Wait, I took the glass because Mom… no, Nancy, wanted water. Then I heard what Courtney said. Then the glass shattered in my hand.
“Mia!”
Nicky’s voice, coupled with her timid touch jerks me out of my reverie. Without another look at the room, I turn around, praying that the wind carries me away as quickly as possible. I need to get the hell out of here.
I’m deaf to the voices that call after me or the sounds of the waves washing ashore and crashing on the rocks at the cliffs ahead.
I don’t see where I’m going. I’m blind to the salty air and the beautiful sunset. I’m completely blind to the painful pounding of my heart or the fact that I kicked my shoes off the moment I hit the sand.
I’m blind to the fact that I run up the beach, but I can’t breathe.
I’m blind to the fact that I still have the broken glass clutched so tight in my hand.
I just run and run and then my feet are wet, but I keep going. The water is so dark, everything in me is so dark. My mind is loud and void at the same time. I’m feeling faint, tired, and like I’m being held down. I’m getting wet.
Water is up to my neck, but I keep running. I keep going.
I feel empty. I have the glass in my hand, but the pain is fading and I’m completely submerged in the ocean.
If it ends right here, I wouldn’t mind.
Someone grabs me, pulling me up and I gasp.
“Let me go!”
He doesn’t say anything, so I pound his chest even more. An ironclad grip is around my waist as long, deft fingers reach for my right hand and pry the broken glass from my bleeding hand.
“No!” I fight, trying to scream, but I can’t see. My eyes are blurred. “Let me go!”
“You can fight me, Little Minx,” a deep voice speaks in my ear. “But you’re not throwing in the fucking towel.”
His voice makes everything even more painful. With a gasp of pain, my chest blooms with ugly sensation. I can feel the pain in my palm. I can feel my heart racing. I can feel everything.
“No,” I moan, my throat all tingly and funny and in my horror, I realize that I’m now crying…and I’m climbing his body like a tree. My legs wrap around his waist, locking at the small of his back. I look out at the wide body of water and I’m suddenly attacked by so much fear, I cling to him with my life, bleeding palm and all. “Don’t.”
Don’t what? I don’t even know.
He holds me even tighter, but I know we’re moving.
“Don’t,” I cry, and he stops. I can feel his intense gaze on me.
“What do you need, Little Minx?” his voice is so low, right at my ear, then with his other hand, he pushes away the wet hair from my face, then wipes the water out of my face. Now I can see his handsome face so clearly. Another sharp stab of against pricks my chest and I gasp in pain. “Tell me, baby.”
“I…” I stutter. For some reason, I was expecting a judgey look on his face, but it’s not there. There isn’t a trace of judgement or malice in his eyes.
He’s looking at me like he’s always looked at me, I realize.
He’s looking at me like he wants to devour me. Like he doesn’t know what to do with me. But right now, there’s something new. He’s looking at me like he sees the torment that’s wringing through my torn soul. He’s looking at me like he can see the loud chaos flinging through me without mercy.
He’s looking at me like he actually sees me.
“Come on, my sexy Little Minx, you’ve got more balls than that cowardly silence,” he growls. “What do you want?”
I can still hear his mother’s words ringing through my ears.
I can still see the shattered look on Nicky’s face. I can still see the horror in Nancy’s eyes, the woman who I called Mom all my life.
Everything in me wants to scream but a bigger part of me wants to fold into myself and just disappear.
“Julian,” I groan. My throat is tingly, there’s a bitter taste in my mouth and my mind is racing. Everything’s so loud.
“Just say it, Mia,” he groans along with me.
“Make me forget,” I gasp out, feeling he’s the only one I can hold on to right now or else I will give in to the roaring pain in me. “Make me forget.”
He watches me for a long second, or maybe it’s a minute, an hour, an entire day, but the sky darkens even more as we stare at each other. Fat, hot tears are running down my cheeks, and it feels like my insides are being shrunk and knotted up, I can barely breathe.
“You have to say it,” he growls, anger now lighting his eyes.
“Julian,” I moan. He presses closer to him and I press my uninjured hand over his racing heart. It makes me feel so damn drunk and so damn sober, the reality of my shredding life so brazen in my head, it’s all I can think about. “Please.”
“You have to fucking say it if you’re desperate for me, Little Minx. That devious mouth of yours has to acknowledge it first before we set each other on fire.”
“Julian,” I whisper, mayhem rioting in my insides. And I need him to do something about it, RIGHT NOW!
“Say it.”
“Julian, kiss me.”
That’s all the confirmation he needed right before he fuses his lips to mine and kisses me until my body feels like it’s burning in hell. Then his tongue coaxes my lips, and the next thing I know, his taste frissons my nerves so much so that I feel like I’m in Heaven for a moment.
Needless to say, his kiss does everything I thought it would. It makes the world fall away and that’s exactly what I need.
Like I have the hounds of hell chasing at my heels, I kiss him even harder. Pressing closer to him, I rub against him like a cat in heat. Our kiss is hotter, out of control, and so not dreamy.
Our teeth clash. We’re in water but he’s right, I feel like I’ve just been set on fire.
“Please,” I groan on his lips and then we’re moving.
“Little Minx,” he groans, then rains hot, wet kisses down my neck.
Suddenly I’m so reckless. I need more. I need this to swallow everything else up. I can feel his hard erection, so I maneuver myself and press my core right over his girth and we both groan, but then, he freezes.
Moaning in protest, Julian stops kissing me, then stares at me.
“What?”
“You’re not ready.”
He says it like he’s a fucking machine, like he’s cold and indifferent, not at all affected by what’s going on between us.
“What?” I gasp.
“Your kisses can drug me,” he growls, now angry I can feel it in my bones. “They can poison me to fall into your fucking trap but I’m not your fucking sex doll that you can use to forget your demons. If you want me to dick you down you better be in the headspace for it, Little Minx.”
He could have slapped me across the face and I wouldn’t feel the hurt I’m feeling now because all I hear from him right now, is he doesn’t want me.
“You threw her in the trash…”
I wasn’t wanted.
Now Julian doesn’t want me.
Everything in me hardens in that moment. All I want to do is hurt him and get away from him. So, feeling as bitter as my angry short-tempered monster inside, raving to be unleashed, I drop down from his body then push him away with all the strength I still have but he doesn’t move, watching me with an impassive look in his eyes.
“You think I need you?” I grit out. “I don’t need you or anyone else! I fucking don’t.”
There’s something about bitterness coupled with lies that twists you up so much that even angry words feel like they’re hurting you way more than the person they’re directed to.
I don’t wait to see the look on his face or the way he watches me like he almost feels sorry for me. Instead, shivering like a dog, I run.
But for the first time in my life, I have no idea where I’m running to.
28
Life sucks.
Actually, everything sucks.
But
I suck worse.
After acting like a slut in front of the guy who broke my heart, I spent hours walking up and down the beach like I was lost. And to be honest, I was.
I have no idea what time it was when I finally marched into the Fitzgerald mansion, dried tears on my cheeks, only to come face-to-face with both Nancy and Nicky. They were waiting for me, with red rimmed eyes and devastation written all over their faces, and that made me so mad and weirdly empty all at the same time.
“There’s no need to look at me like that,” I start as soon as they spot me. I can’t take the looks on their faces because for the first time in my life, I can’t tell what’s real or not.
“Mia,” Nicky starts, a fresh set of fake tears running down her make-up ruined face. She looks like she just got rained on or maybe the truth got drenched out of her. “Are you…are you alright?”
“You mean like I was when you threw me in the trash?” I scoff. “Yeah, I’m just peachy.”
“Mia, sweetheart,” she gasps. I see the pain in her eyes. It registers in me. But I refuse to take it or understand it. “I—”
“No, Nicky,” I start as Liam, Julian, and their dad trot into the room to see what’s going on. Guess everyone’s still up and drama hungry. “There’s no need for you to keep acting like you care. You never did right from the start.”
Her face twists in pain, and she steps forward. “Mia, that’s not true. I’ve loved you since—”
“Last time I checked, mothers who actually ‘love’ their kids don’t throw them away.”
Hell, the Fitz brother’s mother loves them enough that she came here to savagely destroy everything I’ve ever known about my life—all in the name of love, poison, though it may be.
“My love, I—” she starts but I cut her off. I can’t bear to hear anymore lies.
“I’m not your love,” I grit out. “I’m the unwanted bastard kid you disposed of.”
My throat starts tingling again, annoying the hell out of me because I spent hours trying to get that under control. I’m tired, and this still feels like a nightmare, like at any moment I’m going to wake up and none of this would be real, but it is. The threat of breaking down that I feel so acutely is real.
The swelling under my red-rimmed eyes? Real.
The look on both Nicky and Nancy’s faces? Painfully real.
“Sweet baby,” Nancy starts, her voice shaking. I know she’s supposed to be asleep. I know she’s exhausted. I know she’s in physical pain. I know all that, but I can’t look at her. I can’t listen to her voice without wincing.
“And you never told me.” I look in her direction, but I can’t look into her eyes. “All my life you said honesty, even if it hurts, is the best course of action, but you were just as much a liar as your sister.”
“Mia, I didn’t mean to hurt you,” she starts, her voice so damn low I can’t help but look at her then, only to stop breathing when I see the tears running down her cheeks. In all my life, I don’t think I’ve ever seen her cry for anything other than for her beloved ballet, and when she heard she couldn’t dance anymore. It all revolved around ballet.
“No, you don’t get to do that,” I whisper, so damn sad now. “You don’t get to cry like the truth hurts you way more than your lie did to me.”
“Mia, as far as I’m concerned, I am still your mother,” she says, her voice low and shaky. “I’ve loved you from the moment I saw you.”
“For the first time in my miserable life, I don’t think I’ll ever believe a word you utter,” I whisper.
“I never meant to hurt you—”
“Well you did!” I shout and she flinches. I’m so raw, so torn up about this. I’m scrambling to pull myself together, but I can’t. “You hurt me deep.”
The room falls silent. I ignore Julian’s gaze but from the corner of my eye, I can see him leaning against the doorframe, arms folded, his bruised lips pressed into a thin line.
It makes my blood simmer even more.
“You know, I used to have sleepless nights ever since I was a little girl. There’s always been this inexplicable restlessness in me. This empty yearning that I couldn’t explain…” I stop, thinking of all the times I just felt like I didn’t belong.
“All those people who used to say I looked more like you, than her.” I point at Nicky first then Nancy, unable to say their names anymore. “I thought they were crazy. But it turns out, I’m the fakest, best dressed fool there is, for not seeing the truth that you let that woman reveal.”
“It wasn’t supposed to happen like that,” Nancy starts.
“So, were you ever going to tell me?” I demand. “Does Da…,” Oh God, he isn’t my dad. I feel sick to my stomach. “Does your ex-husband who abandoned you know that I’m not his?”
I can see the tension between them, and I chuckle. Glancing down at my raw, cut hand, I shake my head. “I guess not.”
So, I turn on my heel and run to my room, locking the door behind me.
At some point, Nicky knocks at my door. I can hear her saying something unintelligible through her tears, but I ignore her.
Then Julian comes in with his own key, an impassive look on his face. I want to scream at him, but I notice the first-aid kit in his hand. Silently sitting up, I allow him to take my cut hand in his, we both ignore the frisson of electricity that seems to come from the contact, each of us too stubborn and hateful to actually speak.
He treats my hand, wraps it in a bandage, all the while our history so fresh in the space between us, I can see it in his eyes when he looks at me.
At one point, we stare at each other for a long minute.
All I can focus on, is him.
All I can see, is him.
All my fucked up mind registers is him, much to my annoyance. His eyes narrow on me, as if he knows what’s going on in my head, then he runs his calloused thumb over my bottom lip, making me gasp with wanton need. Then the next thing, the air was too thick for either one of us to breathe.
I still want him. Even after what happened out there, I still want him.
But he doesn’t want me.
“Get out.” I whisper-cry.
Angry eyes meet mine, but I look away. I knew he wanted to say something cruel, but he just locked his jaw and left me to stew in my self-hatred, pain, sorrow and my lust for him.
I stay in my bed and hate the rest of the world like it’s the reason why I’m not wanted. When you find out you’ve been a charity case right from the start, it does more than just sting your high-quality pride like the one I have. It demolishes it.
I don’t know what time it is when I creep up the private stairs, something unknown, dark and sinister beating at my chest as I go.
I know I should go back to my room. I know this is a bad idea, but when I try his door, it opens just as easily as it did the first time I snuck up here when I moved in.
He’s sitting on his bed, completely naked. I guess he sleeps in his birthday suit. When I step through the threshold, he doesn’t react. He’s not shocked to see me standing there in nothing more than my skimpy sleep shorts and shirt, my arms hugging my shivering body, tears running down my face.
Instead, he gets up in all his naked glory, walks over to me while holding my devasted gaze with his intense, solid one. For a moment I think he’s going to throw me out, but when he reaches me, he closes the door behind me, then like a frightened child or a bride, he lifts me up in his arms and takes me to his bed.
I can’t look away from him. I can’t allow myself to feel anything else other than his silent strength and comfort.
Pulling back his covers, I look up at him and decide to respect his bed. So, I sit up straight and strip down to my own birthday suit. I’m wet and my pussy is throbbing. I can see the answering arousal in his eyes and his dick is hard against my thigh.
“Baby…” he gruffly mutters, and I shake my head. I want that, but not tonight.
“Just hold me, Julian.”
So, he does.
&n
bsp; We’re connected skin to skin. There isn’t a part of my body that he doesn’t caress and pat, like a lion in its prime, grooming me with sensual caresses that awaken arousal and need in me.
Then, we’re kissing.
He hovers over me while I’m flat on my back, feeding me his taste that mixes with the saltiness of my tears. I feel so lost and empty sure, but when he stares down at me like I’m a sight to behold or like he can’t believe I’m in his bed, I feel so hot, my blood simmers.
He kisses me until I’m so wound up, I grind and hump against his thigh a few times and then fall apart in his arms, coming with a strangled scream that he lets me have without covering it with a kiss.
When I spread my legs wider, settling my core to his hardness, a silent desperate plea for him to take me, to fuck me, to give me him, he presses a kiss to my forehead and whispers in my ear, “You’re not ready for me.”
Then he leaves.
The next thing I know, the shower’s running in his bathroom. I can just imagine what he’s doing in there, trails of water running down his body. I get up and tip-toe to the bathroom, then get in. I see him in the shower stall, his hand wrapped around his cock.
I salivate, watching his powerful body jerk, his head back, letting the water run with his eyes closed. I’m so frustrated, I can’t move. I climb on the counter, watching him, sitting on my hands because if I give in, I’ll join him and touch his contoured, perfectly cut built body.
Then, his eyes snap open and settle directly me and I realize, he knew I was there, watching him but he doesn’t stop. He strokes himself faster, daring me to look away as my cheeks burn.
I don’t.
I watch as he gasps and moans, his body shuddering with a powerful orgasm. His seed spills out onto his hand and down, washing away with the running water. All the while, he holds my gaze.
Scandalized, I watch as he showers quickly, his large, beautiful hands touching what I want to touch but I stay put. When he steps out, he heads for me, wet body and all.
I gran the towel beside me then pass it to him, but he has other ideas. He steps between my legs and lowers his head. I expect a kiss but instead, he starts shaking his head on my bosom, making water shower all over me.
Devious Kisses: A Bully Enemies -To-Lovers Romance (It's Just High School Book 1) Page 34
