by Meli Raine
Fast.
“I meant I'm exhausted! Rhonda worked me into a pile of cooked spaghetti, with maybe a meatball for a head.”
“Now you're making me hungry.”
“Which is it, Sean? Hungry or horny?”
“I'm a talented guy, Lily. I can be both at the same time. It's a special skill.”
“Learned that in Navy SEAL training?”
“Nah. Adolescence.”
She's still giggling when we pull into the parking garage at my building, but I also see the pink in her cheeks. Blushing is an art form with Lily. Unable to hide her emotions, she has a face that glows when she's aroused.
And right now, she's radiant.
Luck is with me as I find a spot close to the main door. Lily moves slowly, laboriously. She wasn't kidding about being tired. I jog to the other side of the car to help her out, but she waves me off.
“I can walk.”
“I wasn't offering to carry you.”
We're in the building, at the staircase, when the enormity of the journey up three flights hits her.
“Actually, maybe I should.”
“Don't you dare.”
“In my arms, or on my back?”
She hesitates, then grins. “On your back!”
I sling her like a firefighter carrying someone out of a fire and start the staircase walk.
“SEAN!” she shouts, pounding my spine with her fists. “I meant piggyback!”
“This is easier. You're less likely to choke me this way.”
“My blood pressure! I'm upside down!”
I stop on the landing of the first floor and put her down, worried. “I didn't think of that. Sorry.”
She punches me in the chest. “Ha! Gotcha.”
“Your blood pressure wasn't an issue?”
“No. Well, yes. I mean, it could be–AAIIIEEE!” she whoops as I grab her in my arms and start to jog up the second flight.
Her giggles vibrate into my chest. She's so light. Lily's lost even more weight since the mess with Romeo. It worries me, though Rhonda says it'll come back on in due time, as she gains muscle.
“Put me down!”
“Nope.”
The third flight of stairs is a breeze, and before we know it, I'm balancing her in my arms and fumbling with my front door key.
“I can do that!”
“You're an old pool noodle, remember? You can't unlock a door.”
As I bring her into my shithole apartment, she suddenly becomes somber. Lowering her gently onto the couch, I realize she's not sad.
She's shaking.
Slipping into professional mode, I bend down, dropping one knee, and look at her. “What's wrong? It was the blood pressure, wasn't it? Let's get you to the doctor and–”
Ice cold hands take mine. “No. I'm just scared.”
“Scared? Of what?”
“I haven't been here since that day.”
“Since that day… oh. Right. Since Romeo kidnapped you right under everyone's nose,” I say bitterly.
“Yes.”
“It was a huge mistake that will never, ever happen again.”
“I know.”
“But your body and mind don't know that.”
“Right. I'm reliving the memory.”
“I'm sorry. Let's change that.”
“How?”
“By helping you to associate this place with being happy.” I look around. “Or maybe that's impossible. This place is a dump.”
“No, it's not! It's fine.”
“It's not fine, Lily. You deserve more.”
“Me?”
What have I just said? These last couple of months have had us in a holding pattern, tentatively putting out feelers with each other, trying to find some kind of balance between who we were before the horror with Romeo and who we are now. How can I plan a future with her when I’ve never thought about a future? When I’ve never thought about a me?
How the hell do you form a we?
Lily makes me want a nicer place. To have a space for us. A space we share. A home that reflects who we are, as a couple.
A couple.
That means I want to live with her. Be with her. Share and hope and dream and–
All of that is new.
Wanting that with anyone.
Ever.
“Yes, you.” I want to kiss her, but it feels wrong. She's shaking and scared in my apartment, remembering the sheer terror of not being able to wake me up, of being stolen in broad daylight by Romeo.
Of thinking her sister was going to be a victim, too.
Kissing her feels like taking away some control she desperately needs.
Turns out, the kiss is exactly what grounds her, as she takes one from me.
Her hands go to the base of my neck, pulling me closer. I anchor myself on the edge of the couch with my palms and lean in, moving over her as her hot, wet mouth welcomes me. The kiss is deep and intimate, her body moving up against mine. By the time we break for air, I'm on her, chest to chest, thigh to thigh.
“That was unexpected,” I whisper.
She shivers, but with a grin. “It was needed.”
“Indeed.” I move next to her, pulling her in to me, but she stops me. Kissing me again, she makes it very clear she wants more.
Who am I to deny that?
What feels like an hour and three lifetimes later, Lily stops the kiss and stands, slowly moving until she squares her shoulders and smiles down at me. I'm hard as a rock and wondering if now is the time to open ourselves up to making love.
I have condoms in my nightstand drawer. And in my wallet.
Not making that mistake twice.
“I need a coffee.”
I stand and turn away slightly, rearranging certain stiff objects. “Sure.”
“Do you have almond milk?”
Nervous, she follows me into the tiny kitchen, glancing repeatedly at my bedroom door. Instantly, I realize sex right now would be a bad, bad idea.
Not yet.
She's not ready.
Opening my top cupboard, I show her the ten shelf-stable cartons of almond milk. Her face lights up.
“I test the milk religiously. The almond milk, too. It's safe.”
Before I can reach for my coffee press, she's sobbing in my arms.
Only my training stops me from joining her.
Chapter 15
Lily
Ding dong!
The doorbell makes my stomach drop, like a thousand butterflies are inside and trying to escape.
“Who is that?” Gwennie shouts from upstairs.
I hear Mom in the kitchen, running the faucet. She turns it off, the dishwasher humming in the background. “Lily? Can you get the door?”
Shaking, I take a deep breath. I can do this. I've lived through so much worse. I haven't said a word to Mom and Dad about what's happening tonight.
Time to face the music. I stand, ankles weak, but in high heels, I expect that. A flash of memory, of the last time I wore heels, invades my brain.
Brain. Blood. The man on the floor.
I look down at my shoes.
Maybe heels were a bad idea.
“Lily?” As I start down the hall, Mom comes out of the kitchen, drying her hands on a dish towel. She stops short, eyes widening. “Oh, my goodness! Look at you! What's the occasion?”
Ding dong!
“SOMEONE ANSWER THE DOOR!” Gwennie screeches from upstairs.
“FINE!” Bowie thunders, the thump thump thump of an aggrieved teenage boy a distinct sound.
“Who's at the door?” Mom demands of me.
“My date.”
“Your date? You have a date?”
“Yes.”
“Who is it?”
“Hey, Duff!” Bowie calls out, thumping back upstairs, grumbling about his League of Legends game and his team.
“Duff is assigned to you for your date? Does the man know this? Who is the–Lily, what's going on?”
“I'm
a grown woman, Mom. I'm allowed to date.”
“Of course you are! But you could have told me about him. Where did you meet? What does he do for a living? How did you–”
Someone clears their throat.
We both turn at the sound.
To find Sean standing there, tall and broad shouldered, wearing a navy blue suit that is cut to fit.
With a necktie, a pocket square, and cuff links.
Lemon and cedar fill the room, mixed in with a smoky scent that makes my knees a little weak. He's kept his hair longer, but clearly just got it cut. The frame of his face is polished, calm and cool. Fully present, his eyes take me in like nothing else matters.
Handsome and strong, Sean carries himself like a man in love.
Is he? Are we?
“Hello there, Duff,” Mom says, flustered and confused. Reaching for a hug, she gives him a tight one. Sean's eyes meet mine with so many questions.
“Hi, Bee. How are you?”
“I'm fine. Just fine. You're here for Lily's date?”
His eyebrow shoots up as I give him a helpless look.
“Yes, ma'am.”
“Well, good. I wouldn't want her dating just any old stranger without proper protection.”
“Right.” His look says he's wondering WTF she means by “protection.”
I turn a deep red.
“How does this work? Do you sit a few tables away at dinner?”
“Excuse me?”
“Do you run a background check on the guy first?”
“The guy?”
“The man Lily's dating tonight.”
“You think I should run a background check on him?” He gives me a look that makes me burst with heat. “You think he might be dangerous?” One eyebrow arches with aching amusement.
“Of course! We can't have Lily dating someone who might try to take advantage of her!”
“Right. Wouldn't want that.”
Oh, how I want that from him right now. Go ahead, Sean. Take full advantage of me.
“Or worse!”
“What's worse than... taking advantage of her?”
Now I'm trying not to laugh.
“Kidnapping her! Shooting her. Oh, goodness, Duff, you know. I can imagine a thousand worst-case scenarios about this date tonight.”
“Pretty sure we're living through one of them now,” Sean mutters, giving me major side eye.
Time for me to confess.
“Mom.”
“What did he mean by–”
“MOM.”
“What?”
“Duff–Sean–is my date.” As I say the word date, he reaches for my hand. I step into his space and he puts his arm around me, nose close to my ear as he inhales.
This time, it's Mom who turns red.
Eyes darting between us, finally settling on Sean's possessive arm, his fingers splayed around my hip bone, she sputters, “But–but… you two? You two are a–a–a...”
“Couple.”
“He's your–your–your...”
“Fuckbuddy,” Gwennie supplies helpfully as she bounces into the kitchen, beaming at me because she loves that I'm the one in trouble.
Huh. Who knew Sean could blush, too?
“GWENNIE!” Mom shouts, shaken out of her flustered state. “LANGUAGE!”
Gwennie ignores Mom and looks at Sean. “Took you long enough. We were wondering.”
“We?”
“Me and Bowie.”
“Why does everyone say that?” Sean asks me.
“Say what?”
“'Took you long enough,'” Sean grumbles. “Rhonda said it the other day, and now you,” he says to Gwennie.
“Rhonda? Rhonda knew before us?” Mom screeches. “Your physical therapist knows these things before your own mother?”
Oh, boy.
“Duh, Mom,” Gwennie says, strangely coming to my rescue. “I tell other people lots of things before I tell you.”
“Like what?” Mom is clearly offended.
“Why would I tell you? That's the whole point of telling other people!”
“That doesn't make sense, Gwennie.”
“She's fifteen, Mom. It doesn't have to make sense.”
“HEY!” Gwennie yells at me. “I was trying to help you. Last time that ever happens!”
“Young lady, we need to have a talk about your language and about your secrets!” Mom calls out as she follows Gwennie down the hall.
“This is our chance,” Sean says out of the side of his mouth. He pulls me towards the door. “Let's escape before she comes back.”
Dad clears his throat in a very exaggerated way.
Sean looks at him and grimaces.
“Oh,” I gasp, then laugh.
“Are you?” Dad asks us.
“Are we what?”
“The word Gwennie just used.”
“Dad!”
He shrugs, then gives Sean a hard look. “If you are, you'd better wrap it.”
“DAD!” I scream.
“You sound just like Gwennie,” Sean says, impressed.
I punch his shoulder.
“Sir,” he says seriously. “I respect Lily and would never do anything to make her unsafe or to feel disempowered.”
Dad nods slowly, eyes pinging between us. “You two? Really?”
“Surprised?” I ask him, a little pleased to have hidden it from Mom and Dad so well.
He extends his hand out to Sean, who shakes it, the two of them in a male death grip.
Dad looks at me as they pull apart, then Sean.
“No. Not surprised. Just wondering why it took you two so long to figure it out. We all knew.”
“DAD!!!!”
Sean pulls me to the door, laughing all the way to the car, where he opens my door like a gentleman, climbs into the driver's side, and pulls away.
Still chuckling.
Duff
“It's not–that wasn't how I thought it would go!” Lily exclaims as I try to control my belly laughs, enjoying my amusement more than I ever imagined. “I seriously need to move out. I am twenty-five years old and they treat me like I'm Gwennie's age!”
“So move out.” A hard warmth, solid like a gemstone, expands in my chest.
“How? I don't have a job. I need to have someone check on me at night in case my nervous system goes nuts. I'm not independent yet.”
“Yet.”
She nods. “True. Yet. I'll be driven crazy by Mom and Dad before I get to that point, though.”
As I drive to the restaurant where I made reservations last week, I bite my damn tongue. A huge part of me wants to ask her to move in with me. For us to find a place of our own. Drew has plenty of work for me here in Southern California. There's no shortage of security work here. I could settle down.
Lily gives me a reason to find a home.
“You'll get there,” I reassure her instead.
“You think so?”
“You don't?”
Biting her lower lip, she looks straight ahead, contemplating. “I don't know. It seems so abstract.”
“Independence?”
“My future.” Shyly, she glances at me, then says quietly, “Our future.”
“What about our future?”
“Do we have one?”
I love her strange combination of shy and bold. “Yes.”
Her smile is a treasure. “Good.”
There isn't much to say after that, so we don't, until I park at the restaurant and turn to her, needing a kiss. Making out in the front seat of a big SUV has its perks.
Namely, plenty of room.
“Look, we're steaming the windows!” she giggles.
“Great. More privacy,” I say as I go in for another kiss.
Breathless, she stops me. “You're getting me riled up.”
“That's my line, babe.”
“And we're late for our reservations.”
“So what–”
My phone buzzes.
She points at my chest. �
�As if on cue.”
“They know I'm off duty for the night. I'm ignoring it.”
She smiles, but opens the car door. I do the same and get to her side before she can fully step out. Hands on her waist, I lift her, setting her on the ground in her high heels. She's surprisingly close to eye level with me.
“You look different when I'm this tall,” she says, reading my mind.
“Uglier?”
“Bigger.”
“I like being big.”
We walk into the restaurant, laughing.
I give my name to the hostess and just as we take a few steps back, my phone buzzes again.
“You have to get that,” Lily says, resigned.
“No.”
“Yes. That's twice.”
She's right. I turn away and check. It's a text from Silas.
Answer your damn phone.
I call. He picks up before the first ring ends. This makes me move further away from the people waiting to be seated.
Further away from Lily.
“The ranch has been set on fire,” Silas says, exploding any expectation I had about why he's calling.
It takes everything in me not to make a loud sound. “What?” I finally hiss.
“Arson. Someone started what we think is an electrical fire.” His tone with those last two words makes it clear what he thinks. “Jane's fine. We got out. It started in the spare bedroom in Alice's studio.”
“Where the final boxes were stored? Alice's personal papers?”
“Of course.”
“You and Jane didn't get hurt?”
“No. We're fine. Jane's rattled. Some of Alice's paintings were destroyed in the fire.”
“Damn it.”
We stay silent for a few beats, each knowing what that means.
“You need me on a plane out there?” I finally ask.
“Hell, no. We need you with Lily for now.”
“Thought she wasn't under heavy surveillance any longer?”
“She is now. This was targeted. Someone wants all traces of leaked info about Stateless to be wiped out. Lily was the last person Romeo talked to.”
“Technically, that was me.”
“Don't split hairs. You know what I mean.”
Is this Harry? I almost slip. I almost ask. The words are so close.
“Got it. No problem. We’re on a date.”
“A date?”
“You know. When two people are romantically interested in each other–”
“Shut up, Duff.”
I do.
