by Layne, Ivy
Her face fell, grey eyes clouded. “Oh, Lily. We should have come up there. We should have known.”
“I don't know how you could. I didn't know how bad it would be.”
Adam shoved the last apple slice into his mouth and stared down at the yard with longing. “Mom, can I?”
“Sure. Stay inside the fence.”
“There's a swing on one of the trees, Adam,” my mother cut in.
“You still have that old swing by your studio?”
“Your father has some colleagues with young children. He keeps it up so they have something to play with.”
Adam ran to the swing I'd loved as a child, and my heart squeezed, torn between joy that he'd share one of my favorite memories and pain at how much I'd lost. My parents had a whole life I knew nothing about. Friends, their children, so much day to day that I'd missed.
“How bad was it?” my mother asked as soon as Adam was out of earshot.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Lily
Not that bad,” I said quickly, not wanting her vibrant imagination to scare her. “He just…didn't love me. And I was too stubborn to admit I was wrong. Then he brought home Adam, and I couldn't leave him.”
“He's a beautiful boy. Sweet.”
“He's the best. I'm sorry I—”
She straightened and said sharply, “No, Lily. Don't be sorry. There's enough sorry on both sides. We can't go back. Let's not waste any more time on things we can't change.”
“That's what Knox says.”
“He sounds like a smart man.”
“He is. I—” My voice hitched in my throat. Why is it so hard to admit when I'm wrong? Sucking in a quick breath, I spit it out. “I made a terrible mistake with Trey.”
“Lily—”
“No, let me say it. You and Dad were right. I should never have married him. He—I think he married me out of rebellion, and maybe I did the same thing. Once we were together— His parents hated me. He blamed me for keeping them apart, and then they died, and nothing was ever the same again.”
“Those bigoted assholes.”
My laugh was watery with tears.
My mom never shied away from criticizing me. I wasn't outgoing enough. Confident enough. I had no ambition.
She could be my harshest critic, but she was always first in line to defend me. She was allowed to criticize her daughter, but God save anyone else who tried. She knew it had been hard growing up in this mostly-white town as one of the very few children of an interracial marriage.
I think she'd always felt a little guilty they hadn't chosen to raise me somewhere with a more diverse population. A place where I might have looked around the classroom and seen anyone else who looked like me.
There were times when I wondered who I would have grown into if I'd lived in a place like that. Somewhere I fit in. Somewhere I wasn't always other. My father said everyone has challenges, and this was mine. He wasn't wrong, but that didn't mean I hadn't struggled.
My mother smoothed my hair back from my forehead. “And Knox? How long have you been together?”
Crap. Another awkward conversation. The truth wasn't pretty, but I wouldn't lie about Knox. Not about Trey either. The time for covering Trey's ass was long gone.
“Like Knox said, Trey's business had…issues.”
“Are you in trouble?”
“I didn't do anything wrong. I didn't know about it. But Trey's business partner was Knox's father, and he is in trouble. Because of Trey, some of that trouble is after me and Adam. Knox came to help, and we, well, you know.”
My mother winked. “You saw that fine young man and decided you owed yourself a little fun?”
My face went hot. That was my mother. Never one to shy away from anything, including teasing her only daughter about sex.
I couldn't even talk about sex with Knox. I wasn't going to talk about it with my mother.
Feeling like a kid, I took a quick sip of my iced tea, watching Adam on the swing. “Something like that, yeah.”
She raised her hand, her fingertips brushing the raw spot where Dave had ripped out my hair. “What happened here?”
In the worry over seeing my parents again, I'd almost forgotten the injury. “Oh, that.”
“Did Knox do this?” she asked, leaning forward as if ready to find Knox and drive him from the house.
“No, Mom. No. No. This was the deputy. And it's my fault.” I tried to think of an explanation that would satisfy my mother and not take the next year to get through.
“Trey's best friend is a town deputy. Turns out he's dirty, part of the problem Knox is helping with. He came by this morning, and I got too close. Dave grabbed me, got my hair.”
“Why didn't Knox keep him away from you? Isn't that his job?”
“He had his eye on Adam. Honestly, it was my fault. I promise. Knox has been great. Really great. Adam loves him, which is nice because his father never bothered with him.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted Knox and my father in the side yard. Knox leaned over and attached something to the fence. A motion sensor? My father stood behind him, hands on his hips, glowering.
My mother followed my gaze to the two of them. “We missed you so much, Lily.”
“Dad barely said hello.” I couldn't hide the bitterness.
My mother sighed. “He missed you. You know how stubborn he is. It's an Adams trait, that stubbornness.” She raised an eyebrow at me, and I squirmed.
Her eyes moved to him again. “I don't know that he'll admit he was wrong. Or tell you how much he regrets everything he said the last time you were home. But he does, Lily. I know he does.”
I didn't know what to say to that. Did it matter? If he couldn't tell me he loved me, couldn't tell me he'd missed me, did it matter? It was the emotional equivalent of the old, 'If a tree falls in the forest and no one sees it…'
If he never says he loves me, never shows it…
I looked away from my father, still glowering at Knox as he moved down the fence. Whatever. I wasn't going to bang my head against the wall over my father's emotional unavailability.
Expecting him to start handing out hugs and vows of love was setting myself up for pain. I'd had enough of that. So had he.
That's how we got into this mess—expecting the other person to be who we wanted them to be instead of who they were. Maybe I could decide to believe my mom and take his love on faith. Isn't that what love is? Faith?
If I could trust Knox, love Knox, after such a short time because I believed in him, couldn't I do the same for my dad?
“It's okay if we stay tonight?” I asked, tired of dwelling on my dad. “I don't even know if you had plans.”
“We didn't, and it wouldn't matter if we did. Of course, you can stay.”
“I wasn't sure—” I mumbled.
“I deserve that. We deserve that. We should have come up there. You're always welcome in your home, Lily. Always.” Her voice hitching a little, she said, “I don't know how I'm going to say goodbye to you tomorrow.”
“It won't be goodbye, Mom. I promise. Just see you later. The situation with Knox's dad is complicated. It's going to take time for us to resolve. But once we do, we'll come back. I promise.”
Adam spotted Knox and my father and abandoned the swing, running over to follow Knox as he checked the property line, placing more sensors here and there.
With a quick look at her watch, my mom noticed the time and went in to finish making dinner. I followed. We moved in an easy routine in the kitchen, my mother cooking and me setting the table.
I entertained her with stories about my failed attempts at baking. She pretended to gasp in horror at the idea that I used real sugar in my cookies, offering her recipe for carob-hemp bars.
I wrote it down, but I was a lot more interested in taking anoth
er crack at those salted caramel brownies. The first batch had been good, but they were long gone. I needed another taste test. And more chocolate.
Dinner was awkward despite my mom's attempts to keep the conversation moving. My father sat stiffly, entering the conversation only to jab at Knox with questions.
“What exactly do you do for a living?”
“Where are you from?”
“How long have you been seeing my daughter?”
Knox absorbed his questions calmly, answering them all. He didn't let my dad ruffle him, didn't get impatient or annoyed. Knox did a much better job under the inquisition than Trey had.
Trey met my parents at school a few times, but the night I brought him home to announce our engagement, my father had peppered him with pointed questions until Trey lost his temper and stormed out in a huff. I'd followed, furious with my father for picking on my fiancé.
I watched Knox's lips curl at my dad's latest surly inquiry and thought about all the ways I could thank him for putting up with my dad.
We lingered at the table over a bottle of wine, my father finally deciding he'd grilled Knox sufficiently. Instead, he regaled us with the details of his latest paper on globalization and its impact on entrepreneurship in developing countries.
I'm sure his graduate students found it fascinating. Economics was not my thing. I'm not going to say that hearing about his research was as good as a sleeping pill, but I started trying to hide my yawns a few minutes in.
My mother smiled as I pressed a hand to my mouth for cover and glanced at her grandson, taking in Adam's drooping eyes and exhausted slump.
“We can pick this up over breakfast, can't we Louis? I don't know about Knox, but Lily and Adam look like they're about to drop.”
“It's been a stressful few days, Mrs. Adams,” Knox said.
“I told you, call me Rose. Let me show you to your rooms.”
Knox waited until we were upstairs before saying to my mother, “I'm staying with Lily and Adam.”
It was rare that I saw my mother completely flummoxed. She stared at Knox, her mouth gaping open before she snapped it shut. “Knox, I understand that you and Lily have an adult relationship, and I'm not a prude, but Adam is young and impressionable, and this is—”
“This is our house. In our house you follow our rules,” came my father's unyielding dictate.
Out of habit, my spine went stiff. I hated that tone, the assumption that his word was law and everyone around him would fall into line.
When I was a teenager, I always lost my temper when he talked to me like that. Knox, much like he had been at dinner, was completely unruffled.
He leveled an equally unyielding look at my father. “I appreciate that, Mr. Adams. If our arrangements don't suit your needs, we'll find somewhere else to stay. Until this situation is resolved, Lily and Adam aren't out of my sight. Understand?”
“This house is safe,” my father sputtered. “I watched you augment the security. No one is getting in here.”
“Probably not,” Knox agreed. “Nothing is more important to me than Lily and Adam's safety. I'm not taking any chances. If you can't accommodate us, we'll leave and come back for breakfast.”
My father opened his mouth. I could tell by his expression he was going to lay down the law again, as stubborn as ever. His mouth snapped closed as my mother smacked him in the gut, knocking the wind from him just enough to shut him up.
“Louis. Let it go.” Putting her hand on my shoulder, she said to Knox, “I understand your concern. Lily's bedroom still has a double bed, a little small, but there's room on the floor for the air mattress we have in the closet. The guest room has a queen, but there's no room for Adam.”
“Lily's room and the air mattress will be good. Thank you, Rose.” Knox said, looking to me for directions.
My father grunted, pushing past us down the hall. I figured that was the last we'd see of him until breakfast, but he returned a few moments later carrying a bag I recognized from my days of sleepovers. The air mattress.
Taking it, I said, “Thanks, Dad.”
“See you in the morning,” he muttered and disappeared again.
My mother watched him go and let out a sigh of exasperation. “Do you need help making up the bed, Lily? The linens are in the hall closet where they always were.”
“No, we've got it, Mom. Thanks.”
“All right then, sleep well.”
After a tight hug for me and a kiss to the top of Adam's head, she followed my father down the hall to their bedroom. I turned to Knox, raising my eyebrows. “That was awkward.”
“Lily—” Knox started to say.
I cut him off. “Don't apologize, Knox. It's been a long time since anyone cared what happened to Adam and me. I'm not going to ask you to stop because it makes anyone uncomfortable.”
“Good. Because I'm not going to stop, even if you ask.”
I didn't try to hide my smile. “Let's get this bed made so we can go to sleep.”
Knox followed my lead, getting sheets and a pillow, helping to usher Adam to the bathroom down the hall and then into his pajamas. It was only a little weird to slide into my childhood bed beside Knox.
First of all, Knox was way too much man for a double bed. And second, the last time I'd slept in this bed I'd been newly graduated from college. A lifetime ago.
I was exhausted, but it was hard to settle surrounded by remnants of my childhood. We lay there, Knox spooning me, his arm around my waist, listening to Adam babble about the swing and his grandparents until he sank into a mumbling recitation of the alphabet, something he did now and then to sing himself to sleep.
In the half-light of the moon, I watched Adam's eyes droop closed, his little voice still murmuring through the A-B-C's. In my ear, Knox whispered, “Your father is a tough nut, yeah?”
I choked on the laugh. “That's one way to put it.”
“After I left you with your mom, I found him in his office. He was standing over his desk, crying. When he saw me, he pretended it didn't happen.”
“Of course.” What, my father acknowledge that he had an emotion other than stubborn pride? Hell would freeze over first.
“He wiped his eyes and led me around the house, barely said a word, but Lily, when I found him, his shoulders were shaking, tears streaming down his face. I don't know if he can tell you. Maybe he never will, but he was standing there weeping because you were home. I thought you should know.”
“Thanks, Knox,” I said, my voice hoarse.
The steel band around my heart loosened a little. The only time I'd ever seen my father cry was at his mother's funeral. That he would cry over me said more than any words. Maybe he did love me, even if he couldn't tell me.
Tucked against Knox, my son within arm's reach, I slept like a baby once my eyes finally slid shut. The smell of coffee and bacon woke me in the morning. I sat up, blinking against the sunlight streaming into the room. Knox was already awake, quietly tapping away at the screen of his phone. At my movement, he glanced my way.
“Morning,” he said in a low voice full of promise.
I was overjoyed that my son was safe and happy and still asleep. Not so overjoyed that he was in the same room as Knox and me.
Not that we were going to do anything in my parent's house, but still. Sleeping with Knox in front of Adam was one thing. Adam waking to find us making out on the bed? Not going to happen.
I glanced at Knox's phone as it vibrated in his hand. “Everything okay?”
“Yes and no. LeAnne Gates is missing.”
“Missing? What does that mean?”
“It looks like she took off. We don't know for how long, why, or who with. No signs of forced entry, or a struggle, and it looks like she packed for at least a week or two. Maybe more.”
“Okay, so what do we do?”
“Cooper has someone looking for her. He also has people looking for Tsepov, but so far, the guy is vapor. Not in Atlanta, not in Vegas. Nowhere. Axel told Cooper there are some rumblings in Vegas. His organization is unhappy with the way he's handled the situation with Trey and my father. He's getting pushback. It's not safe for us in Atlanta.”
“What are we going to do?” I asked
“Do you trust me?”
I didn't have to think about the answer. “Of course, I trust you.”
“Then let me figure it out. I'm going to keep you and Adam safe. We'll find LeAnne Gates and deal with Tsepov and my father. I promise. Right now, we're going downstairs to have breakfast with your parents.”
A thousand questions flooded my mind. Where would we go? How long would we stay? Where was LeAnne Gates?
I shoved it all aside.
I trusted Knox.
I'd worry about the rest later.
“Okay. Let's go get some breakfast.”
Chapter Thirty-Fivve
Knox
The flight from Hanover was uneventful if you ignored Adam's enjoyment at his first plane ride. Lily shook her head in wry amusement, murmuring, “He's going to be spoiled, thinking this is what flying is usually like.”
Lily had boarded the plane without asking our destination, taking in the luxurious interior with wide eyes as she settled Adam with a coloring book and crayons into one of the leather seats.
Our company plane was a luxury we could have done without. As a line item expense, it was hefty, but our clients paid for the extra layer of security it provided. In cases like this, it was ideal.
We took off from the small, private airstrip in Hanover after filing a flight plan for Atlanta. An hour into the flight we diverted, with no one to answer to but the tiny airfield where we landed.
The flight to Tennessee wasn't long. Adam only had to use the bathroom twice, less interested in emptying his bladder than an excuse to unsnap his seatbelt and explore the plane, testing out the sink, the seats, the lock on the door and everything else he could get his hands on.
