by Zeia Jameson
It’s peace.
There is no past.
No future.
Just us.
Just Now.
I wrap my arms around him and I bury my face into his chest. We stay that way for a few moments until the oven timer beeps at us.
“Potatoes are done.” I speak into his chest and the words come out muffled.
“Sounds that way.”
“I gotta get the steaks on the grill.”
“Okay.” He doesn’t move and neither do I.
Another minute passes and the timer beeps again. We finally let each other go and finish making dinner. Jeremy follows me out to the patio and watches every move I make with the steaks and the grill.
“You ok with medium rare?” I ask.
“That’s perfect,” he says. I look in his direction and he grins and covers his mouth with his hand.
“What now?” I ask.
“ESPN and mid-rare steaks? Are you sure you’re not a guy? Are we going to have a belching contest later?”
I hang the tongs I have in my hand on the grill. Without a second thought, I use both hands to raise the bottom of my shirt up to my chin. “No. I’m positive I’m not a guy. If you want more proof I’ll be happy to show you.”
Jeremy freezes and I put my shirt down.
“We can have a burping contest if you’d like but I’ll have to switch out the wine with Guinness to even have a chance.”
Jeremy remains frozen. I take the steaks off the grill and walk past him to go inside. He doesn’t budge.
~~~
“Livy, this was the best steak I’ve had in my life. Color me impressed.” Jeremy wipes his mouth with a napkin and reaches across the table to grab my hand. “Everything was delicious. I may have to request lessons. The sauce you made for the steaks and the salad dressing you made were phenomenal. Did you bake that bread from scratch?” He’s teasing me.
“No.” I smile. “That came from the bakery across the street. Very fresh. I’ve never tried to make bread before but I don’t think I could make anything like this.”
“Are you serious? All this food you made yourself and it was so good.”
“But that was easy. Making bread can’t be that easy.”
“So who taught you how to grill steaks and make salad dressing and mushroom sauce from scratch?”
“Food Network and YouTube.”
“Seriously?”
I nod.
“So you are telling me that you learned how to grill from a video?” Jeremy asks, skeptically.
“A couple of videos actually. My granddad used to make steaks and they were my favorite. I watched videos on what kind of grill to get, what kind of meat to buy, how to let it rest, before and after you cook it and how to tell the temperature by touch. It took me about half a dozen tries but I finally got it right.”
“Wow. That is amazing.” Jeremy still has hold of my hand and gives it a squeeze. “Why didn’t you just ask your granddad to show you how?”
I snatch my hand away immediately and begin gathering dishes as fast as I can. I don’t want to answer him. And the thought of Nancy taking me away from my granddad all those years ago rushes to my brain. It makes me so angry that my hand begins to tremble and I drop a plate. Jeremy looks at me, concerned. I put everything I’ve collected into my hands back on the table. “Excuse me.” I run to the bathroom and slam the door. I can’t breathe and my face flushes.
Do. Not. Cry.
Do not ruin this date. Pull yourself together. Don’t scare him away.
Or maybe you should tell him to go. He’s going to ask questions you don’t want to answer. What’s the point? It’s not going to go any further than this.
I start to cry. I slide down the wall and put my hands to my face, trying hard not to make a sound.
I don’t know how long we lived with my granddad but it was the happiest I ever remember being. I was too young. We left his house in the middle of the night. I don’t even know if he lived in the same state as where I grew up. I asked about him once but Nancy told me to never ask again. I don’t know his first name and I wouldn’t even begin to know how to look him up. He’s the only person besides Jeremy who’s ever hugged me. We did a lot of fun things together too. He took me to the movies, to the park and to the library. He gave me the flashlight that I still have today and told me if I was ever scared in the dark to use the flashlight to chase the fears away. I miss him so much.
I stand up and pull myself together. I look in the mirror and freshen up my face.
My gut is telling me to tell Jeremy to leave but I can still hear Sara in my head.
Just walk out there and go with your instinct.
I don’t want to hurt Jeremy. But I’m so addicted to him.
I walk out of the bathroom undecided.
Jeremy is no longer in the dining room and the mess has been cleaned up. I look over into the kitchen and see him in front of the sink. Washing dishes. My heart swells.
“You don’t have to do that. I have a dishwasher.”
He looks up at me, smiles and winks. “I noticed. It was full. Of dirty dishes.”
Shit. Busted.
“Well you still don’t have to wash those. I can do it later.”
“It’s fine. It’s just a few. Plus, I feel obligated after the magnificent feast you prepared for me.”
“It was hardly a feast. But thank you. For the kudos and the dishes.”
“You are welcome. I didn’t know where your vacuum was. You may want to go over that spot by the table where the plate broke.”
“I’ll do that now before I forget.” I head to the utility closet to grab the vacuum when Jeremy turns off the water. “Hey, Livy.”
I pause at the sound of my name coming from his lips. I love hearing him say my name. “Yeah?”
“You ok? I’m sorry if I said something...”
“It’s fine Jeremy. I’m fine.”
He walks from around the counter and I see his hands. I burst out into laughter.
Uncontrollable laughter.
I snorted. “Oh my God, where did you get those?” I point to his hands which are fitted with pink, floral rubber gloves. He looks down at his hands and turns them over a few times. “What? They were under the sink. My mom has some just like this. I worked hard getting the calluses I have on these hands. I don’t want to ruin them with conditioning dish soap.” He air quotes the last three words. I begin my belly laugh all over again. Another snort emerges. He shrugs his shoulders and returns to the sink, continuing with the washing. I give the floor a quick vacuum and then head into the kitchen to help him finish up the cleaning.
“Do you want some more wine?” I ask as I grab our two glasses.
“Sure,” he says while wiping the counter top. I pour some wine and hand him his glass. He’s leaning against the counter facing me with his legs crossed and his sleeves rolled up. Sexy as hell. I try not to make it obvious how much I want him to be naked. I sip my wine.
“Livy,” he starts.
Say it a thousand more times please.
“I am really sorry. I feel terrible. I shouldn’t have asked. I was just trying to make conversation. Not trying to pry about your past.”
I inhale and hold my breath a second or two before I exhale. “It’s ok. Really. My family is a sore subject. I’d rather not talk about it. But, you didn’t know.”
He sets down his glass and begins moving towards me. I put my glass down as well because I don’t know what’s about to happen. But I do know that I don’t want spilled red wine or more shattered dishes.
He’s right in front of me. He places a hand on my cheek. “Are we ok?”
Be happy. Have fun.
I look up at him and nod, but I’m lying. I don’t know if I can do this. I’m so scared.
“I think it’s ok to be scared, Livy.”
Seriously? How is everyone a mind reader all of a sudden?
“I’m scared,” he admits. “I know we haven’t known each o
ther that long but I know I don’t want to lose you. You are pretty awesome and you have no clue how much.”
There it is again. The breath holding, heart pounding, wobbly knees syndrome. How does he do this to me? I really want to tell him how he makes me feel too. He’s so open about how he feels about me and I’m standing here thinking about what it would be like to put my hand around his...
“Livy?”
“Yes?”
“Are you listening to me?”
Be honest.
“I’m trying to, Jeremy. And I want to tell you how you make me feel but I can’t seem to put words together.”
He removes his hand from my cheek “Try. I’m really interested to know.”
Inhale. Exhale.
“Ok.”
Inhale. Exhale.
“I’ve never really dated anyone because I learned pretty quickly that most guys attracted to me are only interested in what’s underneath the threads.” I place my hands on my boobs for articulation. Jeremy’s eyes go wide.
I’m such an idiot.
I clear my throat.
“But you talk about how you like things about me that aren’t physical. And I really like that. It...”
I have his full attention but I can’t say it.
“It what?” he asks
Inhale. Exhale.
“Before our first date I liked you because you were so easy to talk to and you never once tried to make moves on me. It was nice. But it was nice like he’s-a-great-pal kind of nice.”
“Um?” he begins.
“Let me finish please. At the end of our first date you told me how you liked my laugh and my work ethic and it seriously threw me for a loop. And since then...”
“Since then?” Jeremy repeats.
God I can’t believe I’m about to say this. I look into his eyes, unwavering.
“Well it really kind of...turned me on.”
His eyebrows raise.
“I mean I’ve never been really turned on by guys before. I thought I had but once you said those things I knew what I felt at that moment was the real thing. You were standing there telling me all those sweet things about how you were attracted to my mind, while being as non-physical as possible and I was standing there thinking how I wanted to throttle you and rip our clothes off.”
Jeremy audibly swallows and clears his throat.
Is he sweating?
Wrap it up, Livy, so he can run away.
“And that’s all I’ve thought about since. You in my bed. Or the couch. Or the countertop. I like your sense of humor too. And your smile. And I like that you listen to me when I talk. But I love your cologne and the way your hair feels in my fingers and you are lucky that damn timer beeped before dinner because otherwise we’d be on that living room floor right now, naked and hungry.”
That should have done it. Too much information. He’s terrified. Exit stage left.
Instead of doing an about face and bolting, Jeremy picks me up and sits me on the counter. He locks eyes with me briefly and then kisses me with the same magnitude as before. I throw my arms over his shoulders, fingers instantly in his hair. I wrap my legs around him and pull him as close as I possibly can. He smells so good. My hands decided to explore and slide down to his biceps, which are quite exquisite. I reach down and grab his ass. Holy Jesus, it’s such a nice ass. Jeremy groans and lifts me off the counter and begins walking towards the living room. He breaks our kiss momentarily and tilts his head. “This floor?”
I nod. No time for words. Back to kissing please. He gets the message and kisses me again. His lips move away from mine and to my jaw line and neck as he lowers me to the floor. My whole body is tingling and my heart may just literally explode. What a mess that would be. The first guy that actually makes me feel this way and I might just die before we even do anything serious.
He puts his hand under my shirt and brushes it over my stomach.
“I’ve wanted to touch you since the first time I saw you. But I was scared you’d kick my ass.”
I laugh.
“And when you flashed me in the back yard earlier, I thought I was going to lose it.”
“What’s a girl to do? You were questioning my femininity.” I bat my eyelashes.
He kisses my neck again and moves to my collarbone. He moves his hand up, still under my shirt and runs his fingers over my bra. The sensation I have from the kissing and from his hands working simultaneously is overwhelming. I let out a tiny groan of my own.
“God, Livy. You are so fucking sexy.”
He said my name.
He’s kissing my chest just above the neckline of my shirt.
His hands are inching their way under my bra.
My body is going to burst into flames.
Noises are coming from my mouth that I’m not sure I’ve made before.
My fingers are in his hair, writhing and begging him for more.
I never want this to end.
I hear the front door unlock.
“Livy?”
It’s Sara and she sounds upset.
Jeremy bolts upright and straightens his shirt. And then my shirt.
He grabs my hand and pulls me up. I look at the clock on the wall. It’s only eight. She shouldn’t be here. She should be working.
Something is wrong.
“Sara?” I make my way towards her. I see her face and she’s been crying but her look makes it obvious that she knows what she walked in on. She puts her hand to her mouth and begins to cry. “I’m so sorry,” she murmurs softly. “I tried to call you like a hundred times.”
“My phone is charging in my room. I never heard it ring. Sara, what’s wrong? You are scaring me. Are you ok? Are you hurt?”
She shakes her head and I instantly feel relief.
“It’s Joe. He was at the bar tonight doing some kind of paperwork. I mentioned to him that one of the taps was floated and he said he’d change it out. I told him I’d do it but he insisted. Twenty minutes later, the tap was still empty so I went back to change it myself. I figured Joe just forgot or something. But when I got back to the storage room…”
Sara starts crying harder. I hug her and stroke her hair. Jeremy is in the room with us now and he places a hand on my shoulder. “Shhhh. Sara, what happened?”
She pulls back. “Joe was lying on the floor. Unconscious. With a full keg sitting on his chest.” She could barely manage to get the words out.
“Oh my God, is he ok?” Something in my brain triggers and I go on autopilot looking for my keys. I don’t really know what Sara says after that. I hear “9-1-1” and “hospital” and “alive”. That’s it. Then I hear Jeremy say my name a few times while I’m rummaging around the coffee table for my car keys.
Jeremy grabs my arm and I recoil.
“Livy,” he says gently.
“What!” I scream, still rummaging.
“What are you looking for?”
“I’m looking for my goddamned car keys! I have to go see Joe!”
Jeremy takes my arm again and I try to break away from his grip, which stiffens. He pulls me into him and hugs me tight.
“Please calm down. It’s going to be ok.”
I inhale his cologne and it soothes me.
I look up at him. “I have to go to the hospital,” I say quietly.
“Ok. I’ll drive you and Sara to the hospital. Both of you are a too upset to drive. Let’s go.”
I let go of him and head toward Sara and the door.
~~~
We get to the hospital in less than ten minutes but it is hours before they let us see Joe. At first it was because of the whole we’re not family issue but after I pleaded with the nurse and explained to her that we were the only family he had, she grew sympathetic and told us she’d let us know what she could find out. After a while, she called me to the counter and said that they were doing x-rays and cat scans to see the extent of the damage. She told me that Joe was conscious and stable and that she would let Sara and I go back as
soon as she could. After three hours, the nurse finally let us back. I told Jeremy he could leave and we’d get a cab home. Then, I nearly ran down the hall to Joe’s room. When I saw him, I thought I was going to cry. He looked so frail and puny. I sucked it up though, because I didn’t want to him to see the pain in my face and make him feel worse.
“Joe.” I grabbed his hand and sat beside his bed.
“Livy. Hey, darlin’. You didn’t have to come down here and check on me.” His fingers wrapped around my hand.
And I cried. Dammit.
“Aw, hun. Don’t be upset. I’m ok. I’ll be up and about in no time.”
I wipe my face. “What happened? Sara said she found you in the storage room KO’d with a full keg on your chest.”
“Shit. Is she alright?”
“Yeah. She’s here. She’ll be in soon.”
“You gals are too good to me.”
“You are good to us too, Joe. Now spill it.”
“Well you know I’m a stubborn old fart.”
I raise an eyebrow and nod.
“Sara said she had a keg blown. She’s such an itty bitty thing. I just wanted to help. Hell, it’s my bar for crying out loud. Anyways, I lifted the keg from the crate and my back went out and I fell backwards. The keg landed on me and strait up knocked the wind outta me.”
“Oh Joe, you daft old bastard.”
“I know. It was stupid.”
“So...how’d you end up passed out?”
“Well, I tried to yell for help with what little breath I had. I tried to roll the keg off me but my back just wouldn’t let me move. After a few minutes I got dizzy and that’s the last I remember until they put the oxygen mask on me and loaded me on the stretcher.”
“Please don’t ever do that again. I’m so glad you are ok.”
“Thanks, hun. Now I want you to go on home back to that boy of yours. Sara said you had a date tonight with that fella that sits around my bar all the time.”
Dammit, Sara!
“It’s fine, Joe. He went home. It’s ok really.”
“Well go get some rest then. You need it. You look like shit.”
“Thanks. You really are a charmer, Joe.”
“The ladies love me.” He winks.
“Joe?” Sara pops her head in. When she catches sight of Joe, she immediately starts to cry. “Aw hun, not you too,” he says.
