‘More than anything,’ I slide the tip of my cock into her opening. She gasps. I gasp.
I know I have to go slowly, even if it is killing me. Ricky’s legs come around my waist, her hands on my ass, pulling me into her. She wants this so much, and I’m going to give it to her.
Deeper, I push into her, deeper, deeper until I’m balls deep inside of her hot little body. She’s so hot and tight that I know I won’t last. She’s moaning too loudly. If my parents hear this, they’ll kill me.
Again, I slam my hand over her mouth, silencing her. Two more thrusts and I’m coming like a fourteen-year-old kid looking through his first porno mag!
‘I love you more than you will ever know,’ I mumble into her hair.
‘I have a good idea because I love you just as much.’
I slide out of her body slowly, then lay beside her. I stroke her face as she looks at me. This is all I have ever wanted. I want to make her my wife. I know we could be happy.
However, if I’d known what was coming for us, that I’d lose her for good, I would never have touched her...
Present-day
Fucking bastard dreams just keep on haunting me, don’t they?
Seeing Ricky last night crushed me inside, and I don’t know why.
I should be over her by now, right?
Yeah, I should be, but I’m not. Seeing Ricky only proved how much I’m not over her.
I can’t believe I walked away from her the way I did. How fucking cruel did I sound? She’s here for her grandmother’s funeral, and I doubt she’s had a warm welcome from her parents. She doesn’t have any other family other than her sister and grandfather, and I know Kendal would have been more than just a bitch to her. That girl has more issues than Vogue.
I know the look Ricky gave me, she wanted to wrap her arms around my neck like she used to, and have me hold her close to me. There was once a time she was the song in my heart. My Lyric. She needed me at that moment, and I walked away from her.
However, I don’t know the girl any longer. She’s been gone for nine years. She’s never once tried to contact me. Not fucking once did she think about me while she was off, having a nice fucking life.
Oh shit. What if Ricky hasn’t had a good life? She was only seventeen when she left. What the hell did she do for money? A place to stay?
Ah, fuck.
I lean forward in my seat and scrub my hands over my face. How the hell am I meant to do my job when all I can now think about is Ricky in pain, sad, lonely, in danger? Who the fuck has been there for her all these years? She has no family outside of this town.
I have to speak to her. I need to know if she’s okay. I know her, she puts on the brave face when things are tough, but inside she feels like she’s dying. Ricky has a few tells when she’s in emotional pain. The guitar is one of them, running another.
Fuck it all!
I should have realized something was wrong when I saw her. She was in a world of her own out there, running in the snow, not even wearing a jacket thick enough to keep the chill from her bones.
Where’s she even staying while she’s here? I know she won’t be at her parent’s house, and I very much doubt she’ll stay with her grandfather. Her own father would never allow that. Not the devil child staying with his father.
Devil child.
That’s what they called her when we were kids, devil child, corrupting those around her. That’s what they called her each time she got in trouble at school. That’s what they called her each time she was so much as one minute late home, didn’t eat everything they put in front of her, didn’t get up on time. That’s what they called her when they found us in bed together that night.
Devil child.
There’s no more devil in Ricky than there is in a kitten. Ricky is smart, kind, funny, amazing, and so fucking beautiful it stifles me. Seeing her last night and how much more beautiful she’s become over the years ripped my heart in two.
She survived without me.
She moved on without me.
Who is she now?
Is she Married?
Someone’s mother?
A lawyer?
A Teacher?
Or is she the Doctor she always wanted to be?
I need to find her. I can’t fucking wait around until she’s gone from my life, again...
Chapter 5
Ricky
I ran to my grandfather the second I saw him this morning. I was on my way over to his house when I rounded the corner on Main Street and saw him leaving the library on the opposite corner.
Why on this earth, he would be in the library on the morning of his wife’s funeral is beyond me.
However, my grandparents were like one person, and I imagine he’s feeling pretty lost right now without her. The library was one place she loved to be. Books were the one place she felt comfort. Apart from my grandfather, of course.
I yelled his name, he turned to look at me, and the relief on his face was evident when he closed his eyes. I ran toward him, and he held his arms out to me.
My grandfather is the only person that I’ve been able to count on without fear of rejection.
He held me close to him for a moment before leading me back to his house before the service.
Being in this house brings back many memories for me. This may be a small town, but my grandparents lived in the one house that sits alone on the hill right on the edge of town. My grandfather bought this place over fifty years ago. He and my grandmother had already been married for twelve years and had an eleven-year-old son at the time — the only child they were blessed with, my deranged father.
How those two amazing people ended up with the child they did, I will never know.
This place is massive and surrounded by grass. The wrap-round porch, the horses grazing in the meadow to the back of the house, the Well next to the creek, and the tire swing attached to the old oak tree that used to swing me across the creek, all make me feel like I’ve come home.
The inside of the house reminds me of an elderly couple who thought themselves in with the kids. Plush couches, swinging clocks, and chandeliers hanging from the ceiling, all remind me of my childhood. The parts that were good while I was with my grandparents.
There are a lot of people here, most of the town, in fact. All were shocked to see me, a few tried to hug me, but that wasn’t happening. All asked how I’ve been and what I do now.
Of course, I told them about me being a doctor, but no one here needs to know about my private life.
My parents arrived, but they didn’t look at me, let alone say anything to me. Today of all days, and they can’t even be civil to me for my grandfather’s sake.
Oh, fuck them, like I give a shit about them. However, it would have been nice had they show some support for my grandfather. Instead, they bring all the attention around to them.
Okay, Ray’s mother died, but Bob’s wife died, shouldn’t Ray be here for his father?
Pigs might fly!
The service was upsetting, but I didn’t cry. I did hold my grandfather’s arm, rubbing his back as he cried. My parents sat across the aisle from my grandfather and me.
When asked why, my sister replied, ‘My father would rather not be anywhere near your... guest.’ The contempt in her voice stung, but I pushed it aside for Bob.
Of course, Bob wasn’t happy at all, but I begged him not to say anything. Wrong place, wrong time because church is not the place to air your dirty laundry.
I listened as my grandfather said a few words about his beautiful wife of over sixty years. It brought a tear to my eye to see him so broken and telling his wife that they’d be together again soon.
I then listened to my father saying a few words about his mother. There was no real emotion in his voice when he spoke, and I wondered again how, in all hell, my beautiful grandparents ended up with a reincarnation of Satan as their only son.
My grandfather sobbed even harder as I stood up there and spoke about my gra
ndmother. Only to be yelled at by my father to get down. I had no right to say anything about his mother, and how I never cared about her, he said. He didn’t even look at me when he yelled. However, my sister made it clear that I wasn’t welcome.
It didn’t stop me from finishing what I had to say, and I saw the pride in my grandfather’s eyes, and that only spurred me on more. Nothing and one will ever stop me saying what I have to say. I’m not a scared little girl anymore, and it’s time, people realized that.
After the church service, we made our way to the cemetery, where I held Bob’s hand at the burial. He kissed my head and told me that he was happy that I’m home and how proud he was that I stood up for myself with such grace.
Of course, I would never make a scene in front of his guests. I would never be so disrespectful. My grandmother deserved more than that.
However, I did notice how each person looked at me and smiled. I think they were all glad I put my father in his place without saying anything to him. No one in this town likes him, yet everyone loves my grandparents.
We headed back to my grandfather’s house, where my mother had arranged food and drink. She might be a brainwashed woman, but she’s an excellent cook. I’m not hungry, though, so I just stand at the back of the room watching everyone talking amongst themselves.
My sister is milking the attention.
When did she become a replica of my father?
Moreover, since when did he hug her and kiss her head like she was his whole world?
Or did he just not do those things when I was home?
Or just not to me, I should say.
I sigh to myself.
This sucks, I don’t even know half of these people. They didn’t live here when I did. I know a few of the people here are friends of my grandmothers from the town she lived in before moving here. Lots of older people and they give me the creeps. Hell, all people give me the creeps. I guess I’m weird like that.
“Lyric Vaughn, is that you?”
Oh crap, Bryan’s mother. Only she and my grandfather call me by my given name. My parents stopped calling me Lyric when they decided I was a child of Satan. Lyric is an angelic name, so my mother used to say.
Ricky was the name I chose to call myself when I was a little girl. I was one of the boys, after all, and Ricky replaced Lyric. Angelic Lyric disappeared because Ricky is the devil child. I may not be a child of the devil, but I’ve been Ricky for as long as I can remember. Lyric just doesn’t seem to be real any longer. She disappeared a long time ago.
I turn to face Bryan’s mother with a smile on my face. I’ve always liked her; I was like a daughter to her. So she told me a lot as a child. “Hi, Mrs. Spencer,” I plaster on my brightest smile for her.
Marie so pretty, and she always dresses most elegantly. Today she’s wearing the usual funeral requirement of black. The sleeves are long, and the collar cut along her collar bone, it also sits perfectly on her knees. Her brown hair is tied in a bun at the nape of her neck — not a strand out of place.
She’s not like my mother, even though they are best friends, Marie Spencer is a good woman in every sense of the word. She loves her children, her husband, and me. She told me that a lot when we were children too.
She rolls her eyes with a smile on her face and pulls me into her arms. I flinch a little, but only a little before wrapping my arms around her back tightly. She was once like a mother to me. Having her hug me makes me realizes just how much I have missed her.
“You know to call me Marie.” She smiles while holding me at arm’s length. “It’s so good to see you, sweetheart, you look so good.” She looks me up and down. “Oh, I have missed you.” She squeezes my arms making me laugh.
“I’ve missed you, too.”
She cups my face. I don’t know what she’s looking for, but she’s scanning my face like crazy. “Have you seen Shawn? He’s around here somewhere.” Shawn is her husband.
“Tyler couldn’t be here. He’s in L.A. on business, and Josie is in Hawaii with her husband, Colin.”
Tyler and Josie are Bryan’s big brother and little sister. I don’t know Colin, and I didn’t even know Josie had gotten married, but I guess that happens when you lose touch with people.
“Have you seen Bryan since you’ve been back?”
“I saw him a couple of nights ago.” I fold my arms around my waist. “He wasn’t pleased to see me.”
“I’m sure he was just a little shocked, sweetheart. He’s around here somewhere.” She looks around her. I haven’t seen him all day, so if he is here, he’s keeping his distance from me. Not that I expected any different. “I’m surprised you’re not over there with your family.” She has sympathy in her voice. She remembers how they treated me.
I look behind me. My parents and my sister are talking with some of the guests — friends of my grandparents, no doubt. My eyes lock with my sisters, and she gives me a look of disdain. “They made it clear that I wasn’t welcome the day I arrived home.” I shrug.
“I’m sorry.” She runs her hands up and down my sweater, covered arms in sympathy. “Why don’t you come to dinner tomorrow evening? Tyler will be home. He’d love to see you again.”
“I’m not sure. Bryan...”
“Will be pleased you came by. Please, darling. It’s been so long since we saw you, and you know how we see you as one of the family.”
“Even though I left the way I did and never contacted anyone?”
“Your grandfather explained everything to Shawn and I. We know you didn’t leave of your own accord. What happened between you and Bryan should have been a beautiful thing, and your parents made you feel like it was wrong. It wasn’t wrong, Lyric.”
No one has ever told me it wasn’t wrong before. I was made to feel dirty, and I didn’t know how to handle it nor what came after.
“Bryan has missed you so much. He wasn’t the same after you left. Please come to dinner.”
“Okay,” It’s the least I could do for the woman who took such good care of me when I was a little girl.
Chapter 6
Bryan
It’s hard seeing her standing there in my mother’s arms. It’s just like old times, even though it shouldn’t be because those times are dead.
She doesn’t even dress, like the Ricky I used to know. She’s dressed impeccably. Black slacks, thin black sweater, black heels. The usual funeral colors. Her long hair is wrapped in a perfect French twist, and she’s even wearing makeup, not much, but enough to make her look like a classy woman who belongs on the front cover of a magazine.
This is the beautiful girl I used to see when she was a full-on tomboy. This is the girl I saw when no one else did.
I’m not supposed to feel anything for her. I told myself I didn’t feel anything, that she was just somebody I used to know. However, she’s not, she’s Ricky, my Ricky, and I think she always will be.
Seeing her here with my mother, I realize I still love her as much as I ever did, but I don’t know that she doesn’t belong to someone else now, and that thought is killing me. Not to mention, she won’t be here very long before she takes off for her life wherever she lives now.
I want to hold her so much. I want to kiss those perfect full lips of hers. I want to taste her skin, feel her breasts in my hands. I want to hear Ricky calling my name as I... “She got even more beautiful, didn’t she?” Fuck!
I turn my eyes to Pete, a lifelong friend. A friend who had a thing for Ricky when we were in high school, but one who never did anything about it. “She did.”
“I thought you would have been all over her.”
“Why would you think that?”
“Because she was your best friend for years. That, and you loved the girl.” I raise my eyebrow. What the hell does that have to do with anything? “Bry, have you been avoiding her?”
“So what if I have?”
“You’re a jerk.” He laughs. “Man, if you’re not going to make a move while she’s in town, then I will. I thin
k I’ve waited long enough to tap that.”
“She’s not a fucking toy!” He looks at me with a raised eyebrow and a smirk on his face. “I swear to God...”
“Hey, guys,” There she is in front of me, Ricky Vaughn, my best friend. “I hadn’t realized either of you was here.”
“Hey, stranger.” Pete moves forward to hug her, and it turns my fucking stomach over!
However, I can’t help the smirk on my face when she stops him by holding her hand out for him to shake it. She still can’t bear to be touched. Of all the friends we had growing up, I was the only one who ever had the privilege of holding her in any way. She can’t help it; it’s just the way she was raised. She never had the kind of physical attention most parents give their children for them to become productive adults.
I wonder if she’d let me hold her now if I tried?
Not that I will.
“You look great!”
“Thanks,” Her cheeks redden a little. She never was good with compliments. “You look good, too.”
I listen to them for a moment before shutting them out. Ricky is talking to him, but her eyes are locked on me. I can’t hear or see anything other than her. I want to grab her, pull her to me, and hold her so close neither of us can breathe.
I want to kiss her and tell her how much I love her. I want her to know she’s not alone, that I’m here for her, and that everything will be okay between us.
However, I won’t. Ricky chose to leave me behind, and never to contact me again. She decided to wipe me out of her life. I won’t let her into my heart again. I can shut her out just as I have all these years. I may love her still, but loving Ricky Vaughn never got me anywhere in this life.
I slap Pete on the back. “I’ll catch you later.” And I walk away.
I can’t bear to look at her any longer. I need an out. Maybe Kirstin will let me see Faye for a few days, just until Ricky leaves. Then I can come home and get on with my life the way I have for the past nine years.
Stay With Me Page 3
