by Amy Sumida
“You'll never touch me again,” I vowed. “Not even with the hands of my husband.”
Someone started pounding on the door as we faced off.
Katila grinned and stalked forward. “Are you sure? You seemed to be enjoying yourself; even when I made you do things you didn't want to do.”
My blood went cold as my eyes narrowed. I wouldn't fall apart right now. No; I was going to hold it together until I got this bastard out of Trevor. Then I could worry about the haze of pain lurking around the edges of my mind. Then I could scream.
“You're nothing but a common rapist and a thief,” I said. “And I'm going to kill you for what you did to me and my husband.”
“Your husband will be dead soon,” he snarled. “All of them will, and then you'll be mine. I will have you, Vervain. You can rule beside me or bow down me, but either way, you will be mine.”
The door burst inward and my husbands rushed in with Re and Toby. A horde of Intare crowded the hall behind them.
“What the fuck is going on in here?” Odin snapped as he looked back and forth between Katila and me.
Katila glanced over at the men and then focused on Azrael. He smiled viciously at my angel.
Kirill narrowed his eyes at Trevor's body, took in his stance, looked up into his eyes, and started to growl. “That's not Trevor.”
“It's Katila,” I said. “He's inside Trevor.”
“Not for long,” Azrael snarled.
Azrael's eyes burst into burning stars and the angelic script on his cheek began to glow as a gleaming scythe appeared in his hand. The script on the scythe's blade came to life in a wave of light and glowed like words on his cheek. Death was here, and he'd found a soul to harvest.
“I will take everyone you love,” Katila vowed to Azrael and then glanced at me. “In one way or another. And then I will kill you, Death.”
Trevor's body slumped to its knees just as Azrael lifted his scythe over him. Az jerked to a stop as I rushed forward.
“Trevor?” I pulled Trevor's limp body into my lap. “Honey-Eyes, are you all right?”
Golden-brown eyes blinked up at me and instantly filled with tears. “Minn Elska,” Trevor whispered as he touched my face gently. “I'm so sorry. I wasn't strong enough to push him out. I tried, but then he threatened to kill you; to use my claws to tear your head from your body. I didn't know what else to do.”
“It's okay.” I clutched him to me tightly as my body began to shake. No; not yet. I had to hold it together for Trevor. “He did it to us both.”
“Did vhat?” Kirill growled.
I looked up at Kirill, and he saw it in my eyes.
“He violated you?!” Kirill roared. “Vith Trevor's body?”
“It wasn't just sex; he played with her,” Trevor said brokenly. “Made her... do things she didn't want to; all because she thought I wanted it.” Trevor swallowed roughly. “He made me complicit in my wife's rape.”
Trevor's tears were soaking the fur around his face; a cool wetness against my scaled neck. We were holding each other tightly; my dragon wings wrapped around us. Two monsters clinging together in shared agony.
“You're not complicit,” I whispered as I rocked with him. “You were a victim too.”
“Minn Elska,” Trevor sobbed as he pulled me onto his lap. “My love”—his dangerous hands stroked my face gently—“my wife, I failed you. I hurt you. I wasn't strong enough to protect you. How can you ever forgive me? I can't forgive myself.”
“Stop,” I hushed him. “There's nothing to forgive, Honey-Eyes. It's his sin; not yours. And I'd rather make love to your body with someone else in it—thinking I'm making love to you—than be taken forcefully by a stranger. Believe me; there's a difference. At least you were with me.”
Trevor started sobbing again.
The Intare were already snarling and roaring; a second away from shifting. When I glanced up, I saw my husbands, Re, and Toby staring back at me with varying degrees of horror.
“He's a dead man,” Re whispered; his whole body trembling and heat rolling off him in waves.
“He just doesn't know it yet,” Azrael agreed; his skull flashing through his skin.
“I vill tear him to pieces,” Kirill promised us as he laid a hand on Trevor's shoulder.
Trevor flinched away, and Kirill gaped at him with shocked hurt. I just shook my head at Kirill; Trevor needed time. I'd been here before; I knew the waves of torment that would follow Katila's evil act. But this was the first time Trevor had ever been so violated. For an alpha wolf—a prince of his people—it would be ten times as humiliating as it was for me, on top of being traumatic. But then, that's what rape is about; making the victim feel demeaned and powerless. I wasn't going to let Katila do that to either of us.
“Give us a few minutes,” I said to the others. “We'll come out when we're ready.”
But before they could go, Trevor let out a horrendous howl and launched himself at the bed. He flipped the entire thing over and then began rending it to pieces. I drew back in shock, and Odin tried to get me to leave the room, but I refused. I had to stay with Trevor; I needed to be there when he came down from the fury.
“He won't hurt me,” I said confidently.
Odin's eyes—gone pure green with his anxiety—said that he wasn't so sure. Then he winced as Trevor howled again; a sound so mournful, so heartbreaking, that I began to cry as soon as I heard it. Tears seeped from my eyes as I watched my husband rend every bit of fabric and furniture that Katila had touched through him. When he'd finally worn himself out, I thought he'd collapse, and then I could comfort him. But Trevor turned burning eyes in my direction and snarled.
I flinched in shock. “Trevor?”
“Shift back to human, Vervain,” Odin said softly. “Show him who you are. I don't think he recognizes you.”
I shifted; standing there naked among the men. But I didn't care about that. It was only my husbands and my lions there. No; this wasn't the shameful part of the evening.
Trevor took a long look at me, lifted his head, and howled again; this time it was full of fury and it sent shivers down my spine. His head whipped around, and he glared at me, but I realized that he was staring behind me, not at me. I looked over my shoulder and saw Kirill standing there; staring warily back at Trevor.
“Back up to me, Vervain,” Kirill said. “Ze volf has taken over. Move slowly.”
“Trevor is the wolf,” I said even though I knew it was only partially true.
I had a piece of Trevor's wolf inside me, along with his soul. I had always equated them—bound them together—but as a shifter, I knew the truth; the beast lived inside the soul, but it wasn't the soul, just an aspect of it. Except now, Trevor's beast had surmounted him.
“The wolf has sensed Trevor's pain and taken over to protect him,” Odin said. “Fenrir calls it the Eclipse. You must move away from him, Vervain. This moment is confusing for him and dangerous for you. He needs time to adjust to being in this form without Trevor in control.”
Trevor narrowed his eyes on Odin and took a deep breath. Then his head swiveled back to me and his whole body shook violently. He howled again; back to the painful lament. It cut me deep; the sound of his agony. The wolf inside me lifted her head and responded; a howl bursting from my throat to join in sympathy with our mate's. Trevor jerked his head toward me. He moved too swiftly for anyone to track; one minute he was standing in the wreckage of the bed and the next he had me clutched to his chest and was swiping at anyone who came to close.
“You're hurting her!”Azrael cried. “Is that what you want?”
Trevor snarled at Azrael and clutched me tighter. I wrapped my arms around Trevor's neck and held him just as tightly. My heart was breaking and it felt as if I were holding the pieces together with my bare hands; trying to will them to heal. But they weren't healing; they were just bleeding all over me. No, wait; I really was bleeding. Trevor's claws were digging deep into my thigh and my shoulder; rivulets of blood running dow
n my body. But I didn't care. Inside, I was broken too. I'd put on a brave front for Trevor, but this invasion had opened old wounds and made me feel dirty in ways that soap couldn't clean. I wanted to bleed the taint away. I wanted to feel the pain, and I wanted it to come from Trevor. Some twisted part of me welcomed it was an absolution.
Because I knew it was my fault.
I had known something was wrong; I had sensed it. But I was distracted by shame over Blue instead of focusing on my husband. If I had only taken the time to truly look at Trevor, I might have seen what Kirill had in three seconds; that it wasn't Trevor. I might have stopped Katila before he hurt us. Why hadn't I listened when Trevor told me to run? The painful truth was that I had enjoyed it. My Lust had risen for Katila, and I couldn't see past it. I had let another man touch me, and I had loved it. I wanted to throw up. I wanted to beg Trevor for forgiveness. But for now, I'd take the pain.
Kirill roared, and we went still. Trevor's body was taut with muscles that were waiting for him to decide what direction he should move them in. But he didn't move; he waited for the other predator in the room to make his threat clear.
“She is not only yours!” Kirill snarled. “I love you, but I vill rip your arms from your body before I let you hurt her any further.”
Trevor looked down, saw the blood coating my body, and drew back his claws in horror. He whimpered and dropped to his knees to lick at my wounds. I cried as I bent over him; holding him to me.
“It's okay, Honey-Eyes,” I whispered. “It's not your fault; it's mine. I didn't listen to you. Please forgive me. Come back to me.”
Trevor let out a moaning cry and dropped to the floor. Before I could kneel beside him, he shifted again; his body compressing until he was fully wolf. Those beautiful, honey eyes stared out at me balefully from his wolf face. Trevor gave one last howl and then ran out the door.
“Trevor!” I shouted and ran after him.
The hallway was full of Intare. Trevor slipped between their legs easily, but even though they tried to get out of my way, it wasn't fast enough. By the time I got past them, Trevor was already to the tracing room.
“Trevor!” I shouted again.
He was gone.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
I tried to follow Trevor; I searched for him through our link. But I couldn't sense him; not with our enchanted wedding bands—made to survive his shifts—or through our Blood to Heart bond. Trevor was completely gone. No; that's not accurate. Trevor had blocked me out. All I could sense was a dense fog. Impenetrable. Unfeeling. Cold.
Someone put a coat on me before I went after Trevor, but I don't remember who. I was reeling from the loss of my husband and of my dignity. My other lovers and my lions had witnessed my shame, and it felt as if every time they looked at me, they condemned me for it. Deep down, I knew it wasn't true; I was responding to the poisonous feelings Katila had shoved inside me using Trevor's body. It was my own revulsion that I saw in their eyes; my own condemnation.
That didn't make it any better.
I didn't stop moving; I traced to Moonshine, my house in Hawaii, and finally, Fenrir's island. All in a coat and nothing else. I must have looked insane. In fact, I know I did. Fenrir said as much when I burst into his bedroom; calling for Trevor. My other lovers were struggling to keep up with my tracing; using my ring to follow me, no doubt. But I was fast with fright, and I kept ahead of them. Which meant that I was alone when I barged in on the Great Wolf; no one with me to explain my frantic state.
“What happened to my son, Vervain?” Fenrir roared.
I had a feeling that he'd been asking me this for awhile; most likely since I'd first stormed into his bedroom. I'd gone through room after room in the Froekn hall systematically—a method to my madness—entering Fenrir's bedroom near the end. I'd startled him and Emma from sleep, and I was lucky Fenrir hadn't attacked me before he recognized me. But I had only stayed a few minutes; just long enough to be sure that Trevor wasn't there. Then I moved on to the next room. I searched under beds, in closets, and behind curtains. It would have been hilarious if I wasn't so scared.
“Vervain!” Fenrir grabbed me by my arms and shook me. “What happened to Trevor?”
I took one look into Fenrir's eyes—so much like Trevor's—and fell apart. I crumpled into his arms and started sobbing; brokenly telling him that I had betrayed his son, and Trevor had left me for it.
“What did you say?” Fenrir asked as his eyes filled with fury.
I kept seeing Trevor in Fenrir and that self-destructive part of me wanted him to hurt me again. Maybe it wasn't self-destructive; maybe there was some sense to it. Physical pain was so much better than emotional. I could deal with physical pain; gods know I've had enough of it that it should feel like pleasure by now. It was the heart that healed the poorest; the slowest. Cuts there could take years to heal, and even then, they might remain vulnerable to the slightest hit. So, please; hurt my body instead. If I bled enough, maybe it would wash away this guilt.
“Vervain would never betray Trevor,” Emma said reasonably as she grabbed her husband's thick bicep. “Look at her, Fen; something has affected her mind.”
Fenrir frowned in confusion as he sniffed at me. “I smell Trevor on her.”
“Trevor,” I moaned and started to cry again. “I hurt him, Fenrir!” I rose up suddenly and grabbed his shoulders. “He shifted into a wolf and ran from me. Don't you want revenge?” I shook him. “Come on! Fight me, Wolf God! Where are those famous claws? Those teeth? Avenge your son!”
“Little Frami,” Fenrir's eyes filled with tears. “What's happened to you?”
“The demon-killer possessed Trevor,” Odin said as he rushed into the room. “He used Trevor's body to...” Odin couldn't even say it; he let the sentence loom there unfinished.
“No,” Emma whispered in horror.
Emma had been abused for months by Demeter; forced to have sex with numerous men for Demeter's entertainment. She was familiar with this self-disgust and impotent anger; with the burning it sets in your belly and the screams it holds just above that fire. A hand fluttered to her mouth as her eyes went wide and filled with tears.
Fenrir's hands tightened on my biceps as he shifted his stare to Odin and then back to me. Processing all the details. Then it clicked. All I'd been saying made sense to him. I saw it in his eyes; in the tension strumming through his shoulders. He knew that I hadn't been a true mate to his son. If I had been, I would have known that it wasn't Trevor touching me. Mates knew each other's souls.
“Make it stop,” I whispered to him. “Please; tear me open and take this pain away. Take his soul and give it back to him. I don't deserve it anymore.”
But Fenrir didn't tear me open, he didn't take back Trevor's soul, and he didn't condemn me. Fenrir howled as he yanked me forward, clutched me to his chest, and rocked me. He kept howling as I sobbed; his embrace tight and unyielding. It was what I needed; strong arms and the scent of wolf to snap me out of madness. I'd been here before; stared down into that endless gulch and listened to the beckoning screams rising from it. I knew exactly where I stood and how close I'd come to falling over the edge again. The knowledge made it easier to take a step back. Slowly. One foot after the other.
I took a shuddering breath at last and went limp. Only then did Fenrir stop howling. Only then did he loosen his terrible grip. He lowered his head to mine and kissed my forehead as he continued to rock me. Gentle swaying; hypnotically soothing. Fenrir had been the Wolf God long enough to know how to calm the savage beast.
“Little Frami,” Fenrir whispered; his voice gone hoarse with howling. “I could never hurt you. Please don't ever ask me that again.”
My cheeks were wet, and I realized they were from tears, but they weren't all mine. The Wolf God wept; bathing me in his sorrow. Surrounding us were the Froekn; arms linking bodies into circles, and bodies pressing those circles around us protectively. I don't know when they got there; maybe they'd followed me through the hall. When one wolf w
as in pain, the entire Pack hurt with her. With me.
“I will find him,” Fenrir promised as he wiped our mingled tears from my face. “He's my son, and I hold his magic. He can't hide from me; not in any form.”
“Bring him back to me,” I whispered and then shivered violently. “Please.”
I'd expended a lot of energy and a lot of emotion very quickly. And I was wearing hardly anything at all. I was too tired to call upon the fire inside me. I just stood there and dealt with the cold. But Fenrir felt it and gathered me to his warm chest.
“Bring some blankets,” Fenrir ordered. Then to me, he said, “I've got you, my sweet, brave girl. Don't you worry about anything; I will take care of you in my son's stead.”
Fenrir lifted me and took me to his bed. He laid me down beside Emma just as one of the Froekn brought in a stack of blankets. Emma tucked me in—laying blanket after blanket over my shivering body—and Fenrir crawled in on my other side. They held me between them like parents comforting a child who'd had a nightmare.
“She needs to come home with us,” Azrael said as he stepped forward.
“She needs to be vith Pack.” Kirill stopped Az with a hand on his arm. “Zey are her only link to Trevor now.”
“Do you mind if we stay as well, Fenrir?” Odin asked. “I can't leave her.”
“Bring some pallets in for our friends,” Fenrir said to the Froekn.
It looked as if we'd be having a slumber party. Except my wolf was missing, and I was empty inside. It felt more like a funeral than a celebration. I began to cry again; softly into the blankets.
“Shh now, sweetheart,” Fenrir said. “I feel him already. I know where our boy is. He's fine; just going for a run. Working things out the way wolves do. He'll be back in the morning; you'll see. Sleep now.”
And then Fenrir began to sing. Rich and deep; his voice was like a fire on a cold night. It warmed and sparked; giving solace and safety. It was so beautiful—the Great Wolf's lullaby—but I wasn't able to listen to all of it. There must have been magic in the words. I fell asleep before he reached the third line.
