“Go on, you can tell me, after that kind of buildup…though I wager I know what you are going to say.” I try to stop my lips from stretching into a gloating smile. Okay, so maybe I didn’t try too hard.
She squeezes her fingers together, and the skin across her knuckles stretches tight. She shakes her head.
I scoop up another forkful of the food and hold it to her mouth. Her features are still set in that mutinous glance, but she parts her lips and slurps up the food. She closes her eyes and chews, then swallows. Another groan ripples from her.
“It’s as good as that last orgasm I gave you, admit it.”
She cracks open her eyelids. The amber gleams. “Yeah, fine. You’re right again. Though with the kind of self-confidence you have, I don’t know why you simply can’t also admit that we are good for each other.”
My chest constricts.
I put down the fork and push away from the table. Walking to the window of the kitchen, I look out. I am a master at evasion. Typical male behavior, I know, except when it comes to Fire, I have been behaving in any which way but normal. I half turn to her. “That’s the problem. We are too good together. If we continue this way, I’ll mate you, and I don’t want that.”
Her shoulders slump, and her chin wobbles. “You knotted me.”
I set my jaw. “I couldn’t stop myself. Doesn’t mean I am going to mate you. I can’t soul-bond with you, Fire.”
“Can’t or won’t?” Her voice is quiet, her features almost composed.
“Does it matter?” I crack my neck from side to side. “I told you upfront, I am not the kind to take a mate.”
“You don’t mean it.” Her shoulders droop.
Only when I feel the floor under my bare feet do I realize I’ve taken a step forward. I don’t want to hurt her, I don’t, and yet…is there any other way to break this to her? This is for the best. The more she hates me, the faster she’ll forget me. “The kind of work I do for the Fae Corps means my life is always at risk, and I can’t put you through that.”
She springs up to her feet so fast the chair crashes behind her, then thumps her palms on either side of the plate. “I am calling your bluff, Soldier. You say you are no good for me, that you can’t put me through the kind of emotional hardship mated partners go through when the other is away for extended periods of time, and you know what? I don’t believe it.”
I stiffen. “Don’t be ridiculous.”
“You called me a liar, but the biggest liar here is you.” She leans her weight forward on the balls of her feet.
I prop my arms on my hips. “Careful, Fire.”
Her chest heaves. “Your threats don't bother me. You care for me, Chef. More than that, you are half in love with me. You can’t stand to see another male look at me. You want to direct what I do, what I eat, yet you stand there and tell me you can’t mate me…and you know why that is?”
I take a step forward, then stop. My thighs go solid, and my shoulders bunch. “I am sure you are going to tell me.”
“You think you are macho, dominant, an alpha. And you are right. I am no match for you. I’d submit to you any time, because I love you, you asshole. And you love me, too. Only you are too scared to admit it. You are afraid, Chef. Full of fear. You don’t want to take a risk.”
Blood pumps at my temples. There is a pressure behind my eyeballs, and a ball of emotion clogs my throat. I can’t speak. Can’t move. Can’t do anything but stare.
“I am done here.” Turning, she races for the exit.
25
Jess
Stupid, stupid temper. I have gone and done it now. I’d just poured out everything I’d been thinking. But the fact is that I’d woken from that incredible night of loving with a sense of complete rejuvenation. He’d knotted me, and I’d heard Faes did that only to their mates. So pardon a girl for believing that the night had meant more than the conversation we’d had in there. Which was utter bullshit. The man is running scared, his feelings galloping ahead at a pace he no doubt can’t keep up with. And instead of trying to talk it through, he’d gone ahead and arrived at a decision which he assumed was good for both of us. But you know what? He doesn’t control my actions, not anymore.
I’d agreed to everything he’d said so far, but no more.
He’d been so good at convincing me that I’d wanted to submit to him, and he’d been right. Those hours in his arms, in his bed, surrounded by him, immersed in him as he’d taken me and brought me to climax over and over again is not something I am going to ever forget. And therein lies the real problem.
Sometime in the last day he’d crawled under my skin, wormed his way into my blood, and he’d knotted not just my body but also my heart.
He’d bound me to him in ways I’d have never thought possible. I’d never felt this close to anyone before…nor this distant, for I still really didn’t know him. Except that his skills in bed are matched only by his cooking skills, and that only makes him more dangerous. More lethal. More everything. It’s why I am going to leave.
I’ve never been the gambling sort. You don’t screw up your life when you have kids, and to think I had walked in there this morning ready to tell him everything. To let him into my life and share the one thing I’ve never revealed to anyone before. Only the Bureau knows—they had to since they are my employers. No one else is aware of the real reason why I enrolled with them. It was a sheer necessity. The fact that you get compensated for the risks almost makes up for the fact that each time I leave home I know I might not return.
My only consolation is that if I die in the line of duty my kids will be taken care of. To think all of that had clean gone out of my mind since I’d laid eyes on him.
My fault. And now I deserve to be punished. I’d put my needs ahead of the children for the first time. Lesson learned. Nothing is worth jeopardizing the trust they’ve placed in me. I’d made up scenarios in my head where Chef was part of my family. What had I been thinking? I should have known the connection we’d felt was too good to be true. Not the connection itself…that I don’t doubt. But Tristan obviously felt it and felt the need to deny it.
At least he’d revealed his true intentions early…before I had taken him home and introduced him to the kids.
Reaching the decking of that now-infamous balcony, the sight of my at least one aborted attempt at escaping, I come to a halt.
The air around me thins, and the hair on the back of my neck hardens. He’s teleporting in here; I am sure of that.
I leap toward the bars that surround the deck and fling my leg over.
“Don’t do that, Fire.” His voice cuts through the space.
There's so much command in it, so much dominance, that the inherent power of his personality comes through the tone and lassoes around me. My insides tremble. The need to obey is so strong. I falter. Maybe I should turn. Maybe I need to talk this through with him.
“Come back, you know you want to.”
“Wrong.” He’d surmised that he knew what I was thinking. He thought he could influence me into doing what he wanted, and guess what? He's right. Damn the man.
I grip the railing of the balcony and throw one leg over it.
“Jess. Jessica. What are you doing?”
I frown at him over my shoulder. “I am leaving. Isn’t that what you want?”
“Yes.” He shakes his head. “No.” He firms his lips. “Fuck if I know what I want anymore.”
Huh?
He rakes his fingers through his hair. The gesture is uncertain, and so different from that alpha male persona of his, that my chest constricts.
“You sound like you mean it; you know that?” Strange conversation to be having when you are hanging over the banister, with the river thundering below, and the sky calling out to me.
I angle my gaze up toward the silver lining of the clouds where the sun shines.
“That’s because I do.”
His voice is harsh, and something in the tone makes me swivel my gaze to meet his.
He widens his stance, then plants his hands on his hips. That sculpted chest of his ripples as if there are emotions running under his skin. All fake. Don’t believe him. Not after the way he tried to lessen whatever was between us. “I’d have been convinced by that act of yours a few hours ago.” I toss my head.
“A few hours ago you were writhing under me, Jess.”
“I didn't have a choice.” I gnaw on my lower lip. “You knotted me, without telling me what to expect.” Why am I talking to him when I should simply leave him?
“I knotted you because I wanted to.” His jaw goes solid.
“Or because you couldn’t stop yourself," I prop a hand on my hip. “I mean, you do think with your dick, admit it.” So, I am being bitchy, but he seems to bring out that hated part of me that I so try to hide. All that façade I put on to the outside world, where I am cool and sassy and not giving a damn about anything, all that is fake, this desperate woman standing here, bartering for something…elusive.
Something that has always been out of reach.
“I’ll give you what you need, Jess.”
I tighten my fingers on the railing. His words echo my thoughts, but he didn’t soul-bond me, so I am not his mate, so there’s no way he knows what I am feeling. That he’s trampled on all my emotions, and now there’s nothing inside, just this cold, numb feeling.
“Come back to me, Fire. We’ll make this…whatever it is between us work, I promise.”
How strange, he sounds almost desperate. Maybe it’s only when you lose something you know how much you actually valued it. Cliché. Another one, I’m full of them today.
“You can’t, and PS”—I snicker— “it’s too late. We’ve already officially broken up. Hang on a sec…” I incline my head. “We were never really together. In fact, that had to be the shortest relationship, even for me. A record of sorts. Something to remember you by.”
“I can’t just stand by and watch you dive off.” He folds his arms over his chest, and his biceps bulge.
“You do know I can fly, right?”
“Maybe, but I brought you here, and I’ll be the one to take you back.” His jaw ticks.
The gall of the man. “Dominant to the core.” I chuckle, and the sound comes out broken. That would officially be the sound of my heart crumpling. “Goodbye, Chef.”
I turn around, drop into myself, into that core hidden deep inside. The part that rears forward, catching fire. The amber energy sweeps through my blood and floods out of my pores.
I throw my head back and shriek, let the fire blast out from my pores.
My neck elongates, my nails push out, and the scales break through. I bend my knees for leverage when something slams into my chest. Fire rips through me…no, this is worse. The impact burns through my flesh and rips out everything in its path.
I open my mouth to scream, but no sound emerges.
The wind whistles past me. The scent of smoky incense and pinewood floods my nostrils, then darkness pulls me under.
26
Tristan
Fear twists my guts. All my hackles rise, and I teleport after her. Diving down, I see her hurtling toward the surface of the water.
I have to catch her; I will save her.
That trained part of my brain insists I do a quick scan of the surroundings. I split my consciousness, sweeping the area with my senses, detecting no signs of anything alive, which means the hit has been operated remotely, which means she is still not safe.
Another hiss of air, and a shot whistles past me.
I twist my body, and the bullet slams into my shoulder.
Pain spears my side, and white-hot sparks flash in front of my eyes. I don’t pause, simply accelerate my telekinetic energy and push the molecules of my body forward, projecting to her.
I swoop down and lock my arms around her.
The droplets of water spray from the surface of the river and drench me. I cradle her close, and she’s still so still, my heart jackknifes, and I am sure it’s going to break through my rib cage. My throat goes dry, and every muscle in my body squeezes tight. My head spins, and I don’t need to look back to know that blood is draining from my body. I need to get her to safety…to a doctor. Wrapping my arms around her, I drop into myself and yank on that telekinetic energy that’s gushing through my blood. I reach out to her psychic presence and find nothing. My heart stutters. My breath catches. No, no, no…she’s not dead.
I will not let her die.
This is my fault. I pushed her away, exposed her to the enemy, made her a target. It’s only right that I pay.
I pitch my telekinetic energy at her, and the blue-and-green streak punches forward. It slams into her, and her body shudders.
I tighten my hold on her, press her to my chest, cradling her close. My vision fades, and yet I don’t stop. I let the energy gush into her, filling her, heading straight for the wound in her chest. The telekinetic energy knits together the ligaments and blood vessels of her shattered heart. Her body spasms. A cold feeling bleeds into my chest. It’s not enough; I am not going to be able to save her. And…I’ve never given up. Never lost a fight, except for the mock one with Dante, and that was because of her. Hell, for Fire, I’d lose every single Dare, fight any challenge, take on the Devil himself just to see her smile again. See her alive. Have her sass me again. I’ll let her have her way with me if she comes around. I will do anything to keep her alive. I will not let her go.
I open myself fully, body and mind and soul. All of me. Every single hidden motherfucking secret of mine, all of my stashes of energy, my experiences, my hopes, and dreams…and my prayers. Huh? Who knew I believed in something bigger than me? All of it I thrust at her. The energy rages out of me, a blue and green cascade, tinged with silver: it's that secret essence of me that no one has experienced. No one except her.
The light floods her, bathing her from the ends of her hair all the way to the edge of her toenails. Her body tenses, and her muscles vibrate and spasm. Then, just as suddenly, the energy shuts off.
The portal forms in front of me, and I step out. All my molecules form together again, and the world slows down. Everything around me spins. I take a step forward, and my knees give way. I sink down, still holding her to me. She’s not breathing, she’s not. I raise my head to the skies, open my mouth, and scream, but nothing comes out. My ears are blocked; I can’t hear a thing. Liquid flows down my cheeks, and only then do I realize I am crying.
“Chef.” Doc’s face swings around in front of me.
“Jess.” I want to hand her to him but find I can’t let go. If I do, I’ll never see her again, never feel the vitality of her, the warmth of her breath, the softness of her curves.
Hands grip her shoulders, and I tighten my hold on her.
“No, don’t take her from me.”
“Just so we can take care of her. You want that, don’t you? You want us to tend to her, right, Chef?”
Doc’s voice fades in and out.
I run my fingers over her hair. “Jess.”
“Get hold of yourself, Soldier. Let her go now.”
The command slices through the thoughts ricocheting in my head. My grip loosens, and they snatch her away from me. My mate. My life…no more. She’s dead.
“I am responsible for what happened to her. It’s because of me that they targeted her.”
The ground comes up to meet me. My shoulders are gripped, and I am yanked to my feet, then dragged along.
Pain whips down my shoulder, and I gasp.
“You are one heavy mofo, and no way am I carrying you. Better not lose consciousness, fucker.” Hawke’s voice is grim. I look sideways and spot his profile. He grunts and his biceps bulge with the effort of towing a heavy weight...which would be me.
"As good-humored as ever, eh?” I curl my fingers into fists.
“What the fuck happened?” Dante snaps.
I turn to see he’s on my other side. My chest squeezes. Fuck, there is no doubt I am having an em
otional reaction again…just because I am seeing my friends? Fuck it, if I trust anyone to have my back, it’s these bad-tempered Fae Corps men. “My fault, Commander.”
“Cut the crap. Tell me what happened, and before the Doc slices into you to yank out whatever it is that is causing you to bleed all over me.”
A chuckle drags out of me, and I wince. My throat feels raw like I have been screaming or yelling…or, sobbing, which I had done, I have no shame in admitting that. When the only thing that matters to you, your life, your heart, your mate is… “She’s gone.”
Fear sweeps through me, blinding white terror. My shoulders spasm.
A slap to my face jolts me.
I blink, and rage crushes any breath I have left. “Motherfucker, you hit me.”
“And I won’t stop until you tell me what happened, Soldier. We need to track down who did this to her and to you, do you understand?”
Hawke’s voice pounds into my forehead, shoving everything else aside.
A calmness fills me. “You’re right. She was shot at the safe house. I rescued her. There was no one there. It’s remote.”
“Remote.” Dante spits out the word. “Since I announced our joining up with the dragons, a rebel Fae faction has formed to oppose our efforts at peace. Our labs were broken into and the tech stolen. It had to be them. They are using the tech against us now.”
Dante’s voice fades out. Next to me, Hawke curses, then everything goes blank.
27
Jess
I tuck my wings at my sides and soar up through the clouds, leading with my neck. My head breaks through the mist, then my scales tear through the air. The sun shines in my eyes, blinding me. The wind stops whistling, and for a moment I stay suspended, my eyes set on a goal, so far away. I need to get there. I must go to them; they are waiting for me. I struggle in earnest. The breath catches in my chest; my heartbeat ratchets up. Something is not right. A tremor shakes my body, and I inch back.
Property of the Fae Page 11
