by Quinn, Cari
“What am I supposed to say to that?” I murmured.
“Just think of me fondly when I tell the rest.” He cleared his throat. “I think Kyle stole the pad containing those songs.”
I frowned and sat up again. “What? You didn’t have the original pad we wrote it on. I found it in Logan’s piano bench, remember? And that’s where I left it when we were done.”
Or I thought I had anyway. It wasn’t as if I’d believed we would actually ever do anything with that song. I’d never truly thought we would be anything other than greedy touches and hungry kisses in stolen slices of time before we went back to our regular lives.
“If you left it in that bench, then I’m even more certain he stole it. He was there in the barn with us that night. And I think he stole my pad, which had some of the lyrics you heard Angel sing tonight. She elaborated on them, or whomever gave the songs to her did. I’d also recopied what I remembered of our song, so he had two shots at it.”
“Why would you think he took it?”
He folded his arms under his head and stared up at the ceiling. “I was diagnosed with PTSD after the accident. I never believed the diagnosis. Didn’t have a use for the therapist I went to either. But some stuff has been happening I can’t account for. Either I’ve been having some kind of mental breaks or he’s involved somehow.” He shut his eyes. “I would rather believe I’m losing it.”
“You’re not.”
“How do you know?”
“Because I know you.”
“We’ve only had scattered days and weeks—”
“Look at me.”
He looked, his lips curving slightly as I took hold of his chin.
“If I ever saw anything weird with you, I’d let you know. There has never been a single moment you didn’t seem completely lucid to me.” I pursed my mouth. “Okay, tonight you were a jackass for grabbing me considering all that’s gone on, but if that hadn’t been the case, it would’ve been hot and I wouldn’t have been pissed.”
“Aye. That was asinine. Have I apologized for that?”
“Only a time or seven. But I’m just saying. You might be a fucker sometimes, but you’re an entirely clear-headed one. You’re almost too linear.”
“Thank you. I think.”
“Why didn’t you tell me your suspicions about Kyle before tonight? Or did you just figure it out?”
“Ahh, no. I’ve suspected it could be the case for a while. And maybe you’ll remember your new kindly feelings in my direction when I tell you the whole of this.”
I hiked the sheet up over my breasts. “No free peep shows until you’re finished. Spill it, Alex.”
He spilled. He mentioned the destroyed demo cassette tape Lo had asked him about, along with the missing clothes and pad of lyrics he’d left behind that day we’d been together at the waterfall on Lo’s property. We’d gone back for his belongings together, but at the time, I’d figured he’d just misplaced them, as unlikely as it was considering his usual preciseness. Then Angel had registered his song, giving him credit. Just the one song though. Ours she’d kept under wraps until bringing it out during the livestream.
“Something else happened.”
“I don’t like how that sounds.”
He took my hand and toyed with my fingers. “The night you sent me that lovely picture—”
“I’m really growing to hate that word, you know.”
He kept going. “I didn’t reply at first because I was working with an artist and we ended up running long. Then I left and just started driving. I was out of sorts all night. Somehow, I ended up driving toward Lo’s and it was pouring out. It made me remember that night. Christ, this is hard to say.”
I rubbed his shoulder. “Would it be easier to write it down?”
His shoulders heaved as he inhaled a deep breath. “No. I can do it. But I’m going to keep that in my pocket for someday, if that’s okay with you.”
“It’s okay.”
“The flashbacks were coming fast and furious and I was having trouble with the Jeep. I couldn’t get it to respond to me. My head was fuzzy. I kept thinking of you in the center of it. You steadied me.” He brought my hand to his mouth, holding it there. “You always do.”
“Funny thing, that, because you make me tremble in the most amazing ways.”
He kissed my fingers. “Same. Which is why when I tell you I crashed my Jeep, you won’t become angry at me for not telling you all this time.”
Stunned, I reeled back, although he didn’t relinquish his hold on my hand. “What? You crashed?” Foolishly, I looked over his body, where he was lounging amongst the bedsheets like a lazy lion. It was silly in light of how many times I’d touched him since then, but my panic didn’t allow for logic. “You didn’t get hurt?”
“I did, but not seriously. I think I got a concussion, a mild one. But I’m okay now. Kyle helped me.” The sarcasm in his tone wasn’t lost on me.
“You called him?”
“No, he followed me and pulled open my door so I could get out.”
“He followed you,” I said slowly.
Alex told me the rest, how Kyle had said Alex had called him and wanted to meet at a bar. Alex not remembering. Then after Kyle helped him get out of his crashed car, how he’d driven Alex home and suggested he sleep it off.
“That’s not what you do with a possible concussion. What the hell?”
“No, but it is what you do with someone you drugged. He didn’t want me to go to the hospital for a reason. That night, I couldn’t puzzle it out. I was too messed up. Now I’m thinking he had a good reason for it.” He gripped my hand when I would’ve jumped out of bed to pace. “We’d been together earlier that day. I had a soda in the car I’d taken from home. It’s all I can figure. I had a couple sips before working with Matthias and finished off most of the bottle while I was driving around later. I just don’t know what he gave me. Or why.”
“You think he’s trying to kill you and you’re just telling me now?”
“I don’t know what his purpose was. Hell, I don’t even know if I’m not spinning a yarn. He also knew that you call me Alex. It’s all so crazy. Maybe part of it was an episode—”
“Bullshit. He keeps showing up all these places where strange things happen, and it’s just a coincidence? Yeah, right. He seemed off to me the first time I met him.”
“Did he?”
“Doesn’t he to you? I mean, I know you have a past, and you’re feeling guilty over what happened, but that doesn’t change reality. If he’s turned his issues into a weapon, we need to deal with it.”
Almost immediately, the soundtrack on the calls that had been placed to me echoed in my head. Moans that sounded like my own. Voices just too low for me to make out.
After the fan thing tonight, what was the likelihood it could be Kyle? If the calls actually had been more than pranks, then more than likely, the culprit was being dealt with by the authorities.
Alex had enough to deal with without me adding more by mentioning Kyle could be involved in that too.
“He was my friend from boyhood. I didn’t want to think the worst.”
“No matter what he was, you can’t let him hurt you now. I won’t allow it.”
His lips twitched. “That so, duchess?”
“Glad you think this is all so amusing.” I turned my back on him and drew my knees up to my chest.
He exhaled heavily and sat up beside me. “It’s not so easy to think that way about your lifelong best friend. If it was Jamie—”
“Is he your lifelong best friend, Nash? Really and truly?”
He fell silent.
I swiped a hand down the side of my face. Suddenly, I was so very tired. “Have you talked to Angel? If you find out where she got the songs from, that would be a big step.”
“I wish she’d stolen them. I know the likelihood is slim. No, I haven’t spoken to her. I meant to the night of the poster incident, but I didn’t get a chance. Then I put it out of my mind
other than needling my manager for answers. I went about it completely the wrong way.”
“No, you didn’t. He was your best friend. I’m not going to claim to pretend that excuses any concerns you have about him, but I know it makes it tricky. I also know the accident does too. God, both of them. Now there’s two.” I shifted, narrowing my eyes. “Just so you know, not telling the person you’re in love with when you almost die is a treasonous act.”
His quick, rich laughter soothed me. Especially since I’d have to add Kyle to the watch list for our shows. “Is it now? And I didn’t almost die. I just had a raging headache, what felt like a hangover although I hadn’t drank, and a very angry lover who was pissed I hadn’t praised her gorgeous body.” He kissed my shoulder. “As well she should have been. Speaking of treason.”
“Well, yes, that was definitely treasonous too. I looked hot that night.” I sniffed. “But I forgave you. Mostly.”
“You look hot every night. As I think I demonstrated capably earlier.”
“Before all hell broke loose. Again.” I sighed and curled up in his arms when he drew me back down to the mattress with him. “Are we ever going to be able to find peace? Is it even possible for us?”
He played with my hair for a few minutes, finally replying just as I was about to doze off. “Duchess, I’ve already found more with you than I ever hoped to.”
I smiled against his neck. Maybe we weren’t meant to have long stretches of tranquility, so we had to snatch all the bits of it we could. “Ditto.”
Thirty-Eight
Chaos.
That was my life now.
Nash had been with me for the last six shows and I’d been a damn coward about asking him to sing with me. But if I was ever going to do it, it would be now.
Madison Square Garden always had a special place in my heart. But now all my worlds were colliding once more.
This time I wasn’t running from Nash.
I glanced over my shoulder at him sitting in my dressing room. Not that I really needed to look at him. I could feel his eyes on my back. Maybe I’d picked one of my more revealing costumes just to make him a little crazy.
Or to convince him to come on stage with me tonight.
I resisted the urge to gnaw on my freshly done lips. I’d already been painted, sprayed, and braided for the show. Daisy, our new makeup and hair girl, was currently fighting with Jamie. She didn’t take Jamie’s crap with indifference like Genie had. It was refreshing to have someone new in our lives who didn’t have to do with security.
Like the guy who was stationed in the hall now, thanks to my stalker’s appearance. They couldn’t hold the guy on much more than trespassing, but his photo was now a daily reminder that someone had definitely been messing with me on the tour.
The Roth Defense team was professional and as unobtrusive as possible, but they were definitely a new presence in our life. Noah was forever growling about how many people were constantly around.
And between our own crew and the people we used at venues, there were always new faces. I could hardly keep track of them. It was just part of my life. But even I was more guarded than ever. And I hated it.
MSG didn’t help matters since our VIP list was two pages long. This was our home turf, and everyone wanted to be at these shows. This show was the first of three.
I ignored the tingle between my shoulder blades. It was probably from Alex’s gaze. I was wearing a halter top that left my back completely bare.
Suddenly, I didn’t have to wonder. Alex’s arresting face appeared in the mirror over my shoulder. His fingertip gently glided down my spine before setting the trio of dangling chains between my shoulders to swaying.
He lowered his mouth to my neck. “I’m supposed to share you with twenty-thousand people in that outfit?”
I grinned at him in the mirror.
“Eighteen.”
He grunted and nipped the skin right behind my ear. “You’re playing with fire, duchess.”
“As much as I’d like you to muss me up before the show, I didn’t think you could get into these particular pants. I’m pretty sure they’re spray painted on. Actually, sewn onto me to be exact.”
He slapped my ass. “Don’t give me a challenge.”
I laughed. There was a lightness to his intense gaze. The shadows were still there. They probably always would be. He carried a lot of baggage and loss on his broad shoulders. And guilt. It was practically woven into his DNA at this point.
I turned to face him, enjoying the fact that I could touch him without doubt. I tucked my thumb into the triple buttons open on his Henley shirt.
His arm immediately came around me, his fingers splaying along my lower back.
He didn’t hesitate much anymore. Not that he ever truly did. The man loved to manhandle me. And I loved it. Probably more than I should.
He brushed his nose along mine. “I can make do with messing up that scarlet mouth you’ve got going on.”
“Don’t you dare.”
His eyebrow winged up and he leaned in. Since I was wearing my heels, we were eye-to-eye.
I pushed him back. “Incorrigible.”
“You know it’s like a red flag when you say shit like that.”
My lips twitched. “Maybe.” I smoothed my hand up and down his chest, my gaze dropping to the slice of tanned flesh.
“What?”
I met his gaze. “I didn’t say anything.”
“You’re telegraphing like a radio station, duchess. I thought we were good.”
“We are.” I cupped his face. “So good.”
Relief eased at the lines around his eyes. “Okay, then spit it out. Games are for children.”
His gruff tone was not helping, but I knew he was still leery of damn near everything since the security issue and his own problems with Kyle. We were both on edge. It showed in the ruthless way we went at each other nearly every night. As if demons were trying to make it a fucking threesome.
“Sing with me tonight.”
His eyes shuttered. “Lindsey, I…” He brought his hands up to lock around my wrists when I tried to back up.
“Delete this bull shit with Angel. Sing the song with me to show everyone that it’s ours.”
“I don’t need to prove that to anyone.”
This time, I did shake him off. Was it that important for me to show the world? Was that what it was? A stamp of mine over his damn heart? I already had that. With every word and every touch, I knew he loved me.
“Lindsey, wait. I didn’t mean—”
My security detail knocked. “Three minutes, Miss York,” he said from the other side of the door.
“Piss off,” Nash shouted back.
I walked to the door and cracked it open. “Thank you. I’ll be right out.”
“They can wait.”
“No, they can’t. Because I’m the singer, Alex.”
His jaw muscle flexed. He crossed to me. He cupped my face. “I’d scream it from the fucking rooftops that you’re mine.”
“Just not on stage.”
“The stage isn’t for me. Not anymore.”
I knew it when I asked him, but I’d hoped he would do it for me. That what we had between us was more than his fear about the stage. God, not even the fear factor. It was more that he didn’t think he deserved the stage. The lights. People to know he was behind the song.
I knew he deserved all that and more.
I lifted the spare inch between us and settled my mouth on his lightly. “It’s okay,” I said softly. “It was just a thought.”
He crushed me tight to him, his lips slashing over mine. I held on for a second—thirty, then just another few more. I tangled my fingers in his wild hair and gave back to him everything he demanded.
Then I stepped back.
He brushed his thumb over my swollen lips. “I’m trying to be what you need me to be.”
“You are.”
“Obviously not.”
I swallowed down the n
eed to lash out. For him to get that it was more than just going on stage with me. I couldn’t force it. And things were so good between us, but we were still evolving. Saying I love you didn’t mean everything magically disappeared.
“I love you, Alex. You singing with me isn’t dependent on that.”
He sighed when another knock came.
“I have to go. Will you watch tonight?”
“I’ll be here.”
I hurried over to my mirror and swallowed down the gasp. Smudge-proof lipstick my ass. I dabbed on a new layer of the stain and followed it with gloss. There was no doubt I’d gotten kissed—and well—but it would do.
Before he could stop me, I opened the door. He followed me into the hallway and down to the bowels of the stage. We were trying something a little new tonight. The stage set up for this particular venue didn’t allow for all our huge mechanics. But it did allow for the two guitar platform arms over the crowd.
I went with coming out of the under stage as my intro. It gave me a little extra piano work with the extended opening instrumental piece we used for “Judgement”.
Alex grabbed my arm just before I got to the piano. “Tell me we’re okay.”
I turned to him. “We’re okay. I promise. It was just an idea.”
I could see the indecision and the war in his body language and jawline. I had a job to do and Alex would just have to stew if that’s what he was going to do. Cooper’s crazy drum solo started and I sat at my piano.
As the hydraulics lifted me, I threw a smile over my shoulder. “I love you. Quit worrying.” I waved and he disappeared into the air jets blasting beside me that announced my entrance.
I put on my smile and shook off the nerves that had been jangling in my chest all night.
I threw myself into my playing. Even activated some of that insane Alex-style playing that had drawn me in the first time I met him. I met Cooper’s gaze and he could see the dare. I leaned into my microphone and screamed his name.
He threw his head back with a laugh and the bombastic wall of sound we created drew everyone to their feet. Finally, I grabbed my mic from the holder and ran to the front of the stage. “New York Fucking City, how the hell are you?”
