I'd often look at him, my thoughts automatically going to our brief moment of intimacy, which would make my entire body heat up and my cheeks burn. I didn’t know how to break out of the shyness. And today was the day, the day we were finally moving in together. Maybe that was my problem. I was terrified that this wouldn’t work out. And I needed him. My kids needed him. If this didn’t work, what the hell would I do? I didn’t like putting that kind of pressure on something so new.
With his whole body, Ben laid on the air mattress, trying to push all the air out faster. “You’re being quiet again,” he commented, flopping on it repeatedly with his weight. If I wasn’t as anxious as I was, then this would have been hilarious to watch.
“I’m fine. Just ready to go see the place you found.” I had no idea what sort of shape the apartment Ben had rented would be in. All I knew was that there were three bedrooms. He’d told me that if I didn’t want to stay with him in his room then I could stay in the third room.
I still wasn’t sure what I’d be doing tonight. Not that I didn’t want to, I just wasn’t sure what I should do.
Ben finished deflating the mattress. Then he folded it at record speed. Once that was taken care of, he grabbed my trash bags I’d packed with my stuff, and we headed outside for his car.
“Were your parents fine with you moving out so quickly?” I asked.
“They’re just happy I decided to stay in North Carolina.”
“Oh.” I hadn’t known he might leave the state. “Where would you have gone?”
“California. Carrie Stone, the elderly woman I lived with while everyone thought I was dead… she cried when I told her I wasn’t moving out there after all. I had planned to live with her again for a little while until I found a place out there. Maybe once the babies are old enough to travel we can go visit her. She’s the kindest, funniest old lady you’ll ever meet.” Ben loaded my bags in the backseat then came around to open my door for me.
A little dumbstruck, I climbed inside and buckled. I waited as he walked around to his side. He hopped in the driver’s seat.
“You stayed for me,” I whispered. Suddenly his tattoo, the one on his chest of the compass pointing west, made sense. The shy, nervous, ‘I-have-rocks-in-my-stomach’ feeling intensified. I’d disrupted all his plans.
“I stayed for me, too,” he said, his eyes meeting mine briefly before he started the car.
We sat in silence as he drove. Whatever he’d found wasn’t close. It was almost thirty minutes before he finally stopped the car. And it wasn’t in front of an apartment building either. It was a house. It wasn’t beach front, or big, or new construction. But it was a house!
“The owners have had it on the market for over a year. Fair warning,” he commented as we left his car and walked together for the door. “It isn’t great. But it was really the only thing I could afford. That we can afford. It’s unfurnished, which is the worst part. We’ll have to slowly add furniture. Ellie said she and Nathanial have a few old things we can have. We can go by her house tomorrow and see what she has if you’d like.”
“Okay.” I was anxious for him to open the door.
He unlocked the front door and we went inside.
I could see why the place hadn’t sold. It had wall to wall wood paneling, popcorn ceilings, and forest green carpeting in the living room. It was clean though, the kitchen surprising large, and the downstairs bathroom had been updated.
Next Ben took me upstairs to the bedrooms. “I spent all the commission money I’ve made so far on the beds. I figured that was the best place to start. Next month we can buy silverware and plates.” He laughed, making light of everything, but I could see the anxiousness on his own face. He wanted to please me.
I wasn’t just pleased, I was fucking floored. Seriously floored by everything he’d done. In the master there was a queen-sized bed, with new bedding, and I couldn’t even speak to tell him how nice I thought it all was. Then he showed me to the next room. As he pushed open the door, utter shock vibrated through me. There were two identical cribs set up, one pushed against each opposite wall. The sight of the cribs made me want to drop to my knees, overcome with emotion. I exhaled several choppy breaths just trying to wrap my mind around everything.
“There's a twin bed in the third room. I figured I could sleep there and you could sleep in the master. Or...” He trailed off, fidgeting with the car keys that he still held in his hands. “…whatever you want to do,” he finished, eyeing me. “You okay? Did I go too far? I knew I should have let you pick out what kind of cribs we bought. I wanted to surprise you, but I wasn’t sure. Juniper?”
I was on the brink of tears. Yet, my lips were tingling, my skin itching, and my body aching—all of me on edge. It felt like the house was entirely too still, Ben and I so completely alone, and all I could think about was the queen bed a few feet away in the other room. I had the sudden desire to ‘christen’ our new place. To finally cross that last line with him. To show him with actions everything my heart felt.
“We should share the master,” I decided, my voice coming out incredibly hoarse, raw with emotion. “I don’t want you sleeping on the twin. I want you sleeping with me. All of this is wonderful—the house is wonderful. You’re wonderful.” He stood so far from me. So, I said the one word that could sum up everything I was feeling and everything I wanted from him. “Truce.”
Neither of us had called a truce in the past two weeks. And it was way overdue.
“Fuck, yes,” he muttered. The sudden crassness of his words surprised me, but what was more shocking was the way he confidently walked to where I stood, on the opposite side of the room, and he scooped me up in his arms.
“Ben,” I yelped at the sudden motion of being picked up. He must have been a mind reader because he carried me out of the babies’ room and back down the hall. He brought me into our room and carefully set me down on the edge of our bed. Maybe he’d been thinking the exact same thing as I had, about wanting to ‘christen’ the new place. Whatever he was thinking, he was teasing the hell out of me. His lips brushed against my lips, the touch feather-light, slow, and lingering. Then suddenly he yanked my shirt over my head.
“Ben!” I squealed, playfully. I hadn’t expected that.
He answered by kissing me deeply. His fingers worked to unclasp my bra, and he quickly tossed it somewhere across the room. “I’ve been waiting for two weeks to be alone with you. Rhett is the biggest fucking cock-blocker on the planet. He’s always around.”
I laughed, because it was true about Rhett, but I hadn't realized he'd been wanting to get me alone so bad. That shyness I’d been feeling toward him melted away.
He tugged off his own shirt, discarding it, before moving to take off my shorts.
“Don’t worry,” he whispered, tenderly kissing the inside of my thigh as he slid my shorts down, “I know which line I can’t cross.” He meant sex. But the thing was, with him, I no longer feared sex. He wouldn’t hurt me the way Quinton had enjoyed hurting me. And my body ached for him, all of him.
When my shorts were gone, he began kissing in an upward path. I gently tugged on his hair, stopping him before he could get carried away planting kisses. Because those kisses were getting dangerously close to where my body had started thumping like mad.
“Ben,” I whispered, debating over my choice of words. “I’m not afraid anymore.”
“Of?”
“Of sex. Quinton was never nice or gentle with me. But I know you wouldn’t be the same. I trust you. I want you.” I bit down on my lip. “I want you inside me. If you’re ready, I’m ready.”
CHAPTER 17:
BEN
God help me, I wanted to kill that jackass named Quinton. There was still a lot I didn’t know about Juniper’s past relationship, but as she spoke about trusting me, wanting me, and not being afraid anymore, I knew he must have hurt her pretty bad, sexually somehow. It made my blood boil. It made me see red. It also made me want to do the only thing I really cou
ld do in this moment for her—love her.
Because that was what she was asking of me, I could see it written on her face. She wanted me to love her, to make love to her, to please her, and make her forget anything awful he might have done to her.
I could do that.
I had already realized—when I went with her to the doctor, actually—exactly how much I loved this woman. It wasn’t just the prospect of being a father to her children, or my own second chance that I was chasing. I knew now that I loved her…for her. I couldn’t stand time apart from her. I couldn’t stand these last few nights where she’d been under Rhett’s roof. It was pure agony. And I couldn’t stand the thought of anyone else in the world except for me being that person who took care of her.
“You sure?” I whispered.
She nodded.
In that moment, she looked more beautiful than ever before. More beautiful than the first moment I saw her in the Davenport's house. More beautiful than when I saw her singing her heart out on stage. More beautiful than two moments ago when her eyes filled with tears and her face with emotion as she saw the twins’ cribs. She was an angel. With her long red hair fanning out on the bed, the sunlight streaming across her naked chest, she made pregnancy look damn sexy. Fuck, I couldn’t wait for the day, far in the future, but one day none-the-less, when it would be my child growing inside her. She made me want things I never even knew I wanted so much.
I brushed my fingers over her beautiful skin and a trail of goosebumps followed my touch. She let out a moan, her eyes carefully watching me. There was a silent plea in them. It was obvious she wanted me to hurry and do more than my soft touching.
But I had to move slowly. I had to be careful with her. I had to take my time. When I lost my virginity it had been sloppy and rushed. This loss of a second virginity (of sorts) would most definitely not be sloppy or rushed. It would be savored.
I dropped to my knees. I worshiped this woman and all I wanted was to make her come over and over all afternoon long. I slid my hands higher along her soft skin. My touch moved closer to the spot between her legs. Pressing under the edges of her panties, I slipped both my thumbs over her swollen folds.
God, she felt like heaven. She was wet. She was ready. And she moaned my name as I touched her.
But none of this would do. Now that I knew sex was on the table, burying myself inside this perfection was all my brain and my cock could think about. I'd grown painfully hard inside the confines of my shorts. I had to be inside her. I couldn’t wait another second.
“Hold on,” I groaned as my touch left her and I finished undressing. Juniper pushed up on her elbows to watch me as I did so. Her big blue eyes devoured me whole. The look of her waiting in our bed had me tripping out of my shoes and clothes. I pushed my boxer briefs down, too, because, hell, I could barely contain my excitement.
She giggled at my clumsiness.
“Stop laughing, woman, and take off your underwear,” I half-joked, giving her a wink.
Without protest, she pushed the fabric down in a hurry.
Unable to go another second without kissing her, I moved my body on top of her body, my weight on my arms, and firmly pressed my mouth to her mouth. I kissed her as if all life on earth depended upon it. Maybe it did. Her fingers dug into my ass and she wrapped her smooth, bare legs around my waist.
With my heart pounding in my ears, I moved a hand between us. Taking hold of my erection, I ever-so-slowly moved the head of my cock up and down against her wetness, purposely teasing her, purposely drawing out the moment. Carefully I swirled next around her clit. The point was to tease her, but if I wasn't careful I was going to make myself explode right against her.
She moaned, the sound lost against my mouth. She broke away from our kiss, breathless, and said into my shoulder, “Fuck me, Ben. Now. Please.”
Oh God, how could I refuse her plea?
I positioned myself at her entrance, ready to do whatever she asked, when she whispered, “I’ve never done this without a condom.”
“Really,” I whispered, shivers shooting all through me at the idea of being skin against skin, naked inside her. “Juniper, baby, how’d you get pregnant then?”
“Good fucking question.” She nipped at my shoulder. “But not a question for right now,” she breathed. “Right now, I just need… you… please.”
There wasn’t a chance I could refuse, and I answered by thrusting deep inside her. My sudden movement surprised even me.
“Yes!” she cried out.
Sinking into her felt like heaven. No—it felt like home. But I quickly decided that her belly was completely in my way. I wouldn't be able to fuck her the way I wanted in this position. So, keeping deep inside, I moved her around on the bed until I had her exactly the way wanted her. She ended up on her side, her ass against my groin, my cock still buried deep, with her right leg hooked over my hip. She was spread wide for me this way, and I started an easy, in and out, rhythm.
I loved this—because I could hold her, and run my hands all over her soft skin, across her chest, and down over her pussy as I pumped. It gave me free range to touch her however I pleased. Best. Moment. Ever.
In a matter of seconds, she orgasmed. Hard, too. And… correction, now this was the best moment ever. Maybe her pregnancy hormones were making her more sensitive than ever because it happened so suddenly and intensely. She screamed out, “Ben… ahhh… oh my God, Ben,” throwing her head back in her ecstasy. Her nails dug into my forearms as I held her tight, and relentlessly kept moving in and out. I felt the muscles of her pussy gloriously clutching around me, squeezing me, as she kept calling out my name.
“Shit, baby, I love you,” I whispered against her ear.
After a moment, her cries subsided, and she whispered, “I love you, too. Harder now.”
Holy shit. Tremors rippled through me. Doing as she asked, I pumped harder wanting to bring her to another orgasm before I exploded. Everything from there was a haze of sweat, skin, need, and emotion. The line between fucking and love completely blurred. My ribcage cracked open and my heart was exposed to her. Each thrust inside her was better than a million dollars’ worth of therapy. For the first time in years I felt… whole.
When I felt her come again, I could bear it no longer. I exploded inside her. Pure bliss rocked through my whole body. The feeling lasted and lasted, until it ended and we both slowed and stilled.
I didn't pull out of her right away, instead I simply held her.
She kissed my forearms a couple times, snuggling her body in a little deeper against mine, and she made the most wonderful sound. Like a content little kitten, she half-purred half-moaned. And I swear, all the blood in my body went straight south. It didn’t matter that I’d just come, my cock grew hard once more. All because of that one little noise.
“Mmm…again?” she hummed.
“Yes,” I breathed.
This time I moved extra slow, taking my time pumping in and out as if we had eternity to make love. I was savoring. I was basking. She was extra wet from my seed already inside her, and I lazily brushed my fingers back and forth over her clit. When her third orgasm finally came, I came with her. The feeling this time was drawn out and different. Different, but no less wonderful than before.
When it ended, I was exhausted—both physically and, frankly, emotionally. Fatigue hit me hard. With Juniper still in my arms, I drifted off.
* * *
Sometime later I woke up. The sunlight in the room had changed, telling me several hours had passed. The first thing I did was reach out beside me for Juniper. But she wasn’t in the bed with me. Finding my boxer briefs, I pulled them on and wandered downstairs. Juniper was in the kitchen. She was dressed, sitting on the counter, eating her usual ramen noodles. She sipped the soup straight from the cup, probably because we didn’t have any silverware.
“Hi, there,” I said, clearing my throat. I felt a little groggy, but in a good way.
“Oh, hi,” she replied. Her cheeks flus
hed pink. And she set the cup down. “You slept forever.”
“Yeah, sorry about that—God, you're beautiful.” I interrupted myself because she was and because it needed to be said.
“Thanks,” she muttered.
The flush on her skin touched her neck. She'd been shy around me a lot lately, and I couldn't quite figure out why. In the bedroom she wasn't shy at all, though, so what was the difference? I remembered then that during sex I'd told her I loved her. Heat crept over my own face. Shit. I certainly hadn't meant to reveal that in that moment, but it just sort of slipped out. Maybe that was the elephant in the room between us now.
“You sure love ramen noodles,” I commented, ignoring the elephant for the moment, pointing to her soup.
“Not really. It's cheap.” She shrugged, brushing her hair over to one shoulder. “I love that it's cheap. I'll give it that much. Otherwise, I pretty much hate it.”
“Seriously?” I could not believe this. Fucking A.
“What other reason would anyone eat ramen for?”
A growl tore from my throat. I could not believe this. This whole time I thought she loved the shit when in fact she'd been forcing it down simply to save money. I was beyond angry with myself for not noticing this sooner. I grabbed the cup. “Seriously? You hate ramen?” I questioned.
“Yes, like I already said, but—”
I dumped the soup down the sink.
“Ben!” she shouted, hopping off the counter. “I wasn't finished eating that.”
I turned, without saying anything, and hurried upstairs. In our room, I grabbed the rest of my clothes and yanked them on. Then I took the stairs two at a time back down to her.
Still standing in the kitchen, she glared at me with tears in her eyes. Immediately I felt like an ignorant ass. I hadn't meant to lose my temper over something as silly as ramen noodles.
Kill Devil Hills: A Complete Beach Romance Series (4-Book Box Set) Page 69
