by Ruby Dixon
I am. I hesitate, though. I do not want her to feel as if I am pushing her into a situation she does not want. "My leathers are damp with sweat and snow."
"Take them off. Let's do skin to skin again." She shivers under the furs. "Don't be shy, S'bren. Not when I can't feel my toes."
That decides me. I strip off my clothes, even my loincloth, and drape them across rocks near the fire, and then slide under the blankets with P'nee. She immediately puts her cold hands on my chest and tucks her feet between my legs, moaning.
I stiffen, because that moan makes me think of…other things. Things that are not cold. Things that are very, very warm and pressed up against me. "I…am making tea," I tell her, my voice strangled. "It will warm you."
"No, you're great," she murmurs, snuggling closer to me. "Stay right here and let me touch you. You're warmer than any tea."
Am I? Hesitantly, I wrap an arm around her under the blankets, my skin gliding against her own, and she sighs and tucks herself closer. I should push her away.
I am…not a good, wise hunter, because I cannot push her away. I only hold her tighter and appreciate the feel of her against my body. She has noticed—I am sure she has noticed—the stiff, aching bar of my cock, but she has said nothing. Warmth is too important for both of us.
Warmth, and nothing more.
As with every night, I dream of P'nee. This night is much like the others—I dream that she is my mate, and she is unable to keep her mouth off of me. Her lips press to mine, and then she kisses down my bare chest as we slide into the furs together. Her mane trails over my stomach as she licks and kisses down my abdomen, and then she pauses, her teeth lightly scraping over the sensitive skin at my hip.
"You're okay with me doing this, right?" Her mouth is hot and warm, her tongue flicking against my skin.
I groan in my dream, so loudly and full of need that I jerk awake.
But P'nee's hot, inviting mouth is still on my hip, her tongue playfully dancing over my flesh. Her hand rests on the lower part of my stomach and she gives a little sigh of pleasure as she touches me.
This…is not a dream.
Her hand moves lower, and as I have dreamed and ached for so many times, she grasps my cock in her hand and touches me. Her touch is light and questing at first, her fingertips skimming my length, and then she moves lower and cups my sac. "S'bren," she breathes. "I feel like I've said this before but…good lord, you're magnificent. I want to put my mouth all over you." And she gives a throaty little giggle when I stiffen.
My brain is full of fog. I cannot think straight—how is it that P'nee touches me like this and I am not yet dreaming? For a horrified moment, I worry that I have somehow put visshek into the tea we gulped down last night before going to sleep, sharing warmth under the furs. I grab her hand, stopping her before she can reach for my cock once more. "P'nee—wait. You do not know what you do."
"Yes, I do." She looks up at me, her eyes all heat, and drags her tongue lightly over the hard, muscled lines along my hip. "I keep thinking about the other night, when you stole me. I didn't get a chance to do anything then, and that's good, because it wasn't me. It was the visshek. But I keep thinking about it, S'bren. And I keep thinking about your responses and how much I want to do this for you. To you. I want to be with you. I like touching you." She presses her mouth to my skin, her lips tickling. "And I want to do more."
I groan, tormented. I want this. I want her to put her hot, eager mouth on all the spots I have been unable to stop thinking about. I want to learn what P'nee knows about pleasure. I want to take her into my furs and make her my mate.
But she has said she wants to wait. My cock twitches and aches as she reaches for me again, but I hold her hand and do not let her touch the pre-cum laden tip. "P'nee. Wait."
"Why?" She mock-pouts and gives my hip another kiss, her expression playful and enticing. "I had dirty dreams and you're right here, and I want to touch you and make you feel good."
"But…I thought we were just friends. Is that not what you want?"
P'nee sits up, her lovely face full of challenge. "Is that what you want?" she demands back.
I rub my thumb over her wrist, but I do not release her trapped hand. "You know what I want. I want to be your pleasure mate…but it is not what you want."
She tries to twist out of my grip, shaking her head. "I don't care what I want anymore. I want to touch you. I want to be touched. No one has to know."
"We will know. We will remember. And we will think about it far too much if we return to camp and you resonate to another. I will think of nothing else for all my days if your khui breaks into song when you see one of the Shadow Cat clan. I will think of touching you, and how good it was—because I know it will be good. And then I will think of how silent your khui was when you were with me. And it will break my spirit." I keep rubbing her small wrist, because I must touch her. "And I think it would break yours, as well."
Her face crumples, tears coming to her eyes. "It might be you. You might resonate to another. There's plenty of girls back at camp and they might all resonate before I do."
I nod slowly.
A look of such disappointment and pain crosses her face and she pulls her hand back. "I don't know what to think. I like you, S'bren. And I'm crazy attracted to you…but I don't want to be discarded again."
"Again?"
She remains silent. There is old pain here, pain that she will not speak of. But this is the second time she has mentioned fear of being left out, or discarded if her khui chooses. Someone has hurt my smiling, lovely P'nee in the past, and it makes my chest ache. I want to fix this for her. I want to ensure that she smiles every day for the rest of her life and no one ever hurts her again. So I reach out and pull her close, tucking her against my chest and holding her.
"I'm sorry," she whispers after a moment.
"Do not apologize." I stroke her hair. "You asked me to keep your heart safe. I will."
A small sob chokes in her throat. "Do you ever just wish that your cootie would wake the fuck up? I dream I'll want it so badly that it'll realize it needs to kick in and then all of this wondering won't be a problem."
Do I dream of resonating to her? It is a foolish question.
It is my only dream.
She lies against me, but I can tell she is not asleep. Her mind is too restless, her body too tense. I say nothing, mentally willing my own body to relax. My cock feels as if it is on fire, and I cannot stop thinking of how eagerly she reached for me, the husky note in her voice as she kissed down my belly.
M'tok would say I am a fool for not taking her up on her offer…but P'nee asked me to guard her heart. No matter how difficult it becomes, I understand. I do not want to cause her future pain with a moment of need now. If I am to be her protector, I have to protect her now and in the future.
Even so…the image of her pale fingers curled around my cock is seared into my mind. P'nee is so ready to touch me. She acts as if her hands on me—her mouth on me—will give her great pleasure. Does she not realize it is the other way around? That a male should strive to please his female first and foremost? And yet…she has never asked me to touch her.
I wonder if there is something I am missing. Some obvious explanation I am not thinking of. I can think of nothing, though. All I can think of is P'nee's sultry smile. Her eager hand. The realization that she wanted to put her mouth on my cock…and now I cannot stop thinking of anything else. "P'nee?"
"Mmm?"
Perhaps I should not bring it up. "I…nothing."
She sighs and props up on one elbow, looking at me. "I made things weird between us, didn't I? I'm sorry. Let's just forget all about it, okay?"
"I cannot forget such things."
"Try?"
I will try for her…but… "Why do you always try to pleasure me?"
"Huh?" Her brows furrow together.
"When you have need, why do you try to pleasure me and touch my…cock?" The words are strangled out of my tight throa
t.
"Oh. I like touching a guy. I like seeing his response. I like making him feel good." She shrugs and settles back down against me as if this is a simple answer.
"But…why do you not ask me to pleasure you?"
"Oh. You don't have to."
This confuses me. "I do not have to?"
"Nah. I know most guys aren't super into going down on a girl so I normally don't ask. It's cool." Her tone is sleepy. "Don't worry about it. If you want to get frisky, it's no strings attached in that regard."
She will touch my cock but asks for nothing in return? She does not wish for me to make her feel good like she would to me? I find this puzzling…and then I realize that perhaps it has something to do with the males in the past that have hurt her. The ones that have rejected her.
Hot, angry rage as I have never felt before blisters through my mind.
To have such a gift and abuse it. To have my P'nee in his arms, willing and warm and not try to pleasure her? To discard her? When she is all that I have ever wanted? I suck in a deep, furious breath, and then realize I must calm down. I do not want P'nee to be upset when she realizes I suspect her secrets.
And now that I think about pleasuring P'nee, I can think of nothing else. I imagine putting my mouth on her soft skin. Of licking her between her thighs and coaxing the sweetness from her folds. Of nuzzling the golden curls that shield her cunt and discovering the wonders they hold beneath. My body clenches with fierce need all over again, and I want to do this. I want to give P'nee the pleasure that all the unworthy males have not.
The ancestors say there is no taste quite like that of a resonance mate on the tongue. But I think P'nee's taste would be equally as perfect, equally as incredible. Resonance does not matter to me.
I only want P’nee.
16
S’BREN
It is another day before I realize the solution to my problem: I need to stop being a fool.
P’nee and I stay in the cave, huddled near the fire for warmth as the icy weather seems to get colder by the moment. We keep the fire roaring and make conversation, but P’nee sleeps throughout the afternoon and mends her boots when she is awake.
It leaves me time for my thoughts.
A lot of time.
And as I think, I realize I am going about this wrong.
P’nee does not want to risk her heart, but she is attracted to me. She likes touching me. Her smiles are bright and welcoming and I still think about that kiss in the fruit cave. I walked away because I promised her I would keep her heart safe.
I am a fool.
Who am I keeping her heart safe for? For I’rec? O’jek? So they can snatch my female from my arms? Just the thought makes me want to snap my spear in half.
M’tok would slap the side of my head and tell me I am being mud-brained. Am I not the best mate for P’nee? I should be trying to win her heart, not keep it safe for another hunter. Once I have won her to my furs, then the only problem is resonance.
And resonance might happen in a full turn of the moon, or twenty. It might never happen. G’hail has not resonated to V’za and they are happy together. P’nee might resonate a very, very long time from now.
I want her forever. I want all her days. But there is no sense in worrying over what might happen in the future. P’nee might resonate to me. She might not resonate at all.
A great smoking mountain might destroy the land all over again.
I cannot live hoping that bad things do not happen. I must take each day and embrace it.
I must take the female I want and claim her. Was that not the point of this entire abduction? To take her away from the others so she resonates to me and only me? I wish again that M’tok were here. My clever brother probably already has his mate in his furs. He is smart and sly and will know how to convince his female. I am not the smart brother, so I must think.
And think.
And think some more.
P’nee yawns and curls up in the furs, then looks over at me. “It’s going to be cold tonight. Can we sleep together again?”
I can feel my horns flush at her question. “Of course. Do you need for me to take all my clothes off?” I put a hand to my loincloth, hoping she will say yes. It will be easier to seduce her if I am naked, I think.
“Nah.” She yawns, her eyes drifting closed. “It’s not so bad now that we’ve had the fire going all day. I’m wearing my loincloth and an under-tunic to sleep in. Hope that’s not going to bother you.”
None of this bothers me. I leave my loincloth on and slide into the furs, pulling her against me. Her curvy, soft body feels perfect in my arms, and she slides her hand to my waist, tucking her face against my chest. She looks utterly content, but my mind is not quiet. I keep thinking of my new plan, my plan to be more like M’tok.
“In my tribe," I blurt out, feeling awkward as I launch into a lie. M'tok would laugh at my efforts, but he is not here. "A female who is interested in taking a male as a pleasure mate has him prove himself first."
It is a lie. A big one. But no one needs to know.
“Mmm?” She opens her eyes and looks at me, curious. "Prove himself? What do you mean?”
“I mean…prove himself as a good mate.” I am choking on the words. I sound foolish, even to my own ears.
“That’s nice. By hunting?” Her eyes drift closed again.
"By giving her pleasure. In the furs." The ancestors are surely laughing at my feeble attempts to woo P'nee. "If a male is not good at pleasuring his female, she has no reason to take him as a pleasure mate."
Her expression changes. Her eyes snap open and her body tenses next to me. "Are you asking me…if you can go down on me?" P'nee tilts her head.
"I would prove myself to you, yes. And then we can touch each other. We can be pleasure mates. We can enjoy each other." I capture her hand, my expression earnest as I add another lie to the pile. “Resonance might happen for us…or it might not happen for either of us for many, many turns of the moons. Who is to say?”
“Oh.” She bites her lip. “I’m torn. I like you, S’bren. Gosh, I like you.” Her fingers play with the ties of my loincloth, and I want to groan with anticipation. “I’ve never met anyone as sweet and attentive as you. You’re good for my ego, you know? You make me feel special.”
As if she is not special? As if she is not the most perfect of females? But it sounds as if she is hesitating.
“I just…I’m afraid of getting hurt.”
“I will not hurt you. I will stop if my cock is too big for your small body.”
A laugh chokes out of her. “Not like that. Not physical hurt. Heart pain. I don’t want to fall in love only to lose you, you know?”
Ah. I expected this argument. And I am prepared with another lie. "A happy pleasure mating often brought on resonance with my people. It happened many times."
"Oh." She licks her lips and looks down at me. There's a mixture of yearning and uncertainty on her face. "I don't know, S'bren. All I wanted to do was make you feel good. It doesn't have to be anything more—"
"It could be a pleasure mating," I insist, reaching up and touching her chin so she looks at me instead of averting her gaze. "It could be a very good thing. And perhaps it could encourage our khuis."
"But…what if our hearts get broken?" She looks small and uncertain for a moment, her eyes full of vulnerability.
"I will guard yours," I promise her. "It will be pleasure, nothing more. You can save yours for your resonance mate." It is another lie. I want her heart to be mine, but that must come with time.
A half-smile curls her mouth. "And what about your heart?"
"Mine is already gone. It has been yours forever."
Her eyes grow soft, and for a moment, I wonder if she will kiss me again. But she just gives me a tremulous smile. "I'll think about it, all right?"
I nod.
The idea is out there. Now I wait to see if she will be brave and let me prove myself to her, or if she is so afraid she will guard h
er heart more fiercely than I ever will.
17
PENNY
I keep thinking about S'bren's offer. I can't stop thinking about it, really. He wants to “prove” himself to me? To prove he can be a good lover? It's such an about-face from the man that wouldn't kiss me a few days ago that it makes me wonder.
It also fills me with SUCH yearning that it's terrifying.
Over the last few days, I've come to appreciate S'bren so much. It's not just that he's delicious to look at and is utter physical man-candy. It's not that he's competent at hunting and fishing and just about every physical activity he sets his mind to. It's not that he's protective as hell when it comes to me and looks at me as if I hung the moon. It's his personality, too. He's quiet compared to I'rec, who's a bit of a blowhard, or S'bren's brother M'tok, who's constantly needing to share an opinion about something. S'bren is more easy-going. He's content to let me lead when I want to, but protective enough that he won't let me put myself in danger. But overall there's just a…sweetness to his personality. He doesn't have the devious backbone his brother does. He's not aggressively competitive like O'jek or Thrand. He's just easy-going and kind, and when I try to point this out, he shakes his head and tells me it's because he's not clever.
Maybe he's never going to be a member of ice planet MENSA but that doesn't mean he's a dummy. He just doesn't see the need to scheme or plot. He thinks in straight lines. After years and years of dating guys that would tell me one thing to get me in the sack and then change the moment they did? It's refreshing. I always feel like I know where I stand with S'bren.
On a pedestal. Which, gonna be honest, doesn't hurt.
It's one reason why his sudden about-face makes me wonder. He's been saying for days that he wants to keep my heart safe for me, even when I hit on him. And it's sweet and I appreciate it, but it also makes me wonder why now he's deciding that maybe he needs to prove himself as a lover. Has he changed his mind about holding my heart safe? Is this my “shit or get off the pot” warning from him? That I'm playing too hard to get?
