“Oh, fuck.” I cry out as his finger prods my puckered hole, and I move faster, trying to push him deeper and deeper inside me.
Instinctively, he knows what I need. Letting go of my ass, he grabs hold of my hips again, directing my movements, slamming me up and down on him until I see stars. He keeps up this punishing pace as my climax builds and builds, reaching for that heavenly peak.
Sliding one hand across my belly, he rubs my clit, and I shatter as his thumb presses down on that sensitive bundle of nerves, tumbling over wave after wave as liquid bliss rips through my body.
“Fuck, babe. You are so sexy when you come.” He presses a kiss to the underside of my jaw, and a shudder works its way through me at the feel of his warm lips on my overheated skin.
My body feels like liquified jelly when I come down from my erotic high, and I stop moving on top of him, unable to force my limbs into action. He flips us around, until I’m lying underneath him on the lounge chair, and then, he pounds into me like a madman. My legs encircle his waist, and I dig my heels into his ass as I press a slew of open-mouthed kisses all over his chest.
He comes apart in my arms, growling and cussing as he thrusts his hips into me, continuing to pump until he has expelled every last drop of cum. “Fucking hell.” He collapses on top of me. “I think you rode me to death.”
We maneuver until we are on our sides, facing one another. “Sex with you is incredible,” I admit.
“Ditto.” He presses the softest of kisses to my lips. “I’ve never gone bareback before. That was … out of this world.” He caresses my face. “You’re so beautiful. So sexy. So sweet. How did I not notice this before?”
His words and the adoring look on his face unchain the padlock on my heart, and the floodgates open. “I love you,” I blurt, reaching up to touch his handsome face. “I love you so fucking much, Jackson. You’re my everything.”
Silence greets my outburst, and a heavy weight presses down on my chest as I watch various emotions flicker in his eyes. “Nessa.” His tone is soft. “I care about you. I—”
“It’s fine.” I cut across him, my cheeks heating up and not from the sun. “I didn’t say it so you’d say it back,” I lie. Because, come on? No girl says it unless she thinks she’s going to hear it in return. Not unless she’s a brainless idiot who spews the truth without thinking it through.
Why do I keep putting my foot in my mouth?
I jump up, scooping up my bikini.
“Nessa.” He pulls me down into his arms. “Don’t be upset.”
“I’m not upset,” I lie again. “I’m fine. I just think we should get dressed. Don’t want to scar those kids, right?” I joke, working hard to sound lighthearted despite the pain ripping through my chest.
_______________
I get up before Jackson the following morning to cook breakfast. We ended up eating takeout burgers with Sawyer at his place last night instead of going out, which suited me fine since I was feeling a little fragile after my stupid, unrequited confession. It’s super awkward when you tell someone you love them for the first time and their response is they care about you. It hurts that he doesn’t love me back, but what did I expect? I’m not exactly easy to love. I know that.
Sawyer’s words seem prophetic.
I’m going to get hurt unless I protect myself.
I have clearly reverted to form, throwing myself at Jackson, reading more into our relationship, and desperately needing that connection to feel whole.
But I’m better than that.
Stronger than that.
So, I’ll do as Sawyer advised. I’ll keep my feelings securely under lock and key. Keep things casual. And pretend like Jackson hasn’t left me broken, with my heart in pieces on the floor, when he eventually walks away from me.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Jackson
“SOMETHING SMELLS GOOD,” I say, ambling into the kitchen in a pair of black running shorts and bare feet. I walk to the stove, pressing up against her, sliding my arm around her slim waist.
“I hope you like your bacon crispy.” I can tell it takes effort to keep her tone light, and I hate that I’ve hurt her again. Her confession has erected another wall between us, yet I’m not sorry for my response. I thought about returning the sentiment, but that is sinking to a level even I won’t go to.
I brush her hair aside, kissing that delicate spot under her ear. “That’s my favorite kind.”
I leave her alone to plate up our food, setting the table on the patio. I watch the first signs of life on the beach below as I wait for Nessa to join me. It’s another glorious day in The Hamptons. There isn’t a cloud in the sky, the sun is already bathing the ground below in a warm, balmy heat, and the gentle swaying of the ocean calls out invitingly. Perhaps, I can persuade Nessa to take a swim with me later.
She’s quiet as we eat, not that I blame her.
“So, what’s the plan?” I ask after we have finished eating.
“Mom usually brings the twins to Main Beach early so the stepmonster can sleep off his hangover without the screams and giggles of his offspring waking him. She probably won’t stay past noon,” she adds, glancing at the time on her cellphone.
“Stepmonster?” I arch a brow, my lips fighting a smile. It’s not exactly original, and the guy is an ass, but it still sounds funny tumbling from her lips.
She shrugs, dismissing the question. “I say we take an hour to chill, let our food settle, and then head out?”
“Perfect.” I start clearing away the plates, and she stands to help. I shake my head. “You cooked. I’ll clean. Why don’t you read in the nook upstairs? I saw your greedy eyes when we arrived upstairs,” I add, answering her unspoken question.
“Sounds good.” She finishes her orange juice, staring over my shoulder at the ocean.
She avoided eye contact while we ate too, and her vulnerability is showing again. I know that’s my fault, and guilt stirs in my gut. “Thanks for breakfast.” I lean across the table, kissing her softly. It’s getting harder and harder to pull away from her, from this connection drawing me in, but I do, because she’s still upset, and I need to give her some space.
“You’re welcome.” She shoots me a tight smile before snatching her cell and e-reader and heading inside.
I finish cleaning with a frown on my face, trying to understand it. What is it with women and those three words? Like, does it really matter what label is applied? Nessa was happy until she tried to force us into a box. All her declaration has done is upset her, made me feel like an even bigger piece of shit, and further complicated things.
_______________
We head off jogging in the direction of Main Beach an hour later as planned. Nessa pulls her cap down lower on her head when we pass her parents’ vacation house. Dark emotion flares in her eyes as she runs, and I wonder again what happened between them. I know she was out of control for a few years, and she admitted she had a mini breakdown freshman year, but what kind of asshole kicks their daughter out, leaving her completely to her own defenses, and tells her she can’t see her brother and sister because she’s too much trouble? And if this is Aaron Breen’s doing, why hasn’t Ruth—Nessa’s mom—intervened?
I haven’t exactly been a model son these past few years, and while things are strained with Dad, I know I’m welcome at the house, the track, and his office building downtown, anytime. No matter how many cruel words I hurl at him, he always tells me he loves me. If shit rained down on me in the morning, I know I could turn to my dad, and he’d bend over backwards to help me.
Which is why his lack of action regarding Dani makes no sense and frustrates the hell out of me.
It hurts we’re no longer close, and I miss him even though it’s partly my fault.
I push my legs harder, my mind uneasy at my train of thought. One might say I’m a heartless, selfish prick for the way I’ve treated Dad, but I can’t get over the fact he knew Christian Montgomery was the one who kidnapped and tortured Dani and he’
s done nothing to retaliate. He told me it’s complicated but refused to elaborate, igniting my rage and sending me running in the opposite direction from him.
If there is one thing I can’t go to Dad about, it’s my plan of revenge. He warned me not to interfere. Told me to drop it.
But he clearly doesn’t know me that well if he expected me to listen.
“There they are,” Nessa says, panting and slowing to a walk.
I stop running, wiping my slick brow with the back of my hand. I hadn’t even realized we had moved onto Main Beach or noticed the crowds of sunbathers lying on the hot sand or the kids playing at the water’s edge.
I glance in the direction of her gaze, spotting Ruth Breen and the twins at the side of the raised area where the café, bathrooms, and rental place are.
Nessa’s mom’s thin frame looks nearly skeletal in her black and gold one-piece as she lies stretched out on a lounge chair under the large umbrella. Hunter and Kayleigh are building sandcastles in front of her, so intent on their task they don’t notice us approaching.
“Come on.” Nessa’s eyes are alive, and it’s good to see a smile on her face again. She strides through the hot sand, making a beeline for her siblings.
Kayleigh spots her first, her eyes popping wide, blinking repeatedly, as if she doesn’t trust what she’s seeing. “Nessa!” she screams, jumping up, sandcastle forgotten. Ruth jerks upright on her lounge chair, quicker than I would have thought she could move.
Nessa races toward Kayleigh as she runs to her. Hunter is climbing to his feet, smiling. Ruth is also on the move, a large scowl planted on her face. I had planned to hold back, to grab a soda while Nessa spent time with her brother and sister, but I’m not liking the vibes Ruth is emitting, so I trail behind my girlfriend, ready to intervene if necessary.
Kayleigh flings herself into Nessa’s arms, and Nessa lifts her up, hugging her as her small legs wrap around her waist. “I can’t believe you’re here!” Kayleigh cries tears of joy as she clings to her sister.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing!” Ruth hisses, glaring at Nessa.
“There is no need to make a scene,” Nessa coolly replies, hugging her sister close, while her mom glances nervously around. Ruth does a double take when she spots me, shoving her sunglasses to the top of her head, narrowing her eyes suspiciously.
Guess it’s showtime. I fix her with a firm gaze as I walk toward them, stopping behind Nessa as she lets Kayleigh down. My hands land gently on Nessa’s hips, and I force a smile on my face. “Hello, Mrs. Breen. It’s good to see you looking so well,” I lie.
“Hello, Jackson,” she says, deliberately lowering her voice, looking confused. Her eyes drift to my hands, still resting on her daughter’s hips. Her head whips to Nessa. “What is going on?”
Nessa leans back into me. “I’m here with Jackson for a few days. We were running on the beach when I spotted you. I didn’t think I needed an invitation to say hi to my brother and sister.”
“Of course, you don’t.” Her smile is as fake as her personality. “I was just taken aback to see you. And with Jackson Lauder, of all people.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Nessa asks, her tone prickly.
“Nothing.” Ruth tries to laugh it off. “I didn’t know you were dating.”
“We are.” I slide my arms around her waist, holding her tight to my body, feeling an overwhelming need to protect her.
“I see.” Her lips pinch tight, and I can’t help pushing her buttons.
“You don’t approve?”
She pulls her shades back down over her eyes. “It’s not that.” She turns to Kayleigh. She’s been quietly listening to all this while holding Nessa’s hand. “Go back and play with your brother. I need to speak to your sister alone.”
“But, Mom, I—”
“Now, Kayleigh.” Her tone is firm as she points to where Hunter is holding back, taking everything in with a frown on his face.
“I’m not leaving,” Nessa reassures her sister. “Let me talk to Mom, and I’ll come build sandcastles with you. ’Kay?”
“You promise?” Kayleigh asks, and the pain in her eyes slays me. How the fuck can this woman keep her older sister from her? Something about this does not add up.
“I promise.” Nessa leans down, kissing her cheek. “Run to Hunter. I’ll be right there.”
Kayleigh trots off, casting little looks over her shoulder, as she walks back to her brother, as if she’s afraid her big sister will disappear.
“What?” Nessa snaps, stepping forward, out of my embrace, and squaring up to her mom.
“You know what,” Ruth murmurs. She opens her mouth but shuts it again, glancing in my direction.
“You can speak freely in front of my boyfriend.”
“I’m not sure dating Jackson is a wise choice, honey,” she says.
Nessa snorts out a laugh. “Oh, this I’ve got to hear.” She folds her arms over her chest. “Why not, Mother?”
“Two addicts dating is never a good idea.”
“How fucking dare you.” I step up beside Nessa. “Not that it’s any of your business, considering you kicked your daughter out of your life, but we are both clean and sober, and who we date is of no concern to you.” I pull my girlfriend into my side, and she wraps her arms around me.
“Any other objections, because I’d like to spend some time with my siblings now.” Nessa is shaking in my arms, and I know it’s not from nerves.
“This isn’t a good idea.” Ruth rubs a hand across her chest. “He’ll find out. Hunter will tell him.”
“It’s a public beach. We ran into you. You can feed him that line.”
“He won’t care. You know that.”
“That’s not my problem.” Nessa squeezes my waist, and I hold her tighter.
“Not anymore.”
Nessa stiffens, and tension bleeds into the air. No one speaks, and it’s awkward as fuck. Behind Ruth, Hunter and Kayleigh watch the interaction with observant eyes.
“We done here?” Nessa says after a few more silent beats.
“I’m leaving at noon,” Ruth replies, fixing her shoulders back. “You have until then.”
Nessa relaxes against me. She nods, and I’m glad she doesn’t thank that bitch.
Ruth stalks back to her lounge chair without another word. “What the fuck was that?” I murmur.
“That is basically my entire life,” she cryptically replies, turning in my arms.
I open my mouth to pry before that snarly inner voice reminds me it’s none of my business. Delving deeper into Nessa’s life will only add further complications. I need to keep my distance. “I’m going to grab a soda and sit on the bench.” I gesture at the wooden structure behind us. “Unless you need me to stay?”
“Nope. I’m good.” She pecks my lips. “I’ll see you later.”
“Call me if anything changes,” I say before walking off. I cast a final glance over my shoulder as I plow through the sand, smiling as Hunter wraps his arms around Nessa with the biggest smile on his face.
I spend an hour sitting on the bench, sipping a few sodas, people watching, and fighting my thoughts. My eyes keep drifting to the gorgeous girl with the blinding smile building sandcastles with her siblings. I’m having trouble keeping my eyes off her, and that’s an issue. My thoughts are jumbled, my head a giant mess of shit I’m not equipped to decode. Thankfully, Nessa calls to say she’s ready to leave before my head implodes.
“Hey. What’s wrong?” I ask when I reach her, noting her trembling lower lip and her paler complexion.
Tears pool in her eyes as she stares through me.
“Nessa.” I stroke her cheek with my thumb. “What is it?”
She swipes at an errant tear that sneaks out of the corner of her eye. “I just hate saying goodbye,” she eventually says, averting her gaze and staring out at the ocean.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Jackson
WE ARRIVE AT East Avenue, the main bar-slash-n
ightclub in East Hampton, a little after midnight. You can get into this place once you are over eighteen, but the bands on our wrists dictate it’ll be a strictly alcohol-free night. In the past, we used to sneak in with fake IDs and booze, flying under the radar as we got trashed. We had some crazy nights here.
Nessa immediately goes to the restroom while a waitress brings us to the booth Hunt reserved in the front bar section. “What did you do now?” Hunt inquires as soon as we are situated at our table.
“Nothing,” I say, through gritted teeth. “She’s been quiet since hanging with the twins at the beach.”
“What’s up with that?” Hunt asks, and I shrug.
“No clue.”
He snorts. “And you obviously don’t care.”
“Do not fucking start with me, Hunt.” I glare at him. “You’re the one who told me to keep my distance. To keep this casual. So, I’m not prying.” I dig my nails into my thigh, just needing this shit to be over soon.
“You need to end this. It’s clear she doesn’t know anything. It’s a waste of time, and the longer you prolong it, the harder it will be for her.”
I lean my head back against the booth. “I know.” I’ve come to the same conclusion. I haven’t seen anything that leads me to believe she’s in contact with Christian.
He examines my face. “Do you have feelings for her?”
“Not the kind you’re implying,” I lie, offering the waitress a tight smile as she leaves sodas on her table. “But I care about her. She’s not at all what I expected.”
Hunt stares at me in that creepy all-knowing way. I know he’s burrowing deep, attempting to push past the lie and get to the truth. He’s buying my feeble protests about as much as I am. “She’s changed,” Hunt eventually agrees, dropping his intensive lens. Air whooshes out of my mouth in grateful relief. “This Van is a far cry from the drugged-up drunk party girl we knew,” he adds.
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