by Lynn, K. I.
He was hot, hard, and silky in my hand. A shuffle of clothing and he swatted my hand away before lining up and slamming in. My head dropped back as every nerve exploded, the blood pumping through my veins flashing away by fire.
“Richard,” I mewled as I pulled him closer.
He wasted no time, our eyes locked as he drilled into me. It was fast and dirty and everything I needed right then. Each thrust whited out my mind and amped up the pleasure that rolled through me, ratcheting higher each time he bottomed out until I was hanging onto him for dear life, lost in a sea of ecstasy.
I clung to him, unable to do anything but take him. Every muscle tightened and a low groan left him.
“You wanted to give them a peep show,” he growled into my ear. “Fucking show them what I do to you.”
His words made the tightness snap and I cried out. He cursed in my ear, his thrusts faltering before he slammed into me one last time. As I came down and the world came back into focus, I pressed light kisses to his neck.
“By the way, Miss Exhibitionist,” he said after a minute or two of rest. “The windows are mirrored. You can’t see in.”
My mouth popped open and I glanced over to all the lights I’d seen in the building next to us. That was when I noticed that what I had seen was the light shining from an open window and the sun reflecting.
Whoops.
“Well, just the thought of it was hot,” I said. Which was incredibly true. Maybe I was a bit of an exhibitionist. If I was, I totally blamed it on him.
“As hot as my sweatpants?” he asked as he brushed my hair back.
I bit down on my lips as I glanced down to where we were still joined. “Mmm, those are definitely hotter.”
“Then, speaking of lingerie…” he trailed off, his eyes glancing to a box sitting on the end of the counter. “I know it won’t fit for long, but I got you a little surprise that I would love for you to model for me later.”
“Did you, now? Hmm, I supposed I could do that, but you’ve got to keep these pants on.”
He pressed his lips to mine. “Deal.”
The next morning I let out a contented sigh, my head on Richard’s chest, listening to the steady swoosh of his heart. It was one of those bliss-filled mornings you wished you could bottle. The sun was shining, I was certain birds were chirping somewhere but we were too high up, and I was a boneless body draped over the man that I had very strong feelings for.
With each breath there was a hint of spice from his cologne, and I snuggled in a little closer to his warmth. The light touch of his fingertips tracing shapes up and down my arm only furthered my descent into blissville.
“We should probably get up,” I whispered, to which he gave a small hum that vibrated in his chest. “There is supposed to be sightseeing and dates and having fun.” Another hum. I wanted to give him a playful smack, but couldn’t seem to muster the energy to even lift my fingers. “We can’t just have sex all weekend.”
“Why not?”
A small zing of pleasure moved through me. His morning voice was pure sexual stimulation—deep, full of gravel, with that edge of constant command it always held.
Unfortunately, his question felt very valid. The baby was zapping my energy a lot lately, and as much as I wanted to do the touristy things, I also just wanted to stay all nice and cozy wrapped up in him.
Somehow I managed to muster enough energy to tilt my head back. “Your son is hungry.”
“My son? You mean my daughter.”
I loved our little disagreement on the gender of our baby. “I thought you’d be hoping for a boy.”
“Of course I’d like a boy. I’d also like a girl.”
I shook my head. “I’m not having twins.”
“In that case we’ll have one this time, then next time try for the other,” he said, and my heart skipped.
“Next time, huh?”
“I guess that may be a little early.” There was such conviction in his voice I knew I wasn’t the only one falling hard in this relationship. Early, yes, but my heart leapt at the knowledge that he was already seeing us together years down the road.
“Maybe, but I have to tell you something.”
“What’s that?” he asked.
I smiled up at him. “How happy I am with you.”
He craned his neck to look down at me, his hand moving to cup my face, a small smile playing on his lips and a softness in his gaze. “Me too.”
All of our grand plans of seeing the city gave way to being snuggled under blankets on the sofa while binge watching movies on Annex and ordering takeout. His phone rang a few times, causing us to have to pause whatever we were watching, but I didn’t mind.
I couldn’t remember the last time I enjoyed just being with a boyfriend. We hadn’t been together long, but as I stared into his eyes while we talked late into the morning it hit me—love.
I was already in love with him.
Mid March
I stared down at my phone, at the photo I’d taken at Natasha’s the weekend before. Natasha was asleep, her arm thrown up above her head, breasts covered by the sheet.
How many years had it been since I had felt this way about a woman? Since I could barely stand being away from a girlfriend or my wife for more than a few hours?
Searching my memory, I could find none. Perhaps some from high school came close, but the woman had my mind wandering in the middle of the day. She had me working long into the night so that I could leave early just to see her sooner. I didn’t tell her that, though. I couldn’t.
Only a month had passed, but it felt like multiple months. There was never the usual period of awkwardness. It felt like she knew the deepest parts of me without even trying. And if she didn’t, she could force them out of me. It was amazing and freeing, and frightening as hell.
A knock sounded at my door and I cleared the screen, but not without one last longing glance at my beauty.
“Come in.”
“Hey, man,” Keenan said with a grin as he walked in and sat in one of the chairs in front of my desk.
“Is it lunch already?” I asked.
He nodded. “When you weren’t in the lobby, I figured I needed to come pry you away from those spreadsheets you love so much. Though I gotta say, I don’t think it’s those that have got you grinning like a fool.”
My eyes flashed open and I quickly fixed my expression, pulling my mouth into a neutral line.
He shook his head. “Not gonna help, man. I saw that lovey-dovey look in your eye. That girl has you wrapped around her little finger.” He twirled his finger in the air.
“That’s not it,” I argued, though he was correct.
“Nothing to be defensive about. Love looks good on you.”
Love. Fuck.
Natasha and I hadn’t been together long. “Too soon for that.”
Keenan’s brow scrunched. “No, it’s not. You’ve been in love with her since that night. Your incessant whining when she didn’t contact you back was enough to tell me that.”
I narrow my gaze on him. “I was not incessantly whining.”
“Maybe. Thing is, you’ve been obsessed with her since that night. You talked about her nonstop for a week, and you never do that shit. Not even with Desiree, and you married her.”
“Worst decision of my life,” I grumbled.
“Hey, at least you got out of it before you got high up the corporate ladder. Unlike me, having to split my contract.”
“And now you’re a working stiff like me.” It was a joke we volleyed around, but the truth was Keenan was pretty much set for retirement. I’d made sure of it. Investments that created a steady income. I got him in on Annex when they were up and coming, before I worked for them, and even had him invest in a few fast food franchises.
“Nah, I ain’t like you. Honestly, you lost the dream.”
“That dream was shattered with my body, remember?”
“That’s a hit I’ll never forget. What I’m saying is you sit here al
l day working your ass off, making the money, but you have no life, no joy in your heart. This chick gives you that joy in a way I’ve never seen in you. It may be early, but that doesn’t mean it ain’t real.”
“I think I’m still in a bit of shock that it’s all real. I’m going to be a dad.”
He nodded. “I may talk shit about my ex, but she’s a good mom and we made some fantastic kids. You’re going to be a great dad. How’s that going to work, by the way? Is she going to move up here?”
I stood and pulled my jacket from the hanger. “We haven’t really gotten to talk about all that yet, but I assume she’ll move up here. I can switch her to another department in the company.”
He nodded. “Not a bad plan, but I’d talk it out with her soon.”
“We’re still getting to know each other. There’s still time.”
We headed out of my office and down the hall toward the elevator. I gave Michael, the CEO, a wave as I passed his office, and he held up his sandwich. I couldn’t help but shake my head. The man rarely left his office for lunch.
“By the way, I’ve got box seats to the Cubs opening day if you want to take KJ and Mina,” I said as we walked down the block toward our usual deli spot.
“Really? That would be awesome. Thanks.”
“No problem.” We stepped into the crowded restaurant, and immediately I stopped.
Heading out the door walking straight for me was a figure I hadn’t seen in six years. Despite living in the same city as my ex-wife, I’d managed never to run into her until then.
“Rick.”
I looked up and locked gazes with a familiar set of green eyes. Eyes that I’d spent hours looking into. Eyes that I’d believed when she told me she loved me.
She wasn’t alone. There was a stroller in front of her with a bouncing toddler and my ex-best friend standing beside her with a small girl in his arms.
“Desiree. Andy,” I said.
My fists clenched at my side. Even after seven years, the sight of them made my blood boil. Their betrayal hit harder than anything else in my life.
“How are you doing?” Desiree asked, tension building between us.
I nodded, my jaw clenched. “I’m good. You two look well.” The air was stilted, awkward, and I knew I was the cause.
They glanced at each other, a look I remember seeing so many times and brushed it off as nothing. The obviousness of it was like a knife in the chest, reminding me what love could do, how it could shred your insides.
“What are you up to these days?” Andy asked.
“Work, mostly.”
“Are you married? Kids?” Desiree’s hopeful edge rubbed me wrong.
Natasha flashed in my mind, the barely there bump of our baby. “No.”
“But he’s got one on the way,” Keenan said from beside me.
I shot Keenan a death glare before looking at the fucking genuinely happy smile on Desiree’s face.
“That’s so wonderful!”
“She’s still in the first trimester, so we’re not really telling anyone yet.” I gave Keenan the side eye and clenched my jaw at his nonchalant attitude.
“The fall will be here before you know it,” Desiree said, already having worked out the rough due date. “I’m happy for you, Rick. I really wish you nothing but happiness.”
“Thanks.” It was all I could muster as I caught a glimpse of her wedding band. So different from the one I’d given her.
She gave me an awkward smile. “We should be going. It was so good seeing you again, Rick.”
I clenched my jaw and gave a curt nod before watching them walk past in their happy little family bubble.
Keenan and I were seated at a high-back booth, and I ordered a bourbon before the hostess even left. I didn’t give a single fuck that it wasn’t her job, someone was getting me a fucking drink.
“They looked good,” Keenan said, completely ignoring the anger I knew was all over my face.
“Right out of a fucking magazine. Doesn’t fucking matter what they had to do to get there, who and what they destroyed.”
“Cool it down, man.”
I glared up at him. “I can’t be pissed because she’s happy?”
“It’s been seven years,” he reminded me.
It didn’t help. All seven years had done was allow the anger to stew, and seeing them together just stirred it all up again. Dusted off the memories, the pain and anger. “I fucking know. But to see them like that. Married. Kids. To see them happy and lovey knowing what they did to get there. How they fucked me over. Lied to me over and over. Why was I the victim in it all and I’m still getting punched?”
“I get it, man, but you can’t keep this negativity on you. All it’s going to do is fuck you up. You’ve got a kick-ass girl and a baby on the way. Screw them. Let go of all that shit and remember what you have.”
“What do I have? A woman I barely know that I fucking knocked up because I was thinking with my dick.”
Keenan’s hand slammed down on the table. “Don’t fucking do that. Don’t put her down because you’re still pissed off at your ex. I know that’s not how you feel.”
He was right. I was letting my anger run right over my feelings for Natasha. I didn’t mean the words, not at all, but my mouth still spouted the shit.
Natasha was a breath of life. Inquisitive and quirky and sweet and witty, and so very different from Desiree in all the right ways. All the perfect ways, and she was carrying my baby. My baby.
“I didn’t mean…” I blew out a breath, but it did little to settle the turmoil that heaved inside my chest.
It was my baby, right?
“I know you didn’t, but you need a fucking smack upside the head for saying that shit. She’s not Desiree, so don’t try and put her in that same box.”
I nodded in agreement, but even then doubt began to weave. My chest tightened and my leg bounced.
My phone went off, and I answered it without even looking at the number.
“Hello,” I said in a brisk tone. There was a pause, and I was so close to hitting the end button when a soft voice came over the line.
“Hello. I’m looking for my boyfriend, Richard. Have you seen him?” Natasha said.
I blew out a breath, and I felt my body relax back in the seat. “I’m sorry.” And I meant that for more than just the attitude I answered the phone with. I also meant it for the venomous words I said about her in anger at my ex-wife.
“You wanna tell me what has you all in a huff?”
“Not particularly.”
She blew out a breath. “Okay, let’s try this again. What’s wrong? What happened? And don’t brush me off.”
It was so infuriating when she did that, when she forced me to tell her things I didn’t want to talk about, but I did it. Always. Because she asked, and she was also perceptive and hard to keep anything from. Tenacious in her quest to know me.
It was scary to open myself up, but I couldn’t stop myself from telling her anything.
Even the hardest things.
Even in the middle of a restaurant at lunch. The walls of the booth were high, at least six feet, and I pushed myself into the corner, my voice low as I spoke.
“It’s…I…I ran into Desiree and Andy.”
“And they are?” she asked.
I blinked, realizing my error—I’d never mentioned their names. “My ex-wife and my ex-best friend.”
“Oh.”
I’d told her some of what happened, but a glossy explanation of how my marriage exploded didn’t do the emotions justice.
“Yeah, so, not a great lunch.”
“They were together.” It was a statement, like she was putting together the pieces I was grindingly handing out.
“Yes.”
“After all these years.”
“With two kids,” I elaborated.
“That had to hurt,” she said softly, making my chest ache.
“Yes and no. The hurt came from the memories of the pain, of
having given myself to someone so completely only to be betrayed by the two people closest to me. Then, to see they’re living happily ever after and I’m still lost in the aftermath.”
Somehow the spilling out released the tension, and it felt like the pressure building inside me was leaking out from an unseen valve.
Keenan pointed to the menu as the waiter had arrived and I nodded as he pointed to a sandwich I often ordered.
“Thank you.”
“For what?” I asked. She should not have been thanking me, not with the way I was acting.
“Telling me. I know it’s hard for you.”
And I felt even shittier that I let myself even say, let alone think, those things about her, even for a fraction of a second.
Natasha wasn’t Desiree, and she’d given me absolutely no reason to distrust her.
“I caught them in bed together. In our bed,” I said, opening up more. With each word, more of that pressure subsided.
“That had to be awful seeing that.”
“They were done with that. There were voices coming from our bedroom, and when I got there I heard them talking about a future together, one that excluded me. At which point I stepped in and said that it could be arranged,” I said, my jaw clenching. “What hurt more was there was no fanfare. It was easy for her to walk away, to start over, but it wasn’t easy for me. I buried myself in work and tried to forget, but the hurt never went away.”
It was cathartic to tell her, to let her know some of the darkest parts of me.
“Why does it still bother you so much?” she asked. “I can tell you’re upset, I can hear it in your voice.”
Why did it? Even I wasn’t sure. “I don’t know how to answer that.”
“Are you still in love with her?” There was a shake in her voice, and I didn’t like that.
“No,” I said forcefully. I’d long ago let that feeling die out.
“Then what is it? Why does seeing her affect you so?” As she pressed on I realized she needed to know as much as I needed to tell her, though I didn’t want to.
“Because they were the two people I loved most in the world, people I thought loved me, but they didn’t,” I ground out.
