“She’s a nice girl, smart, beautiful, goofy, and someone Yesenia can even look up to. She’s incredibly sweet and supportive, and I like that I can be those things for her as well. She’s never looked at me like I’m a monster, even when I wasn’t deserving of that. But as much as I like her and am intrigued, I told her we can’t be friends until she cleans up a lot of situations in her life, and she understands that. I like her, I’m interested in being with her, and I want it to be right this time,” I confessed. “She makes me want to be normal and just happy. I wanna go on rescue missions with her just to see her take charge and be brave.”
I wanted to get to know Regan, but only if the path was clear for takeoff. This was my second chance, and I really was trying.
For a while my father was quiet, his gaze on the wall where our family portraits hung. His attention seemed locked on an old photo, one of a six-year-old me and a three-year-old Yesenia sitting on his lap as our mother leaned in from behind us. It was probably one of the last times I was innocent in my father’s eyes.
“Her ex-boyfriend is going to be a problem,” I added. “He’s an ass, but I won’t give in and fight him if he tries anything. It’s not worth it and it’ll be a lose-lose situation. I won’t pursue anything with Regan until he’s out of the picture.”
“So you’ve learned your lesson,” my father observed. “I’m not happy this one also has a shady situation going on, but I’m happy you’re smart enough this time to excuse yourself from the equation until she figures it out. Regan seems like a nice girl, Yesenia talks about her all the time.”
I loved that my little sister admired Regan. “She is a nice girl, and you should meet her, in time, to know that this isn’t a repeat of before.”
My father seemed to take that in. “In time, that would be nice. In the meantime, I hope you’re still focusing on more than just girls, Memo.”
I thought of Raviv and Avery, and even Jenaya, and how they were important to me, how rebuilding with my friends was a big part of my appreciation in this fresh start. Some of us were strong, and some of us were just gettin’ there, but it didn’t matter. We’d be there for one another, lifting each other along the way if one of us fell down.
“I think this move was more than just a fresh start. I think it’s been the best start,” I said. “I’m gettin’ a sense of who I am and what I want to do with my life, and I don’t think I had a clue before. Thanks for savin’ me by moving here.”
The look of affection mixed with gratitude that took over my father’s face let me know I was on the right path.
“Thank you for making the most of this,” he told me. He stood from the sofa and appraised me. “I’m proud of you, mijo. Keep it up.”
I felt myself smile. For the first time in a long time, things were better than perfect.
Regan
Going to school sounded dreadful Monday morning. I went about getting prepared slowly, anxiety making my stomach churn.
Troy had texted me as soon as he woke up, but I hadn’t bothered to read it. As much as I wanted to block him, I intended to keep his contact available for just a while longer until it was time to text him so we could gather closure.
I was still receiving messages from others urging me to take him back, to consider what I’d be giving up. The idea of Troy Jordan seemed to outweigh his actions.
The thought of seeing Guillermo was what loosened me up enough to finally make my way downstairs. We’d kissed. We’d danced. We’d talked. We’d been together, if only for a little while. I’d never felt a rush like that, and I’d never feel it again if I didn’t change course. Everything about my life was dull and agonizing, but dancing on the edge, walking that line, had been fun, thrilling, all mine. I deserved mine.
My mother was in the kitchen pouring coffee into her travel mug, waiting on me so she could take me to school. Sometimes Avery preferred to carpool with Guillermo, or even take the bus.
“Morning,” I greeted my mother as I stepped into the room.
She leaned back against the counter, blowing softly into her mug to cool down the coffee. “Good morning. Did you sleep well?”
I’d dreamed of Guillermo. “Yes.”
The way she was looking at me, watching me, let me know something was up. “Did you call up Troy to talk it out?”
“Troy and I are done for good.”
“Hmm.” She showed no surprise as she set her mug down. “And you’re sure about this?”
“Yes. He’s not someone I’m comfortable being with anymore.” It felt like a weight was finally lifted from my shoulders as I let the truth out.
“Who does make you comfortable? Oh, let me take a guess, tall, dark long hair, looks incredibly cute in yellow T-shirts,” she said with a stone-cold face. “Because the answer is no, Rey, I can’t approve. Jumping from one relationship to another is very unhealthy.”
“I’m not emotionally attached to Troy,” I said. “I thought I was, but I’m honestly relieved I’ve got a way out. I deserve better, Mom. I deserve—I have rights. I’m almost seventeen, and I can’t even choose my own steps without you both coddling me.”
My mother arched a brow, eyeing me carefully. “Just what was wrong with Troy? The last time I checked, you two were happy.”
Of course she would question it, the same way my father had. The same way my peers would.
Staying silent got me in this mess in the first place. “He doesn’t treat me like a boyfriend should. We’ve been together for a year, and he feels ready to have sex. I’m not, but that hasn’t stopped him from hounding me about it. He acts like I’m a prude for waiting, and I’m sick of it, Mom.”
Why continue to protect Troy when no one was protecting me or my interests?
“I don’t want to be with Troy, and I don’t want to be an accountant, but I put up with it for so long to make you guys happy, and all I’ve gotten in the end is overlooked and hurt. Troy cheated on me because I wasn’t giving him what he wanted, and now I’m supposed to bottle it up and pretend it’s okay and go to his house for dinner because he’s ‘Troy Jordan, the next big thing out of Akron.’”
My mother softened up. “Oh, Rey.”
It felt like I might cry, but I didn’t. I stayed strong, because crying wouldn’t fix a thing—action would. “If I go to dinner, I’m saying it’s fine, Troy can cheat on me and treat me like shit. You’re so quick to judge Guillermo as bad for me, probably because of his past, but Troy’s the golden boy around here and he treats me like a piece of meat. Guillermo respects me in a lot more ways than anyone I know. He asks to touch me, he asks to be alone with me. Troy just takes and takes, and so do you and Dad. Guillermo was the first to ask what I want, and all I want right now is freedom. Freedom to make my own choices, with school or the boys I decide to let take me out.”
My mother came over to me, pulling me into her arms protectively. “I didn’t know things with Troy were so bad. I’m so sorry.”
I didn’t feel like going on about being groped or how awkward it made me feel. When I danced with Guillermo the night before, I’d appreciated how he asked me to show him where he could touch me. I’d given him freedom in his actions, and he hadn’t let me down. He’d touched my hips, but he hadn’t grabbed my butt or grazed my breasts. Other couples on the dance floor were getting really into the French Montana song that had been playing, but Guillermo hadn’t gotten any ideas to take advantage. Troy would’ve been unbearable.
“I’m choosing me,” I stated, standing as strong on the topic as I could. “I just hope you can support me in this.”
My mother released me, her gaze on the tile floor as the gears seemed to turn in her head. “I have a few phone calls to make.”
“Mom.” Horrified, I hoped she wasn’t getting involved with Troy, or worse, Guillermo.
“I can’t be Guillermo’s supervisor and your mother. It’s complicated.”
>
My emotions rose. A light at the end of the tunnel. “What?”
My mother pursed her lips and met my gaze, seeming to hold back a smile. “Daren isn’t exactly a hard-ass like your mother, but I trust him to get the job done. I’m stepping back from overseeing Guillermo’s involvement in the program. I’m trusting you and your choice, because you’re a good kid and I don’t give you enough credit. Guillermo’s a good kid, now, and maybe I should be open-minded, so long as you’re comfortable and happy.”
“And Dad?”
“Dad is going to have to get over it. The same way he’s gotta accept that Avery would rather watch Nato before ESPN.”
Tears lined my eyes as I smiled. “That’s Naruto, Mom.”
She waved me off. “Whatever. Just understand that I want you to know that you have a voice, in this house and out of it, and it matters. When someone, especially a man, does something you don’t like, you speak up and fight for your right, no matter what. Do you hear me?”
I hadn’t before, but now I would fight with all that I had. “Yes.”
She relaxed. “Well then, I guess it’s time to get you to school. You’re going to want to speak to Mrs. Greer about dropping accounting, huh?”
Guillermo
My family was seated around the kitchen table eating breakfast as I came into the room with a little pep in my step. I could finally rest easy now that I knew my father was proud of me and trusted me.
“Oye, José, look at this one,” my mother said, staring at me with wonderment. “He’s not so grumpy anymore.”
My father observed me and smiled knowingly. “My boy must have finally gotten himself in order. But I’d say that little skip he was doing in here has to do with a girl.”
My mother regarded me carefully. “Oh, is that true, Memo?”
Yesenia stopped eating her pancakes to look at me, giving me all of her attention like the rest of my nosy family.
I rolled my eyes and grabbed the heaping plate of eggs my mother had made, giving myself a helping. “No sé.”
My family wasn’t giving up that easily.
“Must be someone special if you won’t share.” My mother reached out and ran her fingers through my hair. At least she never complained about the length. That morning, I’d decided not to hide it; it was just hair, and for that, I left it down.
“Her name better be Regan,” Yesenia warned.
“And if it’s not?” I dared to ask.
She narrowed her eyes as she leaned down and sneaked Smokey the last of her sausage. “You don’t want to know.”
Yesenia had just turned fourteen. She was still scrawny, not intimidating in the least. “Whatever, you just stick to your books and TV shows.”
She scoffed. “Oh, so dating is okay for you but not for me?”
At the same time my father and I said, “Pretty much.”
Yesenia stood from the table and walked her plate to the kitchen sink before leaving the room, mumbling in Spanish.
My father and I shrugged, obviously on the same page.
My mother wasn’t moved. “You Lozano men are all the same.” She wagged a finger at me. “Don’t be the guy you don’t want your sister to end up with, Memo. Set the example.”
I looked to my father, seeing everything Yesenia could ever need in a future partner. He was honest, loyal, and faithful to my mother. And he was incredibly patient when it came to Yesenia and me. My father was humble, something I was learning to be.
Facing my mother, I asked, “How did you fall for Dad?”
“Tu madre no pudo resistir,” my father said proudly, leaning back in his chair.
My mother tried to hide her smile as she glared at him. “I was trying to change you.”
In seconds, a distant look fell over my father’s face. A smirk, a hint of arrogance, a vague peek at an older version of me. “Please, Elodia, you stood no chance.”
My mother was a goner and soon they were making googly eyes at each other. I took it as my cue to go.
After shoveling down a few forkfuls of eggs and chasing them with orange juice, I was quick to leave the kitchen. The heat was getting too stifling.
I got in my car and made my way to pick up Jenaya. As usual she was already outside her house waiting for me. She got in my car nibbling on a Pop-Tart.
“Hey,” she said as she buckled in.
I tipped my head toward her. “Sup?”
She squinted at me but stayed quiet as I drove to school. Today felt like a good day.
I was bobbing my head to a song on the radio when Jenaya finally spoke up. “You must’ve had a pretty good weekend with someone.”
I fought a smile and focused on the road. “I’m just in a good mood.”
“Uh-huh. Want a bite?” Jenaya asked, waving her silver-wrapped pastry.
I leaned over, keeping my eyes on the road while Jenaya offered up the Pop-Tart so I could take a bite. From the corner of my eye I caught sight of brown icing. It was already in my mouth before I could pull away.
Frowning, I chewed it down. “Geez, Naya, chocolate?”
“What’s wrong with the chocolate kind? Judging from your little crush, I thought you liked chocolate.”
A smirk washed across my face. “I’d rather have the brown sugar kind in this case.”
“So it is Sofia that has you being all happy,” Jenaya observed.
I stayed quiet as I pulled into the student parking lot and spotted Raviv and the others standing by the back entrance to the school. I wanted to wait until we were alone again before I told Jenaya about Regan and me, or at least until Regan and me were Regan and me.
Jenaya made no effort to join the guys after we climbed out of my car. She waited by my trunk, arms folded, her hazel eyes boldly measuring me up. “When we grabbed lunch, you said it didn’t work out with Sofia, but now you’re glowing like something happened.”
There was no lying to Jenaya. “You mad nosy, you know that?”
She hummed, not at all offended. “Mmm-hmm, spill. Troy cheats on your dream girl, leaving her free, and it didn’t work out with Sofia, so what’s good?”
“Regan—”
“Ay, Convict!”
His charged voice shot through the air, demanding my complete attention and pulling in onlookers.
Troy was crossing the parking lot toward me, the angry expression on his dark brown face letting me know to hop on guard.
I stood in front of Jenaya as he approached, his chest rising and falling with blatant anger.
“Morning, Troy,” I said, trying to be casual.
His face twisted in a sneer. By now some of his usual entourage had come for backup. The sight of their light-green-and-purple varsity jackets made me question whether this would be a fair confrontation or if I was about to be jumped. One thing since my move to Arlington High, I hadn’t outright aligned myself with guys who fought often, or who would be willing to jump in for me. I was probably the toughest of all the guys I knew, and that was okay during a one-on-one, but with a five-on-one or ten-on-one, it sucked.
“You know you gotta shoot the fade real quick with all this sneaking around you been doing with my girl,” Troy said as he sized me up.
“Sneaking around?” I asked.
“A few of my people seen you at the club last night.”
So we’d had an audience. “So what of it?”
“Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t swing on you.” He crossed his arms, his pissed-off expression doing nothing to scare me.
“Because I would swing back and then we’d be fighting. Can you afford a fight right now, Troy? Do you wanna lose potential interest from scouts?”
“In case you haven’t heard, I’m MVP, nothing I do will send scouts away. Besides, you’ve had an ass beating coming, Con.”
“And why is that?”
/> “You tried to steal my girlfriend.”
I sighed, shaking my head. “No. No. No. ‘Try’ implies that I put in effort while you two were together. Instead, I took the wait-till-he-fucks-up route, which of course worked.”
Troy’s nostrils flared, giving away his irritation.
I kept calm as best as I could. Whether he wanted spectators or not, we had them. The last thing I needed was for this to blow up or become viral. Harvey wouldn’t give a shit about how it started; he’d rip me a new one for involving myself with Regan in the first place against better judgment. “You’re a dog, Troy, but Regan isn’t a chew toy in a game of tug-of-war.”
Troy wasn’t amused. “Oh you got jokes. Don’t tell me you’re a punk.”
I was runnin’ out of patience I didn’t even have. “Believe me, I’m not.”
“Let’s run it then.”
“Can’t do that,” I declined. “I’m not going to fight you.”
He stood back, incredulous. “You’re willing to get your ass kicked over Regan?”
A small part of me was willing to break my new persona and give him a piece of my mind. But I knew the results wouldn’t be worth it. “No, I’m willin’ to get my ass kicked because self-defense, although provoked, isn’t in my best interest right now. I’m not with Regan, this isn’t even over Regan, it’s your ego. She was never a Trophy. She was a girl who loved you and you betrayed her. You’re fighting your ego, not me.”
Some of the crowd enjoyed my response while a few egged Troy on to kick my ass. I was sure I could take him, but I was really hoping he’d listen. Fighting me wouldn’t get Regan back or prove anything.
Troy took a step forward, and I braced myself to figure out what I would do if he took a swing.
“Hey!”
In a blur, Avery wedged himself between us. Small in his patterned T-shirt, he wasn’t the least bit threatening. However, whatever look he was shooting Troy must’ve been serious. Troy took a step back.
“This doesn’t concern you, Avery,” Troy said.
The Right Side of Reckless Page 30
