by Dawn Gardner
“I’m going to tell you why. And you’re going to listen.” Ellen crossed her arms. Richard sighed again and his laptop bag slid down his arm onto the carpet.
“No one enjoyed Bunko, because the game requires twelve people to play. Nancy had invited twelve people. And when a couple didn’t show,” Ellen slammed her palm against her chest and then pointed to Richard. “Well, you can’t play. Believe me, I didn’t know this about the game when we were invited. Because if I had, I would have never said we could make it. NEVER would I have had someone count on us to actually be present!” Heat generated under Ellen’s pajamas. “Richard, you’re never present, for anything. Even when you’re here, you’re not. And I’m so sick of making excuses for you. To our son, to our friends and the goddamn world.”
Ellen backed away from the stairs, unfolded her arms and hoped for some air to circulate around her. She waited for Richard. He reached down, grabbed his bag by the handles and said, “Are you done?”
No words passed between them, just the hard gaze of two strangers. He turned away and headed up the rest of the stairs and Ellen went back into the den to the finish the news.
“I’m done,” she said out loud.
When she woke the next morning, Richard’s side of the bed was smooth and taut, the byproduct of this bed making ritual. His side was always neat and lump free. Ellen could have made her side up properly, but she never did. Her bed making technique was the one-handed approach. She’d stretch the bedspread over the pillows and drag everything underneath into place, creating uneven lines and lumps on Richard’s side, which made her smile.
On her last cup of coffee, her cell phone rang. She debated whether to answer. It was 7:15am, she still had fifteen minutes before she had to leave for the bank. This early, it was probably something important.
“Hello.”
“Ellen Darnell?”
“Yes.”
“This is Officer Peterson in Bedford County. There’s been an accident.”
A woman’s voice came from the background. “Tell her I’m okay, I’m okay Ellen.”
“Ma’am, please can you stand over there.” The officer said. The sounds from the phone were then muffled and the officer spoke again. Ellen could hear parts of what he said. “Keep her over there, and get some ice on that.”
“Ms. Darnell, I’m sorry are you there?”
“What did she hit this time?” In the past, her mother had nailed a few mailboxes, light posts and one fire hydrant, but this was the first phone call from the police.
“Well, she didn’t hit anything per say, she ran a stoplight and caused a three car pile-up. She told me to call you and you’d come and get her. She has some lacerations on her face and needs to go the hospital to be checked over, but she wouldn’t get into the ambulance until we called you. Ma’am, I don’t have time for this, but she is persistent, you know what I mean.”
“Officer, I’m sorry. I don’t know why she had you call me. I’m more than three hours away. My sister lives with my mother. I’ll call her. Let me talk with my mom.”
After a moment, Ellen heard breathing.
“Mom?”
“I’m sorry Ellen. I didn’t see the red light. I’m so sorry. They took a little boy away on a stretcher. I feel so bad.”
“Mom, listen to me, I know you’re upset, but you have to go to the hospital, right now. I’m coming, but I won’t be there for a while. Mom?”
“Ma’am,” Officer Peterson said and then continued, “She’s going now, she’s in the ambulance. We are taking her to Bedford Baptist. She’s probably going to need a few stitches and she may have a concussion, but other than that she’s fine. Have your sister pick her up at the hospital.
“What about the little boy?”
“I’m not sure, Ma’am.”
After three attempts, Ellen left a message on Kim’s phone. She would try to call her sister again on the way to the bank, someone had to open. Her body went into auto-pilot driving the familiar roads, and her mind went to the one and only car accident she’d ever been in. She was sixteen and fighting with her boyfriend. He was driving, defending his actions and trying to calm Ellen. Earlier that afternoon, she had caught him talking with another girl in the hallway. After a toss of her hair, the girl leaned in and kissed him. He didn’t pull away. And she could hear her asking him, “When are you going to break it off with Ellen?” Ellen remembered the anger, the burning in her stomach. When the car rounded a deep curve, Ellen pushed her boyfriend’s shoulder, he turned the steering wheel too sharp and with the balding tires, it sent the car into a spin. The car toppled over into a ravine, landed with the belly up toward the sky. They rolled the windows down and crawled out, pressing themselves in between the car and the earth. On top of the underside of the car, Ellen sat with her boyfriend. She hated being out of control. She hated the fact that she loved this boy so much it hurt, and that she’d given him every bit of herself. And now, he was going to break it off with her. As she watched her boyfriend survey the damage to his car, she knew it was over between them. So, she beat him to it, broke it off with him and she vowed never to feel like that again.
When she pulled into the bank parking lot, she laughed at herself for being so dramatic—teenagers.
Her cell phone rang.
“What’s up?” Kim said with impatience.
“God forbid, this was a real emergency, I called you over ten times Kim.”
“Ellen, what’s wrong? I’ve got a million things to do today.”
“Now you have a million and one. Mom needs to be picked up at the hospital. She had another accident.”
“Is she okay?”
“Yeah, at least I think so. Probably some stitches and a possible concussion. The police officer wasn’t sure of the extent of her injuries.”
“Bedford Baptist?” Kim sighed.
“Yes, and Kim, there was a little boy hurt. I don’t know if he’s okay, can you check on that?”
“I’ll see what I can find out about the boy,” Kim said.
“And we need to talk about her driving privileges.”
Kim didn’t speak any words, but Ellen could hear her frustration through the silence.
Ellen spoke, “I’m sorry Kim that you’re the one that lives with her and has to do so much for Mom. But you know she likes you better.”
“Ellen, I’m so tired of this. I’m tired of your attitude. I’m tired of taking care of Mom by myself. And you know what, I was going to call you in the next couple of days anyway. But now is the perfect time to bring this up.”
Ellen could hear the explosion coming. She deserved it. So she closed the car door, dropped her keys into her purse, and let herself settle into her padded leather seat, bracing for the shrapnel.
“I just found out two days ago, I was selected to assist on a major photography branding campaign for Nikon. I bet you don’t even remember me mentioning this to you, do you?” Kim didn’t wait for the answer. “I’m going to be gone for the next six weeks. Mom has a doctor’s appointment next Monday morning and I’m leaving the next day. The doctor has requested we both be present. You have to come here and you have to figure out how you’re going to care for mom for the six weeks.”
“Kim, this is a really bad time for me at work. Our bank is merging and my job is not secure. I can’t just leave.”
“Oh you will, you owe me that. You owe Mom. I’ve been the one doing this since Dad died and you’ve been here, maybe twice? This is my chance. Do you know how hard it is for a photographer to get an opportunity like this? It’s almost impossible. You will be at this doctor’s appointment. See you next Sunday afternoon.”
“Kim, I told you about the bank. I don’t know if I can get time right now, Kim…Kim?” Ellen ended the call, realizing her sister had hung up. She pressed her head against the steering wheel. Kim was right. Ellen hadn’t pulled her weight with their mother, why should she, Kim was so much better at caring.
Ellen lifted her head off the wheel, fli
pped down the visor mirror and wiped under her eyes. Embossed on her forehead was the pattern of the steering wheel cover—dots and dashes, perfect.
Chapter 3
The closer Ellen got to Bedford the more colorful the trees became, bright and brilliant. Maybe the trees in Reston were changing, she really hadn’t noticed. Highway 29 was a pastoral view of Virginia, a very different glimpse of the state than the northern counties that surrounded Washington, DC. She sometimes missed the slower pace of Bedford. As Ellen took the exit off the highway, she thought about everything that had happened since she had last spoken to Kim. The bank merger had created a casualty. The managers came in on Wednesday took her to lunch and then proceeded to drone on about “restructuring and duplication of responsibilities.” The firing had a certain elegance to it, wrapped up in pretty language and a severance package. But the hard truth, Ellen was unemployed.
On Thursday, she stayed in bed and went through two and half bottles of wine and maybe a shot or two of tequila. By the time Richard came home, she had the boxing gloves on and was warmed up. He didn’t stand a chance. When he left on Friday for a weeklong sales convention, they weren’t even speaking. Their marriage was over and she knew it, but she didn’t have the energy or desire to think about the next step. She was existing, treading water in her in own life. The positive highlight of her life was her son’s unborn baby due in late December. This little nugget was the topic Ellen would steer the conversation to when Kim and her mother asked about Ellen’s life.
Ellen’s car crested the hill right before the turn into her mother’s neighborhood, an extreme bright light filled the car. She flipped her visor down to block the light. Her car’s eyesight beeped stating that it wasn’t working, goddamn thing never works when you need it. The light kept growing brighter, she slowed down. Ellen squinted and tilted her head, trying to see the turn. She could only see the corner of the road. The light grew even brighter. Ellen turned the wheel to make the turn, but the wheel wouldn’t budge. As if she had no control over her own body, her foot slammed hard on the brake pedal. The car came to a screeching halt. The light disappeared and her vision was completely clear. As she looked up, a lanky teenage boy with a camel colored backpack walked across the car’s path, he was inches away from being hit. His ears were plugged with white earbuds and he didn’t even notice Ellen’s car. He didn’t look up as he walked across the road, and his head hung like it wasn’t even attached to his spine. Ellen’s hand instinctively went to the horn, but she didn’t push—it was her fault that she nearly killed him.
The colonial blue paint was peeling from almost all of the wood siding on the house. Ellen wondered why she hadn’t noticed the deterioration when she visited six months ago. But for that visit she had a training workshop at a bank in Lynchburg and had been passing through. Ellen met Kim and her mother for a quick Sunday lunch at the old train depot that had been converted to a restaurant in downtown. After lunch her mother had asked if Ellen would come to the house for a short visit, Ellen awkwardly answered with some excuse and headed back to Northern Virginia. When was the last time she had actually visited her mother’s house? She searched her mind and the only time that came to her was her dad’s funeral two years ago.
An orange tabby cat sunned itself on the front porch. The white rockers and the white trim on the house were peeling as well and the grey weathered wood underneath showed through. The black shutters and black front door bleached by the sun, seemed to be a charcoal grey. Ellen opened the car door and the cool fresh air surrounded her. The tabby ran over and rubbed against her legs. She reached down and scratched behind its ears.
“Is that a new car?” her mother said as she stepped out of the front door.
“No Mom, I’ve had this car for awhile.” Ellen forced a smile.
Ellen gazed at her mother. Her deep-set sky blue eyes seemed to be more tired than normal. But what was normal, Ellen wouldn’t know she chastised herself. A light gust of wind blew her mother’s long, silver-grey hair into her face and around her shoulders. Ellen marveled how beautifully long and elegant her mother’s hair looked. Just as that thought was finishing, Kim walked out behind her mother and placed a jacket over her mother’s shoulders. Kim was lean and wispy like her mother, which was opposite from Ellen’s curvy hourglass shape. Kim’s blonde hair was tied back in a low ponytail, and she in contrast to her mother, looked well rested.
“I see you met Miss Morris.” Ellen’s mother pointed to the tabby as she strolled to the backyard.
“Is that your cat Mom?”
“She has kind of adopted me. Miss Morris likes to hunt the mice in the woods behind the house and I enjoy her company in the evenings. So, it’s a good match for both of us.” Ellen’s mother said as she held the door open for her girls to come into the house.
Still in her yoga pants and sweatshirt, Ellen hadn’t even finished her first cup of coffee when Kim came out of her bedroom fully dressed and ready to go. Last night, Ellen had made an early night of it, so she had escaped the catch-up chit-chat.
“Ellen, we have to leave here in 20 minutes to get to mom’s doctor. Are you going to be ready to go? And where is Mom?”
“I don’t know where she is. And yes I will be ready, I’m heading upstairs now.”
In the doctor’s waiting room, Ellen studied her mother’s face. She seemed anxious and wasn’t talking incessantly like she normally did. Ellen thought she almost looked childlike.
“Joni Jones.” The nurse called as she searched the waiting room.
Ellen’s mother and Kim stood and walked toward the nurse. Kim glared back at Ellen, saying with her eyes, get up. Ellen’s body couldn’t beat Kim’s hand making the “come on” gesture. All three ladies followed the nurse back to the examining room. When Doctor Barnes came in to the room, Joni’s demeanor changed.
“These are my daughters,” Joni didn’t even let Doctor Barnes say hello.
“Hi,” Kim and Ellen said in unison.
Doctor Barnes smiled and pushed her long graying braids off her coat. “Joni has told me all about you Ellen. I am very excited to meet you, nice to see you again Kim.” She shook Ellen’s hand and gave Kim a friendly hug and then told them both to have a seat.
The doctor picked up the phone and asked for a nurse to come into the room. Almost immediately, there was a knock at the door.
“Hi Joni!” a young redheaded nurse said as she reached for Joni’s hands. “Let’s go get your vitals and weight.”
The doctor grabbed the rolling stool, sat on it and scooted right in front of Kim and Ellen.
“We have been treating your mom with some medications, which have slowed the process down, but she is not responding to those drugs now. We don’t know what causes Alzheimer’s and we can’t predict its course. I’m not sure how much you both know about the disease, but in the most basic terms, there is an accumulation of a protein called amyloid, this accumulation forms a plaque and the plaque causes tangles. Those tangles choke the nerve cells in the brain. The tangles then move to another cell and keep repeating that cycle. The dying cells and plaque also cause inflammation in the brain. We have definitely seen an increase in episodes in the last three months. I believe your mom is now moving into stage four of the disease.”
Doctor Barnes’ face turned stern and she leaned into Kim and Ellen, “Your mom has agreed after the recent car accident to completely give up driving.” Kim nodded in acknowledgement. The doctor continued, “You two have some decisions to make in the best interest of your mother. Joni has asked me today to deliver some news to the two of you. Last year, I connected your mother with a local attorney and your mother has decided to give Ellen the power of attorney for her affairs.” Doctor Barnes handed Ellen a manila folder.
“Me? Why me? But I—”
“What the hell?” Kim said and pushed back into her chair.
The ride home from the doctor’s office was spent in silence. Ellen realized why her mother was so nervous. When everyone got home, t
hey all went to their separate corners. Kim was busy packing and Ellen spent time looking over the schedule of her mother and the home health assistants who visited three times a week. The whole thing was very thorough and put together. What the hell was her mother thinking putting Ellen in charge? Her mother’s brain must be full of tangles, because why on earth would she give Ellen the power to make decisions on her behalf. Kim was livid and Ellen understood why. Kim had been busting her ass for their mother for the last two years only to get slapped in the face. The decision for Ellen to be in the role must have been made when the diagnosis first occurred, that would have meant her dad was still alive and it was most likely his decision and not her mother’s. That was the only thing that made any sense. The weight of her father’s death hit Ellen, but the thought that she was going to let him down was greater. She was not the daughter that Kim was.
Ellen climbed into bed, and called Richard. She needed to tell him that the visit was going to be the full six weeks. Initially, she had thought there was a way around it, the way Kim always handled things. But this was Kim’s chance to live her dream, who was Ellen to squash that. And the truth was Ellen did owe Kim. She knew it, and the universe tied up the loose ends, creating unemployment at the perfect time. Ellen sighed and listened to the phone ring.
“Hello Ellen.”
“Richard, I just wanted to give you an update on the situation here.”
“Well, it will have to be fast, I’m about to go out for drinks with some colleagues.”
