by Aaron D. Key
I did as she asked and found myself alone again in this devastated world. I decided to see whether I could encourage the grass to grow back, with some success. Then I wondered if I could restore the silver birches from the blackened stumps that remained. This took more concentration. I shut my eyes and saw the trees as they had been when I’d left Rael’s Herron. When I opened my eyes, they were there in that perfect state. I began to feel more optimistic. If things could be restored with so little effort, the task before me would not be as bad as I had first thought. I began to wonder where Maone was. She had first moved away when Rael and Elena were being reconciled. I saw her in my mind’s eye walking from room to room, making sure the rooms were clear of debris and dirt and that there were beds and blankets for everyone. Maone seemed happy and I wondered forlornly if I should be helping her. I felt useless, as if her competence showed how little initiative I had.
So I concentrated on the job I knew how to do, which was restoring the garden. Feeling like a character out of ancient myths – though unsure as to which character – I wanted to feel the ground spring to life beneath my feet.
I made my way back under the archway as wisteria, roses, and vines climbed over the outer wall in a desperate race for the best stones to curl around. It didn’t look exactly right when finished, as the wisteria stems looked thinner and did not curl in the places I remembered subconsciously, but it would have to do.
Inside the walls there were more trees and grass to be replaced. Even with this slight improvement the impact on the eye was significant. How long had Ann said? Half an hour. I had time still. When people came back from their desert seclusion it would do them good to see green and fertility instead of barrenness and devastation.
I walked to the enclosed area that marked the entrance to the Great Hall and most of the public areas of Herron. The untidy heap that had been Aeth was still there by the lion’s head spring. I thought that this, more than anything, needed to be removed so I tentatively picked up the heap of clothing. Dust fell out of the sleeves and legs: dust that seemed to encircle and choke me. I used the cleansing action of fire, while protecting myself, so all the dust and clothes evaporated in the intense heat. Each mote shone for just a second as bright as an explosion on a nearby star.
Then I called for rain and marvelled at the way a life could be returned to nothingness in just a second. The real sun shone through my artificial rain in rainbows that danced around me. Water cleansed the stone and drained away into the empty soil. Then I set about trying to recreate this part of the garden – to me, the most important. Life in the soil, plants with flowers and fruit, regenerated water; pale blue with oxygen and smooth as silk.
It had all started to look something like my memories, I thought with satisfaction as I sat down on the stone chair next to Monta, who seemed to be breathing more naturally now.
The artificial rain stopped and the sun warmed up my damp clothing. It felt warmer than I remembered as it fell on my jeans and made them steam.
I picked a star fruit that was hanging near to my right ear and began to eat it, more out of habit than hunger. There was something I was supposed to be doing, but the sun’s warmth was making my eyelids droop pleasantly and I thought it could do no harm just to rest for a second. This form of gardening was the most tiring I had ever experienced – though it had produced more of a result than usual.
Could life in Herron return to normality after such an event or would it be forever tainted? Could my life ever return to normal, as if I knew what normal was anymore, or was I also forever tainted? I had proved I was as useful as Monta had feared I was: almost worse than useless, because I made people believe in me before I disappointed them, but it was alright. I was no longer alone. Rael had said we would meet again.
Warm sun, the calming noise of running water, the smell of honeysuckle and lavender. I thought I would go and see what my room looked like soon after I had done the thing I was waiting to do. How much damage could be done in three months?
Then I drifted into a dream in which I had been sacked from my job by McGregor for having done something unacceptable and shameful. She had the decency to look upset as she sacked me but I was devastated and sympathy did me no good. I was deeply ashamed and horrified at what I had done, although I couldn’t work out what it was. I walked round and round my old home on earth trying to work out why I had done the shameful deed and, in the way of dreams, constantly repeating “I don’t understand”. There was no end to the shame and the incomprehension. It carried on as dreams can only carry on when in the grip of fever, seeming to last forever: longer than the longest night.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
The Gardener’s Holiday
Then I woke up. At first everything seemed dark and I couldn’t work out where I was, but gradually I grew accustomed to the light drifting in from an ajar door and a window only partially obscured by a figure working at a table who was moving gently in one direction and then on the spot with a quiet humming. The room was bare and gave no clues, but I thought if I was to guess, I was in Koa’s room. I sat up feeling bruised and not at all refreshed from my sleep. The figure at the desk turned round at the sound and it was Koa.
“Hello …” and he called me a name that I have been reluctant to share with you, the reader. An impossible name for him to have used so freely and without guile, unless he had known me by this name for years, and yet this would mean that he had shared my life: that he had died on earth full of pain and delirium. As he spoke, he moved towards me to give me the sort of hug you would give a man you had died for. I knew without needing to be told that this was the man I had shared over twenty years of my life with – a man I thought I would never see again. He obviously looked different. He was Koa as I had imagined him, as I had seen him in Rael’s time, but now this form had been overlaid with another personality I knew almost as well as I knew myself.
“I don’t understand,” I said. “How is this possible?”
“It was Maone’s idea,” Koa said. “She said that she had become interested in your life, following your younger self’s visits to keep you safe. She knew that the man you were living with died suddenly in a car crash. She didn’t want you to be alone again and so she suggested to me that I kept you company in that alien place. I wanted to. I would have done anything to stop you forgetting me and it was an education for me to live in a world so different, so full of wonder.”
“She must have known you would die, and in so much pain. How did you bear it?”
“I had my guardian angel with me. Maone looked after me. I was not afraid to die because I knew I would return here and be reunited with you.”
“You said that. I thought you were delirious. You said that an angel was looking after you and that you would see me again in heaven. I never dreamed that you meant it.”
“I couldn’t have said it if I thought you would have believed me,” Koa said fondly. “But it gave me comfort at the time.”
“I wish I had known,” I said.
“I wish I could have told you,” Koa said, “but we had to follow Rael’s advice and he said that things would not work out if I tried to tell you.”
“I can’t believe it,” I said, shaking my head. “I am overwhelmed by an emotion. I think it is gratitude but it may be awe. When did you get back to this life?”
I thought of what now seemed to me to be his thoughtful and solemn demeanour. How long could it take a person to get over the trauma of a long and painful death? It was a question not normally raised.
“Two days ago, although I only left this life for a second,” he said.
How long would it take to get over the experiences of twenty years squashed into a tiny drop of time for everyone else? I hadn’t really recovered from it myself in terms of the way I related to the world around me. How could anyone understand the change? How changed could I appear without causing confusion to those around me? B
ut now I knew that Koa and I had shared part of this change together, it made the whole process bearable, for me at least.
“Do you like my hospital?” he said, as we both seemed to contemplate this huge void in our world not mirrored in our hearts.
“Is that what this is now?” I asked, unsure.
“Not really, but I got fed up of running up and down the stairs every few minutes to see if you had woken up. I wanted to be the first face you saw.”
“How long have I been asleep for?” I asked, half dreading the answer.
“Four days,” he answered. “It is nothing to worry about, according to Maone. When you were first learning to use the power you used to sleep for days afterwards, and that was when she was being careful to break you in gently. Apparently you were not careful this time.”
“I didn’t repair your garden …” I said as the smell of jasmine drifted in through the door.
“No, you didn’t. Probably just as well. You would have slept for a fortnight. It’s alright, though. Maone thought she had better finish the job for you in case you got carried away again.”
“I feel useless,” I said. “No wonder I had dreams about letting people down. Did Maone get you all back from the desert too?”
“Yes, she did.” Koa smiled. “And I don’t think you are completely useless. I would not choose to live without you, for example, so you must serve some purpose. I advise you take a holiday, though. One in which you can exercise your powers appropriately and return from fully fit. I believe you could even do this without anyone missing you.”
“You are right,” I said, suddenly understanding that I could do virtually anything I wanted, and what a responsibility it was to ensure I didn’t waste this gift with a lack of imagination or understanding.
“Shall we go now?” I said. There was nothing stopping us from doing so. I didn’t even have any possessions to pack; at least, I assumed my room had been devastated like the rest of Herron.
So we walked out into the sunlight and it felt good on my skin. I looked around me, and I had the strange delusion that I was back in Rael’s time, as the garden looked like that now.
We walked under the arch of the Great Hall and skirted by the courtyard garden. This reminded me.
“How is Monta?” I asked.
“He’s pretty much back to normal, I’d say. He seems to have forgotten most of what Aeth made him do, even if it wasn’t real. Elena had a hand in that.
“He’s been helping in the kitchens where his interest in chemistry has been stimulated in lots of ways. I think he has been making cheese, vinegar, and yoghurt the last few days. Herai has been adopted by a group of your young people and seems happier now.”
On the lakeside, I caught sight of Maone in the distance. She was turned away from me, looking towards my moat, I realised with a sense of shock. Of course, she had painted my plans for the garden with precise detail and had probably used this memory to recreate those parts of the garden I had not recreated. The moat looked as I had imagined it when I had planted it: a silvery stream floating in a cloud of forgetfulness. In front of the wispy plants, she looked like she was floating too. I needed to thank her and to say goodbye and help her settle into Glant’s city, but time was no longer an issue for me.
We walked to Rael’s Hill and entered the circle of trees. This time I was not afraid that I would not get back. I could feel my anchor, the place I wanted to return to, securely in my stomach. The light changed and I was at the beach again. This was not the place I wished to holiday in and yet I felt that no holiday would be complete without a visit there, without soaking in that precious light.
We headed for the place I had eaten with Rael. Four days of sleeping had left me with the greatest hunger I could remember, and as we ate we discussed where we would like to go. There were so many options in a universe full of wonder.
And afterwards, I would be refreshed and fit enough to return to work. I could not reach everyone, but those I could reach, I could help.
The End
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Stolid
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