“Shit,” Ben huffed, plopping down in his seat. “I feel like an ass.”
“You should!” I huffed. “They’re good together. I mean really good together. He went off with her to college this year. Can you believe that? Noah…at college. He holds her hand and opens doors for her. They say sweet things to each other when they think no one is listening. The way they love each other—sometimes I get this gut-wrenching feeling way down deep inside. Most people never find that kind of love in life and it scares me to death that I’ll never find something like they have. Whenever you come home, you’ll see what I mean. It’s heartbreaking and it’s cute all at once.”
He gave me a half-smile. “I’m sure it’s adorable. But this is why you weren’t supposed to tell anyone I was alive. I’m not coming home. You all coming here to visit—it changes nothing. I’m never going back to Kill Devil Hills. You shouldn’t have brought the others. The clean break was better than this.”
My mouth dropped open, annoyance ripping through my body. “Then why even contact me? Why drop this all on me, and only me, if you never wanted anyone else to know?”
“Jesus, Ellie,” he groaned. “Because I thought you could handle knowing the truth. I don’t know. I guess I just needed one person to know I was alive. Of everyone, I thought it was you I could trust.”
Something inside me snapped—like the last straw that broke the camel’s back. “No,” I said softly and then repeated it louder. “No. I’m sorry but fuck that. And fuck you. I don’t know what happened to make you think that any of this is okay. It’s not okay. Georgina tried to commit suicide. The day of your funeral she was so upset that she slit her wrists and nearly died. If Noah hadn’t found her before it was too late, she’d be gone. Your actions don’t just effect you, they effect all of us. You need to man up and cut the bullshit, pull your head out of your ass and come home. Yeah, so life gets hard sometimes…boo-fucking-hoo…that doesn’t give you the right to do this to us. Now if you’ll excuse me, my family that is still living needs me outside right now. Bye, Ben. I hope you figure your shit out and come home.” I paused because I had one more thing he needed to know. “And whenever you do come home, I’ll be there. I’ll help you deal with whatever it is that’s been keeping you away from us for so long. I promise.”
In an adrenaline fueled haze, I stepped outside Mrs. Stone’s house and into the cold night air. It had turned dark while we’d been inside and I felt disoriented. Too many miles separated me from North Carolina. Home sickness wasn’t something I’d ever experienced before and it hit me hard. With my hands trembling and my knees weak, I walked for the rental car. Inside Noah and Georgie were waiting on me.
“You guys okay?” I asked as I slipped inside.
“Not really,” Georgina admitted. Under the yellow light in the car, I saw that her eyes remained dry, but I could hear the emotion in her voice. “Sydney just called. She’s at the airport. She switched her ticket and is taking the redeye home tonight. She said she can’t face Ben.”
I thought back to the way Sydney had asked about Ben earlier today in the hotel lobby. And also Rhett’s reaction to the way she’d talked about Ben. They’d been in the same grade in high school—she, Georgie, and Ben. Only now did it dawn on me that Sydney must have known Ben also. Maybe they’d even been more than friends. Who knows? It wasn’t my business either way, but I felt like an insensitive jackhole for not considering her feelings on the matter before bringing her on this trip.
“And Rhett?” I asked. “Is he leaving with her?”
“No. He’s back at the hotel waiting to hear from Luce,” Noah answered. “We were thinking—what if we switch our tickets too? Head home earlier?”
I felt like I was stuck in quicksand and sinking fast into the earth. This trip was doomed from the start. “I’m sorry I dragged you all out here under false pretenses. I’m sorry this trip blows.”
“That’s okay.” Georgina rested her hand gently on my arm. “You meant well.”
That did me in. The flood gates opened and I started crying. My eyes burned and my throat closed up. “I told Rose. Shit, I told Rose. And Ben just told me how he was never coming home. What am I supposed to say to her? How do we explain this?”
“I want to kill your brother,” Noah mumbled. “And I get the irony in that statement.”
Georgina sighed. “We’ll tell Rose the truth—that’s all we can do and we hope for the best. Right? She’s strong, a hell of a lot stronger than me, she’ll be okay. We’re all going to be okay.”
I nodded, wiping my eyes with the palms of my hands, sucking up whatever courage I had left inside me. Because I was about to need it. “Maybe we should head home early. How did Sydney sound? Is she okay?”
“I don’t know. I’m worried.”
“Then we should go. We can’t control Ben’s actions, only our own. Staying here and trying to force him to come home—that’s never going to work. Thanksgiving is in a few days and North Carolina is where we should be. There’s just one more thing I need to take care of before we leave. I need to tell Nathanial goodbye.”
CHAPTER 11:
NATHANIAL
The intercom to the front gate sounded. I wasn’t expecting anyone, so I had a good idea as to who it might be. Rhett had given me Ellie’s number earlier. And I had every intention of calling her, later, knowing in the meantime she needed her space to take care of things with her brother. But twenty minutes was a rather speedy dinner. Something had to be wrong. My stomach churned wondering what might have happened. But in some twisted way I also liked that if something had happened, how she’d come straight over here.
“Yeah,” I said, clicking the button on the intercom.
“It’s Noah.”
“Okay. Drive up. You can park wherever and the front door is unlocked.”
Jumping up from the floor, I paused the TV and hurried for the kitchen. I had every intention of tidying up, but there really wasn’t much to put away. A few dishes and my laptop were the only evidence that someone lived here. Dammit, Kelly. Instead of spending the day at Disney, I probably should have spent the day at a furniture shop. But I had my priorities and they had nothing to do with furniture.
I’d just made it to the front door when there was a sharp knock. Checking through the glass, I saw it was Ellie standing on my porch. She was alone. I yanked open the door, my heart pounding much harder than it should have been. “Hi.”
Her eyes were bloodshot, evident that she’d been crying. “Can I come in for a moment?” she asked.
Without hesitation, I opened the door wider. “Yes, of course.”
A second later we were standing alone in the entryway of my house. The space was open. The entire first floor was basically one giant room—the living room, dining room, and kitchen—everything connected with one hell of a view of the Pacific Ocean behind us. Her eyes quickly surveyed her surroundings, taking everything in. “Nice place. Nice view. You just move in?”
“No.”
“Were you robbed then?”
“Not quite.”
She shoved her hands in her pockets, looking uncomfortable. From the moment I first met Ellie, we hadn’t shared any awkward moments, but it seemed she wanted to make up for it now. Something was wrong. “How did dinner go?” I asked, needing to know.
“It all happened so fast, it’s a bit of a blur.” She spoke quickly, her anxiety evident. “I kind of exploded at my brother—not that he didn’t deserve to hear everything I had to say. Anyway, we’re leaving. Maybe even tonight. We’ve got to get back to the hotel, call the airline, figure stuff out. Me and my stupid ideas—this trip was a mistake. But I couldn’t leave without saying goodbye. I needed to see you one last time.”
Her words sank in. And they were awful. One. Last. Time.
“I’m not really sure what happened earlier,” she kept going. She moved her hands from her pockets to cross them over her chest instead—tightly. “You might have already ended everything…I couldn’t tell. I
f so, then I’m sorry for the rehash.”
My mind was spinning. “I wasn’t ending anything, only giving you space to have dinner with your brother. Rhett gave me your number and I planned on calling you later.”
“Oh,” she whispered.
“Yeah, oh. So this is it?” I grunted. “Nice to meet you, thanks for the ‘almost-fuck’ on the airplane—that’s it?” Christ, I was breathing like she’d kicked me in the balls. Hell, it kind of felt like she had. My heart raced and my palms started to sweat.
“How else should it play out?” she yelled at me. The sadness that had been in her eyes a moment ago changed into fire—fierce and hot. “We’ve known each other one whole day. I don’t care how much chemistry we have. You live on one side of the country and I live on the other. This was never going to amount to anything more. Shit...” She stepped away from me, pulling her hair away from her face, glaring at me like I’d done something wrong just by being alive and in the same room as she was. Although I was partially-angry and partially-hurt by how dismissive she was being, I was suddenly, incredibly turned on.
The whole ‘this-is-the-last-time-I’m-ever-going-to-see-you’ thing had amplified everything.
An electric buzz crackled in the space between us. My emotions were all over the place. She had to feel it too. Because it was so powerful and incredibly hot, that it was the only thing I could focus on.
I wanted her.
She wanted me.
That much had been obvious from the moment we first met. So why were we wasting what little time we had left arguing instead of making sweet love on the floor below our feet?
There was really only one thing I had left to say to her at this point.
“Stay.”
Crooking her head to the side, she gave me a pointed look.
“The night,” I clarified and held my breath waiting on her answer. I wasn’t going to beg or plead, she could do whatever the hell she wanted, but I was man enough to say exactly what I wanted. And tonight what I wanted was her.
She huffed at my request. But it wasn’t a no. She rolled her eyes at me next. But it wasn’t a no. Then she took a step closer in my direction. That sure as fuck wasn’t a no.
“What is it going to be, Ellie?” I demanded, the suspense ripping me apart.
“Nothing is black and white,” she said and that was all she said. Then she disappeared out my front door.
What? Now that I had the chance, I adjusted my pants. Because my cock had grown so thick and hard in the last few moments that the pressure of it against my jeans was uncomfortable. My anger had mixed with adrenaline, desire, and need. The perfect cocktail of lust and when—not if—Ellie came back through my door it was going to take every ounce of self-control I had inside of me not to take her virginity the moment she crossed the threshold. Don’t you fucking dare take her virginity tonight, I told myself. She deserved better than that.
A minute passed. Then two. Then three. And then she was back, gently closing the door as her cute little ass slipped inside my house. Somehow I managed to keep my distance even as our eyes connected and her cheeks blushed pink. Maybe everything was written on my face, maybe she could tell exactly how much I wanted her—because she turned shy. I’d seen glimpses of this shyness before, but in full force it was overwhelming. It amazed me that I had the power to turn a girl like Ellie bashful. And my pounding heart and my raging hard-on sure as hell loved that power.
She started rambling, keeping close by the front door. “So…I told Noah and Georgie I was staying the night. That was awkward. Shit, you know, like I was telling my parents or something. We weren’t going to get a flight out tonight anyway. It’s already late and Luce is still with her uncle. So I told them you and I were going to have an all-night Dragon Wars marathon. I don’t think they bought it. But that doesn’t matter. I figure this is a win-win. Because this way they get the hotel room to themselves, something I think they can use after the drama of tonight and Ben’s assholeness, and then I get you.” She breathed carefully in and out a few times. “Right? I get you.”
“You get me,” I repeated. So much for my resolve.
I took a step closer, wanting to kiss her but refraining. Her back was literally against the door. I don’t think I was doing anything consciously to frighten her, but I was making her nervous none-the-less. “Actually, I was in the middle of watching Dragon Wars. Is that lame? I watch my own show. You said you never miss an episode. Neither do I.”
She smiled. Finally. There was that beautiful smile of hers. “Not lame. I was actually bummed I was missing it.”
“It’s recording. I can start it over if you’d like.”
She stepped away from the door. Thank Christ! And I let out a breath of air I hadn’t even realized I’d been holding in.
“Awesome. Thanks, Nathanial,” she said as we moved deeper into my home.
Our eyes met and I knew she didn’t mean the show. That was when I realized how much control she had over me. If she wanted to fuck—yeah, I was down for that. If she wanted to hang-out and watch Dragon Wars all night—yeah, I was down for that too. Whatever. It didn’t matter as long as she was here.
“Are you hungry?” I asked.
“Actually, I’m starving. I didn’t get to eat anything over at Mrs. Stone’s.”
There was absolutely nothing in my fridge and even less in my pantry. A few cans of soup and some old pasta. Pathetic, really. “I’ll order something.” So I quickly called for some takeout sushi, which would take another half hour, then gripped Ellie’s hand as I led her into the other room. I was so on edge. It felt like every square inch of my skin was tingling with anticipation.
I didn’t have a couch in my living room. There was only the pile of pillows and blankets I’d thrown together prior to the show starting. Something I’d set up so I’d have somewhere to sit.
“Are you redecorating?” she asked, gesturing toward the lack of, well, everything.
“No. My ex cleared me out. When she moved in, she picked most of the big pieces out and when we broke up she wanted the things she’d chosen. Rather than the messy fight of dividing up the stuff, I let her have everything. Just was easier that way. But let’s not talk about her. It’s old news, I just haven’t been home to buy any furniture since then. Let’s watch the show.” I hoped she couldn’t hear the bitterness in my voice…because it was there. In the few months since our breakup, this was the most I’d spoken to anyone about Kelly. And it was better to keep it that way.
Lightly touching the small of her back, I led her toward the TV. “Sit with me.”
We sat down together. But immediately I hated the arrangement. She was way too far away and I wasn’t about to watch the show the way friends would—practically on opposite sides of the room. Getting up, I moved to her. I sat down behind her with my legs straddling her hips. She froze as I did this and then continued to stay rigid as I started the show.
“Lay back,” I whispered. Wrapping my arms firmly around her waist, I tugged her closer against me. I was still hard. It was unavoidable and judging by her small gasp, she must have felt the length of me against her back. “Ignore him. He can’t be helped right now.” I wasn’t embarrassed. She was a sexy woman. How else was a person supposed to react?
After about thirty seconds of hesitation, she gave in and let her weight rest against me. God, it was nice—the way she settled in, wiggling and getting comfortable. My legs hugged her body close and I moved my arms so they were across her chest. She gripped my forearms and suddenly our nearness didn’t seem so nerve-racking for her.
The open credits ended and my show began.
As an actor, while shooting a scene, I’d always been able to take my insecurities, push them aside and just be in the moment. That wasn’t something that came naturally to everyone and it was part of what made me great. I had the ability to put the rest of my life on pause, and let the honest emotion of my character come forth. Or at least, these were things I’d been told over and over t
hat I was good at. But watching myself was never easy. Actually, at times it could be agonizing. I saw flaws in nearly every word I spoke. With age and maturity, I was becoming less critical of myself. Hell, my two Golden Globes Awards for Best Actor in TV Drama should have been proof enough that my self-criticism was unnecessary, but sometimes I still struggled to watch myself.
Watching the show with Ellie was different than watching it with anyone else. She was completely engrossed. I think I’d met a true super-fan. She hung on my every line. There was even one scene, a scene with Kelly actually, that I was particularly proud of. Ellie pinched my arm after it was finished. “You’re amazing,” she said through tears. I’d brought her to tears with my acting?
“Yeah?”
“Yes. Now shut up so I can see what happens next.” She went back to watching.
I realized that—aside from my mom, my brother, and my brother-in-law—no one in my life was this supportive. People told me I was great, an award on my shelf told me I was great, but seeing a fan in action was humbling and, frankly, incredible. And I don’t think she was carrying on simply because she was in the same room as the person on the screen. Ellie wasn’t fake like that. She genuinely loved my show and my character.
By the end of the hour, I wasn’t watching myself and nit-picking my flaws. I was watching Ellie. I wished I could watch every episode with her and her unmatched enthusiasm.
“I always hate when it ends,” she commented. “I hate waiting a whole week until the next episode. You’re fucking awesome, by the way. Watching the show with your arms wrapped tightly around me was the best.”
My arms were still wrapped tightly around her and I gave her a gentle squeeze. In the last hour, Ellie’s guard had completely dissolved. She was back to her regular self and suddenly I was the nervous one. Loosening one arm so I could grab the remote, I turned off the TV. There was a light on in the kitchen, but it was mostly moonlight filling the living room. I’d left a few windows open and the soft sound of the ocean provided a subtle soundtrack. Sitting on these blankets, cozied up together—I realized that I’d created one romantic as hell setting without even trying.
Kill Devil Hills: A Complete Beach Romance Series (4-Book Box Set) Page 27
