a fraction. Our noses were almost touching.
“I can’t talk to you,” she said, and I heard Jessika’s words in my head again, pay attention.
“What can you do?” I asked, and every cell in my body was waiting for the answer. Something was happening, I could feel it in the charged air between us. Everything was about to change, but it was still a shock when Emma pressed her lips to mine for a fraction of a breath before she pulled back. Or, at least she tried to pull back, because I was still holding onto her face. I wouldn’t let her go. Without thinking of even one single consequence, I did what I do best: I gave in to my first impulse and this time I kissed her. It was a little bit longer than her micro-peck, but it still probably didn’t qualify as an actual kiss. So I tried again. This time I took a step closer and inhaled through my nose as I adjusted to the kiss. Emma still seemed to be in shock, so I rubbed my thumbs on her cheeks to relax her.
I had no idea what came over me but, suddenly, kissing Emma seemed like the most important thing in the entire world.
I pulled back a bit, only to touch her lips again. I swear she tasted like an orange. My legs wobbled and I was just starting to think I’d done the wrong thing when she opened her mouth and sighed, as if in relief. Once that happened, all hell broke loose.
Nine
It wasn’t just a kiss. It was a seduction, it was a devouring, it was a surrender. It was everything at once and I couldn’t breathe and I didn’t want it to stop. My hands moved from Emma’s face to grip her shoulders, as if to have something to hold onto to ground me. Otherwise I might have either floated away or melted into the floor.
Her mouth was warm and vicious. She kissed me as if I was her salvation. I felt the same way as our lips slowly caressed each other. Not hurrying. Not rushing. Emma kissed me hard and deep. At first, there was a bit of fumbling, trying to fit our faces together so we could kiss and breathe and get everything lined up the right way, but we got there after a few moments. I nearly blacked out when she slipped her tongue between my lips. I’d never been a huge fan of making out, but this was . . . something else. Something entirely different.
Sparks exploded behind my eyelids and I reached for her tongue with mine, desperate to taste as much of her as possible. I wanted to fill my lungs with nothing but her. I didn’t need air right now.
Emma tried to slow the kiss down, but now I was desperate and hungry and I’d only had a small sip of what we could have together and I wanted to drown myself in it. She made a little sound that might have been a moan but, finally, Emma pulled her mouth away.
“Cal. What are we doing?” I groggily opened my eyes. My lips were swollen and tender and it took a moment to come down from wherever I’d gone mentally during the kiss. Another planet, probably. Maybe another dimension.
I couldn’t make any words come out of my mouth, but my brain had started to register that Emma and I had kissed. I kissed my best friend. Friends didn’t make out with friends. At least, not usually.
“Cal?” she said.
“Uh huh,” I squeaked out. “What?”
“Callyn,” she said, but I was too mesmerized by the shifting colors in her eyes and the way her cheeks had gotten a little pinker, as if she’d slicked on a cheek stain.
“Huh?” I replied. Now she was the one putting both hands on my face.
“Callyn, I need you to focus. We just kissed and I think we need to discuss it,” she said.
“Why?”
She made a frustrated sound and all I could think of was kissing her lips again. I needed to spend a significant portion of my day kissing Emma. I didn’t even want to think about all the years I’d spent not kissing her. What a waste. Complete fucking waste of time.
Emma put both her hands on my shoulders and actually pushed me so I was a few feet away from her. My head started to clear a little and it became easier to breathe once I had some space between us.
“Callyn, this . . . I didn’t mean for this to happen, holy shit.” She wrenched both hands through her hair, getting her fingers tangled.
“But it did happen and I want it to keep happening. Kiss me, please.” Emma shook her head.
“No, that’s a bad idea. A very bad idea.”
“Bad ideas are the best ideas,” I said, stepping toward her again. “Let’s have bad ideas together.” I didn’t know what had come over me, but I was possessed by someone much more confident than I was.
“Come here, Emma Christine” I said, and kissed her gently enough that she could stop it if she wanted to. I knew her well enough to know when she wanted to do something and when she didn’t. Her words said one thing, and then her body said something completely different.
“If you want me to stop, tell me,” I said, pulling back.
“We should stop.” I brushed my nose against hers.
“That wasn’t what I asked you. If you really don’t want me to kiss you again, I will never kiss you again. Just say the words. Or, if you can’t say it, put one hand on my chest.”
I waited for what felt like three thousand years, our noses almost touching, our eyes locked on each other. I think we both even stopped breathing.
I felt her breath wash across my face as she said, “I want you to kiss me again.”
“Okay,” I said, because what else was there to say? I needed to use my lips for something much better than talking.
I smiled as she leaned forward, kissing me instead, even though she’d asked me to kiss her. Things started slow and sweet again, soft brushes and light pressure. As if we were still testing this out. In a way, we were. I was standing here and kissing my best friend, who I definitely had never thought of kissing.
Right?
Emma laughed a little and I froze.
“Stop thinking,” she said, and I almost fell over.
“That’s my line.”
“I know. I’m not real
ly sure who I am right now, but I don’t care.” I kissed the tip of her nose.
“You’re Emma and I’m Callyn.” It was the first thing that came to mind.
“Okay,” she said, as if that was a satisfactory answer and went back to kissing me.
All of my nerve endings concentrated themselves on my mouth, or at least it felt that way. Every single slide of her lips against mine set me on fire and then she got her tongue involved again and I was completely and utterly lost.
After only a few moments (or it could have been a few hours, I had no fucking idea), I realized that my legs were trembling so bad that I could barely stand. I needed to at least sit down. After only a second of thought, I broke the kiss again and said, “Come with me.”
To her credit, Emma followed me into my bedroom. I shut the door, even though that would leave a whining Vegas on the other side. He would survive a little time on his own. I pressed my back to the door and watched Emma. Her chest was heaving as if she’d run up the stairs and her pupils were larger than normal. She looked a little wild and I wondered if her heart was beating as fast as mine.
I crossed the room and sat on my bed which, of course, wasn’t made, but why did that matter right now?
“Come here,” I said again. I almost patted the bed next to me but stopped myself at the last minute.
She was hesitating again.
“We can stop this right now if you want. We can go back out there and watch a movie and sit next to each other on the couch. Or you can come here and we can see where this is going to go.” Inside I was screaming at her to pick the second option, but I would never try and talk her into something she didn’t want. Never ever.
“I don’t want to stop,” she said, closing her eyes. I could feel her making a decision in her mind, weighing the options. Emma might take longer than me to make a decision, but once she made it, she was all in.
Her eyes snapped open and I waited for the verdict.
Didn't Stay in Vegas Page 10
