by Eva Brandt
“Lucienne, come here,” Diane suddenly said, snapping me out of my thoughts.
“Huh?” I asked. “Why?”
My friend arched a brow at me. “Because I’m asking you to. And because I’m sure Mother misses you and she’d want you to hold her hand.”
Oh. It was true that I hadn’t touched Clara since the attack. For some reason—maybe because this whole thing was my fault—I didn’t feel very comfortable with the idea. But Diane had asked me to join her and I couldn’t say no. I had to get over my hang-ups already. My family needed me and if I kept dwelling on my stupid fears and doubts, I wouldn’t be able to do anything to help them.
“All right,” I said, getting up from the couch. “If you think it’s safe.”
“Of course it’s safe, Lucienne,” Diane answered. “You can only help her. You know that.”
I wasn’t so sure, but I obeyed anyway. I sat on the edge of Clara’s bed and took her hand. It was so difficult to see her like this, almost as difficult as watching my father ailing. Ever since Diane and I had met in college, Clara had become as close to me as one of my aunts. At first, my father had had his doubts about her—about all the Garniers, really—but they’d proven to be instrumental in helping me learn how to control my power.
When my relationship with Pierce had taken a turn toward the romantic, she had been its staunchest supporter, even if she had known that due to his nature, I could have easily killed him.
Between her and my father, they had managed to come up with a way to ensure my power didn’t overwhelm Pierce and didn’t cause the Accursed Syndrome to trigger. It had been working so well—or so I’d thought. I’d been looking forward to having a real future by my soulmate’s side. And now, this had happened.
I had to wonder if maybe this was a punishment, a twisted way the gods had chosen to remind me that Accursed weren’t meant to be together with their other halves.
Clara almost seemed to hear my thoughts, because my fingers started to tingle where I was making contact with her palm. I jolted and let out a joyful laugh. “I can feel her magic,” I told Diane enthusiastically. “You were right.”
Diane grinned at me. Despite the circles underneath her eyes, she looked just as optimistic and full of life as always. “You say that like you’re surprised. Of course I was right. You know what Mother always says, don’t you? You might not be our blood, Lucienne, but you’re still her daughter. And it’ll be official once you and Pierce marry.”
I focused on that thought, on how much I wanted it to be true. The light emanating from my hand grew brighter, but this time, it wasn’t like the fire that had blown up Aunt Augustine’s dummy. It was softer, its warmth kinder and more welcoming.
Diane covered my hand with hers and pressed my palm more tightly against Clara’s. Another spike of magic rushed through me and this time, it tugged unpleasantly at my core. I suppressed the urge to rub my chest. My bullet wound had healed, but some days, when I strained myself, I could still feel phantom pains, as if the silver had left behind traces not even my aunts’ powers could erase.
It was only an illusion, of course, a projection of my mind. Silver couldn’t do such damage to me. Dames Blanches didn’t have the same vulnerability to the precious metal as Accursed did. But that injury had been more than a physical wound. It was now a memory, the brand of my failure burned into my flesh by the weaponry of the Accursed.
My wilder power flared beneath my skin once again and I panicked. As surreptitiously as possible, I extracted my hand from underneath Diane’s. I didn’t like worrying her, but if something happened and I lost control of my magic again, I didn’t want it to be while I was touching her mother.
Diane noticed something wasn’t right. “Lucy? Are you okay? You didn’t push yourself too much, did you?”
“No, not at all,” I answered automatically. “I’m fine. I just... I just remembered I needed to do something for Aunt Delphine.”
It was a huge lie. Aunt Delphine had left my training up to Aunt Augustine, although she’d also said that she believed I needed a little more rest before I could embark on anything more elaborate than blowing up dummies that couldn’t fight back.
In hindsight, I should have known better than to come here. Taking comfort in my loved ones’ proximity was all well and good, but I hadn’t earned it and my sheer presence was endangering them.
“You shouldn’t strain yourself so much,” Diane chastised me. “You had a bad experience too. Your father wouldn’t want you to get hurt in an attempt to avenge him.”
Her words were very similar to Ines’s earlier ones, but this time, I was not reassured. Even so, I smiled at my friend and nodded. “I’ll remember that, Diane. Take care, okay?”
Diane didn’t answer, but Pierce did. “I think that’s our line,” he said. He joined me by Diane’s side and brushed his fingers over my cheek. “Take care of yourself and no matter what, always remember that we love you.”
I tried to take comfort in his words, but it didn’t work. Something about his touch felt off. I pushed back the unexplainable apprehension and leaned into his caress. I loved Pierce. There was no reason to feel this way. “I’ll remember,” I promised.
“Good,” he whispered. “I wouldn’t want you to forget something so important.”
The flicker of grief in his eyes made me temporarily throw all caution to the wind. It wasn’t appropriate to make out with my fiancé in his mother’s healing room, with his sister present, but I kissed him anyway, just because I could, because the fire burning inside me demanded it.
At first, Pierce tensed, taken aback by my boldness, but the moment of hesitation didn’t last. He wrapped his arms around me, holding me more tightly. I could feel the heat of his magic entwining with mine. It wasn’t as soothing and kind as before. It held a feeling of desperation and grief that mimicked my own.
By the time he tore his mouth away from mine, I felt a little better and more clear-headed, but at the same time, more aware of how much my loved ones were relying on me. Pierce shot me a small smile and said, “I’m sure you won’t forget that.”
I couldn’t bring myself to reply. Instead, I pecked his cheek and, without another word, left.
I didn’t look back. I feared what I would see in his eyes if I faced him again.
* * *
Pierce
It was getting worse. Lucienne was getting worse and I had no idea what to do, how to help her.
When she’d lost her memories after our attack on that farce of a wedding, I’d embraced the opportunity granted to me. It had been a clear sign that we were doing the right thing, that Louis had been correct and we needed to go through with our plan to the end.
I’d changed my mind since then. For some reason, Lucienne believed I was her fiancé, and while there was nothing I’d have liked more, I doubted she would’ve been so agreeable had she been in her right mind.
I wanted her to be mine. I wanted to take her to bed, to fuck her, to claim her, to show her who she really belonged to. But not like this.
I watched my soulmate rush out of the room and sighed. “We shouldn’t be doing this, Diane. This is wrong.”
“Don’t you think I know that?” Diane asked. “But what other choice do we have? To tell her the truth?”
Yes, that was the obvious choice. She deserved to know everything we were hiding from her. We owed her that.
I didn’t tell Diane my opinion, but my thoughts must’ve been all over my face, because she started to protest.
“You know what her aunts said. If they’re right and this episode is caused by a transfer of Louis’s memories into Lucienne’s mind, we can’t afford to rock the boat until he wakes up. She’s already unstable. If she finds out the truth and her father is not there to control her, the results could be disastrous.”
I clenched my hands into fists, hating the fact that she was right. “Diane, she thinks we’re engaged. Do you have any idea how difficult it is for me to kiss her when I know she
doesn’t actually want it?”
My sister flinched and fell silent. Of course she was aware that I was having trouble, but in the big picture, my scruples about my romantic relationship with Lucienne seemed like a minor issue. “Would you want her to return to them, then?” she asked. “To that bloodsucker, the wolf, the Alarian, and the others? To Mathias Vandale, who failed her so many times before?”
My breath caught at the reminder. Mathias. Out of all of Lucienne’s so-called soulmates, he was the one I feared the most. I feared his evil, an evil I recognized as my own.
If Lucienne went to him, there would be no going back. She’d lose herself once again, and we’d lose our chance to finally fix things.
“No, of course I don’t want that,” I told my sister. “But it’s so unfair to Lucienne.”
“It would’ve been even more unfair if she’d stayed with the Alarians or with Mathias. That wouldn’t have ended well and you know it.
“I can’t claim to completely understand how you feel, Pierce. But Lucienne is my friend, practically my sister. We all want what’s best for her. Just give her a little time and support her. It’ll get better.”
I wanted to believe my sister, but I couldn’t bring myself to agree. Diane hadn’t spent as much time with Lucienne as I had. She’d been injured as well and until recently, Lucienne had been wary of approaching her.
But I’d seen Lucienne lose control of her magic. I’d sensed her grief and confusion. I was no incubus, but I didn’t need to be one to realize how much she was struggling with this new reality she’d been thrust into.
Still, maybe my sister was right. I could complain about the situation all I wanted, but in the end, the fact remained that Lucienne belonged here, with us and her family. I might regret having to lie to her, but it would be for her own good.
On the other hand, standing here, feeling sorry for myself wouldn’t help me. “We can’t just wait and hope for the best,” I told Diane. “Everything hinges on Louis and if he doesn’t wake up, who knows what will happen?”
“What do you suggest? Do you want to take matters into your own hands?”
“I’m the one who is her soulmate, not her father or anyone else here,” I replied. “It’s my job to protect her.”
It was the least I could do, not just for myself or her, but for them too—for the men who loved Lucienne and wanted to keep her safe.
I’d have to destroy them all to make this plan work, and I still wasn’t sure if I regretted it or not. I hated them for having what was mine for so long. But even if I hadn’t, I would’ve still done this, because this was the right course of action, the only solution we had to this never-ending circle of torment. They might have agreed with me had they known what I had in mind.
Well, most of them, maybe. Mathias wouldn’t have, since he’d rather die a thousand horrible deaths than trust Louis—and likely had.
Come to think of it, that might eventually be a problem.
“I won’t try to stop you,” my sister said. “I know you’ll do whatever you want in the end. Just promise me you’ll be careful. We’ve already lost enough. This is a dangerous game we’re playing and without Mother here, we only have one another.”
It would’ve been kinder to make her the promise she’d asked for. I’d never been all that kind. I’d never been a good brother at all. But Lucienne had made a promise too, and I doubted she’d keep it.
In the end, there was no point in lying, when both Diane and I knew I had every intention of doing whatever it took to help Lucienne.
“Maybe you’re right, Di, but if it comes down to it, I’ll always choose her.”
My sister laughed at me. “Of course you will. She’s your soulmate. I would expect nothing less.”
Without another word, she turned away from me and directed her attention toward our mother once again. I felt like an asshole for not supporting her enough. My mother’s injury weighed on me too, but three-quarters of the time, I was too busy worrying about Lucienne to truly be there for my sister.
There was nothing I could say that would make it better, no excuse I could provide that wouldn’t taste like a lie. I let myself out of my mother’s room, torn between grief, anger, and helplessness.
I took a deep breath and leaned against the wall. Lucienne. I needed to focus on Lucienne. I loved my mother and sister, but Lucienne needed me more. No matter what memories Lucienne had now, the fact remained that her aunts hadn’t been the ones to raise her or be there for her. My mother, Diane and I had been the closest thing she’d had to a family. Once Mathias, Darius, and the others were no longer a problem, once her magic stabilized and she no longer had to carry the burden of a mistake not her own, I could worry about everything else.
I knew exactly where I needed to start in my new plan to help her with that.
Louis’s office wasn’t a place I liked very much. I still remembered the first time I’d seen it, years back, at a time no one had even realized Lucienne was my soulmate. I’d stepped inside the room feeling wary, but determined to protect my mother and sister.
I hadn’t been able to step out on my own feet, since I’d been too busy writhing in agony to walk.
Under normal circumstances, I would’ve never gone there willingly. Today, I did that and so much more.
It was easy to let myself into the office and circumvent Louis’s wards. The enchantment keeping most of his possessions safe had been damaged when he’d received his injury, and the Dames Blanches hadn’t bothered to reinforce it. It hadn’t been a priority, since we’d all been too busy trying to heal our wounded. But now, the information Louis kept here could help me more than the magic of a Dame Blanche ever could. Louis didn’t like using a computer, so most of his notes would be on paper. If I could just get them, I might be able to stop the disaster we were all headed toward.
Shaking with anticipation, I started opening his drawers. I didn’t find much of interest. There were plenty of reports, many of them on Mathias and his forces. As frustrating as this was, I deemed it a good sign. If Louis had so many notes on the nephew he’d been fighting for centuries, he likely kept files on his daughter too. I simply needed to locate them.
When the desk drawers didn’t yield any real results, I started browsing his shelves. I’d just found a promising book on dark magic when Augustine stepped into the office and interrupted me. “What are you doing here, Mr. Garnier?” she asked without preamble.
I didn’t bother lying or hiding the purpose of my presence. Her question was more or less rhetorical anyway. “You know very well what I’m doing. Louis isn’t getting any better and we’re running out of time. If he doesn’t get up soon, we’ll need someone else to go through with the ritual.”
“And you think that someone should be you?” Augustine asked in disbelief. “Don’t be ridiculous, child. You’re part of the ritual. You can’t be its caster.”
“And yet, I’m the only one who’s showing interest in moving things forward. You can’t rely solely on him, not now.”
Augustine pressed her lips together in visible displeasure. “We always knew that was the case, but we’ve been looking for an alternative for ages. If we have to, we’ll make the whole coven contribute to the spell. But to tell you the truth, I have my doubts it will work without him as an anchor. There’s a reason why we need him and it’s not just because he’s powerful.”
She sighed and pressed her hand to my shoulder. Her magic flowed over me, warm, kind, and yet, relentless. “Trusting a nightmare is a bad idea, but if it helps, I do believe he is truthful in his intentions. For as long as I’ve known him, he’s wanted to break the curse he cast, and he does love Lucienne. I know you have your own reasons for disliking him, but we have no choice but to...”
I didn’t hear the tail end of her sentence. All of a sudden, my world went blurry around the edges, and a strange mix of bliss, anger, and disgust swamped my body.
It was so powerful it stole my breath and literally brought me to my knees.
I could no longer hold myself upright and collapsed to the floor in a powerless, pathetic heap.
Augustine was instantly by my side, her magic washing over me, attempting to create a veil between me and the overwhelming emotions. It didn’t work and I gritted my teeth, trying to force the alien feelings back through sheer willpower.
It wasn’t the first time this had happened, but it had never been so bad in the past. What the fuck? What are you doing, Darius?
Darius couldn’t hear me or reply. The connection between us was one-way, like it had always been. The others hovered at the back of my mind, their presences less distinct, but still as intrusive as his.
I began to have trouble breathing, the presence of the five men who shouldn’t have existed suffocating me. “Go away,” I hissed at them. “Leave me be.”
It was pointless, and the perverse avalanche of feelings and sensations only seemed to increase. Something clicked at the back of my mind and I cried out in shock as echoes of power swept through every inch of my tortured form.
“I’ll get Lucienne,” Augustine offered, her voice shaky with panic. “She might be able to—”
“Don’t you dare,” I cut her off. “Don’t.”
I blindly made a grab for her, keeping her there with me, preventing her from alerting my soulmate. When I squeezed her arm, the scent of scorched flesh filled my nostrils.
The Dame Blanche didn’t flinch. If she was in any pain, she didn’t show it. “Pierce, at this rate, we won’t have to worry about Lucienne. You’ll fall apart sooner than she does.”
“I can fight them off. I can.”
They had no right to her, no right to their power, to their lives. They were anomalies, artificial beings created by a curse. I wouldn’t let them win this battle. I absolutely refused. Lucienne was mine. I was the only one who could make her happy, who could protect her and make sure she never had to suffer again.
“Fuck off,” I told the specters of her supposed soulmates. “Fuck off and leave me be.”
