by Shelly Crane
I felt utterly at his mercy. My heart ached with wanting. I wanted him to be telling the truth so badly that it hurt. I needed him, as much as I took care of myself, I still needed my dad.
“Maggie, please forgive me. I know you’re about to turn eighteen and you’ll probably be leaving home soon. I can’t live with knowing how I’ve hurt you without trying to fix it.”
He sniffed again and pulled back to look at me.
“Dad, I understand. I do. I know it sucked for us both when mom left but you more than me. She was my mom but your wife. It’s different, I know that. But I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed you too. I’m so sorry.” He hugged me to him. “I love you, baby girl.”
“I love you too, daddy.”
“I have an idea. Why don’t we go to the boathouse? I’m sure that old place is still available. We can just spend some time away, you and me?”
Before I could balk at his idea- for he knew nothing of my predicament with Caleb- the doorbell rang.
I went to answer it and peeked out the peephole.
Caleb. And he looked nervous.
I opened the door. He sighed with relief and pulled me to him.
“Oh, thank God. You heart was going nuts and I could feel you were upset. I thought something was wrong.” He pulled back to look at me and wiped a tear from my cheek. I didn’t even realize I’d been crying. “You are upset. What’s wrong? What happened?”
“My dad and I were just...patching things up, I guess.”
I heard my dad coming and pulled from Caleb’s grasp, painful as it was.
“Maggie, it’s midnight. Who in the world could it...be?” Dad stopped in the doorway and stared with a mixture of curiosity and annoyance. “Caleb. It’s kinda late, son.”
“Yes, sir. I uh...just needed to check on something.”
“What’s that?”
“Dad,” I interrupted. “Caleb forgot to tell me what time he was coming tomorrow. He wanted to make sure it wasn’t too early.”
“Well, Caleb. I think,” he put his arm around me, “Maggie and I decided to head up to the lake for a couple weeks. So, she might not see you for a while.”
Just saying the words letting alone thinking about it sent my body is a panic. I gasp and let out a little cry of distress to my embarrassment but I had no control.
My dad looked at me sideways as Caleb stepped a little closer.
“Sir, please don’t do that. I, um, have a few things that I asked Maggie to help me with, before I go back to school. It’s kinda important.”
It wasn’t completely a lie.
Caleb’s hand snaked out slowly and low to touch the ends of my fingers with his and him and I both sighed. I looked up to his face, he was just as upset as I was about the prospect of not seeing me. So much for no trouble with my dad.
“Yeah, dad,” I insisted. Dad glared at Caleb’s fingers as he caressed mine. “Please. I’d love to go with you but I already promised Caleb I’d be here.”
“Alright,” he said stiffly. “But I don’t want you spending every day, all day with each other. It’s not good for you, especially if he’s leaving for school in a few weeks and leaving you here.”
Another jolt of pain ran through me.
“Dad, please don’t say that,” I almost moaned.
“Sorry. But it’s true. The sooner you break it off, the better in my opinion.” I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from screaming at him. “Alright. Say goodnight to Caleb.”
Oh crap. I couldn’t move. Caleb had to release me or whatever it is that he does to let me leave him and my dad was standing right here. Oh crap!
“Maggie,” Caleb said immediately, I assumed he realized what I just had and I locked my eyes to his. “Go up and rest. We have a busy day tomorrow. I’m sorry I bothered you but I’ll see you in the morning, ok?”
I nodded.
“Ok.”
He waited to see if that was enough to help me go and when he saw me turn he blew a grateful breath and smiled. He waved to my dad and said a goodnight as my dad shut the door.
“That’s a strange boy, Maggie. Are you sure he’s who you want to waste your summer on?”
“Dad.”
“Ok. Ok. I’m going to go to bed. I have a lot to think about and an early start at the mill tomorrow. Goodnight, baby girl.”
“Goodnight, dad. And I really appreciate you telling me all that before. I’ve been really worried about you.”
“I know and I’m sorry. But things are gonna be back to normal around here. You’ll see. I love you, Maggie.”
“Love you too, dad.”
I smiled and made my way up the stairs to my bed. I had texts from Bish and Beck both and answered them eagerly. Once I had gone back and forth with them both for about half and hour I laid down and thought about dad’s new awakening. The ‘event’ was just something of the past.
In my opinion, and even though things were looking up, or down depending on how you looked at it, morning couldn’t get here fast enough.
Ten
I woke with the same aches and pains as the day before. But this time I understood them. Unfortunately for me, it didn’t make them better. My head pounded, my back and stomach groaned and pulsed with painful jolts. My legs wobbled when I tried to climb out of bed.
I glanced at my alarm clock. Six fifty five. Pretty early. Caleb said he’d be here earlier than yesterday so all I had to do was wait it out. I went to the mirror on my dresser and saw the same ashen and sickly skin as before as I looked past the stars in my vision. I decided I should change out of my pajamas for when Caleb would be here. But wasn’t fast enough.
I heard the doorbell and my legs were wobbly no longer. They propelled me forward and down the stairs as quick as I could make it. I yanked open the door...only to find Kyle. My heart sank painfully at seeing it wasn’t Caleb and I collapsed against the doorframe and slid to the floor as the ache in my bones engulfed me.
Kyle came and yanked me up into his arms and held me tight. Then he whispered into my ear.
“Maggie. I’m so sorry. I got here as soon as I could.”
“Where’s Caleb?”
“Who’s Caleb?”
I pushed him away and stared at him incredulously.
“That’s not funny, Kyle.”
“Here.” He reached for me again. “Maggie, I know you’re withdrawing. I am too. Come here, you need me.”
“What?”
“Maggie, it’s just the withdrawals. Touch my hand and everything will be ok.”
“Kyle, I am not your significant. What are you doing here? Where’s Caleb?”
He looked hurt and shocked. He started muttering to himself.
“Dad never told me about this. I thought you’d need me, right away. I didn’t think you’d fight me and hallucinate.”
“I’m not hallucinating!” I yelled. “Where’s Caleb?”
“Mags,” he said more pronounced. “Who is Caleb?”
I started to falter. Had I just imagined it all? Kyle looked serious. He looked startled. He looked hurt and his eyes beseeched me to take his hand. I didn’t know what was going on but I held my hand out and let him grasp it. His fingers were cold and rough, not like Caleb’s and his touch didn’t calm me or sooth me. In fact, it made my skin crawl.
“Maggie. What are you doing? You’re blocking me somehow. Let me help you.”
“I’m not doing anything. Kyle, come on. Where’s Caleb? I need him, he’s the one. This isn’t right,” I yanked from him and pleaded.
Even I heard the hysteria in my voice and I turned away from his betrayed expression.
Kyle pressed his mouth to my ear.
“Caleb can’t come out and play right now,” the voice said but it was no longer Kyle’s voice. It was deeper, more menacing and definitely not nice. “Neither can Kyle. Sorry.”
I turned, looking around but saw no one.
“Who are you?”
“You don’t remember? I’m hurt, Ma
ggie, really,” the voice sang with sarcasm.
He appeared in front of me from the shadows off the porch and smiled as he saw recognition flash in my face.
“Marcus,” I gasped. I backed into the wall. “You scared me. What are you doing here?”
“Oh, I scared you? Well, you’re scaring me. You see, you’re special. Not like in a get-a-big-head special, but special enough for us to be pissed about it. It’s not fair that the Jacobson clan gets to start getting their ascensions back when we’ve been just as patient as they have. They will have the upper hand now, you see? We’ve have had many a discussion about you in my clan. There is a reason for you, there has to be. There’s something special about you and we can’t let it come to pass.”
“What? You can’t let what come to pass?” I asked but was afraid of the answer.
“Your ascension. If we take you away from Caleb, you won’t ascend and neither will he.”
I gasped with pain at the thought.
“You can’t do that! I’ll die.”
He laughed manically.
“You won’t die, silly human!” He laughed again. “You’ll be in agony, but you won’t die. Well not at first, anyway. That’s a sacrifice we’re willing to make.”
“No, please,” I whispered my plea.
There was nothing else to do. He pointed outside. I saw a black car waiting on the curb for us.
“Get in.”
“No! No! Please!”
“Too late for that. If only you hadn’t saved him. This is your fault, I want to make sure that you see that. He will be in just as much pain as you, you know. He’ll writhe in wanting and agony just as you will, with no cure. Now, how’s your conscience?”
“What did Caleb ever do to you to make you hate him so much?” I ground out.
“He was born,” he growled and then we were standing beside the car and I had no idea how we got there.
He grabbed me around my arm and threw me into the darkness of the open car door.
I screamed and scrambled to get a footing but there was none. I fell farther and farther into a dark place of nothing. I felt nothing, I heard, smelled, nor saw anything. Except the burning black handprint on my arm and when I finally hit the bottom, a loud boom.
I was jolted awake in my bed like I’d been dropped. I was sweating and crying. I reached up to my cheeks and felt the wetness and then the aches in my body pounded into me. It was almost too much. Even though I knew what was happening, I wanted to freak out and cry more from the pain.
I heard the doorbell in the back of my mind, heard voices. I laid on my bed and tried to catch my breath but it felt like I was suffocating as the stars danced in my vision.
Then I felt a hand on my forehead and wanted to sigh until I realized it wasn’t the hand I needed. It wasn’t Caleb. I opened my eyes to see dad looking at me with clear worry, the stars bouncing in my vision behind him.
“Honey, Caleb’s downstairs but I’m gonna go tell him you’re sick. You’re burning up.”
“No, dad! I need him!” I yelled and kicked off the covers.
“Maggie.” He scoffed and held me down. “Look. I know you like this boy, but he can wait a day to see you if you’re sick.”
“No. Please. Caleb,” I breathed painfully.
“I’m right here.”
He actually pushed my father aside to get to me. Pushed!
His hands were on either side of my face and I almost cried with relief. Everything felt normal and right and I could breath again. Except for when I opened my eyes and saw how pissed my father was.
“Excuse me, son. But I think you need to leave, right now,” he boomed.
“Dad, wait. Listen-”
“You be quiet. No boy is coming into my home and pushing me around while he jumps into my daughter’s bed in the morning like it was completely normal. What have you done, Maggie?”
“Nothing-”
“Sir,” Caleb butted in as he set me and him up on the bed beside each other. He kept his arm around me, for contact and I felt his protection seeping out. Even though this was my dad, my dad was pretty red faced. “I’m really sorry. I just heard Maggie so upset and I panicked. I shouldn’t have pushed you.”
“You’re da- darn right you shouldn’t have! I don’t know who you think you are but-”
“Dad. He said he was sorry,” I said and he looked at me finally.
Then he cocked his head and pressed the backs of his fingers to my forehead and then down my cheek.
“What happened to your fever? You looked like death warmed over when I came in here.”
“I feel fine,” I said and shrugged, trying to seem nonchalant.
“Hmmm.” He looked between us. “You can go with Caleb today but he is not to come over so early in the morning like this anymore. Understand?”
“Dad-” I started to argue but Caleb squeezed me and interrupted me.
“That’s fine, sir. Thank you for understanding. I am sorry.”
“Fine. Whatever. You be careful with her on that deathtrap of yours.” He turned to go but then pointed his finger at him. “And if I ever catch her on it without a helmet, so help me-”
“No, sir. Never. I promise you that.”
“Fine,” he said and huffed out of the room.
I turned to Caleb and reached my fingers around his neck just to have the contact and then started to protest about his non-protest.
“How can you say you won’t come over in the mornings?”
“I will, he just won’t know it,” he whispered and smiled conspiratorially.
“Oh.”
He pulled me close to him, hugging me to him and inhaled deeply from my neck, his nose grazing my skin.
“Wow, you smell good,” he muttered and nestled closer. My heart rioted in my chest. My hand was still on his neck and I felt my fingers pulse with need to bury them in his hair. “And you look very cute in pajamas.”
“Oh, yeah.” I pulled back bashfully and crossed my arms over my chest. “I forgot.”
“It’s ok.” He laughed. “You do look cute. But, something’s not right. What happened this morning? That wasn’t a normal withdrawal. You were terrified.”
“I had a dream. It was so real.” I rubbed my arm absently, remembering Marcus and his hateful grasp.
Caleb turned his head slightly. He looked concerned and then wary. He pushed my short sleeve up. I gasp as I saw a burned black handprint on my arm. But it was a dream right? He growled beside me.
“I’m gonna kill him.”
“But it was dreaming. How is this possible?”
“We need to go see my father. I wish you could show me what happened,” he muttered.
“But I can can’t I? Just like you did me?”
He shook his head.
“You can try but everything is harder for humans.”
I turned to him, laying my knee on his leg. I pulled his face close and I saw a flash glimpse of a kiss. I realized it was him imagining me kissing him. I held my gasp in check and pushed that aside. It was good to know he at least wanted to since he hadn’t done it yet, I was curious as to why. But now I could see that in his mind, I wanted to smile but it wasn’t the time. I pressed my forehead to his, just like he had done to me in the restaurant, immediately feeling his heartbeat unsteady and slightly faster, and remembered the dream.
It was just as real. Unlike any memory I’ve ever had and I guessed that it was just as real for Caleb as me when we memory transplant. I heard his fast intake of breath and knew he was seeing it too, now, so I let it all flow between us.
His breaths sped up as he saw me in pain, getting out of bed. Then when I yanked the door open to find Kyle instead he grunted in annoyance. And when Kyle told me he was my significant and Caleb didn’t exist I had to grip Caleb’s head harder to hold him in place.
Then we got to the Marcus part, he growled and huffed all the way through it. When I landed forcefully in my bed at the end of the dream, I pulled back and looked at him e
xpectantly. But he surprised me by not talking about the dream right away.
“Maggie, I’m so proud of you for being able to do that. Everyone told me to warn you, to make sure that you understood how hard it was gonna be and what a struggle it was for humans but you have blown all those theories out of the water. You are so amazing.”
I blossomed under his praise. I tried to hide my smile but failed. He smiled too and cupped my cheek, bringing his face to mine, our noses touching- our lips so, so close.
But no kiss.
We sat like that, sharing air and listening to each other’s thoughts as we allowed them to be open and tangible for the other about the dream, about each other, about everything. I could feel what he felt in his thoughts, like they were my own. It was amazing and breathtaking.
Too soon, he pulled back and sighed forcefully.
“Can’t put it off any longer. Let’s go see my father.”
“Ok,” I said anxiously and practically jumped from the bed.
I wanted to know what had happened as much if not more than he did. I almost forgot Caleb was still here as I began to pull my shirt over my head. When the hem got to the edge of my bra I stopped, realizing what I was doing. I peeked at him and he was staring at me with a sort of gaze I’d never seen directed my way before. Which is sad since I had a boyfriend for three years.
You see, I’m a virgin. Yes, Chad and I dated for three years and yes I loved him, in some way, but now all that has been questioned. I never longed to see him without a shirt, I never sat in bed at night thinking about kissing him, I never got butterflies or goose bumps, ever in my recollection of being with Chad. Our being together was like an arrangement or agreement from day one of high school and it was just implied from then on. We kissed some, we wrestled, we played just like any other couple, went on dates, snuggled watching movies. But it was more for comfort I think.
He felt more like a really good friend and someone who I was comfortable being with more than someone I was in love with. He was someone who’d known me forever. I didn’t have to let him see anything in me he didn’t already know. He was safe.
