going to die for me, to save my life. There. Are you fucking
happy now?” Christian glared at them both.
“Anything else?” Michael asked bleakly.
“Yes. She told me Doyle had dreamt we were going to
be six for a short time, then one of us would leave but not
forever, and another of us would die. She said within a year
our family would number ten and we would get larger stil in
preparation for what was coming. She said I would find her
missing children,” his voice trembled and again Michael
refrained from reaching for him.
“How?” Kerr demanded.
“Who?” Michael asked at the exact same time.
“She didn’t say, and she didn’t tel me when.” Christian
lowered his voice. “Kerr, Charm scares me, and I don’t
mean a little bit. I mean in a whole humongous kind of way.
She just gets so caught up in these dreams and starts
spouting al this stuff. It’s just so fucking eerie. It feels as
though if she keeps saying it out loud then it wil come true.”
Christian was rubbing his arms as if his skin was crawling.
Michael agreed wholeheartedly with Christian.
“She’s okay,” Kerr said defensively.
Michael thought Kerr just didn’t want to admit how he
was feeling the exact same thing as they were, even though
he had come to understand Kerr truly cared for Charm. It
was almost exactly how felt about Gypsy. You only had to
see the two of them together to know that the feeling was
mutual.
“I never said she wasn’t. You know I love her to death. Al
I said is she scares me. A lot, ” Christian mumbled as he
stroked Drack’s head and abruptly changed the subject.
“Who do you think wil be the next to join our family?”
“I don’t know.” Kerr swal owed hard.
Needing a subject change, Michael tried think of
something normal to say, but nothing came to him. Al he
could do was lay there and listen as the weird conversation
went on.
“Do you think she is right? I mean about the dying?”
Christian asked.
“Honestly I don’t know. I hope not.” He headed toward
the door. “We wil have to wait and see.” Kerr stared long
and hard at both of them before he turned and left.
“That’s not the only thing she told you, is it?” Michael had
closed his eyes again and rested his head against the wal .
If he couldn’t see Christian’s face then he wouldn’t see
anything to confuse him any more than he already was.
“There’s something you don’t want Doyle and Kerr to know.
Something you…” Michael let the sentence trail off. He felt
the side of the bed sink under Christian’s weight and knew
he had moved closer to sit beside him.
“Yes. She told me something else,” Christian answered
quietly.
“Was it about me?” Michael prayed it wasn’t but he knew
deep down inside it would be.
“Yes, it was something about both of us.”
Michael squinted, lifting his lids just enough to watch
Christian as he plucked nervously at the bedspread.
Ful y opening his eyes, Michael focused on Christian’s
face. It was troubled. “She told you I was in love with you,
didn’t she?” Michael asked calmly, even though his insides
were shaking like a leaf.
“No.” Christian shook his head. “She told me I was in
love with you, and in time you would feel the same way
about me. She told me al the dreams were real.”
Feeling slightly uncomfortable, he clenched his hands on
the bedspread while he listened. Michael wanted to turn
away but Christian’s gaze held him prisoner.
“Loving me is why you wil die to save me. Because I’m
in love with you,” Christian ended in a whisper.
Suddenly Michael wanted desperately to reach out and
touch him. “Are you?” He asked softly.
“Yes. No. I don’t know.” He wouldn’t look at Michael
directly. “I think I could be…for you. If you wanted me to. I do
have some kind of feelings for you.” He stared at Michael.
“But I don’t know if they are me or the damn dreams. I just
don’t know.”
Not knowing how to real y answer Michael asked
instead, “Do you think I’m in love with you? Have I ever
done anything which has given you the impression I might
be gay?”
Christian remained silent but he nodded.
“Wel ?”
“You’ve kissed me in your sleep.”
“Holy fuck!” Michael’s eyes widened in surprise. He
hadn’t realised Christian had been awake the night he
licked the cut on his lip.
“How did you—” At the confusion on Christian’s face he
changed his mind and asked, “When?”
To Michael, it seemed like Christian was embarrassed.
“The day we had the visitation,” he mumbled. “I was trying to
wake you up and you turned and just kissed me.” He blew
out a breath.
Shock fil ed Michael to learn he had kissed Christian
again. “Is there anything else?”
“When we were up in the attic you didn’t want me to
leave. You slept with your arm around me. You hold me
most nights. You hold me close in your sleep.”
“Is there anything else?” Michael already had doubts in
his own mind over whether or not he was that way inclined.
He just needed to know what else he had done and hadn’t
realized he had done it.
“Last night you… I mean, when you were out with that
guy…” and again Christian appeared as if a world of hurt
was rushing through him.
“He was nothing,” Michael butted in. “Nothing happened.
I told you I didn’t fuck him,” he shrugged. “I was hungry so I
let him take me home. He’s probably wondering where the
hel I went, and wondering what we actual y did. But I swear I
didn’t fuck him. I couldn’t.”
“What did you do? Did you do anything?” Christian
stared at Michael.
Michael wasn’t sure if Christian truly wanted to hear the
answer so he lied. “He kissed me a lot. Can I ask you
something?” He waited until Christian nodded before
continuing. “Why did you leave? The club, I mean. I saw you
walk out when we were dancing, and I wondered why.”
“I don’t know. I just couldn’t watch you be with him.”
Christian spread his fingers out on the bed. Michael hated
the fact, knowing it was his fault how Christian wouldn’t look
at him.
Studying Christian’s face Michael watched his reaction.
“Do I disgust you now? I mean because of what I did? I
know I hurt you somehow, and I swear I never meant to.”
“No! Now it is my turn to ask you a question.”
Michael whispered, “Yes, you can ask me anything.”
“I just wanted to know… I mean, I just need to know. Are
you gay? I know you told me you weren’t, but sometimes it
seems, and I want to…” Christian glanced at Michael. Then
he dropped his gaze back to the bedspread, without
/> finishing what he was going to say. “Please, just tel me.”
“I don’t know. I didn’t used to think I was. I wasn’t when I
was alive, I know this much at least. Even though I believed
it was wrong when Rhys was kissing me, I have to be
honest and say a part of me didn’t think it was half bad. I
think I just realised kissing is kissing, and honestly, I have
always enjoyed kissing.” He shook his head, knowing he
was saying it al wrong. “I’m never going to be able to kil
them, or real y attack anyone, so I decided to try a different
approach to feeding. I needed to do it my way, not Kerr’s
way, if that makes sense.”
“You decided to seduce them so they wil give you what
you need without a struggle?” Christian seemed relieved
now that he knew where Michael was coming from.
“I thought it was worth a shot. But then I saw you walk
away, and I thought maybe I got it wrong because you
seemed to be confused, or hurt, or something like that. And
then I felt bad because it was my fault you were upset. I
didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“I was. It confused and hurt me because you chose to be
with him and not me. I thought if you were going to be gay
you should have at least asked me first. I mean we share
the same bed — it would be so damn convenient.” A smirk
tugged at the corner of his mouth.
When Michael saw Christian smile he knew he was only
half joking. While he took in what Christian was saying, he
decided to change the subject for the moment so he could
work out just what he wanted to say to Christian.
“Why do you always touch my scar when you think I’m
asleep?”
Christian flinched. “I don’t know. I was just wondering
what or rather how you got it.”
“High school prank by my cousin. Actual y, it was more of
a high school war with my cousin. I ended up running face
first into a barbed wire fence, courtesy of his feet. Besides
the immense pain, it didn’t matter. You know the whole
‘chicks dig scars’ thing? It is actual y true, or so I’m led to
believe.” Michael tried to sound as though it never mattered
in the slightest. “Honestly I always thought I was kinda girlie
looking. Gypsy said the scar gave me an edge, though the
girls stil thought I was a total spunk — their words not mine.
She told me the lunchtime gossip was I was hot.”
“You are,” Christian answered, his eyes stayed focused
on the bedspread with intensity, not daring to meet
Michael’s gaze. It was as if he didn’t want Michael to see
the true emotion in his eyes.
Michael stil felt confused by how they were talking about
this so openly. “What? Girlie looking, a total spunk, or hot?”
His fingertips reached out and touched Christian’s where
they were spread out on the bed. Then he relaxed just a bit
more when Christian didn’t snatch them away as he
caressed Christian’s fingers.
“Al of the above. I think most people would find you
attractive. I think Kerr is under the assumption Charm is in
love with you.”
“He was, but those dreams told him my heart would
belong to you.” Christian raised his eyes. They stared at
each other for a long time before Michael broke the silence.
“I can’t say the dreams are right, but I can’t honestly say I
want them to be wrong. When I first met you, I thought you
were a bit of a dork, and then I found I like you. You’re funny.
Then the whole gay issue came up and it threw me
because I had never thought of you romantical y. Wel
maybe I did think you were gay.”
Christian rol ed his eyes.
Chuckling, Michael continued. “Then Kerr told me how I
was going to love you more than the others. Even though I
denied it, I started seeing you in a different light. I did think
about you. Not in a sexual way, because I stil wasn’t gay.
Wel I didn’t think I was, not then at least. I just thought about
you differently, but now I — you know, it real y doesn’t help
we are sharing the same bed.”
Michael studied Christian’s face, hoping he would say
something. Right now he didn’t want Christian thinking he
was a total nutter. When Christian stil hadn’t spoken,
Michael went on. “I’l sleep in the attic if you prefer.”
Nerves ate at Michael as Christian stayed quiet for a
long time before he final y managed to say. “When I first
saw you, the night Doyle and I watched you, the night we
fed you. I thought you were so beautiful. You have beautiful
eyes, too pretty to be a guy’s. I thought you were the most
gorgeous guy I had ever seen. Sometimes I stil think you
are.” Christian acted as though he felt guilty for having
feelings for Michael.
Sadness washed over him as Michael made to get up
off the bed. “Should I go to the attic?”
Reaching out a hand, Christian stopped him. “No.” His
hand rested over Michael’s. “I want you to stay. You belong
in this room…with me.”
Slowly Michael turned his hand as Christian had done in
the nightclub. “I think I would like to hold your hand now.”
Relief fil ed him as Christian spread his fingers, al owing
Michael’s to slip between them.
“Okay.”
Christian bit his lip and the one smal gesture of their
joined hands felt so right to Michael. Right then, he felt a
huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders and his heart.
“What happens now?” Michael relaxed back into the bed
with relief. His own dreams were tel ing him he was that
way inclined , at least in regards to Christian. Was it now
time for his life to catch up with the dreams? Was it time for
him to final y come out of the closet and admit he knew
Christian was the person he wanted to be with?
“I don’t know.” Christian moved so he was lying down on
his side of the bed. He had one arm folded behind his head
while the other stil held Michael’s hand as he stared at the
ceiling. To Michael he appeared as though he wasn’t sure
how to explain exactly what he wanted to happen between
them.
Lying there, Michael watched as Christian struggled to
come to terms with what they were now discussing. He was
afraid Christian would push him away, start laughing at him,
and tel him it was al a joke. His fear bit deep.
“What are you thinking about?” Michael asked as he slid
back down into the bed. Rol ing on his side he faced
Christian, watching as he studied the ceiling. He couldn’t
take his eyes off of Christian’s mouth, the way Christian
chewed on his lower lip in thought. Michael couldn’t stop
remembering how soft and warm it had felt under his and
he wondered what Christian would think of it al . And the
fact that Michael wanted to do it again.
“I’m trying to decide when I turned gay. Whether this is a
new thing because you’re hot or whether I was
born this
way. I just know everything inside of me wants you and it
confuses me a little. I can’t real y remember my past too
wel . I can’t ever remember being with a man before, so I
can’t understand why I want to be with you so damn much.
But if I am honest, when you kissed me, and when I woke
up in your arms, I didn’t get freaked out like I should have. I
real y enjoyed waking up with you wrapped around me.”
Christian’s gaze dropped to Michael’s scar. Michael
thought it was so Christian didn’t have to meet his gaze.
“And I real y do find you as sexy as hel .”
Heat raced through Michael’s body and he just knew his
pale skin was turning beet red.
“Do you think the dreams are right?” Christian asked as
he pinched the bridge of his nose.
It made Michael bite the inside of his cheek to stop
himself from laughing. Christian looked so damn serious
and so damn cute al at the same time.
“Do you think we have these feelings because of them?
The dreams, I mean.”
“I haven’t got a freaking clue.” Michael’s mirth fled and it
left him feeling awkward. He had never real y discussed his
feelings before with a guy. “Maybe, they—” his words were
cut off as Christian suddenly let go of his hand, flipped onto
his side, and without pausing, leant in and kissed him. It
was hard and rough and not very wel thought out, though
neither of them seemed to be in a hurry to break apart.
Brain turning to mush, Michael groaned into Christian’s
mouth as Christian’s arms wrapped around him and pul ed
him closer.
“Wel ,” Michael said as Christian final y let him go. “That
was unexpected,” he added as Christian laid a hand
against his cheek, his thumb caressing him gently.
“I’m not sure if I’m gay, but let’s face it, I probably am,
especial y because of the way I feel about you. But for now I
think kissing wil be okay.” Christian leaned in, and this time
he took his time as he kissed Michael. His tongue gently
traced the contours of Michael’s mouth, before seeking
entry, and Michael absolutely loved it. A smal shiver ran
through Christian, and Michael knew he must have been
doing something right for Christian to react the way he did.
As the kisses gentled out and became smoother,
Michael thought Christian’s mouth was so soft beneath his
own. Somehow, as strange as this was, it felt so damn
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