by Rona Halsall
Articulating her worst fear brought goose bumps to her skin, her body prickling with the horror of it.
‘I’ll come with you,’ Frank said, all stern and determined. ‘I’ll insist that I be your advocate.’
‘Advocate for what?’ Kate said, doing her stealth entrance once again.
Becca and Frank spun their heads towards the doorway.
‘Christ, I wish you’d stop doing that,’ Becca snapped. ‘Just sneaking into rooms and butting into private conversations.’
Kate raised an eyebrow. ‘Keep your hair on. Silly me for thinking I was part of the family and might be able to help.’
Becca squeezed her eyes shut for a moment, lips pressed together, knowing that she was in the wrong. ‘Sorry, I shouldn’t have bitten your head off like that. I’m just having… It’s just something to do with the safeguarding team.’ She had no intention of going into details and got up to tidy away their mugs. Kate followed her into the kitchen, shutting the door, so the two of them were alone.
‘I need a quick word,’ she whispered, coming to stand next to Becca.
‘Okay.’ Becca felt a twist of nerves, wondering if she was going to get a telling off for being so tetchy.
Kate leant back against the worktop, her arms crossed over her chest. ‘The thing is… Well, I wasn’t quite truthful about London.’ She pulled an apologetic face. ‘I did go and visit friends, but I also went for a job interview.’
Becca stopped unloading the tray. That was the last thing she’d expected to hear.
Kate beamed at her. ‘They just rang to say I got the job!’
‘But I thought you like being self-employed? Didn’t you say…’ Becca stopped, understanding from Kate’s sudden frown that she wanted a different reaction. She forced a bright smile. ‘Well, that’s… well done.’
‘Thank you,’ Kate said, a note of sarcasm in her voice. ‘Lovely that you’re so pleased for me.’
‘I am. Honestly, I am. It’s just there’s such a lot going on at the moment.’
‘It’s always about you, isn’t it?’ Kate said, eyes narrowed, arms tightening across her chest. ‘Anyway, they want me to start as soon as possible. I’m going at the weekend.’
‘So soon? What about accommodation? Won’t that take a while? And what about your clients – you can’t just drop them, can you?’
Kate glared at her, a scowl twisting her mouth. ‘You’re so bloody negative. I have the rest of the week to make arrangements. I think I can manage. Personally, I’m excited to have a new start and get out of this… this prison.’ She gave a curt nod of the head. ‘You’re on Dad duty now. Let’s see how you like it.’
She stormed out of the kitchen and thumped up the stairs, banging the office door behind her.
‘What’s got into her?’ Frank said, popping his head round the door, looking worried.
Becca was still staring at the empty space where her sister had been. ‘She’s got a job in London.’ She blinked, still processing Kate’s parting shot.
Frank’s eyebrows shot up his forehead.
‘She’s going at the weekend.’
‘Moving out?’ His voice was a squeak.
‘That’s right.’
Frank’s hands clasped his cheeks, his face saying he couldn’t quite believe it. ‘That’s… Flipping heck.’ He whistled between his teeth. ‘That’s sudden, isn’t it? But…’ He grinned. ‘Good for her. She’s been threatening to go for a while. Well, well, well.’ He grabbed the back of a chair as if to steady himself before he sat down, clearly as stunned by the news as Becca.
It was an opportunistic move by Kate, that was for sure, but even if the whole situation with Mia hadn’t blown up, Becca thought the outcome would probably have been the same. Kate had obviously reached the limit of her patience and needed her freedom. Hadn’t she admitted herself that she didn’t like the person she’d become while she’d been back at home? Worried about her ability to cope with Frank’s neediness?
Becca leant against the worktop. Once again, someone else seemed to be deciding her future, making her a pawn in a game that she didn’t understand.
31
Becca was making sandwiches for lunch, Frank having a lie down upstairs – he’d gone all wobbly and lightheaded after Kate’s surprise announcement. With a professional eye, she’d done a covert assessment and thought his blood pressure might be a little high. The last thing she wanted was for him to have another heart attack or a stroke, and he’d meekly gone to have a rest when she’d suggested it, admitting he did feel peculiar.
Her plan was to have a picnic in his bedroom, a reminder of all their happy days out when she was younger, while Kate worked in her office next door. She can sort out her own lunch. Having had time to think about it, she was annoyed at the way her sister had taken advantage of Becca’s misfortune to free herself of her responsibilities. Not that Becca minded keeping an eye on her dad. The truth was she needed somebody to nurture. Without her daughter, husband and patients to care for, she felt at a loss. But that wasn’t the point. Kate could have asked, couldn’t she?
The minute she’d got the tray ready with food and drinks to take upstairs, her phone rang, and she snatched it from her pocket. Connor?
But it wasn’t; it was Carol.
‘Phew! Glad I caught you,’ her boss said, sounding unusually flustered.
‘Carol, I’m so sorry, I meant to call and give you an update, but—’
‘It doesn’t matter.’ Her sigh sent a blast of static down the phone. ‘Look… I just have to… I want you to know this isn’t easy for me.’ She stopped and sighed again, setting off a whirlpool of unease in Becca’s belly. ‘Thing is, the child safeguarding team have been into the practice to speak to us about your… your case, as it were.’ She stopped and there was a moment’s silence before she carried on. ‘Oh, love, this is the most horrible thing I’ve had to do, but given the accusations against you, the practice team have had a meeting and… I’m so sorry, but we’ve no choice but to suspend you from duty pending investigations.’
Becca couldn’t quite believe what she’d been told. ‘What? I’m not sure I understand. Surely you don’t think I’d be hurting Mia?’
Carol gave another big sigh. ‘I did fight your corner. Honestly, I did. But they’re really nervous about safeguarding – you know what it’s like. All belt and braces to prove they’ve done the right thing.’ She was quiet for a moment. ‘To be honest, I am a little worried about you, and I don’t think having some time off while all this is sorted will be a bad thing. How can you concentrate on patients with all of that going on in the background? No, it would be too easy to get distracted, and you’d never forgive yourself if you messed up someone’s medication, would you?’
‘You don’t believe these accusations, do you?’
‘No, of course I don’t, but I’m afraid other people don’t know you so well, and with your history…’ She tailed off.
‘Thank you for letting me know,’ Becca said quietly before disconnecting. The situation she found herself in was horribly familiar – suspended pending an investigation. An unlikely coincidence, that’s what they’d be thinking, wondering if she had been guilty of wrongdoing all those years ago. It seemed you couldn’t get away from an accusation like that. It was there like a stain on her character that wouldn’t come out. Her chest tightened as she wondered if her career had just come to a sudden end.
She trudged up the stairs, deciding she wouldn’t tell Frank because he didn’t need the stress at the moment. At least she had a home here for as long as she needed. But what about the future? She couldn’t see one, couldn’t see her way out of the predicament she found herself in, and the prospect of not being able to live with her daughter filled her heart with terror.
Her hands gripped the tray a little tighter. I’ve got to find out who’s doing this. And as she reached the top of the stairs, she decided that her assumptions about Connor could be misplaced and perhaps he was the person she needed to
investigate a little more closely.
Frank was lying on his side and his eyes blinked open when he heard her come in. ‘I must have nodded off,’ he said, pushing himself into a sitting position on the edge of the bed.
She went and sat next to him, putting the tray between them. ‘I thought we could eat in here, then you can have a quiet afternoon.’
‘That’s a nice idea, love.’ He picked up a sandwich.
‘Ham and coleslaw,’ she said, giving him a nudge. ‘Just like we used to take on our walks.’
He chuckled and took a bite. ‘Your mum used to make them for us when we went on our adventures, didn’t she? Always ham and coleslaw. But so miserly with the coleslaw. And the ham. Remember we used to take them apart to see if there was actually anything in them.’
Becca laughed. It had been a running joke of theirs, guessing as they’d walked what might be in their sandwiches, coming up with the most ludicrous combinations they could think of.
He nodded appreciatively as he chewed. ‘You’ve got the proportions perfect. That’s a proper sandwich.’ He laughed again. ‘Don’t be offended, but I’ve not eaten ham and coleslaw since she died. Couldn’t face it.’
Becca stopped chewing, unsure now if she’d done the right thing. ‘Sorry, Dad. I thought it might make you laugh.’
He patted her arm. ‘It did. It has.’ He picked up another sandwich. ‘They’re lovely and I really appreciate the thought.’ They ate in silence for a few moments before he spoke again. ‘We had some good times when you were young, didn’t we? You and me off exploring. My, we covered some ground. We must have walked hundreds of miles if you add it all up. And we saw some things.’
Becca smiled. ‘Lots of lovely memories. My favourite was when we saw that vulture. Remember it escaped from a zoo or a private collection or something and it was hanging around Snowdon for a while? And we saw it! I was so chuffed.’ She could still see it in her mind’s eye, looping lazy circles as it rode the thermals, up and up, a huge wingspan and prehistoric appearance, like a pterodactyl. As a ten-year-old that had been something pretty special.
Frank grinned at her, eyes shining. ‘That was fantastic, wasn’t it? So many great memories. You and me, kid.’ He gave her arm a gentle punch. ‘It’s not over, though, is it? Lots of adventures ahead of us yet.’
‘That’s right. Plenty more adventures.’
She choked up all of a sudden, remembering how close they’d been when she was a child and how their relationship had fallen apart at the very point when Frank had needed her most – when her mum had died. All because of my stupid, thoughtless behaviour. It was hard to forgive herself, and even though they’d patched up their argument and got along fine these days, that special closeness had been lost. But maybe that was the silver lining to all her troubles. Maybe now she could make amends. Well, there’ll be plenty of time for that, won’t there? said a snarky voice in her head. He’s all you’ve got now.
She took a big bite of her sandwich and shoved the thoughts away, not wanting to listen. Instead she chatted about walks they could do, places they’d loved that they could visit again. It wasn’t the future she’d dreamt of but maybe it was the one she deserved.
I need to be home with my family.
The truth silenced her, and she stood, picking up the tray with their empty plates, craving some time on her own to work out how to get back to where she should be. Where she needed to be – with Mia and Dean. Her normal little family, with a normal busy life.
Psychiatric assessment tomorrow, she reminded herself, putting new urgency into her movements. ‘Just got a couple of things to sort out for work, Dad. Why don’t you have a rest and then maybe we’ll go out for a walk later. Get some evening air?’
He yawned. ‘I can’t understand why I’m so tired today.’
‘It’s been a stressful time, lots of emotion. If your body wants to rest, then I think you should let it.’ She picked up the tray. ‘I’ll come and wake you in a couple of hours, shall I?’
Downstairs, on her own, she pulled her phone out of her pocket and checked for messages. Still nothing from Dean. She wondered if the safeguarding team had told him not to make contact but rang him anyway. It went to voicemail, so she left a message apologising for barging in earlier. Told him she was having an assessment the following day. He probably knew, but it was as well to keep him up-to-date, so he’d think she was cooperating.
She flicked to Twitter. A new message from Surferdude made her heart skip before she opened it.
Are you ignoring me now? Let me come and take care of you, babe. You do still love me, don’t you? xxx
He was doing it again, being needy. She frowned, determined now to talk to him. If they had a proper conversation, then she’d know how she really felt about him, wouldn’t she? Typed conversations just didn’t work the same. If he wouldn’t ring her, then she’d find his number and ring him. He had a distinctive surname, Polish, from his father’s family who had arrived in Australia a generation before. Connor Hubert Cywinski. He had to be the only one with that combination of names.
It took almost an hour, but she eventually tracked him down via a LinkedIn profile. A profile that said he had a degree in environmental conservation and was living in Darwin. Darwin? That was right up in the north of Australia, over 2,000 miles from Sydney, where he’d said he was working. Perhaps it’s out of date? she thought. Her own LinkedIn profile hadn’t been updated for years. Maybe he worked for an environmental organisation in Sydney – a consultancy or something like that.
She saved his details and took a deep breath before she tapped out the number and heard it connect.
After a couple of rings, his voice answered. ‘Hey, this is Connor, I’m not here. Leave a message and I’ll get back to you.’ Short and to the point, but friendly and warm in tone, the voice that she remembered. It’s him! It really is him. She disconnected, too tongue-tied to speak.
It dawned on her then that it was still night-time in Australia. She’d have to wait a few hours. Her head buzzed with the idea she might be speaking to him soon. What will I say?
She took a couple of deep breaths and made herself calm down and focus on the problem. It was a mobile number she was ringing. Which meant he could be anywhere in the world. In fact, he could be here in North Wales, watching her. She shivered and glanced out of the window into the back garden, as if she might catch him hiding in the bushes, or sneaking out of the back gate, or staring at her through the glass.
She frowned and told herself to get a grip. What’s his logic, if he’s behind all this?
He kept telling her that he still loved her. That he wanted to be with her. Was this his way of driving a wedge between her and Dean, separating her from her family, so she’d run to him for comfort? It seemed an extreme way of doing things. The Connor I know wouldn’t do that, she thought. But then, how well did anyone really know another person? Bitterness could have twisted him out of shape. It happened.
Her mind took her back as she tried to remember him as accurately as she could, not filtering things through the rosy haze of what might have been. They’d spent the best part of six months together – he’d invited her on a surfing trip down to the south coast of Victoria and she’d accepted and never gone back to her job. They’d picked up casual work when they needed money, surfed for a while and then travelled from Victoria right up to Cape Tribulation in the north. It had been the best time of her life. But now her mind had short-circuited. The very idea of talking to him was as daunting as doing a bungee jump off a very high bridge.
Why did he contact me after all this time? That was the puzzle. So that would have to be her first question. Why now? A second question appeared: What does he actually want? Was he genuine, or was this just a cover while he exacted revenge for leaving him, so she would know what it felt like to have the future she anticipated ripped from under her, like an undercurrent on a beach in paradise?
32
Frank came down while she was making te
a – just for something to do as she was practically awash with all the liquid she’d already drunk. He persuaded her to go out for a walk instead and they drove to Aber Falls, a local beauty spot with a spectacular waterfall thundering from the mountains over a rocky crag. The path was quiet at this time of day and in the afternoon sun, it was a glorious place to be. It felt good to stretch her legs, get some fresh air and clear her head.
They walked in companionable silence for a while until her newest problem forced its way back into her head. ‘I didn’t tell you… I’ve been suspended from work.’
Frank stopped, eyebrows shooting up his forehead. ‘They sacked you?’
Her mouth twisted from side to side while anger, sadness and regret all mixed together, forming a blockage in her throat. She swallowed. ‘I think that’ll happen, to be honest. You can’t have someone who is potentially mentally ill and poisoning her daughter dealing with patients, can you?’ Trying to make a joke of it didn’t help, the feeling of loss weighing heavy in her heart. She looked away, kicked a stone off the path. ‘For the moment it’s a suspension pending the results of the investigation.’
‘Is that how they see it? You’re a danger to patients?’ Frank sounded incredulous.
She nodded. ‘I think so. Carol didn’t say it in so many words but, you know…’ She scuffed at the path with the toe of her trainers. ‘I think it’s inevitable they’ll let me go, whatever the outcome.’ She caught her dad’s eye. ‘They won’t trust me, will they? Especially since it’s the second time I’ve had this sort of accusation levelled against me.’
He rubbed her shoulder, and she rested her cheek on top of his hand, drawn to the comfort of his touch. ‘I’m so sorry to hear that, love.’
