by Amie Denman
He couldn’t let himself read too much joy into her simple declaration, and it didn’t change things between them. She would be close by but still out of reach.
“Your sister’s house will be empty,” he said, striving for something practical to talk about. “You could live there. Find a job.”
Laura tilted her head as if she were thinking, but she didn’t say anything. “Tonight’s not the night for mulling over my great transition.”
“We could dance instead,” Tony said. As soon as he said it, he regretted it. There was a solid chance Laura would reject him, and he’d feel as if he’d wrongly crossed a line and gotten what he deserved. There was a ghost of a chance she’d say yes, and having her in his arms would be the sweetest torture a man could endure. Even worse than fighting an all-day fire in the heat with plenty of water but none to drink.
“Okay,” Laura said.
“Unless that would make you uncomfortable,” he said, giving her a graceful out if she wanted it.
“Why would it?”
Tony could think of reasons, but he held out his hand instead. The band played a slow song, and there were other firefighters dancing with their wives as well as friends and family on the floor. Everyone danced at weddings. Everyone took someone else’s hand and got so close there was nothing between them except the music.
So he shouldn’t let it affect him. Shouldn’t let her soft fingers in his make him wish the dance would last all night. Shouldn’t love how she brushed against him with every move they made together.
“The party will be over in half an hour,” she said. “And I’ll stay until we get everything cleaned up and put back together.”
“I’ll stay, too,” Tony said.
Even if it wasn’t his job as chief to see the station organized and secure, he would have stayed to help Laura, no matter what she was doing.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
LAURA SENT HER parents back to their hotel as soon as the bride and groom departed. Her father had eaten too much and his stomach was bothering him, so she insisted they take her car and get some rest. Someone would give her a ride home. She kicked off her high heels and carried them back into the station. It was just before midnight, and there was a lot of work to do. Many of the guests were already gone, but some of the firefighters had stayed to help put the trucks away.
As Laura went around the room and cleared away white tablecloths and centerpieces, Tyler and Gavin followed and folded up the legs on the tables. They stacked them in a corner of the station. Laura nearly crashed into Tony as he strode back and forth, two chairs under each arm, and stacked the chairs near the tables.
“You gave up your heels,” he said, pointing to her bare feet.
“I hope there’s no rule about wearing shoes in the fire station,” she said.
“Not tonight.” He smiled and hiked up the chairs under each arm.
Laura finished her task and helped the caterers carry out their serving dishes and utensils. The band members were almost finished hauling out their instruments and sound equipment. She got a stepladder and started unwinding the strings of white lights from the supporting posts that usually served as guides for parking the trucks.
With each minute of effort, the fire station was returning to normal, but Laura would never forget how magical it had been.
“I’ll do the high parts,” Tony offered, putting a hand on the ladder as Laura stepped down.
“I can handle it,” she said.
“But I’m lousy at winding up strings of lights. Christmas is torture. You’d be doing me a favor.”
“Okay,” Laura agreed. She’d saved the plastic frames the lights came on with the intention of rewinding them all and using them some other time. Maybe a party or Christmas. Where would she be at Christmastime? She’d already thought about taking over the rent on her sister’s house now that Nicole would be moving in with Kevin. Of course, she needed to find a full-time job pretty soon. Her teacher’s paychecks were spread throughout the year and she still had a few more until they ran out.
“Your parents left with your car,” Tony commented as he stood on the ladder, unwound lights and fed them to Laura.
“They were ready to go back to the hotel,” Laura said.
“They’re not staying with you?”
“No, Nicole’s cat is a fur machine and my mom is allergic. It wouldn’t be pretty.”
“I loved your stories about bringing home stray animals when you were a kid,” he commented. “I’m thinking about getting a dog.”
“Really? What kind?”
“Whatever kind they have at the shelter that looks lonely,” Tony said.
“They all look lonely when you go there, so you have to be really committed to taking only one home.”
“I think I’m ready. I used to think my schedule was too difficult, but now that I’m the chief, I’m in the lucky position of setting my own schedule.”
“That’s a major perk,” Laura commented. “But you have an awful lot of responsibility, too.”
“I asked for it.” Tony moved the ladder to the next post. “And most of the time I don’t mind the added worries.”
“Most of the time?” Laura asked as she waited, hands open for the next strand of lights.
“Every so often, I wish I could lay my head on the pillow at night without wondering what might happen before the sun rises.”
“You’re not alone,” Laura said. “Your department is well trained and really great.”
Tony nodded. “Which is why I do eventually close my eyes and get some sleep. Most of the time.”
They finished taking down the lights, and Tony helped move all the trucks back into their usual parking spots. Laura closed the doors one by one as the trucks came in, and the station became silent and dark. She collected her shoes from the equipment locker with her last name on it.
“Ride home?” Tony asked.
He was both her first and last choice for a ride home. Being with him on and off throughout the day had been hard enough without her heart reaching for him. The dance they’d shared had been a bitter reminder of what she was giving up to dedicate herself to the fire service. In another world, could she have been with Tony as a girlfriend or something more?
“If you can,” she said.
“I’m the chief. I can do anything I want,” he said with a smile.
“Except sleep at night.”
“Right. My truck’s alongside the station.”
They buckled up and Tony pulled onto the street. “Tired?” he asked.
“Strangely, no. I know it will hit me tomorrow, but I still have party adrenaline in my veins.”
Tony cleared his throat. “We could take a walk by the beach.”
Laura watched the streetlights of Cape Pursuit pass by. A walk on the beach sounded dangerously close to romantic.
“By the beach,” Tony reiterated. “I’d have to take my shoes off to walk in the sand, and I’m sure not walking barefoot in the dark on that beach.”
“Why not?”
“Fish hooks, broken bottles and other creepy stuff. You don’t want to step on those, trust me.”
Laura laughed. “Your line of work ruins some things for you, doesn’t it?”
“Our line of work,” he said.
One simple word and she felt included in something important all over again. That feeling of inclusion made Tony’s invitation for a walk on the beach seem less dangerous. They were coworkers, even friends. They could unwind together after a big day.
“As long as I don’t get my high heels stuck in cracks on the boardwalk, I wouldn’t mind stretching my legs and getting some fresh air,” she said.
He parked near one of the entrances for the walkway along the beach and they got out. Tony didn’t reach for her hand, and Laura considered that a good sign. They were keeping
it friendly and professional. If he was being nice to her, maybe it was because he knew he’d have trouble sleeping, too, in his lonely house. Hadn’t he said he was thinking of getting a dog?
They began walking and the ocean breeze whipped Laura’s dress around her knees. It was cooler than she’d expected, and her bare shoulders and arms felt the chill.
“Take my jacket,” Tony said.
“That’s okay,” Laura protested. It would seem far too much like a date if she accepted his jacket, and she couldn’t take that risk.
Tony stopped walking and shrugged out of his suit jacket. He held it out to her. “If you had any idea how tired I was of wearing a suit, you’d know you were helping me out by taking this off my hands.”
Laura laughed. “In that case,” she said, accepting the suit coat and putting it on, “I’ll make a sacrifice.”
“You’re a team player, Laura Wheeler. I may have to promote you.”
“Let me face my first real fire first,” she said. “Otherwise people will say it’s because we’re related.”
“We’re not related.”
“Your cousin married my sister today. That’s close enough.”
Maybe this was how she could rationalize spending time with Tony and not let her emotions run away with her. They were colleagues and shared common relatives. It wouldn’t be strange to have lunch together sometime or go out for pizza. Or take a walk on the beach with his jacket smelling of his scent enveloping her.
Sure, she could handle that.
Tony stopped and turned to her. The walkway was deserted, all the tourists having moved on to bars and hotels for the night. The air was fresh and cool, but Laura felt the warmth of Tony’s body clinging to his jacket.
“Laura, I know this isn’t right, but—”
She caught her breath and waited. Tony swiped a hand over his eyes and looked up at the stars, rocking back on his heels as he did so.
“Just say it,” she said.
He put a hand on her shoulder and stepped closer. “I care about everyone on the department, but my feelings for you are...more.”
“They can’t be,” she said after a long silence. There was so much she wanted to say, but she was afraid to risk the words.
“I can’t help it. You’re special to me. I think about you all the time. I’ve wanted to...”
“Kiss me,” Laura said. She wasn’t sure if she was finishing his sentence or asking. Tony lowered his face and touched his forehead to hers, giving her the opportunity to say no.
If her feelings for him weren’t so strong, she would have backed away. She knew what she was doing when she touched her lips to his, and she didn’t stop herself. When their lips met, she was sure she was making the most wonderful mistake of her life.
Tony slid his arms around her and pulled her against his broad chest. He kissed her as if he’d been waiting a long time. She looped her arms around his neck and let herself go...just a little longer.
Finally, and with regret she felt all the way to her bare toes, Laura released her hold on him.
“We can’t do this,” she said.
“Maybe we could try,” he said, taking her hands as she stepped back.
“No. Tony, think about it. You’re the fire chief. I’m on your roster. We can’t have a relationship. You’ve already paid too much attention to me this summer.”
“No, I haven’t. I haven’t treated you any differently than anyone else,” he protested.
“Yes, you have. At first I thought you didn’t think I could handle the physical and emotional challenges.”
He held up a hand as if to argue.
“I wasn’t mad about it,” she said. “You knew about my brother, and you had a right to wonder what I thought I was getting myself into.”
“But—”
“But then I realized that instead, you were trying to protect me.”
“Of course I want to protect you. I care about you. This is a dangerous job. You—”
“And that’s the problem. If you’re going to be watching out for me every time we go out on a call, you’ll be distracted. It could endanger someone else.”
“My men know how to take care of themselves.”
Laura shook her head. “I’m not going to be a distraction by having a relationship with you. And I’m not going to be that girl—the one who joins the department and ends up dating the chief. It’s...ridiculous.”
“Do your feelings for me seem ridiculous?” he asked.
“No,” she admitted. “And that’s the problem.”
“How can you just turn them off like a water valve?”
Laura sighed and tugged her hands away. “You’ve made sacrifices to be a firefighter. I know you love what you do and would never give it up.”
“Everyone makes sacrifices for what they love.”
She nodded and swallowed. “That’s what I’m doing right now. I can finally get through a day without being blindsided by stabs of grief over my brother. I’ve found the way to heal my heart and move on by doing something that helps others—the very thing he was trying to do. Now that I’ve experienced the freedom of being able to take an entire breath without that horrible pain, I can’t give it up.”
Laura saw the lines of hurt in Tony’s face, even in the dim lighting on the boardwalk, but she had to put an end to the attraction between them once and for all.
“I have to choose between you and being a firefighter, even if it breaks my heart.”
* * *
THE LAST THING Laura wanted the next morning was a confrontation. Was she wrong to choose what was in her heart even if it meant trampling on the feelings of others? Tony hadn’t said a word as he’d driven her home after their talk on the beach, and now she was facing two stone-faced parents at the breakfast table.
At least they were outside. The table at the downtown bakery included sunshine and a place for Kevin’s dog, Arnold, whom Laura was dog sitting during her sister’s honeymoon.
“I’m not doing this to hurt you,” Laura said, her coffee and pastry untouched. She hadn’t planned to bring the subject up before they ate, but her father had. He’d noticed an equipment locker with the last name Wheeler on it when he’d taken a self-guided tour of the station on his way to the restroom the night before. When he asked Laura about the firefighter named Wheeler, she’d had no choice but to tell her parents it was her locker.
She should have been proud to tell them, but she’d known it wouldn’t go over well. Was it cowardice or a desire to shield them from the truth and more pain?
“How can you imagine this wouldn’t hurt us?”
“Nicole just married a firefighter,” Laura said, her tone defensive. She took a calming breath and reached down to pet Arnold as he slept in the shade under her chair.
“That’s not the same thing. You know why,” her mother said. “I’ll be glad when you get home and give up this nonsense.”
Laura swallowed. “I’m not coming home. The deadline for resigning my teaching position without penalty is next Monday, and I’m going to call the superintendent and tell him I’m done.”
Her parents stared at her, open-mouthed.
“I’m going to stay here in Cape Pursuit, continue volunteering at the station and look for a full-time job,” she said, rushing ahead before her parents could ask. The sooner she got it all out in the open, the better. “I may take over the rent on Nicole’s house and, as for a job, I’ve made friends in town and maybe something will come along.”
“You’re not coming home,” her mother said. All anger was gone from her eyes and her voice, and it was replaced by pain.
Laura felt tears welling. She’d hurt her parents who had already suffered the worst thing parents could suffer. And now she was breaking their hearts and leaving them alone. Worse yet, she had found firefighting to be a balm to her own g
rief, but to her parents it was throwing gasoline on a fire.
“I’m sorry,” she said, allowing tears to slip down her cheeks. A truck pulled up in front of the bakery and Tony got out with Travis. They were both in uniform, both carrying radios. When Tony saw Laura in tears at a table with her parents, he stopped dead in his tracks.
“Get a dozen,” he said to Travis who politely looked away and went into the bakery without asking questions. “Mr. and Mrs. Wheeler,” Tony said, addressing Laura’s parents and holding out a hand.
Both her parents sat with their hands in their laps, refusing Tony’s friendly gesture.
“You know a fire took our son away,” Laura’s dad said. “And now...” His words became choked and Laura wanted to jump up and hug her father, but she was afraid of falling apart. She had to take her parents to the airport in a few hours, but how could she send them home like this?
“I’m sorry about Adam,” Tony said.
Although her heart was breaking, Laura loved the way Tony used her brother’s name. It made his condolences personal and it was so much harder than just saying your son. Tony never took the easy way out.
“Laura has joined our department, and she’s been through a lot of training. We’re glad she’s made the decision to be a firefighter.”
His tone was soft and kind, and Laura knew Tony was well aware of how much she was sacrificing to join the fire service.
Travis breezed through the door behind him and got in the truck.
“It was nice to meet you, and I hope you have a safe trip home,” Tony said, and then he got in the driver’s seat of the fire department pickup and pulled away from the curb.
“Come home with us today,” her mother said, reaching across the table and putting her hand over Laura’s. “It will clear your head and give you time to think.”
“I can’t,” Laura said. “I have to go back to work tomorrow. I traded my day off to have yesterday free.”
“So you’re just...staying,” her father said.
“I promise you I’ve thought a lot about this. I know it won’t make sense to you that becoming a rescuer has actually saved me from my own grief.”
