Prick: A Dark High School Bully Romance (Ridgeview Prep Book 0)

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Prick: A Dark High School Bully Romance (Ridgeview Prep Book 0) Page 4

by Londyn Quinn


  Oh, God! I hate my parents for tearing me away from the one good thing in my life! I hate myself more for not having the courage to tell them I won’t go!

  He narrows his eyes at me, leaping to his feet. “You let me walk in here tonight thinking everything was fine, that we were fine. More than fine!” Xander presses his hands to his temples, pacing the length of the room before lashing out once again. “But you let Daddy pull the strings, and then you expect me to stick around to help pick up the pieces. You’re so miserable, so misunderstood, so disregarded,” he says in a mocking voice as he turns to look at me, the disdain in his stony gaze making my gut clench. “It’s all bullshit! You only care about yourself, and you proved that tonight when you didn’t stand up for what you really want.” Xander closes the distance between us, his voice a low growl. “You’re supposed to be the one person I can count on, Char. The one person I can trust. The one person who I...who I...” His voice breaks off, and he scrubs a hand down the front of his face.

  “Xan, please! I’m still that person!” I jump to my feet, trying to grab his arm, but he shrugs off my hand. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know how to tell you! I guess I figured if I didn’t say anything, it wouldn't be real…” I try to grab his hand, but he snatches it away before I can get close.

  “Burying your head in the sand.” He shakes his head and lets out a dry laugh. “Typical. You really think that’s gonna work this time? Because it’s always worked out really well for you in the past, right?”

  “Look, you don’t have to be a jerk about this! I’m suffering here, too.” I ball my fists at my sides and stomp over to him. “I didn’t want this! They’re making me go!”

  “When are you going to finally take control of your life and stand up to your parents? When are you going to tell them what you really want, and that it doesn’t include jumping frigging horses or flying off across the ocean to an uppity boarding school?”

  “I can’t just disrespect them—”

  “You’re afraid,” he hisses, his eyes narrowed to slits. “Just admit it. You like them calling the shots because it makes you feel secure. You may hate their choices, but you love that they make them. Right? Tell the truth. You letting them order you around makes you feel like they actually care. Even if they’re hurting you, they’re still paying attention to you. It makes you feel wanted, and you don’t want to jeopardize that because it’s all you have. And you’re all they have, whether they like it or not.”

  I gasp, my eyes wide. Is that what he really thinks of me? “You are such a jerk! I can’t believe you just said that!”

  “Why? Because it’s true and you can’t bear to hear it?” The corners of his lips curl into a sneer. “That as much as you hate being locked in your ivory tower, you love everything that comes along with it, including all of this!” He sweeps his arm around the room and all of the expensive things decorating it.

  “It’s not true! None of it! I hate how they control me! And I don’t know why they even bother since they lost the child they really wanted...the one they really loved!” Sobs wrack my body, and I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand. “You know all of that, and here you are, throwing it in my face, now of all times?” I shake my head. “How dare you? A real friend would never say those things. And I didn’t mean to keep this from you. I just didn’t know how to bring it up when I was still trying to process it all!”

  “So instead of being honest, you kiss me?” he shouts, ignoring everything I just said. “What the hell was that all about, huh? Your way of jerking me around? Your way of avoiding dealing with major shit, just like you always do?” He leans toward me, his nostrils flaring. “It’s pathetic.”

  His words scald me instantly, my entire body prickling from the heat raging out of his. He’s never yelled at me before. Never said anything like this unless he was joking. But there’s nothing funny about his reaction to me leaving and to me allowing my parents pull the strings as usual. I just ruined everything. I destroyed the one person that truly means anything in my sad excuse of a life.

  My stomach roils as I replay his scathing words in my head. He can’t mean all of that, can he? Is that really how he sees me? How he’s always seen me?

  Pacing in a small circle, he tugs at his jet-black hair.

  “I didn’t know how to tell you,” I ramble, twisting my hands in my lap. “I didn’t want to tell you. But I couldn’t just disappear in the morning, either.” I don’t know what else to say. I want to explain all of this away. Make him understand that I meant every word I said, meant every action that led up to this point. Make him believe in me again.

  “That would have been better. You could have had the clean break your father wants. Because let’s be real. That’s the real reason he’s sending you away. I know it, and so do you.”

  “It doesn’t change how I feel about you, though,” I swallow hard. “Xander, I love you!” The words tumble from my lips before I can grab them back. Maybe I am as pathetic as he thinks. I mean, how could I tell him I love him after hearing him say such horrible things about me? My admission stains the air, weighing it down, suffocating me. I gasp for air, but my lungs deflate.

  The first time I ever say those words to someone besides my parents, and he’s looking at me like he wants to pummel me with his clenched fist. How could I have been so naïve to have thought that it would have gone more like a scene out of a romantic movie? One where the guy fights for the girl even in the face of adversity?

  As if.

  This is real life, and I am knee-deep in a screwed-up situation of my own design.

  He inches closer, his face twisted into a grimace. “So that kiss...it was supposed to be some parting gift, huh? That is fucking selfish, and you know it! Don’t tell me you love me in one breath, and then in another pack your bags and leave. Don’t throw those words around and expect them to make this all better. They can’t. They won’t!”

  “Xan, please. You mean everything to me. I don’t want to go. I don’t have a choice.”

  “There’s always a choice, Charlotte. You are your own person.”

  “You know that isn’t true. I am a Hawthorne, and I don’t get to live the life I want. I have to live the life they want.”

  “Then you’d better make the most of it because I don’t wanna hear anything about it ever again. Lose my number,” he growls, his eyes narrowing at me as I recoil against the coffee table. I shrink as he towers over me.

  “Listen, I know you’re angry, but can we please talk about this?” I try to straighten up, but he stomps his foot, making me lose my balance and fall back onto the couch.

  “I’ve said what I needed to say. I’m done being the guy who always has to make everything better for you.” Xander darts toward the door in the dark family room. “Done.”

  I am frozen. I want to chase him. I want to explain more. I want him to tell me that everything is going to be alright, that he really didn’t mean the hurtful things he just shouted. That we’ll somehow make this all work.

  After a few seconds, I bolt for the foyer, praying that he hasn’t left yet.

  Xander stands at the front door already wearing his jacket, clutching the brass door knob. He swivels around to level me with a fiery...final...glare.

  “Have a nice fucking life, Charlotte. I’d say make good choices, but we both know who’ll be making them for you,” he hisses, thunder booming as his chest heaves up and down.

  “Whaaaat?” I shriek. Okay, enough of this crap! I just told him I loved him, for Pete’s sake! And this is how he reacts? My freaking soul mate? “You know what? Screw you, Xander!” I yell after him as he opens the door. My heart thumps hard against my ribcage as the anger consumes me. I’m not the pathetic loser he thinks I am! He’s not getting the last word tonight. “You want to throw stones? Fine! You’re not so perfect yourself! Jase says jump and you say how high! I see it happen all the time! What’s up with that, huh? Are we really that different?”

  He turns around, his spine stif
f. “Don’t you dare compare yourself to me. You don’t know anything about what I deal with!”

  “That’s because you never tell me anything!” I shout. “You always shut down and turn the conversation back on me! What’s the deal, Xander? What are you so desperate to hide? Or are you just afraid I’ll think you’re as pathetic as I am if you tell me the truth?” My words drip with disgust, a hot flush creeping into my cheeks.

  He gives me a long, hard look before stalking down the cobblestone path in front of the main house. “You were everything to me,” he says, malice lacing his words. “Now you’re nothing. We are nothing.” His words are like venom poisoning my blood.

  “If you want to throw away our friendship over this, then great! Leave! I don’t need you! I don’t need anybody!” I watch him stomp down the ice-covered lawn, kicking through the dead flower beds. But I refuse to go after him. Even though my heart is breaking with every step he makes, I won’t beg.

  My breaths are short and sharp, slicing away at my lungs with each angry step he takes away from the house.

  Away from me.

  Wait, Xander!

  Please don’t go.

  You can’t possibly mean those things you said.

  I don’t mean the things I said.

  But my lips never part. They stay tightly shut.

  I let out a loud scream and slam the door shut so I don’t have to see him stalking away from me. Falling to my knees, I finally let the sobs erupt from deep within me. I am poisoned by him, by my actions, by the hatred my father forced upon the best thing in my life.

  Strong hands wrap around my shoulders.

  “Miss, let me help you.” Rolland pulls me to my feet.

  I try to wiggle out of his grasp. “Just leave me here. I don’t want any help! I don’t need it!”

  “You know this is for the best, Miss Hawthorne.” The sound of my last name bites me, festering deep. I don’t want to be a Hawthorne. Not if it means being away from Xander.

  God, even though I hate him for those horrible things he said, I still love him, and that hurts more than anything.

  Maybe I am completely pathetic after all.

  My face burns. My vision is blurred with tears. My entire body trembles.

  Falling into Rolland’s comforting embrace, I sob. “Why are my parents doing this to me?”

  He doesn’t say anything. He just holds me, rocking my body ever so slightly as I cry my eyes out.

  Still in the grand foyer, clutched in Rolland’s arms, my heart jolts when the door knob clicks.

  “Xander?” I whisper to myself.

  To my horror, the eyes that meet mine are not the ones I want. My father and mother are home earlier than usual.

  “Charlotte?” My mother’s heels click along the polished floor as she glides toward me. “What’s wrong?”

  Oh, now she wants to be motherly?

  I flinch away from her cold embrace.

  “I hate you! Both of you!” I wail, stomping my foot like a petulant child. Words. They were all I had. And they meant nothing, would change nothing. It didn’t matter what I said. Didn’t matter what I did. I was going to be forced on that airplane in the morning.

  “Does this have something to do with that boy we saw running away from here a few blocks back?” My father’s voice has a slight chuckle as he pulls off his bowtie.

  Is he enjoying this? He is, isn’t he?

  “No! It has everything to do with you ruining my life!” I fight back, trying to save the little bit of face I have left.

  “You’ll change your mind, Lottie. You’ll thank me someday.” With that, my father retreats to his study with my mother in tow. No glance back. No regard for me whatsoever.

  How could they not give a damn about me, about what I want? How could they be so callous to ignore their only daughter’s feelings?

  And how could Xander possibly think that I want to live this way, that I have any choice to live this way?

  It makes me feel so small, so inconsequential.

  I’ve always been treated second best to my dead brother.

  This is actually worse.

  I’m invisible. Disposable.

  “You have an early flight in the morning, Miss. Maybe it’s best to call it a night and try to get some rest.” Rolland stands only feet away from me, his back stiff, his jaw churning. Searching his dark eyes, I see the slightest hint of sorrow building.

  “I’m going to miss you, too,” I admit, reaching out to squeeze his hand.

  All he offers is a tight-lipped smile with a quick nod before escorting me to the staircase that leads to my wing of the house.

  “Good night, Miss.”

  “’Night.”

  One by one, I ascend the marble stairs, my mind numb, my heart sinking with every step. Was this all a bad dream? Am I going to wake up in the morning remembering the worst nightmare of my life? Please let it be that!

  Walking into my suite, I almost stumble over the packed luggage Moira left out for my trip.

  I sink onto my bed, staring at the designer bags mocking me. She left out my favorite travel outfit — stretchy, black yoga pants, a Marilyn Monroe oversized shirt, and my worn-out black UGGs. Traveling was the one time that I was allowed to be comfortable. The one time that dresses weren’t a requirement. And just then it all finally hits me.

  This is really happening.

  I let myself sink into the plush goose down comforter on my king-sized bed. Sucking in a long breath, tears threatening to spill again, my mind goes back to Xander. The fleeting moment of excitement as he became my first kiss. I relish in the passion that consumed us. My heart twists as I recount every second, every touch.

  Maybe it isn’t too late.

  Maybe we can move past this.

  Best friends can have fights. But they always come back together because they’re best friends, right?

  I reach for my cell phone. Scrolling for his name, I stare at the silly, joyful selfie he saved as his contact picture…his tongue sticking out, his cheeks pulling from his engaging laughter, his eyes shining bright. That is how I want to remember him. The goofball who became my best friend within seconds of us meeting all of those years ago in our fifth-grade class.

  I click on the contact.

  Without even one ring, the phone goes straight to voicemail. Xander’s phone is never off. What is happening? I try again. Same thing. Hoping that the third time is the charm, I foolishly hit redial. Voicemail.

  What?! Did he really block my number already? That has to be it.

  I scramble to our text message chain, typing off a last-ditch effort of a message: Xander?

  They usually went through right away as blue. After a few seconds, the text turns green.

  I choke on the bile creeping up in the back of my throat as I glare down at my phone. My last lifeline to Xander severed completely.

  Rushing into my bathroom, I barely make it the toilet. Tears stream down my face as I gag into the cold porcelain.

  This is it.

  My life as I know it is completely over.

  Chapter 5

  Xander

  My Nikes pound against the frozen pavement as I stalk farther and farther away from Charlotte’s house, shooting off a text to Jase after blocking her number. My throat tightens with each step, and I can barely squeeze out a breath. I rake a hand through my hair, tugging it as I kick at the rocks blocking my path. I don’t give a shit if they hit any of the expensive cars lining the roadway outside of her estate. Let the alarms go off! Let anyone dare to come near me right now!

  Jesus, I really need to pull myself together before my brother gets here to pick me up. The last thing I want to deal with right now is his brand of torment. A pair of headlights flashes at me as I break into a run, trying to put as much distance between me and Charlotte as possible.

  Because her sweet-tasting lips and tearful words that followed...dammit, they broke me.

  Yeah, I went off the deep end when she said she was leaving
, but it wasn’t because she didn’t tell me sooner. It’s because the lifeline I’d been clinging to for so long...her...was just severed, leaving me with no reason to reject the darkness anymore.

  The lifeline I’ve been in love with for as long as I can remember.

  When she kissed me, I thought I’d won.

  Jack-freaking-pot.

  Charlotte was the only person who kept me from sinking deeper into the murk because I’d never risk losing our friendship. But I think I always knew in my heart that taking my place in the family would mean I’d have to say goodbye to her forever because it’s no place for a girl like her, someone so pure and innocent and sweet.

  No way would I ever drag her into that life.

  But none of that matters now.

  In the end, the family always wins. Hers and mine.

  And stupid me didn't realize there was even a competition.

  She loves me...she loves me…she loves me...

  My brain had those words on permanent loop as my temples throbbed.

  That one little phrase is the very reason why Chuckie is putting her on a plane tomorrow.

  I’d wanted to say them back, to tell her what she means to me, how she saved me.

  Instead, I lashed out because I felt rejected and duped...and completely alone.

  I fired off words I knew would cut her deep because underneath it all, I’m a monster.

  And her icy response told me she might very well suspect the same thing.

  I never wanted to be that person, but without her to cling to, it was bound to happen.

  And this time, I might just let it happen.

  Why the hell shouldn’t I?

  It’s not like rejecting my inner demon got me what I wanted.

  What do I have to lose at this point?

  Dr. Jekyll is losing out to Mr. Hyde.

  Tires squeal against the pavement, pulling me out of my toxic fog. Jase honks his horn even though I’m standing right next to the car. Jerkoff. I flip him off and pull open the door before sinking into the passenger’s seat.

 

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