It wasn’t, but Jacob was still bothered by the idea that people would still be somewhere carrying on and there wasn’t anything he could do about it. He didn’t want Gus to be right, and he kept thinking that if he were clever, if he found the right angle, he could get them all to stop. But as time wore on, he saw no matter what he posted, no matter how he jabbed, it was food. He began to see if he did a video post where he inserted logic into the whole thing, it would enrage them. And amidst it all was his rival, Adina, egging the fans on. And the hated truthseeker98.
There was no way out either. Even if Jacob took a break from posting, the others kept going. It drove him crazy wondering what they were saying when he wasn’t looking. But by the same token, the more he watched them post, the sicker he felt.
In a passive-aggressive, or perhaps simply an aggressive, move, Jacob started filming Rasul. He interviewed him while they walked along the greenbelt or while he lay on the couch with one of the cats. He took perverse pleasure in asking Rasul about a current event or some other time marker that made it difficult for people to accuse him of remixing old videos. He particularly enjoyed how annoyed these videos made truthseeker98.
“Careful,” Matt warned him when he gleefully relayed one of Adina’s retort videos one day to Gus and Matt, showing truthseeker98’s furious comments. “You’re poking a hornet’s nest.”
Jacob snorted. “What are they going to do, come up here and make a scene?”
Gus laughed. “Are you kidding? No. Never. That would end the ruse. These types are lions online and mice in real life.”
That only proved Jacob’s point. “Well, then what can they do? I mean, honestly, all we need is a video of Rasul denying her.”
Matt shook his head. “It’s all about spin. Adina can turn around and paint Rasul as a user, that he duped her. Unless he gets down and dirty and keeps going after it—but that plays into her hand too. She’s only got this online attention. That she dredged this up when it was already over isn’t a good sign. I’m not trying to call her a crazy ex-girlfriend, because that oversimplifies this—but she is a wounded animal in a lot of ways. She can keep finding things you care about and destroy them. And honestly, if she really has a mole here, they’re the true danger.”
Gus sobered. “You make a good point. Maybe you should set this aside, Jacob.”
Jacob went cold. “What do you mean, danger? Like, physical danger?”
Matt shrugged. “Maybe. I don’t know. But again, I’m going to encourage you to let her have this arena. You had your fun, but it’s time to get back to your real life. Rasul’s ignoring it. His agent is too. Have you talked to her?”
“No, I haven’t.”
“This might be a good time to change that. She’s clearly been watching this go down.” Matt grimaced. “But honestly, my advice is let it go. I don’t like what this is doing to you.”
Jacob came up sharp. “What do you mean? What is this doing to me?”
“You’re looking down instead of up. You’ve been so focused on this you haven’t done anything with the chamber election in weeks. Meanwhile Clark is showcasing this fight as a reason you aren’t suited. You’re proving his point by getting in the mud. What does it gain your store? What does it gain Copper Point? What, really, does it even give Rasul? His reputation? He’s better if he leaves it alone. Why aren’t you?”
“It’s wrong,” Jacob insisted.
Matt wouldn’t let up. “This isn’t like you, Jacob. Let it go.”
Gus sighed. “I think he’s right. I shouldn’t have egged you on. Come on, let’s plan our raffle baskets instead.”
Jacob couldn’t get his mind on the baskets. He was too busy worrying about what Matt and Gus said. Had he really gotten too caught up? Was it actually the better strategy to not engage? He couldn’t deny the accusation that he’d neglected his campaign for chamber president. He’d already resigned himself to not winning.
Had he truly lost because he’d gone into the weeds for Rasul? Wasn’t it right to fight for who you loved?
He was still surly when he got back to the apartment, where Rasul sat in his ponytail and glasses at the kitchen table as usual, a cat in his lap and two sitting nearby observing him as he typed. He glanced up at Jacob as he entered and smiled. “Hey, handsome. Good MMS meeting?” He got a better look at Jacob and closed his computer. “Not a good meeting. Sit down. Tell me about it.”
Jacob displaced an angry Susan from her chair and regarded Rasul soberly. “I don’t want to distract you from your work.”
“What work? I mean, yeah, there’s a lot going on, but marketing and promotion is nothing like drafting a book. Talk to me. Is this the Adina baiting you’ve been doing coming to bite you in the ass? I’ve been worried about it, but I didn’t want to harsh your groove.”
Jacob blinked. “You knew what I was doing?”
Rasul laughed. “Of course I did. I haven’t logged on yet because I knew it would make me upset, but Elizabeth has given me summaries.” He reached across the table and took Jacob’s hand. “I appreciate you standing up for me. A lot. It’s very sexy. But you don’t need to do it. I don’t care about any of that anymore. Let Adina be in an imaginary relationship with me. I’ll take you to the red-carpet opening of Carnivale in film and the whole world will know she’s lying.”
So it was just as Matt had said. “I don’t like that she thinks she owns you. That they all do.”
“Honestly? Adina’s got to know. This is desperation. Is it unhealthy? Yeah, and it makes me sad. And scared. There but for my retreat to Copper Point go I. I wouldn’t have burned out that way, but I would have done a Rasul version of it. So, I mean, let her. I’ve got a finished book, a great future, and an amazing boyfriend. Elizabeth has been pleased at how your little war with Adina has drawn attention, actually. My agent gets asked questions, tells the truth, they believe her, and then she starts pitching interviews for the book. A few of them have asked me about it, and I do nothing but talk about you. This is all going to fall apart within months for her.” He drew Jacob’s hand to his lips and kissed it. “However, I don’t want you to fall apart.”
“I—I’m not—”
“You don’t like being online. You said that before. I don’t exactly think it’s changed now. You’re not talking about your campaign anymore, or things for the bookstore. You just look grim. I wanted to let you play this through and figure it out, but… I know the look on your face. You’ve let this get to you.”
How could he deny it? Now he felt ashamed. “I’m sorry.” His shoulders rolled forward. “Matt thinks I’ve neglected the chamber election. I think I’ve already lost.”
“How soon is it?”
“May, which isn’t that far away now, but—”
“But nothing. I think I’ve done enough self-promotion for a bit.” Rasul waggled his eyebrows. “Forget winning the stan wars. Let’s go make you king of the chamber of commerce.”
Jacob blushed and smiled. “Fine.” He nodded to the computer. “So the interviews have been good?”
“They have. We finished the final proofs of the book weeks ago now, and they rushed a few digital advance reader copies. Normally there wouldn’t be any reviews until the summer, but Elizabeth says she thinks a few of them are going to rush to be the first. I don’t think I’m that special, but I guess there’s a lot of buzz. Also apparently your war with Adina has been enticing everyone. They want to see what my time in Siberia has done to my writing. I think Elizabeth wants you to go on tour with me.”
It was the first time they’d mentioned the future, a time past the end of the school year. “Oh? Do you want me to come along?”
“I don’t want to tour at all. But if I go, and if you’d come, yes, I’d love to have you there. To hold my damn hand. I can’t believe I used to go after this stuff like a junkie. If I could, I’d do all the signings here.”
“We can certainly talk about it.”
“Speaking of talking about it.” Rasul shifted in Jaco
b’s arms and looked up at him, slightly apprehensive. “I, um, told Larson and Evan I want a permanent position.”
Jacob’s heart skipped several beats. “Oh?”
Rasul nodded. “Part-time only. But yeah. I want to keep teaching. I like it.” He drew a breath. “And… I want to stay. If I can.”
Jacob listened to the tick of the clock several seconds, memorizing the moment. “Of course you can stay.”
Rasul sat up more. “I mean that I want to stay with you. In this apartment. I want to move in. Can I do that?”
Jacob couldn’t stop his smile. “Yes. Yes, you can.”
After that, Jacob lost all interest in baiting people on Instagram. He focused on moving Rasul’s things over to his place, on renewing his campaign for president, not because he thought he would win but because it was still important to try to draw people toward the future. Even if Clark was president until he died, Jacob could still do good work.
He had even less thought for who was saying what online when Rasul started getting critical feedback for his book. An indie literary magazine did a feature, calling it groundbreaking. The magazine wouldn’t be out for a few months, but Elizabeth had gotten an advance of the article copy. Several other journals planned features on Veil of Stars.
Rasul was also heavily involved in crafting the Moore Books raffle basket. It had several books in it, yes, including both Rasul’s published works and a just-off-the-press advance review copy of Veil of Stars, so fresh it didn’t even have a final cover. It also had a copy of Moana on Blu-ray, I Capture the Castle in paperback, and several of both Rasul and Jacob’s favorite films and novels. There was also a tea set, Earl Grey tea, and an IOU for homemade hummus and pita made by Rasul.
Rasul was also already talking about his next book. It was untitled and still in the formative stage, but it involved a teenager from the Midwest discovering something mysterious in the lake outside of town. He hadn’t brought it up to Elizabeth, he said, because he wasn’t letting anyone else have it until he knew he could protect it properly.
Jacob began to think things were good and couldn’t get better. Despite his resignation over the election, Rebecca still thought he had a shot. Rasul had moved in the last of his things, and they teased each other over whether or not they’d repeat their wild dancing at the chamber ball. (Rasul said yes, Jacob said no.) According to Elizabeth, the internet had calmed down. Jacob wouldn’t know—he’d removed the app from his phone. But according to Rasul’s agent, the book world salivated for Rasul’s new title. They couldn’t care less who he was dating.
Then, two days before the ball, Gus came bursting into the bookstore, face white, phone in his hand.
“Did you see it? No, look at you, so calm. You haven’t seen it.” He pulled something up on his phone and shoved it in Jacob’s face.
Jacob braced himself for some wild new Adina Instagram post. Instead, the page Gus showed him was from one of the worst gossip sites on the internet. An all-caps, mega-point font headline read SHOCKING RASUL YOUSSEF/ADINA HANIN SEX TAPE REVEALED. Below it was a still from a video with parts of it pixilated out. Not Rasul’s face, though, or Adina’s. Those were clear as day.
Jacob gasped.
Jodie, who had been putting away books left out by patrons, turned to look at them.
Gus pulled the phone away. “It was posted thirty minutes ago. Everyone in the shop is talking about it.”
Jacob felt sick. “Is it fake?”
“I mean, who knows? Maybe? Maybe not? You’d have to ask Rasul. Only he would know whether or not he made a sex tape.”
Jodie dropped the book she was holding and covered her mouth.
Jacob pulled Gus into his office and shut the door. “This is going to destroy Rasul. He’s worked so hard to get beyond his past, and now here it comes back to bite him. Right when he’s doing all these interviews with big-time reviewers. He was on the phone with The New York Times Review of Books the other day. What if this makes them pull all their press?”
“I don’t know. I honestly have no idea about any of this. And really, neither do you. Where’s Rasul? I assume his agent has already called him?”
“Probably not—he’s in a meeting at the college. It should be getting out soon, but he always shuts off his phone when he’s on campus. The particular phone he has is difficult to silence, so he turns it off when he knows he can’t answer it.” Jacob’s gut twisted. “Oh my God.”
“Come on.” Gus grabbed his hand. “We’re going to find him.”
“I can’t leave the store! Only Jodie is here. What if this blows up and press comes to the store and mobs her?”
“Shut the place down! This is an emergency.”
It took them a few minutes to chase everyone out, but then they were in Gus’s car and racing to the university.
“I can’t believe he doesn’t have his phone on him,” Gus grumbled as they headed for the parking lot. “He has his smartphone back from his agent. Why doesn’t he use that?”
“He doesn’t want to, he says. It’s upstairs in his bedside drawer. He keeps talking about selling it.” Jacob grabbed his coat and his keys. “If we’d been thinking, we’d have called Evan or Christopher or Ram to intercept him.”
Gus blinked. “Damn, I didn’t think of that.”
“We’re here now. But we can text them in case.”
They both texted madly as they crossed campus, and Gus got the first answer. “Christopher said he just saw Rasul walk across campus toward the Scheman Building. That’s where his class is.”
“Damn it, there are two ways to get to that from the administration building.”
“I know. You take the main path, and I’ll go around the back in case he used the shortcut. One of us should be able to catch him.”
Jacob didn’t exactly run once Gus let him off, but he did proceed with purpose down the tree-lined walkway to the building where the humanities classes were held. Heart beating in his ears, he scanned the sidewalk, looking for the familiar head of curly hair and dark beard.
As he rounded the corner, there was Rasul, surrounded by a group of people, most of them with cameras. Two of them seemed to be professional news crews.
“Mr. Youssef, what comment do you have to make about the emergence of an alleged sex tape with you and your girlfriend Adina?”
Jacob stopped walking, heart sinking. It was too late. He was already too late. Though clearly he wouldn’t have ever been able to stop this train in the first place.
As his gaze met Rasul’s, his heart broke. Rasul looked blindsided. Sick. Humiliated.
Jacob hadn’t been able to protect him at all. And he had the horrible, terrible premonition that he might well have made things worse.
Chapter Fourteen
ONE SECOND Rasul had been walking down the sidewalk, excitedly telling one of his students about the gift basket for Moore Books, and the next he was surrounded by reporters shoving cameras in his face and asking him to respond to the revelation of his sex tape.
Sex tape.
All he could do was stand there and blink, too stunned to respond.
Ben Vargas was with him. Ben Vargas, twenty-one years old with stars in his eyes because he thought Rasul was so amazing. So amazing he had five boom mics in his face and a horde of hungry paparazzi.
Sex tape. Oh God, he’d been dreading this. He thought he was in the clear. But now here it was.
Ben had been knocked away from him, but nobody cared. They just wanted a statement, a reaction, something to feed the machine. The machine he’d stoked by living the kind of life that did produce a sex tape. Only with Adina, but it could have been anyone, really. He’d been careless. Reckless.
Through a gap in the throng, he spied a familiar cardigan standing in the middle of the sidewalk.
Jacob. Jacob knew about the sex tape.
Shit. Shit, shit shit. The look on his lover’s face cut Rasul up like he’d never known he could bleed.
Out of nowhere, Gus appeared, fighti
ng his way through the crush until he reached Rasul, at which point he grabbed his arm and yanked him into the clear. As they approached the still-stunned Jacob, Gus grabbed him too, heading for the doors of the building.
“Come on,” Gus said smartly as he herded them inside, the press and eager onlookers hot on their heels. “Both of you, up the stairs. There’s a faculty lounge. All my money is on someone having called campus security as soon as this mess started, so we’re going to count on that and find ourselves a safe place.”
They made it into the lounge just as security showed up. As Gus locked the door, Rasul started for Jacob, saw his wooden expression, and sank into a chair instead.
Dusting his hands, Gus turned to face them. “Well. This is a fine mess we have here. What do we do now?”
Rasul couldn’t look at Jacob. “It’s my fault. All my fault.” He brushed his sleeve over his lips absently, feeling slightly nauseous.
“What are you talking about?” Jacob’s voice was soft and wounded. “It’s my fault. I egged them on. I’m… so sorry.”
Rasul looked up at him, confused.
“It’s not the fault of either one of you,” Gus said, sounding incredibly pissed, “unless one of you released that.” He turned to Rasul. “Not that it matters, but is it real? Did Adina, or anyone, actually have a sex tape of you?”
Rasul felt shame to his bones. “Adina did. She filmed us a few times. It was hot in the moment.”
He shouldn’t have to feel shame. There was nothing wrong with having sex, or with filming it. Except… except he remembered how he’d felt that night. He’d gotten so drunk, so high, because he couldn’t take the self-loathing. It was right before he broke up with her the last time, not counting his one relapse before coming to Copper Point. It wasn’t about the sex, the filming, or the partner. It was how he’d felt inside while it happened.
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