by Jacob Chance
“How can I have anything left to throw up?” I run a hand over my damp brow.
“Breathe slowly. It will help to settle your stomach.”
“You know this how?”
“It’s common sense.”
“I hope you’re right.” My legs tremble beneath me; both my hands grip the toilet seat. “If not, I won’t survive the rest of this night.”
“I’m always right.”
“I hope so for my sake. Remind me to never drink again.”
“I took you at your word when you said you wanted to forget.”
“I don’t think shots were what I had in mind.”
He sinks down to the floor and pulls me onto his lap. His arm wraps around my waist. “Lean back on me.” His voice is a deep rumble. “I know what you think you wanted to happen tonight and as fucking fantastic as sex between us would be, you’d have hated yourself in the morning.”
“I’m hating myself right now. I might be hating you even more since you’re the one who kept buying shots for me.”
He chuckles. “This is for the best. If we fucked, it would scratch the itch momentarily, but I’m not the one who’s making you itchy in the first place.”
I snort. “Interesting logic.”
“My logic is perfect. Don’t act like it doesn’t make sense.” He runs a hand over my hair. “Friends look out for each other. I’m glad you called me and not some other guy you know or this night could have gone much differently for you.”
Knowing he’s right, I nod. “Me too,” I sigh. “Thanks for looking out for me.”
After I’ve showered and brushed my teeth, I climb into Johnny’s king-sized bed. Propping the pillows beneath my head, I listen to the soothing sound of the shower coming from his bathroom. Surprisingly, my thoughts don’t wander to what Johnny’s hard, naked body would look like under the spray. Instead, my mind is immersed in thoughts of Josh’s warm lips on mine, his hand holding my head in place, controlling me. He instinctively knows what I like. He’s alpha without being over the top. Commanding in his own way, it’s something I’ve never experienced before. I don’t need to be ordered around like I’m incapable of thinking for myself. There’s a fine line between an alpha male and a guy who comes off as a dickhead. Until Josh, no one has been able to find the right balance.
My eyes slowly open, taking in the vacant space next to me. Breathing a sigh of relief, I’m thankful this doesn’t have to be an awkward morning after situation. Climbing out of bed, I pull the sheet and comforter neatly up, before heading into the bathroom. After working the knots out of my hair and brushing my teeth, I feel a little better. I find my shorts on top of his nightstand and slip them up over my hips. The t-shirt he gave me to sleep in will have to suffice for now. I remember him stripping mine off in the bathroom last night after I got vomit on it and there’s no sign of it anywhere.
Slipping on my sandals, I follow the delicious aroma of breakfast cooking until I’m standing on the other side of the island that separates his kitchen from his living room. Climbing up on one of the vacant stools, I lean my elbows on the granite counter and rest my chin in my palms as I observe Johnny.
“Good morning. How are you feeling?” he asks with his back to me and then peers over his shoulder.
“I’m feeling better than I expected to be. Thank you for looking out for me last night.”
“Maybe you shouldn’t be thanking me. I did help you get banged up in the first place.”
I’m not only thanking him for holding my hair while I threw up. “Yeah, but you were right. If we had done anything together I’d have regretted it, now.”
“Ouch.” He grabs his chest and laughs.
“You know what I mean. You don’t need me to say how hot you are. I’m sure your...ego gets stroked plenty.”
He barks out a laugh. “Not as much as you’d think. I work long hours and I’m getting too old for the bar scene shit.”
“Well, old man or not, if I wasn’t having strong feelings for someone else I’d be all over you.”
“If things don’t work out with this dude you let me know. I’m sure I can take your mind off him.” He reaches in the upper cabinet next to the sink, removing plates. The muscles in his arms bunch as he moves. He makes a wife beater look better than it has any right to.
As gorgeous as I find him, I’m not even remotely tempted to have sex with him. This is a new situation for me. Typically, if I’m attracted to someone and they express interest, I go for it. I’m not uptight about my sexuality. I enjoy sex; why shouldn’t I have it? Sex is one of the best things in life. Everyone needs to have more of it. Except for Josh. I don’t want him having it with anyone - unless it’s me. And that can’t happen again. He’s already involved with someone else and even if he wasn’t I doubt we’d be together.
He’s all I want and everything I can’t have.
Chapter Thirteen
Josh
As much as I wanted to get back to the hospital last night, it wasn’t feasible. By the time I finished tattooing the final customer, it was after nine o’clock. Knowing Janny would be exhausted, I didn’t want my late-night visit to be motivated by my own selfish reasons.
Now, as I wander down the hallways in search of her room with flowers in one hand and a pink teddy bear in the other, I’m overcome with excitement. I can’t wait to meet Lily.
When I reach her open door, I give a quick knock before entering. Stepping inside, I find they already have visitors. Elle is here and Johnny Ruiz. What the fuck is he doing here? He and Kyle have become friends through Derek, but I’ve never gotten the impression they were close.
Flashing a smile, I head toward the other side of the hospital bed. “Hey, how are you?” I ask, leaning over to kiss Janny’s cheek. She wraps an arm around me, giving me a quick hug.
“I feel great.” She smiles widely, adjusting the blanket over her legs.
“You look beautiful. Being a mom agrees with you, I guess.”
“Hey, stop flirting with my wife. I’m standing right here, dude,” Kyle interrupts, with a smile.
“I don’t flirt when you’re here. I save the effort for when you’re not around,” I joke.
Janny giggles. “You need to meet your niece.” She gestures to the other side of the bed where Elle is sitting in the recliner holding Lily in her arms. My breath catches at the breathtaking sight the two of them make. Lily’s fair hair and complexion against Elle’s dark hair and golden skin, they complement each other. Elle gazes down at the baby as she makes kissing sounds and tells her she loves her. She looks happier than I’ve seen her in a long time. Is Lily responsible for her mood or is Johnny? My gaze slides over to where he’s sitting in a chair next to Elle. His eyes watch her, drinking her in. Are they together now? He’s looking at her as if she’s more to him than a friend. Fuck. She would never want someone like me when she could have Johnny. I’m sure she’d never accuse him of being too nice or boring.
Elle’s eyes unhurriedly raise to lock with mine. She’s reserved in my presence which I don’t understand. We saw one another yesterday...we kissed. She responded to my kiss, to my touch. Where is this flip in her behavior coming from? Is it because Johnny’s here?
“Elle.” My tone is sterner than I intend, but thinking about her with anyone else angers me. I’m continually off balance when it comes to her. “How are you, today?” I question, sounding more like myself.
“Josh.” She nods her head in my direction. “I’m fine thanks. How are you?”
“Confused,” I mumble under my breath. “I hate to interrupt your time with Lily, but it’s time for her to meet her favorite uncle.” I rub my hands together. “Hand her over.”
Elle rolls her eyes. “I guess you better get used to Uncle Josh ruining all your fun. It’s what he’s best at.” Her words tear into me.
“Elle, that wasn’t nice.” Janny jumps in to defend me.
I raise my hand to stop her from continuing. “No, it’s okay. I don’t mind being
the responsible one.” My eyes move to Elle. “We sure as hell know it’s not going to be you.”
“Dude,” Johnny says, a warning in his tone.
Elle interrupts before he can continue. “Here, hold Lily.” She rises to her feet. “We should cut this conversation off before it goes further.” She passes the baby to me over Janny’s bed and I instantly cradle her in my arms.
Dropping my lips to her smooth forehead, I press a kiss on her warm skin. “Hi there, beautiful.” I stare down at her perfect, little face. “You’re a heartbreaker already. Daddy’s gonna need more guns to scare all the boys away.”
“Daddy’s got enough guns to scare them,” Kyle interjects and everyone laughs helping to diffuse the tension in the room.
Keeping my focus on Lily, I try to ignore the whispered conversation between Johnny and Elle. Whatever their relationship is, I can’t change it. Her happiness is what’s important.
They both rise to their feet in sync with one another. My gaze passes over Elle taking in her long golden brown, tanned legs. They look so smooth - they are so smooth. I remember. I couldn’t forget if I wanted to and sometimes I want to more than anything. If I could block out the memories from that night, maybe the permanent ache in my chest would ease. I’d finally be able to move on to someone who wants me all the time.
“We’re going to hit the road. Johnny needs to give me a ride to my car.”
“Drank a little too much last night, did ya?” Janny questions.
“Yeah, a bit.” Elle giggles and smooths her hand over the dark blue shirt she’s wearing. B.P.D. is written in white on her chest. Boston Police Department. Fuck. The shirt is way too large for her, hanging to mid-thigh. If it wasn’t for the frayed edges of her jean cutoff shorts showing at the bottom, she’d appear naked underneath. Why is she wearing his shirt? My eyes return to Lily. I don’t want to see Elle in anything of his. I can’t bear to think about the two of them fucking.
Johnny and Elle say their goodbyes to Kyle and Janny and then Elle walks around the bed, pausing in front of me. “Bye baby girl. Auntie loves you.” She leans forward, placing a kiss on Lily’s forehead. When she straightens our eyes meet, calling up the heart racing memory of yesterday. What a difference less than twenty-four hours can make. Last night I was feeling encouraged and now I’m simply disappointed.
“See ya, Josh.”
“Bye, Elle.”
Keeping my eyes averted until they’ve both left the room, I stare out the large window. There’s a great view of the helipad with the Life flight helicopter parked on it.
“You two need to just screw and get it over with,” Janny announces.
“Been there; done that.”
“Well, do it some more because the tension between you is unbelievable.”
“Can we please not talk about Elle? I’m here to visit with you guys and enjoy my niece. The problems she and I have aren’t going anywhere.”
Five days later
“Two more hours until closing,” Tatum sniffs. “I don’t think I can make it. I feel like shit.”
“Hang in there. You can leave after my next client checks in,” I tell her.
“No, it’s okay. My favorite talk radio show, Tell E, is about to start. Have you ever listened to it?” she asks, animatedly.
“Nope, no idea what you’re talking about. The only talk radio I listen to is The Sports Hub.”
“Tell E is on every Friday night at ten o’clock and it’s all about relationships and sex. It will be a great distraction from how miserable I feel and maybe I’ll learn something useful.” She winks at me.
“Sure.” I give her a thumbs up.
“Am I sensing, skepticism?” She raises an eyebrow. “I challenge you to listen tonight and I bet you’ll learn at least one thing you never knew before.”
“What are we betting?” I want to know, what I’m going to win.”
“Oh, funny guy, you won’t be laughing tomorrow when you’re vacuuming my car.”
“I’ll let you vacuum my place instead.”
“You’ll let me? Hmm, we’ll see how this works out for you.”
Glancing at the clock, I notice there’s thirty more minutes until my next appointment. I had a cancellation and I’m using the time to eat a late dinner since I’ve been going full throttle since eleven a.m. with no breaks.
Adjusting my position on the stool next to Tatum’s, I bite into the thick, juicy cheeseburger that was delivered. “Hmm, wow. This is fucking delicious.” I catch the grease running down my chin with a napkin.
“Gross, Josh. How can you eat that? It’s barely cooked,” she says, with a shudder.
“What are you talking about? It’s perfection. Want a bite?” I ask, holding it in front of her mouth.
“No,” she yells, pushing my hand to the side and averting her face. “Get away from me before it moos.”
“You’re funny, you know that? When it’s pink, it has the most flavor.”
She giggles. “Is this where you insert some cheesy pussy eating reference?”
“I wasn’t going to. I was merely referring to my burger. But I will if you want me to? I can think of a few.”
The song pounding out of the surround sound speakers ends and a sexy female voice begins to speak. “Good evening listeners. On tonight’s edition of Tell E, we have some interesting questions. Let’s get started with one I received via email, from Todd in Lowell.”
I continue to demolish my burger and fries while I listen.
If I accidentally pee in my girlfriend’s butt, will it cause any problems? Will my pee reach her stomach?
Tatum giggles and looks at me.
“What are you looking at me for? I’m not Todd. I know the answer to this like every dude should.”
“Todd from Lowell, thank you for writing in. From what I understand of the male anatomy it’s impossible to pee while having sex whether it’s in a vagina or an asshole. When a male has an erection, the sphincter at the base of his bladder closes so urine cannot pass into his urethra. Only men who’ve had their prostate surgically removed may have some leakage during foreplay or when they climax.” Her tone is extremely professional and I’m impressed she didn’t laugh at the dumbass question. “We have Dave in Foxboro, calling in. Dave what can we do for you?”
“The information you gave about pissing during sex is inaccurate. I piss in my wife all the time.”
“Dave, I can only go by what science tells me. The male body is designed to prevent this from happening.”
“Are you calling me a liar?” He sounds angry.
“No, you sir are a special snowflake. Thank you for calling in. The next email I received is from Laura, AKA Mrs. Bateman.”
How do I convince my celebrity crush we belong together? I’m here, alone, faithful to him and he still hasn’t broken up with his girlfriend. What am I doing wrong? Should I do something drastic like send him naked pics of me? Maybe a visit to his girlfriend to help her see she’s all wrong for him? I’m getting tired of waiting. I’m not getting any younger and I need to have his babies.
“Okay, Laura. I don’t want to burst your bubble, but you might want to focus on someone who’s more attainable. Put your energy into a guy you already know. Maybe a co-worker who’s been giving you the eye or someone who lives in your neighborhood. Ask some friends to set you up on some dates. Stay busy and keep your mind off the celebrity. Don’t do anything drastic to get his attention. Stalking laws are strict and society doesn’t look favorably on those who abuse them.”
My next client walks in the front door, pulling my focus to the tattoo I’ll be doing for him. It’s a custom piece I’ve been working on for a few visits now. Tonight, I’m finishing it up.
Rising to my feet, I shake his hand and dispose of my trash. As I round the counter to pass in front of Tatum, I pause. “What time are you coming over to vacuum tomorrow?”
Chapter Fourteen
Josh
Saturdays tend to be long days for me. I�
�m usually booked around the clock with only a quick dinner break. This one was no different. It’s almost midnight and we’re closing shop. Sean, Tatum and I are heading to C’s Pub for a couple of well-deserved beers. My younger brother Owen should already be there with some of his friends. We texted earlier and made plans to meet up. I haven’t seen him in a couple months. He lives in an apartment just outside the Boston University campus where he’ll be entering his sophomore year. He’s only twenty years old, but he looks like he’s at least my age or maybe older. He’s been a gym rat for the past few years bulking up for football and now he’s one of the starting lineman on the Boston University Terriers. He’s a typical jock all the girls throw their panties at. If it wasn’t for our green eyes no one would be able to tell we were related. His raven black hair is from my mother’s side of the family and his personality is more outgoing than mine. Sometimes I envy Owen’s ability to have fun and not think about responsibilities. Even though I’m the middle brother, I feel like a first born. Jam and my father have been fully immersed in the club life for ten years leaving me to look out for Owen, a responsibility I’ve always taken very seriously.
My eyes take a few seconds to adjust to the dim lighting inside the popular bar. The loud chatter of conversation and music assaults my ears as I move forward. Tatum darts off to some people she knows sitting at a table.
“I’m heading to the bar. What d’ya want to drink?” Sean asks.
“Thanks, man. I’ll take a Sam Adams.” I answer absentmindedly as my eyes scan the space for Owen and his football teammates. They’re easy to spot with their oversized shoulders and intimidating height. I’m not a small guy by any means, coming in over six feet, but these boys have a couple inches on me and about twenty pounds of solid muscle.
“Watch out asshole,” I say, bumping into Owen from behind.
