“You can come for me, now. You have permission.”
So Ben does, shooting his cum all over the counter, but he’s not aware of how much mess he makes or whether he looks ridiculous, wheezing for oxygen when Xander removes his hand afterwards, because the orgasm has sucked everything out of him, and all that he sees is the edge of subspace, and into it he jumps wholeheartedly.
He’s lying on the bed when he comes back to himself, limbs heavy with languor, and his face is wet. He hopes it’s sweat, but from the way Xander is nuzzling and licking at him, he’s pretty sure it’s not. But hey, at least he’s predictable—maybe if he hadn’t cried, it would have been a bad sign.
He opens his mouth to say as much, make a joke about it, but what comes out instead is, “Break me apart. Put me back together.”
“Is that what I’m doing?”
“Mmf,” Ben says in agreement.
“Good thing I’m amazing at jigsaws, then. You’re complex.”
It’s no good. Ben can’t find his words, so he grunts acknowledgement; that’s as conversational as he’s going to get right now.
“You were reciting poetry for me again,” Xander says, touching his lips to Ben’s nose. “I mean, apart from the earlier Dr. Seuss homage.” Ben looks blankly back at him. “Nose to toes and toes to nose? Okay, you’re still too far gone for humor.”
Ben makes a questioning noise, and Xander is adept enough to interpret it.
“I’m not sure what the quote was; you were mumbling. But it sounded familiar. Something about doubting the stars?”
Ben thinks it over and then smiles, nodding when Xander asks him if he recognizes it. “Shakespeare. You should know it too.” When he’s fully recovered his voice, he recites the quote from Hamlet.
“Doubt thou the stars are fire,
“Doubt that the sun doth move,
“Doubt truth to be a liar,
“But never doubt I love.”
Xander says with faux-seriousness, “But the sun doesn’t move, not relative to Earth, anyway, and—”
“You’re really going to argue with the Bard?” Ben asks with a grin, and lets Xander push him down hard into the bed again.
“Maybe later,” Xander says. “It’s my turn.” He slides on top of Ben, cock rubbing through the sweat and cum still coating his stomach, and begins to rock back and forth. Bites down carefully on Ben’s shoulder to fix the position.
Subspace comes on quickly this time, as easily as it used to, and Ben lets himself get carried away on the current of it as soon as Xander tells him he can go.
“How do you feel?” Xander asks later, after recovery, when they’re unabashedly passing the bottle of champagne back and forth to swig from it, and Xander is getting cookie crumbs all over the bed.
“Good. Fantastic. Light.” Ben can feel the weight is gone.
“That Shakespeare quote—you have stars on your mind again. That’s where you go, isn’t it? When you float off like that?”
“Usually. Yes. Up into the night sky.” He sees stars most of the time when he’s soaring, Ursa Major guiding his path upward. Ben feels a rush of euphoria and gratitude to Xander; to the whole universe.
He’s never felt so free.
Epilogue
“Do I look okay?” Ben asks for the fifth time. He’s so nervous, but Xander thankfully doesn’t make fun of him, just pulls him close to kiss his forehead. They’re about to leave Ben’s apartment to go to a barbecue, which will also be the first scene-related event Ben has ever been to. Ben has already changed his outfit three times. He’s even been reduced to asking Xander for his sartorial advice.
“Jeans and a shirt are fine,” Xander told him. “You’re gorgeous in everything.”
“Shouldn’t I wear something, you know…kinky?”
“I guess you could wear assless chaps and a butt-plug if you want, Ballard. But I don’t think anyone else will. It’s a cookout, not a sex party.”
Ben looks himself over in the bedroom mirror again despite Xander’s assurances. He’s terrified for several reasons, not the least of which is the fact that Dr Dubois (whose first name has still not been revealed to him) is the one hosting, along with her husband, Niklaus. Ben hasn’t seen her in person since he rocked up to her office bleeding from the nose, without an appointment. But Xander has assured him—repeatedly—that she’s looking forward to seeing him again. That the other people coming, making up an intimate party of eight, are also eager to meet Ben and get to know him.
Maybe it’s that that’s making him most nervous. Ben doesn’t want to be the center of attention or anything. Still, with one of the couples heavily into puppy play and the other steeped in the Gorean lifestyle (Ben had to look that one up, and still kind of wishes he hadn’t), he guesses he and Xander won’t be the weirdest ones there.
“Is that really something you’re worried about?” Xander asks, when Ben verbalizes the thought.
“We’ve just been so private,” Ben says. “I don’t know. It’s a big deal for me.”
Xander comes up behind to wrap his arms around Ben, and rests his chin on Ben’s shoulder. “I’m sorry it took so long for me to do this,” Xander says sincerely, looking at him in the mirror.
Ben just smiles. “We’re doing it now. That’s what counts.”
Xander kisses his cheek, squeezing him tight. “There’s something I wanted to give you before we leave.”
Ben tilts his head, watching Xander in the mirror. He didn’t see Xander bring in anything with him when he arrived to pick Ben up. And Xander seems tentative and nervous all of a sudden. “What is it?” he asks. “And please don’t say a soaked cane,” he adds with a grin.
Xander huffs a laugh, but doesn’t say anything. He just releases his arms from around Ben and brings his left hand—or rather, his closed left hand, around to Ben’s chest. Ben looks down.
Xander is holding something hidden in his hand. He rolls his wrist so his fingers are on top, and opens them.
Lying in his palm is a key.
Ben glances up at Xander in the mirror, delight making him grin. “To your house?” he says.
He gave back the New York apartment key when Xander moved out of that studio-funded place. For the next season of The Hunter, Xander will only be making cameos as Jasper Crane, so he won’t have to live in New York. In fact, he was supposed to be a one-season villain, but his soaring popularity with fans and rumored award-season nominations have given him a higher pay-check along with special guest star billing for the next season; the writers ditched Crane’s execution, granting him a last-second reprieve in the show. They’ve decided keep him around as a Hannibal Lecter-type advisor for the main characters.
“To my house,” Xander confirms with a nod. “But actually…” He pauses and takes a deep breath. “This is scarier than I thought it would be,” he murmurs, but Ben just waits, heart beating faster as the silence stretches. “Actually,” Xander continues, louder and more confident, “I wondered if it could become our house. I’d like you to move in with me, maybe not right now, but in the next few months. You don’t have to give me an answer right—”
“Yes.”
Xander blinks. “You can spend a few days thinking it over if you want, baby, I know you prefer to have time to—”
“I don’t need time,” Ben says, and turns around so he’s not looking at Mirror Xander anymore, but Real Xander. He cups Xander’s face with his hand and says, “Yes, I’ll move in with you,” and then pulls him into a deep kiss. “I fucking love you,” Ben says, when he breaks for air.
Xander gives a wide, goofy grin that shows all his teeth and makes his eyes crinkle. “I love you too,” he says. “And I can’t wait to introduce you to everyone tonight.”
Author’s Note
It’s my personal opinion that there is no way to make breathplay safe, but it’s a lovely thing to fantasize about if you’re into that, and hence this book takes some liberties. If you’d like more information on the problems and issues in
asphyxiation/breath control play, I suggest reading Jay Wiseman’s writings on the topic.
NEXT
Flying Free
Benjamin Ballard and Xander Romano have never had a conventional relationship.
But it works for them, even if the people around them don’t always understand it.
Flying Free is the next instalment in the Rough Love series. Find out more about Xander’s past, and discover what the future holds next for Xander and Ben…
Exclusive Offer: Safe Word
Safe Word
Safe words are fundamental to any healthy kinky relationship.
Ben Ballard knows this.
So why can’t he bring himself to use his?
Safe Word is a 10,000-word extra exploring the first time Ben called ‘Odyssey’ on Xander Romano…and why it took him so long.
Note: This story is set early in the series and takes place during the period of Taken by Him. They’re not officially going out yet; it’s pre-subspace; and Xander has yet to discover the deliciousness of cookie things.
Safe Word is an extra part of the Rough Love series available exclusively to newsletter subscribers. Join up now to grab your copy, and keep up with all my news and giveaways.
Also by the Author
Electric Blue!: A M/M Superhero Romance (Novella)
What would you do if you found out your best friend was LA's hottest superhero?
What would you do if you'd been in love with that best friend for years?
Zayne Williams fell for Chris Mitchell the moment they met, but Chris has always held him at arm’s length. Today, Zayne found out why.
Chris has a secret alter-ego: he’s Electric Blue, Los Angles’ greatest superhero! But he swore to keep his identity secret, because he knows how dangerous it can be when a villain finds out who you really are. And falling in love? Is a danger Chris doesn’t want to face…
But Zayne is determined to become Electric Blue’s sidekick, and work among a group of not-so-super heroes.
Will Zayne convince Chris that he needs a sidekick, and even better, a boyfriend?
Can Chris protect Zayne from villains who’d kill him just to get to Electric Blue?
And will both of them be able to survive the SHADOWY SUPERVILLAIN rising in Los Angeles?
TUNE IN TO FIND OUT!
Obedience School: Series One
Join Drew and Zack as they go from gentle puppy play to joining a group for strict human-pup training. Zack loves to learn his place, whether it's at Drew's side or at the foot of the bed!
Obedience School: Series One contains the short stories House Trained, Howl and Unleashed.
Stuffed (Novella)
Kristian Coe and Jackson Quinn have discovered a mutual love of medical sounds. But will their play mess up their friendship and push the boundaries of what was supposed to be casual fuckbuddy fun?
Break the Rules (Rough Love Book 7) Page 25
