by Sosie Frost
I was out of options. Out of energy. Out of fucking patience.
With Cassi stationed at Walter Reed Hospital while Marius underwent his multiple surgeries, I had to deal with the kids myself. And I was failing.
I’d always thought myself capable. Give me an axe, point me at a grove of trees, and, after a time, I’d build a fire, create a goddamned house, and craft all the furniture I needed to survive.
Put me in a cabin alone with these girls for a week?
Chaos.
Nothing shattered a man’s confidence more than begging a damned toddler to eat her favorite grilled cheese sandwich.
Cassi had made it seem so effortless.
“Damn it! I hate you!”
Mellie picked up steam and a few vocabulary words. Great. I was rubbing off on her. How was I supposed to fix that? Timeouts did nothing. She screamed over stern lectures. If the kid wasn’t crying, she was fighting with me. Sometimes at the same time. Most times, right after she’d been beaming ear-to-ear.
I gave up. The child was unknowable. She fought with me through the night, and, as a result, Tabby hadn’t slept either. She started crying, her wails echoing through the house. That must have made me the biggest piece of shit outside of her diaper.
“What do you want?” I knelt before Mellie. “Just…tell me. What do you want?”
Tears streamed over her face. She spoke through four fingers in her mouth, garbling every word.
“Elsa watch eat I’m hungry why want to color.”
Fantastic.
“Do you want mac and cheese?”
She shook her head yes. “No.”
I couldn’t take much more. Wasn’t like I had the instincts, inclination, or basic human decency to handle the girls. According to Cassi’s family, I didn’t deserve Cassi and I sure as hell shouldn’t have fostered the kids.
Glad the Paynes saw it so clearly. I’d been deluding myself for the entire fucking summer.
“You’re getting mac and cheese.” If I bargained with a three-year-old, neither of us would win. “Then bed.”
“No!”
“Whatever.”
The pot clanged on the stove loud enough to shake the cabinets. I measured out the water and turned up the heat, hoping I could distract the kid with twenty minutes of TV while it boiled. No such luck.
Within a minute, Mellie had enough of the waiting. She trudged into the kitchen, dropped her doll on the ground, and reached for the pot.
“Mellie, no!”
I stopped her before she dragged it from the stove, but not before her hand touched the hot metal.
She screamed, flailing away from the searing pot. Her little hand flushed red, but I didn’t get to see it before she cradled it against her body, sunk to the ground, and started to cry.
“It was hot!” I yelled. “Why the hell did you grab it?!”
My shout terrified her. She rolled on the floor, screaming louder.
Was she trying to get away from me?
My heart lurched into my throat. Why didn’t it just make the final slice and end my misery then and there?
I hoisted the kid onto the counter and checked her hand. Red, but not seriously hurt. Still painful. What was I supposed to do for a burn? Butter? Worked on toast, probably not on kids.
Water first.
I stuck her hand under the faucet and forced her to open her palm. Her face had turned as red as the burn, and she kicked while I tried to help.
“Mellie, stop. Sweetheart.” I slowed the stream of water. “I know it hurts.”
“I hate you!”
“You gotta let the water cool it down.”
“I hate you, Uncle Rem!”
“I’m trying to help!”
“I want Mommy!”
Now that was a first, and it kicked me right in the gut.
Maybe I’d been wrong.
Maybe the kid did know what hate meant.
Hell, if she wanted to risk the drugs, the neglect, and the hungry nights to get back to her mom…
Christ, how bad of a parent was I?
That answer was easy. I couldn’t even last a week without Cassi. The kids were cranky, hungry, and fighting. Discipline didn’t work. They’d refused any entertainment. They no longer respected me.
Little hard to demand respect from someone when I didn’t respect myself. Cassi’s brothers were right. Chasing her was wrong. I’d done it anyway. I’d seduced her, knowing she had unresolved feelings for me. Hell, I didn’t even try to mend her broken heart—just fucked her until she forgot about it.
She deserved to know the truth, but I was too chickenshit to give it to her.
And why?
Because then she’d be the one to leave.
It wasn’t just the barn that complicated us. The fire had destroyed more than an old building. It’d destroyed me. Burned friendships and bridges. Consumed futures and reputations. I’d never once redeemed myself for the lies. How could I?
Maybe the kids saw through the smoke. Maybe they sensed the real me.
Maybe they knew they were better off with Emma. Hell, she was out of rehab. Found a part-time job in town. I’d even talked to her, amazed by the clarity of her voice and mind.
Emma was getting better.
And I…
I was getting worse.
The cool water helped Mellie. I dosed her with some Children’s Tylenol and covered the burn with some gauze and about six different Barbie band-aids until she was satisfied. After an hour, she went to bed. I tossed the macaroni in the garbage, loaded the baby monitor app on my phone, and sat outside on the porch to drink a beer. I had second. Then I had another.
Around midnight, headlights appeared on the horizon. I hadn’t expected her until the morning. Cassi dragged herself out of the car, exhausted. Hair in a bun, sweats low on her hips.
Absolutely beautiful.
Her purse thudded onto the porch. “Hey, stranger.”
I’d planned to save the fourth beer to knock me out. She needed it more. I popped the cap and handed it over.
“How’s Marius?”
She sunk down on the swing next to me. Eager to cuddle or looking for answers? I wasn’t the right guy to comfort her. I did it anyway. Selfish. Desperate for her. Missing her touch, her kiss, her laugh.
All the things that should have never been mine.
She rested her head on my shoulder. “They amputated his leg.”
“Shit.”
“He’ll be in the hospital for a while, but…at least he’s alive.”
“What’s he gonna do?”
She hummed. “No idea. He can’t go back in the SEALs. He’ll be in rehab for months. And someone has to take care of him. Jules didn’t want to talk about it there. They had him pretty doped up, but if he heard us talking about eventually bringing him to the farm, he’d induce himself into a coma.”
I didn’t envy that fight. Jules and Marius only ever saw eye-to-black-eye, even when they were kids. Then again, wasn’t like Quint got along with Tidus. Or Tidus and Varius. Or Marius and anyone else. Fortunately, they all had Cassi to rely on, but how much could one woman handle?
“He ran away from us too, you know?” Cassi didn’t rub it in. She twisted the knife. “He couldn’t stand anything on the farm. Hated Jules. Fought with everyone. The SEALs were his way to get half a world away from us. He didn’t even come home for Dad’s funeral.”
“Probably couldn’t make it.”
“Just when I thought things would settle down…” She tangled her fingers in mine. “I’m so sorry about what happened.”
“Don’t worry about it.”
“I didn’t get to talk to you.”
“You had to go see Marius. It’s okay.”
“It’s not.” She kissed my shoulder. “I know you’ve changed. My brothers will see it too, but now everything is even more complicated. The guys hated each other, but with Marius coming back…”
“From one battlefield to another.”
She looked away. “I don’t care if we don’t have their approval.”
“Hell, Cas. I’m not even sure I approve.”
“Don’t say that.” She squeezed my hand. “How are the girls?”
Living on processed sugar, but at least I hadn’t spiked their juice with Benadryl. Considered that a victory.
She scrunched her nose. “That bad?”
For once, I was completely honest with her. “I’m not cut out for this, Sassy.”
“Of course you are.”
“No. This week was…” I didn’t have the words, but I had a beer. I chugged it. “The kids hate me.”
“They don’t.”
“I can’t make them eat. Can’t give them a bath. Pretty sure Tabby has diaper rash. And Mellie…I fucked up. Lost my temper. Fought with her. Tonight she burned her hand on a hot pot. Cried for an hour.”
Cassi sat up. “How bad?”
“Just red. But enough to scare her.” I finished the beer. “Probably the highlight of the week.”
“They’re sleeping now?”
“Yeah.”
“And they’re safe?”
No open flames or heated pots in their room. “Yeah.”
“Then you did good.”
But was that all I should have expected from myself?
Getting overwhelmed was pathetic enough. I already knew I was a bad influence. A bad uncle too. Last thing I wanted was to do was traumatize the kids.
Good thing Emma was finally clean.
Cassi gave me a sly grin. “I take it I have job security?”
“You get a raise.”
Her eyes darted down. “So do you…apparently.”
She stood, stretching in that perfect way that arched her back and showcased every delicious inch of her body.
I shouldn’t have wanted her. Shouldn’t have let those terrible and degrading images run through my head. Shouldn’t have listened to that dark, selfish part of me that hungered for a woman who deserved so much better than my hands on her curves, lips on her skin, and cock buried deep inside a surrendered innocence.
She knew better than to lick those pouty lips. “I take it you missed me?”
I was on her in a moment, pulling her into my arms, one hand gripping her hair, the other clutching her waist. I dragged her against my body and punished her smile for daring to tease me.
Her giggle was all the encouragement I needed. A quiet, timid, thrilled sound that hardened my cock and shattered my soul. I’d capture it. Kissed it. Sealed it away inside me forever. Her mew was a perfect sound of surrender and desire and longing. I’d dreamt about it, fantasized about it, and, for five years, mourned its loss.
But now it was mine.
This woman. This beautiful, exciting, absolute sweetheart of a woman was mine.
Her kiss ravished me as I devoured her. My name caressed her lips, but I claimed her gasp as I trapped her on the porch swing.
This woman wasn’t supposed to belong to me.
I’d chased. I’d flirted. I’d even tempted her.
But that was in the past, when I’d made the decision to run because I knew what my life was worth. Back then, my future was as dark and twisted as my past. A girl like Cassi needed someone stable, reliable, and good.
I had the strength then to recognize what her brothers saw now. What the town believed. The part of my name, of my life, that had driven Emma to drugs and me to the wilderness.
What made me think I had the right to touch, savor, and mark this woman?
Maybe we all wanted to change who we were.
Maybe we all believed the lies about ourselves, feasted on the best parts in the worst of us, and pretended the rest could be ignored, mended, or forgotten.
Didn’t make me any different from the rest. Just made me hate how hard my cock pounded and how my mouth watered for her.
Why change who I was?
A liar. A disappointment. A bastard.
Cassi wanted me. I wanted her.
What harm was there in taking exactly what I’d always wanted again and again and again?
Love always had consequences.
A man just had to chance how much he was willing to hurt.
I knelt before Cassi and pushed her onto the swing. Her legs pressed together. I kept them that way, reaching only for the waistband of her pants. God bless the man who invented yoga leggings. A goddamned genius.
The stretchy material slipped off her butt and down her hips, but I left it to bundle over her thighs. The material bound her legs together. Perfection. Every curve on display just for me. I pushed her legs back, knees nearly to her chest.
Then I dove for the perfect little secret of wetness peeking from between her thighs.
Heaven was made of chocolate sweetness and sticky pleasure.
I lapped at her slit and seized her clit. Screw subtlety. Why bother with formalities and sensual touches when we could rage together in reckless desperation?
It’d been a week since I held her, touched her, tasted her—and that was seven nights of a searing, wicked torment that had isolated me longer than the five years I’d been without her.
Tonight wasn’t about soft caresses or tender moments.
This was about us.
Taking what we needed.
Forgetting every trouble.
Ignoring every responsibility for as long as I could last bottomed out inside of her.
“Rem…” Cassi covered her mouth with her hand. She bit her fingers to muffle a groan as I licked between those petals to taste more of her desire. “What’s…what’s gotten into you?”
“Need you.” The words mumbled in her wetness as I ravaged her velvety delight. “Gotta get you ready.”
“Oh, I’m ready.” Her hands clutched the back of her knees, holding herself up for me. “I’ve been ready. I can’t be apart from you for that long.”
If only she had escaped when she’d had the chance.
Her legs pressed tightly together, but her puffy folds tempted me with a sweet promise. I could have taken her like this. The pants would have held her legs in the perfect place, unable to squirm away as I delivered her to every height and depravity I’d promised.
But no.
I needed something more. Something permanent. Visceral and primal.
I wanted to control her. Tame her. Seize her body and break her strength through complete and utter pleasure. I wanted to own her every breath, experience her every shiver, and draw every sharp gasp and moan from her lips.
I wanted to take her. I wanted to destroy her. I wanted to love her. I wanted to possess her.
And I longed for her to do the same for me.
I had no idea how long this insanity would last. The one and only true pleasure in my life would be the moment when I bared my soul to this woman and accepted whatever judgment or pain or hatred she’d feel for me.
I’d lose her forever.
But I wouldn’t lose this night. This feeling. The exquisite torture in denying myself my own release while I pleasured her with long, laps of my tongue.
“You did miss me…” Cassi breathed. “Or just parts of me.”
“Every part.”
“Makes me wonder what would happen if I left for longer?”
My heart seized. She would, soon enough. It’d happen, but not tonight. Not for a minute, a second. Not even long enough for me to pull out of her tightness.
I had to be a part of her. Had to memorize every softness, every slick secret and fluttering heartbeat.
I pulled her from the swing, but there was no dignity in what we were doing tonight. No romance or sweetness. Just pure, adrenaline-fueled mounting.
Wild.
Surprised it hadn’t come over me before. That I hadn’t lost myself in that isolation before this moment. There was a reason I’d lived for so long by myself—cast away from towns and people and society. For five years I’d become one with the wildest and most primitive parts of the world. Living off the land. Fending for myself. Figh
ting off wild animals. Faced a grizzly and lived only to have a pack of wolves surround my home at night.
Nothing made a man stronger. More resilient. Harder. Fiercer.
And more desperate than ever to just connect with the only woman he’d ever loved.
Cassi didn’t protest. Either she needed it too, or she knew that surrendering to me was the easiest, fastest, and best way to get filled with every inch of every promise I’d ever made.
She rested on her knees but dropped low to her elbows, stretching her curves and offering that plump, delicious ass that threatened to stroke me out while I stroked myself.
Her slit glistened in the dim light. Ready. Swollen. Eager to be filled and pumped and taken.
I gripped her hips and said a prayer because if this wasn’t the ultimate fruit of a forbidden tree then I had no idea what else in this world could be as dangerous as a beautiful woman offering every inch of herself.
I wasn’t a good enough man for this woman, but I was just animal enough to fuck her senseless and leave her begging for more.
My cock twitched as I jerked the thick length against her entrance. She bucked against me, and the slickness nearly tore me apart. I couldn’t be gentle. Couldn’t just enjoy and feel. This was a taking. A ravishing that would undo everything polite and lovely and sensitive.
No more words, only grunting.
No more foreplay, only rutting.
No more wondering if and when and how and why.
Only this.
Only her.
Only that tightness, the secret I’d already discovered but revealed a little more of her every time.
I thrust inside of her with one solid push, and the world split at the seams.
Light and dark blended in a single, roaring, conquering mount. The force knocked her forward, and the pleasure took me with it. Cassi groaned, but it wasn’t enough. No sound, no breath, no twitch of her body was enough to satisfy me. I needed more. I needed her. Every way and any way.
She fell forward onto the porch. I collapsed over her, planting my legs to either side of her as her pants trapped her in a dizzying pleasure. My palms struck the porch and captured her shoulders beneath my chest. My body shadowed hers. Covered her. Wrapped over and inside of her.
And I still wasn’t close enough.
I despised pulling out.
I celebrated thrusting in.
