Saba was at my side, pulling me away from the crowd that watched with eyes flicking accusingly towards me.
“We need to get you inside. Your presence isn’t helping the situation. It will distract Roarke and only make Quillan worse.”
“No, I need to make sure they—”
“I understand, but you being here will mean more chance of one of them being hurt,” Saba interrupted while my mother appeared on my other side and began tugging me back towards the house. “He won’t kill him, trust me. Trust your mate.”
The pack and visiting Alphas quickly dispersed after an order from my father, and they obeyed, conceding to his role as peacekeeper. Only a few warriors stayed behind with those keeping Quillan in check. Except Alpha Robert, who stood watching with what could only be described as a satisfied smirk.
I watched Quillan try to find a way around Zale and Roarke, his midnight eyes still trained on me. The ferocity with which he fought against the wall of teeth to get to me was terrifying, and Oria whimpered and clung to the sleeve of my dress. For a moment, it looked like he was going to get past them until suddenly Weylin shifted and added his own body into the fray.
“Okay,” I said quietly, allowing them to pull me inside.
Once safely in the kitchen and sat down with a drink in hand, I allowed myself to relax. My hands shook, the liquid in the glass trembling.
“What’s wrong with Quillan’s wolf, Saba?” I asked, looking up.
She looked uncomfortable and shook her head. “It is not my place to say, Alpha Female.”
“And if I order you to tell me?” I snapped, a little harshly. “He was going to mark me, his skin side was completely lost, I’ve never seen anything like it. I think I deserve to know the truth.”
My power flickered out, and Saba quickly ducked her head while my mother gave me a slightly scathing look.
“I still could not tell you. Roarke’s orders still outrank yours, and even if he had not ordered us to keep quiet on the matter, I still would not tell you. The truth is Quillan’s to tell, and he is my friend. I would not betray his trust, not even to my Alpha.”
Despite the irritation that filled me, I couldn’t help but admire her.
Chapter Fourteen
Truths
I clenched my jaw to stop the yawn that would betray how tired I was. My reflection stared back at me in the bathroom. Under the bright lights, the dark bags under my eyes and paleness of my skin seemed more drastic than it probably was. I closed my eyes and sighed.
At least the sounds of growling and snarling had stopped a while ago, but still there was no sign of Roarke or Quillan. I couldn’t find it in me to go to sleep when I didn’t know the outcome of the skirmish that I felt I had caused, especially with the chance that someone could be hurt.
I had left the kitchen after my mother, Saba, and Oria had gone to bed. I couldn’t stand the sounds that echoed through the room, each whimper making me flinch.
Taking my torn dress off had brought tears to my eyes, and I left it hanging over a chair, wondering how what was meant to be the biggest day of a she-wolf’s life had gone so wrong for me.
Sighing again, I pulled on a baggy shirt and some leggings before making my way back downstairs. My limbs felt heavy, every step taking more effort than I could be bothered with.
The living room became my den to wallow in as I waited, a woollen blanket thrown over my legs to keep the chill away, a chill that wouldn’t leave no matter how high I built up the fire.
The flames entranced me, though, as I watched them flicker and dance. It was almost enough to distract me from my worry, almost.
I felt for Roarke through the bond, and it sent back a flood of unexpected warmth. He was okay; at least I knew that much. Finally the chill from the room lessened, and I managed to relax into the couch.
My eyes drooped shut and my head dropped before I jerked back up again, but the heat of the room and the comfortable couch I was laying on wasn’t helping my challenge to fight the call of sleep. My fingers linked and wound around the small tassels at the edge of the blanket, my body fidgeting to try and keep myself awake.
Glancing at the clock on the wall, my eyes nearly bulged at the time it told. Half two in the morning—how had so many hours slipped by without me realising?
The fire had slowly dimmed, leaving simmering coals, the crackles a lullaby to my ears. It still gave off enough heat to keep the room cosy and once more began to make me nod off.
Just as I began to drift, the loud creak of the front door had me jumping to attention.
“You should be in bed, my female.”
I twisted to see Roarke standing naked and covered in bleeding scratches by the door. He looked tired, dark bags circling dull eyes, his hair mussed up and curling around his jaw. At least he seemed to be in one piece, I mused to myself. His injuries concerned me, though. If this was how bad he looked, how bad did Quillan look, or Zale? At least Zale had a mate to take care of him; Quillan was alone, and that made my guilt even worse.
“I was waiting for you,” I replied quietly, standing up and making the blanket fall from my lap. “I was worried.”
He gave me a smile, taking confident steps to stand in front of me, and he took my hands to stop them from twisting nervously in front of me.
“I’m all right. Nobody is hurt, I promise. You had no need to worry. I can handle Quillan,” he comforted, sitting and pulling me next to him.
I sighed as I eyed the cuts and bruises on his body. It certainly didn’t seem like nobody was hurt…
Looking up at him, I knew I needed my answers now. “Why does Quillan need to be handled? You shouldn’t have a wolf that dangerous in your pack. What happens if he loses control and hurts someone?” I cried, feeling protective over the wolves I was now in charge of.
His face hardened and he dropped my hands, breaking our connection. It hurt, my chest constricted, but I stayed firm.
“Are you questioning my judgment?” he asked, his voice harsh.
“On this? Yes, I am. He could have hurt someone. He could have hurt me—he almost did! He lost all control to his feral side. He shouldn’t be allowed to live in a pack,” I told him, lifting my chin. “He should be out in the wild if allowed to live, like all wolves that dangerous.”
“He isn’t normally so volatile. Things have changed. His wolf will settle down again soon, once he gets used to…things,” he explained, meeting my gaze with glowing eyes that warned me not to push further.
Yet how could I not argue when I had seen first-hand how deadly Quillan was? His wolf was strong, maybe not as strong as Roarke, but certainly strong enough to keep Zale struggling, strong enough to need four wolves to keep him at bay. His feral side seemed far more in control when around me. Perhaps this was indeed all my fault. That was a realisation I could have done without. I was finding it difficult enough to find my place here.
“Once he gets used to me, you mean,” I snapped, standing once more to begin pacing in front of the fire. “Tell me the truth, what is wrong with his wolf? Why does he get so uneasy around me?”
Roarke watched me silently for so long, I was beginning to think he wouldn’t answer until he sighed and dropped his gaze to the smouldering fire. I paused to watch him, waiting with bated breath for answers.
“Quillan was born outside the pack. His father and mother were wanderers. Quillan never knew what it was to be around other wolves, to live in harmony amongst pack. He was brought up taught to rely on instinct and his wolf alone. His father wasn’t a good man, Cathwulf.
“At around fourteen, his parents were killed in an accident that even I do not know the details of. Quillan would not say. He lived alone in the forest as a wolf for over a year before he accidentally stumbled upon my father’s territory. He was feral, his English was broken at best, and at first, my father did not think he would ever be able to assimilate into pack life, but my mother refused to give up on him,” Roarke explained wearily.
My body lost th
e tension it held as he spoke, and I sat cross-legged on the floor, listening intently. It wasn’t totally uncommon for some wolves to leave packs and live solitary lives, gaining the name of wanderer, but it wasn’t safe. So much time spent alone and without an Alpha’s guidance and control left many lost to their wolf. If anything, I felt sorry for Quillan having never known pack life as a child.
“He has better control now, but the wild still calls him. Sometimes he finds it hard to separate what his wolf tells him to do and want from what he should do and want. Sometimes, he loses himself, but he is my brother in all but blood, and I will always pull him back to the pack,” he stated fiercely, his eyes meeting mine with terrifying determination.
I nodded slowly, giving myself time to soak in all the information. Roarke’s loyalty to Quillan was admirable and I wouldn’t question it, nor would I make demands for Quillan to leave. If Roarke deemed Quillan safe to live amongst the pack, then I would believe him, despite what I had seen today.
“How do I fit in?” I inquired, my head tilting to the side.
Roarke’s jaw clenched, and he looked out the window. I couldn’t figure this last piece of the puzzle out, the piece that Roarke and Quillan had obviously argued over before. A small part of me whispered that if I thought hard enough, I would know.
“The moment Quillan caught your scent during your arrival, his wolf demanded he take you as his mate.”
I froze, unable to comprehend what he had said. Swallowing, I stared at my lap, everything finally falling into place. I replayed my every encounter with Quillan, and now I understood why he had acted the way he did. I understood now why my wolf reacted the way she did too, because she could sense that he was interested and she was studying him.
The idea that I could have ended up as Quillan’s mate made me uncomfortable, and I wasn’t sure in which way.
“But now I am yours,” I said quietly, and Roarke nodded.
“Now you are mine. Quillan’s wolf challenged me for you, and I have now made sure he knows that you belong to me, you are my mate, and he must look elsewhere. He is alive and mostly uninjured, in case you were worried about him.”
I rolled my eyes at his tone. “You think I want him?”
“Yes. I have seen how you react around him. I’m not blind. I know his wolf calls to you, but you are mine,” he growled, tugging me up and pulling me flush against him so tight that I could feel the thud of his heart beat against my body.
I shuddered, finding myself leaning in, inhaling his scent, and finding comfort. The heat of his body seeped into me and my eyes fluttered shut, relaxing against him. The bond coiled around us, wrapping us in its embrace.
“Nobody can argue with that,” I joked. “Especially now.”
He laughed, the rumble vibrating through me and leaving my body heating up in an entirely different way.
“They would be foolish to try,” he agreed, his fingers stroking circles low on my back and leaving tingles in their wake.
I nodded my agreement, knowing full well that Roarke would tear apart anyone who tried to take me from him.
The laughter left his eyes as he tilted my chin up to look at him. “Do you wish it had been Quillan who claimed you?”
That question caused havoc in me.
My thoughts whirred with the what-ifs. Why did he have to ask such a thing now of all times?
“That’s not a fair question. I wish I hadn’t been claimed at all; you know this. Asking me if I would have preferred Quillan over you is simply asking me which chains I would like to be tied down with more. Whatever I pick, it’d still be chains,” I replied honestly, even as Roarke’s face contorted into one of pain. I kept speaking, making sure he knew my truth.
“That’s how you see me, is it? I’m a chain that binds you to a life you don’t want.” His grip on me loosened, his heat leaving my body.
My wolf growled in my head, demanding I fix the pain I had caused my mate, but I wouldn’t. I refused to lie to make him feel better about the freedom he had stolen from me. My silence, however, was all the answer he needed.
“I see,” he muttered, stepping away, jaw clenching as he tried to look anywhere but at me.
“Don’t act like this is new knowledge to you. You knew all of this. You know how I feel,” I argued, annoyance bubbling up at his cold reaction.
“I thought we had moved past this!” he protested. “You agreed to try, you agreed to become my Alpha Female, you took the oaths and joined my pack!”
“Because you gave me no choice!” I yelled, putting even more space between us before I did something I’d regret.
Both of us were breathing heavily, our chests heaving and eyes glowing as our wolves pushed forward at the rush of strong emotion. I could feel his anger through the bond just as he could feel mine. We fed off each other’s rage until we were lost in the hurricane we had created. My body ached with the need to morph, to let teeth and claws fight instead of words, but I was no match for Roarke. The thought of the punishment that would be given if I gave in to my wolf was the only thing holding me back from lashing out at him.
Angry tears fell, leaving hot trails down my cheeks. “I never wanted this, I never wanted you! I don’t want you now. You took my dreams from me. How could I ever want to be with you? At least if I was with Quillan, he might be able to take me away from all of this!”
My words cut like knives, and they were words I knew held little truth. Roarke did want me as a mate, but he only marked me to save me, to save the bond with my wolf, something I had never thanked him for. He could have accepted my rejection, but he couldn’t accept the hurt I had caused myself. I knew that was his only motivation the moment he had marked me; I knew there was no malice or hidden intention. Yet I couldn’t say these things when all I wanted to do right now was cause pain.
Roarke flinched, his gaze becoming ice cold before blazing with fire. I couldn’t tell what he was thinking as he stood there letting me throw my words at him until he wouldn’t take any more.
“I hear you, Female. I could have left you writhing in agony on the forest floor with a broken wolf, but I didn’t, and there is no gratitude from you. Perhaps I’d have been better off choosing Brenna,” he growled back.
I never expected his words to hurt me as much as they did. It was a taste of my own medicine that left nothing but bitterness in my mouth. My knees buckled beneath me and I fell, the quiet tears turning into a choked sob.
“Go to Brenna then!” I screamed, sobbing again once he turned without a word and left.
My stomach twisted painfully as I cried, the bond tugging and stealing the breath from me. I wouldn’t call on him; I wouldn’t tell him I needed him to come back or that the feeling of his arms around me would calm me down.
He had done as I asked. He had left to go find Brenna, and I had gotten what I wanted.
I managed to stumble back to my feet and bolted for the door, morphing until I was running on four paws with the wind in my fur. It took everything in me not to lose control to my wolf that demanded I find my mate. The further into the woods and from Roarke I got, the harder it was for me to keep my pace.
I didn’t care what he thought if he realised I had gone. I’d leave him to assumptions, whatever they may be.
Stopping, I lifted my head to the crescent moon and let the rolling emotions out in one loud, grief-filled howl of wolf song that echoed through the air. There was no reply to my call, not that I expected one. So there I sat, the sound of my mourning filling the air until I had completely exhausted myself and lay on the ground.
Small whimpers spilled out from me, my eyes closing as the fight replayed over and over again in a painful loop. Each time it did, I wished harder that I had never lashed out at him, that I had simply allowed him to hold me and told him that no, I did not wish I had chosen Quillan instead of him.
Instead, I had allowed him to believe a lie.
I got lost in my own head. Each time the loop replayed, I would change my words and im
agine the outcome, which only increased the agony in my chest.
Branches snapped to my left and my ears flicked, trying to figure out what had made the noise. I growled, puffing myself up to try and put off whatever it was from getting any closer.
The golden fur of Zale’s wolf appeared, and I relaxed. He kept his head low as he crawled towards me submissively, whining softly. My head bumped against his in a friendly greeting, and he lifted himself up, trying to push my body in the direction of home. I snarled, snapping teeth in his direction. He merely gave me a pleading look, and with a heavy sigh, I allowed him to lead me home.
I wondered how long Zale had been trailing me because I was sure that’s what he had been doing. Part of me hoped that Roarke had sent him to keep an eye on me because at least that meant he cared while the other part of me raged at the idea he had sent his Beta to stalk me when all I wanted was to be alone.
Roarke was standing at the door, relief taking over his features as he spotted us leaving the treeline. Zale gave me a chuff then trotted into the house, leaving me to face my mate and Alpha alone. The two males exchanged a nod, confirming that Roarke had sent Zale.
I morphed, shivering as chill wind hit my skin.
“I thought you’d left,” he confessed, wrapping a blanket around my shoulders.
I clung to the warm fabric, pulling it tighter to me. “I wasn’t sure where I was going.”
“Bed. We’re going to bed.”
Nodding, feeling exhausted, I let Roarke take me to bed. It wasn’t until I was settled beneath the blankets in bed that I asked, “You didn’t go to Brenna?”
Roarke chuckled beside me. “Of course not. You’re my female, not Brenna. One day, you’ll understand.”
“You hope,” I rebuffed, smiling as he laughed again.
“I hope.”
Chapter Fifteen
Laoch & Enemies
Destiny: A Fantasy Collection Page 118
