“I see. You guys are still together then?”
Brian squeezed Sam close. “Yep. Still together. And who knows, maybe we’ll have a big announcement soon.” He winked.
“Are we talking about a marriage proposal?” Jon asked, grinning at the camera.
“We’ll see,” Brian said, tongue in cheek.
The camera zoomed in on Jon. “Well, you heard it here first, on E! Tonight. There may be wedding bells in the future for this happy couple. Back to you, Janet.”
Alex collapsed on the sofa and Sophia put an arm around her. Not since Madison had she felt this kind of pain. Would she have the strength to pick up the pieces a second time?
“I’m sure that was just for show,” Lenna said.
Alex seethed, still stinging from the kiss. “She looked pretty fucking happy.”
Sophia squeezed her shoulders. “I’m sure Lenna’s right. She’s an actress. That was for show. To get people off her back.”
Alex abruptly stood and walked out of the room.
“Where you going?” Lenna called.
She picked up her keys and stormed out of the house.
“Don’t do anything stupid!”
Alex needed to drown her sorrows. What was good for the goose was good for the gander, right? If Sam wanted to be with Brian, then maybe it was time to go back to her old ways. Mindless sex with beautiful women.
* * *
Alex’s glassy eyes stared at an empty mug. “Give me another beer.”
Monette patted her arm. “I think you’ve had enough.”
Alex was sloppy drunk. And she didn’t care. She’d arrived at the bar hours ago, hoping to go home with someone. Anyone. Trouble was, when push came to shove, she couldn’t go through with it. Reminders of Sam were everywhere. The dance floor, where Alex had almost kissed her. The couch against the far wall, where they’d huddled close. The deck out back, where Alex had bared her soul.
With chin in hand, she quietly wailed, “I’m ruined. I can’t even sleep with anybody else. I’ll be celibate for the rest of my life.”
“I’m gonna call Lenna to come get you. Where’s your phone?”
“I broke it. Don’t worry, I can drive. After I have another beer.”
“I don’t think so. Give me your keys.”
With a sullen look, she handed them over. “You’re no fun.”
* * *
Over the next couple of days, Alex buried herself in work. What better way to clear your mind than physical labor? She left home at dawn each day and returned after sunset to collapse into bed exhausted. She’d also found that anger worked better than depression, so she was short and snippy with everyone who crossed her path. Lenna and Sophia gave her a wide berth.
On the third morning, she was at a job in Brentwood, digging holes to plant California aster. No, digging sounded too passive. She stabbed. Stabbing with a spade made her feel good. When the aster refused to come out of its pot, she cursed it. Then she stabbed and cursed some more. Nothing like f-bombing an innocent plant to release some pent-up aggression. In the middle of all this garden violence, this horticultural mayhem, her new phone buzzed.
I miss you.
This was the first she’d heard from Sam since the phone call. Alex brushed the grime from her hands and waited, a spark of hope blooming in her chest. When nothing more came through, she cursed some more and put the phone away without answering, muttering, “That’s it? That’s all you’re gonna say? I miss you? Ha! Well good. And I’m not answering. I refuse to answer.”
After a moment, she pulled the phone back out. Maybe there was more? Her head sagged forward. Nothing. Tears threatened, but she refused to let them fall.
* * *
Sam stared at her phone. Waiting. And waiting. Nothing. No reply bubble. No acknowledgment. Hours passed and still she stared. The slam of the front door interrupted her malaise.
“We brought takeout!” Jade hollered.
She and Emma strolled into the living room, where Sam was buried beneath a mound of pillows.
“Jesus Christ. Dig her out of there.”
Emma began tossing pillows in the air, finally uncovering the desolate Sam. “Found her.”
“All right, Captain Mopey Mope, what have you been doing all day?” Jade asked, toeing aside the pile of dirty tissues that littered the floor.
Sam was curled into a tight ball. “I texted her.” Her eyes were swollen, and her nose was red from blowing.
“And?”
“She didn’t reply.”
“Maybe she’s busy,” Emma said.
“For six hours?”
“Oh.”
Sam sat and pulled her legs underneath her. “What am I doing? Am I gonna risk losing her? Over a dumb part in a movie?”
“It’s not a dumb part,” Jade said. “It’s the part you’ve been waiting for your entire career.”
“So what?” She clutched at her breast, then beat it with a fist. “It hurts. In here.” She thumped her chest a few more times. “I miss her! Everything sucks without her.” She grabbed a handful of tissues and dabbed at the tears slipping from her eyes. “I can barely get out of bed in the morning. Do you know how that feels?”
Emma and Jade both remained silent.
“Do you?” She clutched and grabbed and dabbed some more. “I love her!” Sam hugged her box of tissues for comfort as more rivulets of tears streamed down her face. “Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve held her? Since I’ve touched her?” She paused to blow again. Another crumpled tissue hit the floor. “Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve heard her voice? Since I’ve heard her say my name?”
Emma and Jade stared back, mouths slightly open.
“Well? Do you?”
“Three days?” Emma asked in a timid voice.
Jade gave a quick nod. “It’s been three days.”
“Aaarrrrrgh!” Sam grabbed another tissue and blew her nose with a definitive honk! “Well it feels like a lot longer!”
“You know Logan’s friend Steve?” Emma asked. “He stars in that HBO cop show?”
Sam sniffled. “Yeah. What about him?”
“He and his boyfriend Carter had dinner with us the other night. Every weekend they stay at each other’s house. Like one weekend, they stay at Steve’s, and the next weekend they stay at Carter’s.”
Jade shook her head. “Is this leading somewhere? I think Sam’s depressed enough without hearing about some happy gay couple.”
“That’s just it. They’re totally gay, and nobody has a clue.”
Sam narrowed her eyes. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying, they’re together. They just sneak around. And if anybody sees them together, they say they’re best friends.”
“So?”
“I don’t know why you and Alex just can’t sneak around.”
* * *
At three a.m., Sam’s phone dinged.
I miss you too.
She jolted upright. She would have liked to have jolted awake, but she hadn’t slept in three days. Her eyes remained locked on the screen. Her heart started racing.
She opened her mouth and yelled, screamed at the walls, releasing all the stress and misery of the last few days. When she was done, her shoulders slumped.
Okay. This whole thing was stupid. Probably one of the stupidest things she’d ever done. Walking away from love. From the woman of her dreams. Alex was the one, and goddamn it, she was gonna have her. So fuck ’em! Fuck. Them. All.
Well, maybe just keep things quiet. Let this shit die down for a bit, then sneak around like Emma had suggested. Obviously, everyone else did it.
She stared at her phone for a minute, then typed, I’m an idiot. I’m the largest idiot on the planet.
I don’t know about largest. Maybe second largest.
Sam bit her lip. Was there a light at the end of this hellacious tunnel? Do I still have a chance?
The phone rang, and her hand shook as she answered. “Hey.”
>
“I don’t know. Do you think you deserve another chance?”
Sam detected a hint of humor in Alex’s voice. “I think everyone deserves a second chance.”
“What’s in it for me?”
Sam jumped from the bed and strode around the room. “Well, all the purple chicken you can eat.”
“Hm. That’s tempting. What else?”
“Pinkie swear promises and lots of random touching.”
“Keep talking.”
Sam wanted to cry with joy. “I’m sure there’s more. Oh, Thanksgiving at your house. There’s that.”
“Lenna will be happy.”
“First class lounges. All the time.”
“What will Brian say?”
Sam groaned. “Please tell me you knew that was all for show. Please.” There was silence on the line, and Sam’s heart lurched. “I had to do that. Just to throw everybody off.”
After a moment, Alex sighed. “I know. I could see it in your eyes. But when you kissed him…something snapped inside. It was painful. It hurt. Even though I knew what you were doing, somehow, it still hurt.”
“I’m sorry. I had to make it look real. And believe me, I did not enjoy it. He’s an asshole, but he did me a favor. Although I wanted to kick him in the balls when he hinted about getting married. I mean, really kick him hard in the balls.”
Alex chuckled. “I thought the exact same thing.”
“Can you forgive me?”
“Of course. What about the movie?”
“I don’t care. I mean, I do care, but not if it means not seeing you.”
“This is important. It’s your dream. It’s a chance at an Oscar.”
“What good is an Oscar if I have no one to share it with? If I don’t have you to share it with?”
“I don’t wanna be the reason you don’t win or get nominated.”
“I’ve been thinking. It can work. As long as I’m discreet.” She paused, then added, “As long as we’re discreet.” There. She’d put her cards on the table.
“Are you saying we’re still a we?” Alex asked.
Sam’s heart started beating wildly inside her chest. “If you’ll have me. And I know it’s not fair to ask you to hide in the closet with me. And I’ll understand if you say no, but I swear to God, someday, Alex Novato, I’m coming out of the closet. And when it happens, I want you to be there with me.” The air stilled. Her happiness hung in the balance.
“I think I’d like that.”
Chapter Twenty-One
Sam drove like a maniac on her way home from a photo shoot on Saturday, running yellow lights and barely stopping at stop signs. She tore down her own street and yelled at the gate because it dared to open so slowly. Quick as a bunny, she sprinted through the house looking for Alex. When she couldn’t find her, she threw open the French doors and stepped into the backyard. In an instant, she was in Alex’s arms, their lips pressed together.
Sam pulled away and began rambling. “Can you forgive me? Please? Please forgive me. I was stupid. I had no clue how to fix it. And I didn’t do a good job. And you have to forgive me.”
“Yes! I forgive you.”
“I should’ve told you we needed to lay low for just a little while, but I was scared I’d ruin my career. And I think I was mad because it was that woman who did it. And the thought of you with her made me crazy!”
“I’m so sorry about that.”
“It wasn’t your fault. I had no right to be mad. I just wasn’t thinking clearly. Zach was worried I wouldn’t get the part. Everyone was worried. But I realized losing you was more awful than losing some part. I should’ve just talked to you.” Confession complete, she fell into Alex’s embrace again.
Alex stroked her hair and they remained in each other’s arms for a minute. “I’m sorry it took me so long to answer your text. I was being a jerk.”
“You had every reason to be a jerk.”
“Next time we know to communicate better.”
“Now we know!”
“Now we know.”
They both took a breath and laughed.
Sam clutched the front of Alex’s T-shirt and pulled her close. “We have some catching up to do. We haven’t had a make-out session in a week.”
“We are overdue.”
They locked lips, and grunts of pleasure rose from both their throats.
Sam’s kisses had an edge to them, a desperation, as her teeth nipped at Alex’s lips.
“Ohhh,” Alex moaned, “are you trying to kill me?”
“Mmhmm, I missed you so much.”
Alex pulled back from her hungry mouth. “I need to talk to you.”
Sam’s stomach muscles clenched, and her face fell. “Oh no. Are you breaking up with me?”
“What? No! Why do you think I’m breaking up with you?”
“You look so serious.”
“No, I’m not breaking up with you. But I do need to be serious.” Alex bowed. “If I may have the floor.”
Relief washed through Sam and she waved an arm. “The floor is yours.”
Alex took a deep breath. “Sam. I…I know, the last few years, I haven’t been a good person—”
Sam started to interrupt, but Alex reached over and placed a finger to her lips.
“I’ve slept around. I’ve hurt people. I’ve been a shit, basically.” She gulped more air into her lungs. “And I know for a fact, you deserve so much better than me.”
Sam wanted to shout, that’s not true! But she held her tongue.
“That being said.” Alex grinned. “I’m still…just a girl—”
“Oh no you’re not—”
“Standing in front of a girl—”
“Oh no.” Sam pointed at Alex. “You’re gonna Notting Hill me.”
“—asking her to love me.”
“You Notting Hill’ed me! You Notting Hill’ed me!” Sam squealed, jumping into Alex’s arms and raining kisses all over her face. “I can’t believe it.”
Alex beamed a thousand-watt smile. “I swear you’re the most beautiful, sweetest, sexiest woman I’ve ever met. And you’re cool funny to boot.”
Sam threw her head back and laughed.
“And I am hopelessly, totally, completely, absolutely in love with you. And I figure if I play my cards right, you might love me back?”
“Yes, I do. I love you!” Sam’s heart sang. “I can’t believe you Notting Hill’ed me, I’m the actress. I’m supposed to Notting Hill you.”
“Well, I beat you to it.”
Sam’s hands cupped Alex’s cheeks. “You know I’ve been in love with you since the first moment I laid eyes on you. I’ve been waiting for you to catch up.”
Alex groaned as her arms shook with exertion. “Okay, you’re getting heavy. I’m gonna put you down.”
Sam stepped away. “Here, you jump into my arms.”
“What? Sam, you can’t.”
“I can. C’mon, remember I have strong legs.”
“I don’t think so.”
“Try me.”
“Okay, you sure?”
Sam nodded, eyes squinting with determination. “Yeah, this’ll be easy.”
“I don’t know about easy.”
“Do it. Do it.” Sam waved both hands, egging her on.
“Okay, here we go.”
Alex jumped on Sam, who briefly caught her, but then started to backpedal. “Oh shit, oh shit, we’re going down!”
They both giggled as they tumbled into the grass.
Alex rolled on top of Sam and their mouths melded together. Her tongue probed deep inside Sam’s mouth.
Sam broke off the kiss. “Alex. Now now.”
Alex’s eyes were unfocused. “What?” She moved in to kiss Sam again.
“Now now.”
“Mmm.” Alex nibbled along Sam’s neck, when suddenly, her lips froze. “Now now? Like—Now Now?” She leaned back with brows raised.
Sam nodded. “Now now!”
“Holy shit! Like right now now?�
� Alex shot up and took a few steps toward the house, then spun around and yanked Sam to her feet.
With Alex in tow, Sam bolted toward the French doors. When they reached the patio, she tugged on Alex’s hand to stop them dead in their tracks. She kissed Alex so deeply both their legs trembled.
They started walking again, neither paying attention to anything except keeping their lips locked. They knocked into a lounge chair and fell onto it, never breaking the kiss.
Alex landed on her back with Sam hovering over her, and Alex’s hands traveled wildly over Sam’s body, sliding inside her shorts and squeezing her ass, then moving back under Sam’s shirt to caress her breasts, a thumb brushing back and forth across her hardening nipples.
Sam broke off the kiss to take a breath and a whimper escaped. She stood, pulling Alex with her, and walked unsteadily toward the door.
Alex caught her from behind, wrapping strong arms around Sam’s waist. She nipped and kissed the back of Sam’s neck.
When they arrived at the French doors, all Sam could do was put her hands on the glass and brace herself while Alex’s fingers made their way down the front of her shorts. Sam rested her forehead against the door, breathing heavily. “Remember that day I walked into this door?”
Alex whispered, “Funny, after you did that, this is exactly what I wanted to do to you.”
Sam shivered in response as goose bumps dotted her arms. “I was a dork. How could you have wanted me?”
Alex’s hand slid further down, her fingers slipping inside Sam’s undies and continuing to reach lower. Alex’s breath burned hot on the back of her neck when she said, “You were the sexiest dork I’d ever met.”
When Alex’s fingers hit pay dirt, Sam almost collapsed on the ground. “Oh, Jesus fucking…”
Alex smiled into her neck. “Welcome to third base, Sam.”
Sam pushed off the door. “Inside, inside!”
Alex yanked her hand away and opened the door, dragging Sam inside. Once the door closed, she whipped Sam’s shirt off, tossing it over a shoulder while grinning wickedly. Hooded eyes traveled slowly over Sam’s body. Alex quickly removed her own shirt and tossed it aside.
Sam entered an almost trance-like state, lips parted in anticipation as she stared into darkening green eyes. All these months of wondering how Alex felt, all the wanting, all the waiting, was finally over. Maybe she should take a second to appreciate the moment. She glanced hungrily at Alex’s abs, and her eyes made their way up to Alex’s lips. She gave a slight shrug. Okay, consider it appreciated.
#CassiNova Page 20
